I had a mountain of paperwork to slog through last night- my desk was hidden under piles. True- the piles were labeled- “to be done- June”, “to be done May”….but these mountains needed to be conquered. And it was going to be a long time till I even reached base camp. When life gets like this, I need someone special in my corner. Who you ask? (I’m assuming you’re riveted and can’t wait to find out……..)
I love mindless TV. My choices are either Big Bang reruns, HGTV, or Hallmark Mystery Channel. The winner last night was Jessica Fletcher. I love a town where the population counter keeps going down because someone gets murdered every week. I like to imagine that Jessica’s house contains about a thousand closets, because did you ever notice that she always has the exact right outfit to wear, no matter what the occasion? Who knew that the lifestyle of Cabot Cove would have a need for about a dozen ball gowns? I live in NYC, and I currently have 0 ball gowns hanging out in my closet. Really- we should have the same stuff- we’re both real/faux writers……
Along with tales of murder and mayhem, Hallmark Mystery offers something else. Commercials. Have you ever seen the commercials they play during the shows? My favorite might be the one that points out that I have crepey neck skin. I already obsess about my not so flat abs, not so tone arms, laugh lines around my lips, and the bags under my eyes. I didn’t think about my neck. I’ve lived my entire life thinking that my neck would stay forever youthful…but no. It turns out that you can tell how old someone is by counting the lines on their neck. Good thing there is an international super model there to point this out.
As if the trauma of crepey neck skin isn’t enough- I got another shock last night. Somehow I have missed that it’s Christmas in July. It’s not on my holiday calendar that I upload to my phone, iPad and laptop. So how did this happen?
No really. Why did this happen? Why are there ads for sales on Christmas merchandise?
Why are they showing Christmas movies?
You know, where Americans celebrate Independence Day.
Where it’s 3000% humidity in NYC.
It’s taken me years to reconcile hearing Christmas music before Halloween. Am I just days away from hearing carols on the radio?
To be clear- I am no Scrooge. I love the time of year between American Thanksgiving and the New Year. I decorate my apartment. We trim the tree as we light Hanukah candles (multi cultural household). I am down for celebrating every religion, every person- I love the holiday season. I look forward to the holiday season. When it is between the end of November and January 1.
Am I being too much of an aspiring curmudgeon? Am I overthinking this? (cause I never overthink anything, ever)
So I did what we all do when faced with deep thoughts on life: I googled. I googled Christmas in July. You know those moments in life that you instantly regret? Count this as one of them.
Apparently, people throw Christmas in July parties. There are Pinterest boards about Christmas in July. An amusement park is having BOGO to celebrate Christmas in July.
And on that note- all I can say is I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit pre-occupied. Your holiday greeting cards are going to be late this year. I won’t be sending them out until December.