I recently spoke to a friend about kindness- We wondered if everyone has the same thoughts of what kindness is and what it isn’t…

My friend said something along the lines of…Being kind is a decision a person makes and a well formed decision can’t be made without knowing all the sides of an issue…


Do you think kind people are open to all ideas and do not discriminate as to who they are kind towards?

If you are kind to Person A because you agree with them, and not kind to Person B because you don’t agree with them, can you consider yourself a kind person?

Do we as individuals make a decision to be kind?

I do not consider myself a kind person… I consider myself a respectful person. I might not treat you with pretty words or pats on the back, but I will always respect your thoughts, decisions and choices. I also consider myself to be humane- I do not like to see suffering of any sort. However, no one is ever going to present me with the Ms. Congeniality award…and I’m OK with that…

I make a decision to be respectful…

I make a decision to be humane…

I make a decision to treat someone as they treat me…

If I don’t like something you’ve done, you will probably know it…because I don’t believe in being nice to someone when they’re in front of me and speak ill of them when they’re not…I have too much respect for people to be a hypocrite…

For today’s thoughts…

How do you define kindness?

Does kindness extend to all people whether or not you agree with them?

Do we make an individual choice to be kind?

Can you be truly kind without understanding all sides of an issue?

Are kindness and respect the same or different?

Short answers or essay will be accepted…


Say “Yes” to the…

In February, A Utah elementary school told its students that they were not allowed to say “No” to anyone asking them to the Valentine’s Dance.

The school later overturned this decision due to parental complaints.

Ya think?

Telling girls and boys that they must say “YES” to a someone because the asker might feel bad if declined?


Let me let you in on a secret. You don’t have to like everyone just because everything in our society includes a like button. (FYI- you still must like my posts, because I exist outside of these boundaries)

Think back to my post yesterday. I discussed how some parents try to pave the way for their child so that the child has no set backs or disappointments.  This dance thing- this is what happens when you try to clear the path: ridiculous rules meant to save a child from suffering.

Does anyone really think this is the right path?

The problem is, we’re focusing on the wrong issues.  Yes, we want our children to feel good about themselves, but there are better ways to do that.  Think about the ramifications that a “must say yes” mentality has?  Besides the fact that it is not realistic at all.

Instead of making children “like” one another, why don’t we focus on being kind to one another.  Kind.  That’s a concept that our children should be taught.  Be a kind person.

How about respect.  Teach your child to be respectful to those around them, whether they are teachers, or students or anyone.  Tell them to respect the ideas of others whether or not you agree with them.  Tell them to stop the shaming, and the eye rolling and the trolling.

We have a generation of children raised on everyone gets a trophy, and everyone must be invited to everything.

How’s that working out?

Instead of worrying that someone might not feel confident if they are told no, let’s work in building self esteem the proper way.  Work hard, do the best you can, finish a task once it’s started.

Let’s work on teaching children to be kind to others.  This doesn’t mean they have to like everyone.  It just means that they treat them with dignity.  Let’s teach our kids to be respectful of others.  Again, not like, but accept.

And remember the most important thing: learn to like yourself.  Teach your children to like their quirks, their strengths and their weaknesses.  Because that ‘s the person to like: yourself.


The One Where I’m Not Very Nice

My Husband and I were invited to a surprise birthday party a few weeks ago.  I wrote about being annoyed because of the way the party was organized, but that’s a whole different issue.  Today I’m going to talk about the actual party.

The party was at a bar/arcade thing here in the city.  I knew I was going to be late because I had to attend a college meeting at the High School.

So anyway.

I walk in the door of the place about eight, whereas everyone else had been there since about six. (the not so hidden meaning is that I was completely sober, while others, to varying degrees, not so much)  After having to find my ID in my wallet and show it to the bouncer young enough to be my grandson, I entered the place and looked for the crowd.  Now, the birthday girl is the girlfriend of one of my Husband’s friends, which translates to, I knew a bunch of the men there.  When I found the group, I kissed the cheeks of the guys I knew, including my Husband.  I hugged the birthday girl and put my coat on the designated coat bench.  I then rejoined my Husband who was playing a four person Pac Man table.  Side note:  if you grew up in the eighties and have not played Pac Man literally against your friends, you must do it- it’s hysterical.  You not only chase the ghosts, you chase your friends.

But anyway.

When I got to the table, Husband moved away so I could play his spot at the table. and he stood behind me, telling me the rules of this version.  The woman across the table slurred out “Hey.  Why’s he helping her?  Why is he talking to her?  Where did se come from?”  Apparently, she had claimed my Husband.  She was wondering why I was coming between them.  And she was mad about it.  She was competing with me for my Husband.  It was amusing, cause she resembled a monkey squawking, and annoying, because she resembled a monkey squawking.  I mean she was loud and screechy.  We played another round of table Pac Man, and then my Husband, guy friend P and I went around the arcade in search of other versions of 80’s nostalgia.  Galaga and Centipede, FYI.  I am not particularly dexterous at video games.  I like the ones where each hand only controls one thing- anything more than that is too much.

After a round of games, we came back to where the group was hanging.  As I went to get a slider from the food platter, the howler monkey tried to attach herself to my Husband.  On a side note- have you ever watched a slightly inebriated older person try to hit on a guy who has no interest?  I think it should be videoed and showed to woman above the age of 45.  I know- I’m throwing women under the bus.  But consider this a PSA:

Picture this:  Woman of about 55,  attractive and obvious she takes care of herself.  But, here’s where we begin to see the chink in the armor.  While her clothes fit her body, they really don’t fit an older woman.  OK- begin the round of complaints- everyone should be able to wear whatever they want- God knows you all would think I dress too young too- but here’s the thing:  some clothes should be left to teenagers.  Wearing the same styles as a woman in her twenties does not make you look twenty.  Depending on the look, these clothes may actually make you look older.  Certain materials are not as forgiving to a woman with a more mature body, no matter what the body looks like.  You can’t turn back the clock.

I came and joined the group, watching this woman try to make inane chatter to my Husband.  Even though I was opposite him in the circle, she maneuvered her body so that she was facing him with her butt to me. (hence my comment about some fabrics being more forgiving than others)  She was separating him from me.  (Also, for the record, Husband is not a George Clooney look alike.  He is an average 49 year old guy with a Dad bod, but still has a full head of hair.

The problem was, this woman had an air of desperation.  If you want to meet a guy for a relationship, this is not the right route.  If you want to meet a guy for sex, this is probably fine, but don’t expect the guy to be their in the morning.  Or the phone number he gave you to be real.

No one likes desperate.

Desperate is an unattractive quality.

Another conversational circle involved me and my Husband standing next to one another.  She actually came and  stood between us.

Now why didn’t I say to her that I was his wife?  Well, first off, this was pretty amusing.  (remember, I’m still sober).  And secondly, she ignored me every time I tried to talk to her.  As in, turned her head.

After about an hour, someone clued her in to who I was in relation to my Husband.

Then she tried to be nice.  Then she started sucking up.

“Oh.  He’s so good at Pac man.  Does he play at home?”  This is a direct quote- you can’t make this up.

“He just wins at everything, doesn’t he?” she said.  Another memorable line for the ages.

Of course, this was my turn to have fun.  I gave her a look that pretty much summed up how I feel about woman who try to push other woman out of the way in order to get the attention of a man.

So is there a moral?   No, not really.  I thought it was an interesting story.  i thought it was a more interesting fable about women who are trying to hard to be in a relationship.  I get it.  Single can suck.  I know I have what some would refer to as an advantage: I’m in a relationship.

But really:

Nothing is worth making yourself into a conniving idiot.  If you need to stand in  front of another woman to get a guys attention, or loudly ask why he’s talking to someone else, you need to rethink your game plan.  Do you think these are qualities anyone wants in a partner?  There’s nothing wrong with being assertive and going after what you want- but it’s how you do it that matters.

Just like with anything: it’s the path that matters.  The way you choose to live your life and attain your goals matters.  Respect yourself and respect others.  Without respect we have nothing.