Out of Our Control

Do we miss the things that are out of our control?

If you’ve always wanted to be a grandparent, do you miss phantom grandchildren because your offspring didn’t want to offspring?

Do you miss your daughter walking down the grand staircase of your home that you bought specifically for photo moments, just because she chooses not to go to prom?

Do you miss the flat tummy that you will never get back again because a few c sections and menopause have made that an unobtainable goal?

I know people who fall into every one of these categories- they spend much of their time talking about, whining about and complaining about the things that didn’t go the exact way that they pictured things didn’t pan out. I know someone who works out hours a day, watches every crumb that is ingested and has a wonderful, healthy physique. Yet…that person still complains that they don’t look like they did at 22. I know people who have boxes in attics and basements of things they intended to pass down to grandchildren, only to have those boxes collect dust and their hearts harden a little.

How much of your day do you spend thinking about the things that you can’t have because you are not the one who is determining the outcome or the event?

Is it mentally healthy to obsess about things that are out of your control, and will most likely, never be in your control? Is there a point that you have to accept the limits that are just there, whether or not you like them?

I try not to worry about things out of my control. Frankly, I already try way to hard to control things: I don’t need any additional to do’s on my list. I try to accept that some things are just going to be a certain way, no matter what I do. Mind you, I said try: my no means am I chill and relaxed about stuff…

But what about you? What journeys does your mind take when things do not go how you pictured them? Do you lose sleep over them? Do you keep trying to make things go your way?


Out Of Control

Control: determine the behavior or supervise the running of. (dictionary.com) Such a simple word.  Easily defined.  Yet, the connotations are often a little negative. Outrunning my Demons, Claudette and I have been running around the ideas of planning, micro managing and controlling. So what does control actually mean? How does it affect us?

To start, there is one place I am definitely always in control…. But, trust me, that’s a whole other blog topic…

One person in charge.  One person calling the shots.  One person dictating how all others should act. One person who would get really angry if someone else tries to do something without consent. This is how control gets a bad name.  No one wants to be called controlling. If you hear someone being called “controlling” the prevailing theory is that you should run away from that person as quickly as possible. Why would you want to spend any time with a person who’d main goal is to control every aspect of your life?

So- controlling is bad.

Or is it?

Don’t we need people to be in charge?  Don’t we need to have someone who is willing to  take responsibility for what happens, both good and bad?

Think about parenting for a second? What happens when the tail wags the dog, when the kids take over all the decisions in a household? How does that work out for anyone? What happens in a household where the parents are not in control?

Teachers? Same thought.  Does anyone learn anything if a teacher is not firmly in control of a classroom? If the teacher hands out a syllabus, what happens of all the kids toss that sheet in the trash without even looking at it?

So- are we all agreed that sometimes someone has to be in control?

But then we have the bad side.  Sometimes parents can dictate a little too much.  If your kid has a 92 average, do you have the right to tell your kid that they are capable of getting 96’s? Can you tell them who to hang out with, how to spend their time, which classes they should take? Where is the line?

How about with your spouse.  I’ve stated that I don’t feel comfortable telling my adult husband what to do with regards to social situations- to be that is too controlling.  Or is it? Can you tell your spouse that you don’t like one of their friends? What is the line with what you can and can’t tell your significant other?

How is controlling different from micromanaging? To me, micromanaging is having a task and expecting it to be done in a specific, step by step manner.  It’s usually task related.  When I think of a controlling person though, I think of someone who is manipulative, a puppet master.  I see controlling as telling someone what to wear, how to act, not allowing someone to think for themselves. They are the people who will get hostile if you don’t obey them. Those are the people I don’t like to be around.  Those are the people that I do try to stay far away from…