"Do you trust him?"
She hesitates. "Yes and no."
"That means no. Trust is all or nothing."

Jennifer Egan The Candy House

I think about my own experiences- I tend to be a distrustful person with people that I don’t know… I assume the email is SPAM, I assume that the deal is too good to be true, I don’t think the check is in the mail, I know that I’ve already blocked the Prince of Nigeria…

You get the idea…

I operate in a world where I don’t normally trust.


I do give my friends and family the benefit of the doubt. I trust them until they show/prove that they can’t be trusted. I’ve had a few people in my life do me wrong- I admit that I cut most of them from my life- not so much because I couldn’t trust them, but because of the drama that they bring. I think I can forgive- but I don’t like things that add stress to my life. There’s already enough stress just living day to day- why add more?

There are some people in my life that I don’t trust at all- but you can’t always cut those people out. What I’ve learned is that I take everything they say with a grain of salt- I assume that they’re lying, and behave/act accordingly. If I give them money I assume that it’s not coming back to me…when people believe their own lies there is really nothing that you can do. I have NO TRUST in certain people.

Last week my word for the week was TRUST, and I had a lot of great comments from people about the word, the idea and the topic. Though I know the answers of many of you, I will ask the simple question:

Is trust all or nothing?

Anything Can Happen Friday: Trust

I was watching a news magazine show the other day. As we know, the CDC has recently relaxed mask rules: if you are fully vaccinated, you pretty much don’t have to wear a mask unless otherwise directed. The host of the news show said to the director of the CDC-

“Aren’t you sort of relying on the honor system: that only fully vaxxed people will go unmasked?”

So I thought about that statement. How often are we on the honor system? How often do we trust those around us?

So today, I’m going to provide you with some prompts/situations, and figure out how trusting you are in each of them.

Do you trust:

  • government
  • science
  • CDC
  • vaccines

side note: if you trust vaccines and science and the CDC, are fully vaccinated and are still wearing a mask, I suggest you buy a couple of lottery tickets because you think the odds are fully in your favor

When you get in a car, do you trust:

  • drivers to not be under the influence
  • drivers to not be texting
  • drivers have valid licenses

when you are out, do you trust:

  • people to not mug you
  • people to not assault you
  • people to not pickpocket you

when you go on a date, do you trust:

  • your date to show up
  • your date to not rob you
  • your date to not assault you
  • your date to treat you with respect

When you are in a relationship, do you trust:

  • your partner not to ghost you
  • your partner not to abuse you
  • your partner not to take all your money
  • your partner not to kill you

Obviously, I could keep listing things….Don’t we always work on an honor system of sorts?

All the things I have mentioned about have the possibility of actually happening. The percentages may be small, but there is still that chance. How do we determine which risks to take, which situations to enter?

Isn’t everything a risk?

Aren’t we always taking a chance?

In your day to day life, how much do you trust people, situations, infrastructure?

At this moment I am trusting that no one is going to set fire to my building, no one is going to drive a truck into the lobby, no one is going to run past my doorman and invade apartments.

I trust my appliances to work. Electricity and gas and plumbing.

I trust all the workers in the building. I trust my neighbors.

Of course we take precautions: I lock my door. I make sure my oven is off. But even with all the precautions in the world, things still happen.

Can we guard against everything?

How do we assess risk?

How do we assess living?

Trust Me, Trust me Not

Trust.  Do we want to be able to trust our partner? Now without doing a research study, or taking a poll, I’ll venture to say that trust is something the majority of people want in a their relationship.  Without trust, there can be no intimacy.  Without intimacy there is no relationship. Does that seem reasonable?

Ok.  What if you begin to doubt your partner?

Though infidelity immediately leaps to mind, trust can rear it’s ugly head in any number of ways. I know a couple who had issues over finances: partner A no longer trusted partner B with anything money.  So, for today’s exercise, we’re going to go with financial trust.

Money is a tough issue- how do you divide and use your assets? I see this on HGTV all the time- one is a spender and one is a bit more frugal.  What if the frugal one starts to think that the spender is spending too much? What if the spender is hiding purchases from the frugal? Does a little layer of mistrust seep in? Does a whole level of mistrust push its way in?

What happens if one partner doesn’t trust the other?

Is a relationship over the minute Partner A does not trust Partner B?

Does this diminishing, or deterioration of trust ruin the intimacy, thus eroding the relationship?

Can you be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust?

Now let’s switch it a little- what if it’s little things?  What if you partner likes the house colder than you do and lowers the thermostat, but says they didn’t.  Is this a small nothing, or is it a big deal?

Can you regain trust in someone? Does time and communication (and perhaps therapy) help heal the wound of mistrust?

I know- I know.  It’s like I’m doing a survey, which I sort of said I didn’t need. But I am wondering if a little inkling of mistrust isn’t what ends up killing relationships.  Maybe irreconcilable differences is really a way of saying, “I have no proof, but my relationship didn’t smell right anymore.”

How much does trust, or lack of, effect (affect?) your relationship?

Let’s end the week with a good philosophical discussion!!