Mommy, Fix It

The Book: Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty

The Quote: What she remembered was the extraordinary, astonishing pain, and her fury with her Mother for not fixing it. She didn’t expect her dad or the doctors to fix it. She expected her mother to fix it.

Do we have higher expectations of Mother’s than anyone else?

Do we think that Mother’s can do the extraordinary? That Mother’s are omnipotent? That Mom’s just get it done?

Are daughters more apt to rely on Mom’s, with sons relying more on Dad’s- or does everyone reach out to their Mom’s?

I’m going to try to not butt my two cents in, and leave this open for the group:


Fortune Cookie Wisdom

The onset of the new year always makes me nostalgic.  I think about fond memories of the past year, and the past in general. And then I think about the future. I think about all the good things that are in store for me.  and sometimes the thoughts about the past, the present and the future all sort of blend together.

A few weeks ago, we ordered Chinese take out.  For the most part, NYC restaurants go longer send fortune cookies and Chinese noodles with the food.  We’re more “elevated” here, or cost conscious, or “cheap” to do that.  But one neighborhood place still sends out the cookies along with the wonton soup and fried veggie dumplings.

“Reconcile with an old friend.  All has been forgotten.”

That’s what the fortune said.  I placed it on my magnet board, because oddly, I’ve been thinking about an old friend.  I considered reaching out to this old friend, right around the time I got the fortune.   Weird, right?  Is it a sign?  Or am I just trying to make it a sign?

I’m not one to hold grudges- I think that life is too short.  I don’t like being at odds with people- I think it is a waste of energy that should be used positively instead of negatively.  It takes the same amount of energy to be happy as it does to be mad.  These are not some sort of fortune cookie wisdom- these are my own personal mantras.  These are things I try to live and practice.  And to be fair, I probably did once see them on a fortune cookie.

But back to the actual situation.  I had a falling out with a friend a few years ago.  To be clear- both of us were wrong and both of us were right.  It was a pretty evenly sided falling out.  But I miss talking to this person because they are smart and funny.  And a whole bunch of other things, but we will leave it at,  their absence in my life is felt.

So now, do i reach out to this person?  According to the fortune cookie, they are ready to make amends.  But, are they?  I might need to get an order of wonton soup just to get a fortune.  (Actually, I’ll need to order two things because I need two fortunes cookies- if I only get one I will just give it to my daughter, and I will be fortuneless)

Are some things better left alone?  Are some friendships meant to die out?  These are going to be thoughts for the upcoming year- be prepared for some blogs about them.

Happy New Year!!!

A fish tale

Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Teenage Bear went on a vacation to New England.  In the far off land of Cape Cod, they crossed many bridges and found an enlightened sandy forest surrounded by water.  This was paradise.  Though the coast could be rocky under their paws, the water was surprisingly warm and clear.  They enjoyed frolicking in the gentle waves, the salty water misting their fur.  They struggled a bit with their beach tent, and no one was there to help them- perhaps they should not have brought a Met towel and Met blanket, and worn a Giants cap, but we never said the Bear family was smart…..But tent aside, their time in this village by the sea was magical……

Papa Bear and Teenage Bear enjoyed fish- not the sport of catching them, but the task of eating them.  They found little food huts and partook of clams and lobsters and quahogs- many of them caught that morning.  Mama Bear- she’s a little bit of a pain though.  Mama Bear doesn’t really like seafood- she’s OK with a bite of lobster roll, or a few spoons of calm chowder- but she doesn’t like it enough to base a whole meal out of it.  So Mama Bear ate a lot of salad.  She didn’t complain, because just as seafood was fresh- the fruits and vegetables were some of the best she had ever got her paws on- ( she even briefly thought about what it would be like to live close to the land, but then she realized how far Sephora was and that idea went out the window)

Mama Bear felt a little weird,  being in this land that loved the bounty of the sea, yet not really wanting to partake.  Is it bad to not like seafood?  She prided herself on being an individual, and not succumbing to pier pressure- but she couldn’t help but think she was the odd person out.  And true- she has tried seafood in the past- and she loved food- but to her, lobsters were just “eh”, salmon was bland, and oysters were okay if they were fried.

And as Mama Bear’s often do- she felt bad when her family didn’t choose a seafood restaurant out of deference to her.  Mama Bear felt guilty if her family wasn’t getting maximum enjoyment out of every moment- she unrealistically wanted them to be happy always.  Mama Bear often put herself last.

Mama Bear knows she has to get over feeling guilty about enjoying herself, or putting herself first.  This is something Mama Bear needs to work on.

And that’s how we end our tale today:  it’s Ok for Mama Bear to put herself first- she just needs to figure out how to do it.  And Mama Bear is probably going to have a list about this in the near future.

When You Can’t Really Say No-

Text from the Husband on discussing vacation plans:

Husband: Can we stop by nephew’s camp?  It’s on way- maybe a quick lunch?


It is not your imagination.  There really is nothing typed.  Because I didn’t respond.  Because this isn’t really “asking” me something. this is telling me something.  This is telling me something the Husband knows I don’t want to do, but really, how bad a person am I if I say no?

So before you hand me a verdict on “guilty”- lets really look at my case:

  1. I am a strong believer in yearly family vacation (it is one thing my parents did that I thought was a great experience)
  2. Family trip does not need to be long, expensive or exotic
  3. Family trip includes only members of the immediate family.
  4. We have a rule that unless a trip is done to specifically see a friend or family member, we do not visit anyone.  We came up with this rule while prepping for a trip to California and realized that we had more friends/family there than we had days on the trip.  To have seen everyone would have been unrealistic, and we didn’t want to choose one person over another.
  5. We are not a spontaneous lot- we’re those irksome planner types.  I have a pretty solid idea of what we will be doing on each day of the trip.
  6. This trip involves multiple destinations.  When planning out the trip, I have taken into consideration driving distances and scheduled activities.
  7. On the day we are driving to destination D (supposedly near the camp) we will have been on a college tour that morning.  I know we will not be in the vicinity of the camp till past lunch.
  8. The camp is not really “on the way”- it is at least an hour west from the road we need to be on- putting us way off schedule by about 4 hours (if you can’t tell- I don’t like to be off schedule)
  9. My nephews are 8 and 12.  They are at a camp that they love.  When we do see them in real life, it is from behind there cell phones because in the real world- apps rule relatives drool.  Seriously, do they really want to leave, I don’t know swimming and fun, to spend an hour with Uncle Dufus and Aunt Sarcasm?  When they never actually talk to us anyway?
  10. On the day we leave destination D, we are heading to Destination E, and shockingly, another college visit- which has a scheduled time.  It is not logical to try and visit them.
  11. I know the Husband does not really care about visiting the boys.  I know it is his sister goading him- guilting him into not “caring about the family” (but wait- there are at least 15 blogs in that relationship- so I’m stopping at that)
  12. I have literally been planning this trip for 4 months.  (I don’t mean every day- I mean in general)- why was this question posed 3 days before departure?

As of right now- I don’t know what we’re doing.  I don’t like that the Husband has put me in this position, and I have told him that. (People in relationships – think about what you are asking of your partner, and always tell your partner when you are annoyed and what you are annoyed at- this is relationship 101)

So: What’s the verdict?