I Hate People

People exhaust me.

This is the real curse of being an introvert: too many people for too long a period of time starts to jangle my nerves.

And yes. I am an introvert.

A few months ago we spend a Saturday visiting my Husbands Uncle. Seven people, not including my husband and I. Seven people for five hours. And hour each way with the father in law and his girlfriend. I had a headache in by the time we got to our destination. The rest of the afternoon just added to it…

I love to talk.

I love to hear my own voice.

However, after a little bit I am done. I’m better at being a comedian- run in, do my eight minute set, flash the lights, and I’m off…

There’s only so many questions I can ask other people who give one word answers…there’s only so many times I can hear the question “Why didn’t your daughter come today?” (why is it assumed that adult children are going to attend something with their parents?) There’s only so many times I can listen to the same loop of conversation traipsing around the room. Nine people in a room is like speed dating: two people have a conversation and then each goes to another person, and starts the same conversation over again. It starts to become a TV show where the main character keeps hearing the same dialogue over and over again… A bad TV show I might add…

On this particular weekend we were set to see friends on Sunday. This time it was only four others, but the cumulative effect is the same…Same one word answers to questions, same polite chit chat in a spin cycle…

By Sunday night I was mentally drained.

Seriously- I got home, donned a heated eye mask and put Enya on my headphones…I petted the dog with my right hand and the cat with my left. It was my own sort of pod to crawl into…

People exhaust me. Conversation exhausts me. As an eavesdropper, having different conversations around me exhausts me.

This is why I am an introvert. I need solitude to survive.

What Inspired Me: October 17

Egypt- Permanent Collection- Met

  • Back to Broadway- Caroline or Change is a wonderful, thought provoking musical. Being in a Broadway theater again. Priceless.
  • Can you say Carnegie Hall!!! Yes- also returned to live music!! Lang Lang doing the Goldberg Variations. Brilliant- both the pianist and the work- Plus- I really did get inspired with an idea for a fiction work that I’m already 1000 words in on
  • Remember I said that Oktoberfest is the least objectionable holiday? So we celebrated at a Pop Up behind the Schaller and Weber German Grocery on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. We had some Wiener Schnitzel and a Sausage Platter, plus a side of potato pancakes. Of course I had a stein of Weizenbier. Now, I’m not a big fan of beer- however- this was delicious!! Food, drink and little patio garden were all awesome!!

Housekeeping Note: I’m changing the days that are included in my Sunday wrap up. I used to do Sunday to Saturday, but now I’m doing Friday to Thursday. This really means nothing except less pictures today, and way too many next week.

Anything Can Happen Friday: Pillows

I posed this question to my BFF’s a few week ago, and as you are all my friends, and this is an important question, I figured I would reach out to all of you as well:

Ready?

How many pillows to you keep on your bed?

If you have more than just sleeping pillows on the bed, where do you put the excess pillows when you go to sleep at night?

I mean, the Property Brothers never show what the sanctuary looks like at night before you actually go to sleep… You just see a beautifully made bed with a plethora of pillows…Is there a special place to put the fifteen or so additional pillows that our beds seem to require?

Discuss:

We Just Disagree

Friend A makes a comment.

Friend B disagrees with the comment.

Should Friend B tell A why they disagree?

Or should B just remain quiet and not rock the boat?

There was a time when I wouldn’t hesitate voicing my opinion if it didn’t align with something that was said. Now, with my friends, I often wonder when and if I should speak up.

People have become, let’s just say, sensitive about their opinions… People have stopped being friends because of opinions. People have said harsh words to others because of opinions.

Has the age of polite discourse ended? Does everyone see their opinion as fact, and therefore unmovable? Do we regard those who think differently than ourselves as stupid?

Let’s take a step back:

Perhaps we need to reevaluate…

How do we relearn how to have a discussion with someone who has a different viewpoint than our own?

  1. When someone makes a statement that you don’t agree with, take a breath. Do not react or say something right away. A discussion is not a contest to see who responds the quickest.
  2. Ask why the person thinks that way. Sometimes you have to walk in someone’s shoes in order to understand why they made the statement. Do not assume the backstory. Find out your facts first. You may have heard a conclusion that took the person a long time to come to.
  3. Don’t assume the person is stupid, non educated, or anything else. Assumptions, stereotypes and judging all hide under the same banner.
  4. Listening means listening. It means taking in the words that the other is saying. It does not mean holding your breath and thinking about your possible responses. Try to understand what the person means.
  5. If you choose to state your differing thoughts, do so in as calm a manner as possible. Remember, this is someone you presumably have some sort of relationship with, or know someone who does. Treat them with the respect with which you wish to be treated.
  6. Remember, you do not have to air your opposing opinion. There are no points for arguing with someone. You make the decision whether or not you wish to engage or continue with the discussion.
  7. If you choose to say your opposing viewpoint, keep in mind as to your goal. Do you just want to show them a different opinion to give them food for thought? Or are you trying to change their mind?
  8. Ask yourself if your mind would be changed if you made the statement first and the other chose to argue the point with you. If nothing would change your thoughts, why do you think the other person will change theirs?
  9. Do you want to discuss something? Or do you just want to prove that you are right and they are wrong?
  10. Are you trying to take the moral high ground? And if your goal is to take the moral highroad, are you really accomplishing this by arguing a point?

I know that I do not always follow my own rules. Ok- I almost never follow my own rules. However, when I am in what is supposed to be polite conversation, I am going to try to think before I speak.

Most of the time anyway…

Stereotypical Fiction

As long as we have fiction, we will continue to have stereotypes.

I know. That’s a pretty bold statement to start off a Monday. I’m basically saying that we will never stop judging and assuming one’s character based on certain traits and characteristics and mannerisms. Well, as long as we keep writing books anyway.

X drove a Mercedes. When you read that sentence, what does the word Mercedes bring to the story that car doesn’t? Wealth, privilege, debt, flash?

If I said X drove a Mercedes, wore a pinky ring and Italian leather loafers what do you see in your mind?

I I said X drove a Mercedes, wore a Swiss watch and donned bright white tennis sneakers, what do you picture in your mind?

If I said that X drove a 1972 Mercedes, wore birkenstocks and no jewelry, what would that tell you?

If you thought gangster, WASP and hippie are you stereotyping? Are you assuming the final tally based on the digits, even though I never used the words gangster, WASP or hippie?

Are you an old fashioned stereotyper? Or are you just deciphering clues?

Is the whole process of show not tell an exercise in how to stereotype?

I watched a medical drama last night. The character in the hospital bed said “Girl, you have to see the Doctor, He fly.” If you read that line of dialogue in a book, would you make any assumptions about the character? Would it be stereotyping if you made an assumption about the speaker of that dialogue?

When we read fiction do we make assumptions based on description? I wrote in one of my passages last week “couch with welcoming back support”. I was, as someone said, trying to denote that the speaker was at least in middle age. Young people never look at a piece of furniture and wonder about it’s comfort, or how easy it will be to get in or out of it…but some older people do. Not every person of a certain age thinks about the comfort of a chair…but some do… Is it wrong to guess the character I was describing was oldish?

So, do we rid our lives of fiction so that we can lead a life with no judging others based on characteristics?

Or do we just learn to deal with the fact that humans stereotype, always have stereotyped and always will?

What Inspired Me: October 3

  • Blog friends meet The Temple of Dendur: This is one of my favorite rooms in the whole world. I just love everything about this room.
  • I love brunch because it’s the best part of sweet and savory. Hello bacon, egg and swiss french toast…
  • The Worst Person in the World is one of the best films I’ve seen this year. I was lucky enough to see it as part of a film festival, so I got to hear (seated) Joaquim Trier (Director), Renate Reinsve (star), Anders Danielsen Lie (star), and NYFF Eugene Hernandez (Director NYFF59). What’s funny watching a subtitled film is acknowledging how fast people read and get the subtitles…the laughter starts at different points. I wonder if the late laughers think it’s funny or just want to be part of the crowd.
  • Most thought provoking movie of the year goes to I’m Your Man– if you like my posts about romance and tech, then this movie should be on your to be watch list
  • When I bought tickets for last Wednesday’s game, the Mets were in a position to make it to the post season. Yeah….there’s always next year…

My Month in Books: September

TitleAuthorWhere I Heard About itRating
The Night She DisappearedLisa JewellGoodreads List/Read Author Before1
The Night HawksElly GriffithsAuthor I’ve read before2
The People we KeepAllison LarkinGoodreads List3
Golden GirlElin HilderbrandReal Simple/Read Author Before4
The Very Nice BoxLaura Blackett, Eve GleichmanBarnes & Noble Recommendation5
Tea Time for the Traditionally BuiltAlexander McCall SmithTea Book Club6
The Bookshop of Second ChanceJackie FraserSimply Luxurious Life7
The Forest of Vanishing StarsKristin HarmelReal Simple8
The Lying Life of AdultsElena Ferrante, Ann Goldstein (translator)Building Book Club9
The Confessions of Frannie LangtonSara CollinsBarnes & Noble Recommendation10
The Books are listed as 1 being my favorite, and 10 being least favorite. Personal choice only- not a show of how good or bad a book is. Commentary below corresponds numerically
  1. Psychological thriller that is not too psychological and not too thrillery. Good if you just want to get involved in a story and turn pages. I enjoy the way Jewell writes.
  2. Big fan of the Ruth Galloway series. Not so cozy mystery about a woman who does not insinuate herself into a crime, nor happens upon dead bodies. This is 13 in a series- if you are going to read, start at the beginning
  3. If you need a lightish book about resilience- this is it. Probably OK for book clubs
  4. Beach read with a little more soul than usual. Not too heavy, but somewhat thought provoking
  5. Light read yet made me think. Good for fans of The Rosie Project
  6. I had never read any of the books in the series, so it took me a bit to understand the main character and what she does. Once I got the gist the book was enjoyable, but I think you need to read in order
  7. My main issue with this book was that the main character was sort of all over the place. While I get that people are multi faceted, none of the character’s actions make sense when you look at them from a distance. Couldn’t decide if I liked the main characters even though I think the intent was for the reader to root for them.
  8. Yet another book about WWII. True, the story is slightly different, but not so much that I would tell you that you need to read this book
  9. The language is beautiful, but not so beautiful to make up for lackluster story and unlikeable characters. The book is sort of like junk food- it feels pretty good when you are reading it, but then you realize that you got nothing out of it and it’s not satisfying
  10. Too wordy. Too much description. Took what could have been an interesting story and muddled it up.

Who do you report to?

Pat Lee is the CEO of Widgets Inc. Widgets Inc. is a multi million dollar conglomerate that is a public company.

Pat Lee is the top of the food chain at Widgets- sort of…

Who does Pat Lee really work for? When Pat Lee does their job, who are they reporting to:

Board of Directors?

Shareholders?

Employees?

General Public?

Special Interest Groups?

When Pat Lee makes a decision who are they primarily thinking about?

Why?

How important is it if a company makes money? If a CEO doesn’t make money, is the Board correct in replacing them?

If you were CEO of a major corporation who would you report to?

Take Care of You

Do you

Refrain from smoking/vaping?

Limit your alcohol consumption?

Stay away from drugs that can become addictive or cause other issues?

Exercise?

Know what your cholesterol and blood pressure are and blood sugar are?

Limit fatty foods?

Limit sugary food?

Drink 64 ounces of water a day?

Eat five servings of fruits and vegetables a day?

Walk 10,000 steps?

Get six to eight hours of sleep a day?

Brush and floss teeth regularly?

Wear sunscreen?

Stretch?

If you said NO to most of these questions, I will assume that you are under 23 and/or a college student.

If you’re over 23, I have one question to ask:

Why are you choosing not to take care of your health?

which then leads to the question:

Should we take more individual responsibility when it comes to checking our health?

Should we do the basic things that help keep our bodies in working order before things get out of hand?

Is the onus on US to take individual responsibility for how our bodies work?

Do we care enough about ourselves that we do what we can to keep things in working order?

Or do we just not care enough about ourselves to do whatever preventive measures we can?

Should people take basic responsibility for their health?

You can give your responses as multiple choice, short answer or essay. You will not be graded on grammar, and there are no consequences for only answering some of the questions.

You have unlimited time to write your answers:

You may begin:

Opinion vs Belief

I really try to avoid discussing politics, religion and money.

I may poke the bear a little bit, take shots at both sides of an argument when I am able to, because sometimes the hypocrisy is just too obvious. Sometimes I like to push people to think about the other side of the coin…It’s what some people love about me- it’s what others hate about me…

But anyway…

I try to avoid the obvious taking sides, or thinking that one way is superior to another…especially in politics, religion and money. I understand that people have firm thoughts on these things, and I think everyone can own their own thoughts.

I think there is a difference between an opinion and a belief.

I think opinion and belief are two separate things.

Say what you say…

I define OPINION as something that someone takes a stand on, but knows that it is entirely personal preference.

My opinion is that Zazzy’s pizza is better than Joe and Pat’s.

My opinion is that the Dior exhibit was better than the Fashion Exhibit at the Met.

My opinion is that loose leaf tea makes a better cup than a teabag.

The above are my opinions. It is what I think about a particular topic. I would gladly have a discussion with anyone about these things, and I can do so in a calm and kindly matter. I will not think someone is stupid because they think the opposite- I will gladly debate points about my opinion and counter their opinion. However- none of these is the cause I defend to my dying day. I am never going to get really mad if someone disagrees with me on one of these things. If you think Joe & Pat’s rules- well fine by me. I am not going to think the other person is stupid or ill informed or ignorant if they don’t share my opinion.

Beliefs. Beliefs are core values. Beliefs are the things that people will defend to the end. Politics, religion, money: these are some things that people take a side on and do not budge. Beliefs are not points that can be argued or debated or discussed politely.

I believe that censorship is bad and we should avoid it at every level.

You are never going to be able to argue this with me politely. If you don’t agree with me I will think you are stupid, ignorant and ill informed. It’s that simple. I may think that some things should not be shown where children are, perhaps age restrictions, maybe warnings…but I will defend the right for an artist to create something. Period. Even if I don’t like it. Remember my diatribe on WAP? HATE HATE HATE the song. I will defend it being played.

What are things that you have opinions on?

What are things you believe in?