Out of Our Control

Do we miss the things that are out of our control?

If you’ve always wanted to be a grandparent, do you miss phantom grandchildren because your offspring didn’t want to offspring?

Do you miss your daughter walking down the grand staircase of your home that you bought specifically for photo moments, just because she chooses not to go to prom?

Do you miss the flat tummy that you will never get back again because a few c sections and menopause have made that an unobtainable goal?

I know people who fall into every one of these categories- they spend much of their time talking about, whining about and complaining about the things that didn’t go the exact way that they pictured things didn’t pan out. I know someone who works out hours a day, watches every crumb that is ingested and has a wonderful, healthy physique. Yet…that person still complains that they don’t look like they did at 22. I know people who have boxes in attics and basements of things they intended to pass down to grandchildren, only to have those boxes collect dust and their hearts harden a little.

How much of your day do you spend thinking about the things that you can’t have because you are not the one who is determining the outcome or the event?

Is it mentally healthy to obsess about things that are out of your control, and will most likely, never be in your control? Is there a point that you have to accept the limits that are just there, whether or not you like them?

I try not to worry about things out of my control. Frankly, I already try way to hard to control things: I don’t need any additional to do’s on my list. I try to accept that some things are just going to be a certain way, no matter what I do. Mind you, I said try: my no means am I chill and relaxed about stuff…

But what about you? What journeys does your mind take when things do not go how you pictured them? Do you lose sleep over them? Do you keep trying to make things go your way?


Is It a Problem

So I was going to Target…(I’m beginning to think I could write a book of essays just based on my trips to Target…

Let me set the location of my local Target: It’s on a busy street in Manhattan. There are always people walking these streets and there are always cars, trucks and busses.

You get that this is a busy, highly trafficked location. I can not stress enough how many people pass by here…

So I’m approaching Target…

And I see a young girl outside the store, with a man who I will presume to be a relation (I have to take a guess here as I have no real knowledge)

The girl is about three/four years old.

The girl is just wearing her underpants.

What are my thoughts at this moment?

  1. I am a Mom. I know how hard it is sometimes to get your kid to wear things, like socks and hats. I understand that clothing can also fall under that umbrella.
  2. If we were at the park and this was the sprinkler, would this be an issue for me?
  3. Would I be as worried if this were a little boy running around in his underwear? Am I being a sexist?
  4. Do I have a problem with nudity? Am I a prude?
  5. It’s not especially hot today
  6. Gee, if I did a sex offender map, the whole neighborhood would probably light up. This is an area with SRO’s and shelters. While some of those people might be down on their luck, some of them might not be (FYI- when my daughter was under 18 I needed to volunteer at the soup kitchen with her because so many of the people who visited were registered sex offenders. And the place we used to volunteer at wouldn’t let her serve people: we could only do the prep before it opened to the public)
  7. Is this guy even her Father? Sorry, I totally had to wonder this…I know it’s wrong but this is still a young kid
  8. Is it any of my business what this kid is wearing, because really, is there anything wrong with a child being outside in her undies?
  9. If someone were to take a picture of her, and send it, would it be distributing child porn?

If you saw a kid on the street wearing just underpants, what would your thoughts be?

I chose not to do anything. Because really, I don’t know the situation. Is it fair for me to intrude on this scene when I have absolutely no facts?

Was my course of action the right one?

I don’t know.

How do you know when to intercede in a situation?

If you were me, what would you have done?

What Have You Got There

We are going hypothetical today:

The scene: A fast food chain, 12:30 on a Monday afternoon, COVID era

The players: Three employees behind the counter, five people waiting for their food, two people on line waiting to order, one ordering

Person A is the next person on the food line waiting to order. There is one person behind Person A.

Person A is looking at their phone trying to recall what their family wants from this establishment

Person A feels a medium sized tug on their pocketbook which is cross shoulder on their body. The small bag is slightly open because Person A just took out their phone.

Person A jumps with a start because someone is close enough to have their hands on the personal belongings of A. This is covid time and their is a person standing within one foot of Person A even though there are clear designations as to where everyone should be standing and everyone else in the store is observing these protocols.

If you are Person A how do you react?


Hit the person?

Make a scene?

Call the police?

What would you do if you were on line in a store and someone tried to pick your pocket?

Real life- this happens to you- what do you do?

Ok- now let’s play with this scenario:

What if Person A was a person of color, and everyone else in the store was not? Are your reactions different than what you said before?

What if Person A was not a person of color, but everyone else in the store was? Do your reactions differ?

Does the gender of Person A and the pickpocket matter? They’re one of each? They’re both the same gender? Does gender affect your thoughts on this?

How about age? Say the pickpocket is a teen? Or, Person A is a teen? Does that change your reaction?

Now for the final talking point:

If this situation were to happen in real life, and someone was to film it, the only thing that would be recorded is the what happened after. Person A makes some sort of reaction, someone else films it. Do you take this possibility into consideration in the split second it takes to realize that you are being pickpocketed? Is your first thought- “Oh- everyone has phones and will record how I act?” or do you just protect yourself and your property?


If you are going to play the drinking game to my podcast from last night, the word is “interesting”.