Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50

My daughter asked me:

“If money was no object, would you eat or (or take out) every meal, or would you cook yourself?”

I answered that I love eating out, but I would probably continue to do as I do now, eat out two or three times a week, but make the rest of my meals myself.

My daughter was incredulous!

She was so mad at my answer!

Do you really think you cook better than restaurants? she demanded.

I explained that it really had nothing to do with that. I know that most chefs are far superior as far as cooking skills go. However, sometimes I just want a bowl of granola with berries or a bowl of egg noodles with butter and parmesan.

But why? she queried

I explained to her that eating every meal out is probably unhealthy- that the reason restaurant food tastes so good is because they use way more salt and oil and butter than I ever would.

Pish posh she said.

I told her that I actually enjoy cooking, even if I’m making something simple.

She looked at me like I had three heads. (FYI- when we cleaned her out of her dorm apartment the knife set we purchased two years ago was still unopened…)

So where do you fall on this debate:

Assuming money was no object:

How often would you eat at a restaurant or bring in cooked food vs. cooking for yourself?

Discuss

Met- Galleries 900, 901, 902, 903. We begin Modern and Contemporary Art

Light and Tone: Selections from the Department of Drawings and Prints- The Met rotates the works in this collection fairly frequently and always put out an interesting show. I thought many of the works displayed

Kimberly Akimbo is a musical about a 16 year old girl with rapid aging disease. It’s more fun than it sounds in the vein of Dear Evan Hanson and Be More Chill. Solid performance by Bonnie Milligan, who is nominated for a Tony along with two other cast members and a few for the musical itself.

On another note, as we ate a lot in the previous week, we kept a pretty clean diet of grilled protein and veggies this week. Expect more food in weeks to come, but this week we needed to eat light!!

Every evening I write down ten things that defined my day. I try to capture the good and the bad, things that I am grateful for, things that I am looking forward to, and what I do that day just for me, I really just write the little details that made that day different from others. I enjoy it and it works for me. Here’s some things pulled from various days over the past week:

1. My daughter graduated college!!
2. My Father in Law got accepted into a skilled nursing facility- but if you think this was easy, guess again (future post to follow)
3. I asked my daughter what was the worst part of college- she replied Rats (this is a terrible problem in DC- even Abe Lincoln talked about it
4. I asked my daughter what the best part of college was. she replied Everything else
5. I am getting very tired of people cutting lines and jumping in front of others who have been waiting patiently for hours (future post to follow)
6. I mistakenly thought that I would get some reading done over the five days we were in DC for graduation. Ha. When I came home on Sunday, exhausted I might add, I still had over 100 pages to read for my book club book
7. The dog sitter took Betty to work with her- this made me chuckle
8. I was walking to the gym and I saw someone who I assume to be housing insecure, and they were sitting on the sidewalk, watching Netflix on a 20 inch TV that was plugged into an extension cord in front of a restaurant. Never quite know what you’re going to see
9. I told my husband some things over the past few weeks relating to an issue that we are currently dealing with. He poo-pooed what I said asking when did I become an expert on X. While I might not be an expert, I’ve got pretty decent reading comprehension, so I instinctively understood and retained certain facts that are relevant to the issue. You have no idea how much I had to bite my tongue when everything I told him turned out to be spot on correct. However, since he now has to do more paper work and aggravation, the “I told you so” isn’t necessary.
10. Between monday and wednesday, my daughter and I did 8 large loads of laundry, with more to follow. I am officially laundried out…

We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right. Marianne Williamson

1. Take- Sad and beautiful loosely based on a true story about what the government was and is capable of doing. Well written story of a nurse who just wants to do good and help. Fluctuates between the early 1970s and 2016. I felt that the book missed part of the story and the author tried to rush to a conclusion, and there were some things that I felt fell flat, but on the whole well done.
2. Happy- I am a big fan of Emily Henry. She writes stories with likeable characters whose experiences are real and honest. There is a lightness to her work, but she doesn’t shy away from the feels. If you want a lightish read that isn’t too trite, give this a whirl
3. Romantic- I like rom coms and this is a decent one. About a woman who is a writer on an SNL type show and a guy she meets on the show. It has some funny moments, but the main character is a little irksome, and the plotline is somewhat formulaic, but on the whole I thought it was an pretty good read.
4. Super- Book about a woman coming to terms with losing her boyfriend unexpectedly, and about what it takes to get through tough times. This is not a heavy book though, just a heavy topic. I appreciated the writers charming delivery in certain places, but there are plot holes so it’s not a great book, but at the time that I chose to read it, it worked for my head
5. Bandit- Story about a bunch of women with some not so great men in their lives, and how they try to remedy that. There’s some really off the wall, funny moments in this book with a bunch of quirky characters. It has some good moments but was a little slow in parts.
6. Seven Sisters- This book is told in four parts- first person, third person omniscient, third person objective, and first person. Because of the way the story is written, we get varying angles, but I’m not quite sure the parts add up to 360. While the conceit could be clever, here it falls flat and leaves us with too many questions, but not the right kind of questions. Discussing it for book club today so hoping I get some more out of it.
7. Final- Memoir about a women’s memories of her immigrant grandparents. Poorly organized book that meanders with no thread tying anything together. The stories are more like little pieces of memory, but the author is not skilled enough to make these fragments into a cohesive book.

1. Ain’t- really fun and interesting doc about Yankee Legend Yogi Berra. Yogi was known for his yogiism’s, and this might have overshadowed his storied career as a baseball player. Lovingly discussed by his eldest granddaughter, this is just a lovely tribute to a man. Worth a look if you have any interest at all in sports, and I am an ardent Met fan, so you know this is me saying a lot…
2. Polite- story of young woman who wants to be a stunt woman, but is sort of stymied by the polite society of her family and surroundings. This is a clever, funny, and charming film about resilience, belief in oneself, and not letting anyone get one over on you. Light hearted fun.
3. BlackBerry- I knew what a blackberry was (who didn’t) but never knew the story behind it. While this is highly fictionalized, it still makes for an interesting story, highlighted by fun dialogue and solid chemistry between the characters
4. Guardians- i am a big fan of the Marvel universe, and the Guardians franchise is just fun. I thought this installment was the better than 2, but not as good as 1. If you like the Guardians and Marvel, see it- if you don’t- pass. The big plus of the franchise is the soundtrack- very fun classic rock and pop tunes that will have you tapping your feet if you’re in my age range
5. Margaret- I am a huge Judy Blume fan so I was thrilled that they finally made a movie of one of my favorite books. Charming and real and brought me right back to being in sixth grade…If you loved the book you’ll love the movie
6. Love – this is not a good movie. There are plotholes and inconsistencies and whatever that I can’t get past…However, I like the genre and this was a good time waster for me. But please, unless you have a movie pass, wait for streaming.
7. Book- Sequel to Book Club- fun story about female friends, bonding and hijinks. I am all about going to see movies with female leads who are over 50, so I was all in for this flick. Not a great movie, but fun if you like the genre
8. Chevalier- The story of the man, Joseph Bologne, is quite interesting- Black man (son of enslaved woman) who received critical acclaim as a violin virtuoso, composer, fencer, etc. This story should have been amazing. Unfortunately, the movie is not- I nodded off for a few minutes because the direction is so underwhelming.
9. Carmen- When my friend and I left the theater we nodded at each other and said – it was like a surrealist painting. Visually stunning but I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking at. With Benjamin Millepied directing I expected more dancing and less bizarre camera angles. Very limited resemblance to the opera Carmen.

As some of you know, I was in DC last week for my daughter’s graduation. While we were packed full of activities for graduation, there were small pockets of time in which we were able to sightsee!! Here’s a look:

Arlington National Cemetery- Amazing experience. We were lucky enough to be there to see them bring out the memorial wreath and the playing of Taps. Beautiful and emotional experience.

Philips Museum

Hillwood Home- estate of Marjorie Merriweather Post- just a gorgeous home and gardens. I was particularly taken with the breakfast room and the dressing room

• Of course, we actually attended events regarding college- Convocation, Brunch for her major, Baccalaureate Mass, Senior Ball and the actual commencement
• Did you ever See St. Elmo’s Fire? my daughter frequents the bar that the bar in the movie is based on. They have a tradition called 99 days, where you go to the bar every night during the last 99 days of school (for the break you send a picture wearing merch from the bar) I accompanied my daughter and her friends on their 99th day. I got ID’ed, and stamped…

I recently wrote a post about dating app profiles. https://wakinguponthewrongsideof50.com/2023/03/08/is-lying-on-a-dating-app-the-norm/

I meandered around the topic of how you should word your profile: straight up truth, play with words a bit, or straight up lie. So let’s explore the differences between these three:

Per our friends at Oxford Languages:

Truth– the quality of being true: In accordance with fact or reality: accurate or exact

Exaggerate– represent (something) as being larger, better, or worse than it really is

Lie– an intentionally false statement

Look at the definitions of these words.

How do you think people explain themselves on a resume?

How do you think they explain themselves on a dating app?

If we look to definitions as being theoretical, how do we utilize them in the practical or realistic setting?

If someone posts a super flattering picture of themselves, the lighting and angle are perfect, but it’s not how they “look” on the daily…is that a lie, an exaggeration, or the truth?

If someone says they managed a team, but the team was only one person, is that a lie, an exaggeration, or the truth?

If someone says (on their resume) that they attended college, but didn’t actually graduate, is that a lie, an exaggeration, or the truth?

If someone says that they are 6 feet tall, but are really 5 foot 10 1/2, is that a lie, an exaggeration or the truth?

Hair is blonde in a picture, but they color it?

Say they are 39 but are actually 40?

Say they are proficient in a language but really can read a menu and ask for directions?

Has only taken one course in excel, but says they are highly proficient?

How often do we tell the truth when we are communicating with someone, whether it be for business or pleasure?

How often do we tell the truth to ourselves, or do we lie or exaggerate to ourselves as much, if not more, than we do to others?

Are our lives built on exaggerations both big and small?

In my questions above…are they truths, lies or exaggerations?

Discuss

I entered the restroom.

There was a line.

The handicapped stall was unoccupied.

I said to the woman at the front of the line, “Hey- are you using that stall?” (for the record I don’t wait on the bathroom line for fun)

The people on line in between me and the front woman groaned…

The woman at the front of the line shot back-

“You can’t use that stall. It’s for handicapped.“

Now, there were at least eight people on the line and four stalls including the handicapped.

I called out- “Is there anyone on this line that needs the handicapped facility?“

No one said a word.

I said to the second person waiting- “Are you going to use that stall?”

The woman looked at me and then looked at the first person in line.

The first person in line said I was ableist.

For the record, the definition of ableist is (per Collinsdictionary.com) if you describe people or their behavior as ableist, you mean that they think people with disabilities are less capable than those without disabilities, and treat them differently or less well.

As the second person in line made her way to the empty stall the line leader glared at me. She started spouting off how we were all horrible people and that stall should be kept open in case someone with a disability came in.

I asked how someone with a disability who might use a walker or wheelchair was going to get down the very narrow aisle with people in it to get to the front of the line, and wouldn’t it be better to just get people out of the restroom as quickly as possible, because really, while the stall itself might accommodate someone who needs a physical aide to help them walk, the bathroom itself might not reflect that.

She started yelling at me. I kind of tuned it out as I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and left…

The questions to ponder today are:

1. Should the handicapped/disability stall in a restroom be left unoccupied in case someone needs it, or should people just use whatever room is available?
2. Was I being ableist?
3. Do people throw out terms without thinking it through?
4. Has a society that prides itself on being without labels ended up being a society that defines itself by labels?

Discuss

One of my friends wrote a wonderful post about the ABC’s of self care. Of course, I saved it to WordPress reader…

insert slapping head emoji

So yet again we have a wordpress/jetpack upgrade tragedy, wherein everything I saved prior to March was lost…

So thank you to whoever inspired me to write this post. Please tell me in comments so I can try to find your post and share it…

But anyway…

Here is my list of the ABC’s of self care

A- Art- looking at art is the soothing to my soul

B- Breathe- seriously, if you’re ever stressed, concentrate on breathing

C- Cooking always relaxes me

D- Dog Walking- Want to get our of your head? Walk an animal for 15 minutes

E- Exercise- no explanation needed

F- Friends- see them, talk to them, text them…

G- Games- fun and makes you think

H- Hydrate

I- Imagine something wonderful

J- Journal

K- Knitting or needlepoint or any kind of crafty work

L- Listen – to music, your best friend, whatever

M- Movies

N- Nap when needed

O- Organize

P- Puzzles- cross, jigsaw- doesn’t matter

Q- Question things- if it doesn’t work don’t do it

R- Reading

S- Skin care

T- Tea – sipping in the afternoon for 15 minutes with a cup of tea is the ultimate luxury

U- Unplug (right after you read my blog though)

V- Volunteer

W-Writing

X- Xray for teeth every two years to try to catch things before they are problems

Y- Yoga

Z- Zeitgeist- design for own manifesto for life and how it should be lived

Your turn! What are your ABC’s of self care?

This is a weird hodgepodge of things from the Met. The first two are gallery 830. Last week I didn’t realize that this was the last of the galleries in the 19th and 20th century European Paintings and Sculpture section. Then we have Gallery 850, which is the only photo gallery that isn’t a special exhibit room. Finally from gallery 503 we have a special exhibit of Italian Renaissance Torah’s. What is cool about this exhibit is that every three months they are going to turn pages so that viewers get to see more of this lovely work. I had intended to go to gallery 900 to start modern and contemporary, but I was thwarted by gallery cleaning…Hopefully the 900s will be open next week…if not I will have to figure something out because the 900s signal the end of the Met galleries!

1. potato latkes at Russ and Daughters, with applesauce and sour cream
2. Shun Lee Palace- back in the day, this used to be the go to place for Chinese food in the city if you wanted the experience to be a little fancy. Alas, this restaurant has lost its luster, but I do appreciate the lazy susan in the middle of the table. I will also state that the duck egg rolls were pretty good

Some people asked me how I got a great crust on my bread. I use this kitchenaid bread bowl- it’s an attachment to my Kitchenaid stand mixer. You mix, proof and bake in the same vessel.

During the first half hour of baking, you keep the lid on, sort of like steaming the bread. Then you take it off, continue baking for about ten minutes, and the crust gets nice and crispy.

Every evening I write down ten things that defined my day. I try to capture the good and the bad, things that I am grateful for, things that I am looking forward to, and what I do that day just for me, I really just write the little details that made that day different from others. I enjoy it and it works for me. Here’s some things pulled from various days over the past week:

1. Every week there’s always something I have trouble finding at the store- the past two weeks its been tin foil. Was so glad that I actually found some today
2. I have been taking spinning classes for at least 25 years. If you’ve never seen it, the handle of a spinning bike is sort of W shaped. For 25 years my instructors have focused on keeping our hands at the bottom of the bike or the top outsides. My Friday instructor has us use the middle of the bike. It’s a weird feeling to all of a sudden use a different part of the handlebars.
3. My friend is the President of a volunteer organization. She recently found out that she received recognition as being outstanding at her commitment and focus to the orgnaization. I often say that the world would be a better place if my friend G was running it. Big congrats to my friend!!
4. When I go to a restaurant with my Mother in Law, she takes all the packets of Sweet N Low. I just don’t understand this.
5. Because life has been a bit hectic of late, I had to miss my most recent Zoom book club. Unfortunately, that was the day that the book club was scheduled to have the author of the book speak with us (the author is a friend of someone in the club). I sent an email to the author saying that I was sorry that I couldn’t attend at the last minute, etc. I’m a bit miffed that the author never responded. To be fair, I get that everyone is busy, but just give me a little here
6. My Mother in Law is in town and staying with us. There’s a lot to unpack here…
7. My Dad is not up to going out for Mother’s Day so we are bringing in food. I’ve never seen two people (my parents) so delighted in choosing Kentucky Fried Chicken and what pieces they want. Simple things can make you very happy.
8. Apparently I lip sync to the songs when I am at my spinning class- my instructor said he loves watching my facial expressions during some of the songs. This made me laugh because I didn’t realize that I was doing that

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln

I know there’s only 8….busy week!!!