Posted on by LA · 79 Comments

Positive Outcome

If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.

Orson Welles

When doing five minutes of research, I realized that I probably shouldn’t title my post happy endings, but essentially my thoughts and queries revolve around the term happy ending as it applies to books, movies, and life.

How do you define the words happy ending or positive outcome?

Much of fiction ends “happy”. Good guy wins out, the couple fall in love, the moral dilemma is resolved. But just because things end where the audience thinks they should, does it necessarily mean that it’s happy?

I’m going to give you a spoiler alert about Friends- the on again off again relationship between Ross and Rachel appears to be on for good as the show takes its final bow. There are many that think this is the ultimate relationship and this is the ending they wanted all along. However, Rachel gives up a dream job in Paris to stay with Ross. Is it happy or settling?

I recently watched a TV movie with my daughter- one of those Netflix things about a twenty something that does something stupid. What made this movie different was that many people would not consider it to conclude on a positive note. While some of the things said are a step forward, the viewer is left wondering how the protagonist will fare in the future. Of course, the warning label before the movie said “drug use, sexual situations and unlikeable female character” so apparently the American public needs to know when it might not be happy ever after and they need to be prepared… (I guess I could write a whole blog just about that phenomena…)

How do you define happy ending/positive outcome?

Can you give an example about an ending that was positive that you thought was good?

Can you give an example of an ending that was not “happy” and why it did or did not work?

What do you think of the Welles quote?

Happy ending: Yes or No?

Posted on by LA · 75 Comments

Anything Can Happen Friday- The Scam

So my Mother called me the other day…

She received an email from one of her neighbors. The email said that this particular neighbor was having a rough go and needed my Mom to get her a gift cardfor either Amazon or Apple.

Now, I know most of you are thinking the same thing as I thought about this email…

But my Mom…

My Mom can be a very trusting and helpful sort of person. If someone is in trouble she will try to help. She has a sort of Capraesque view of the world, where good wins out over evil and all the other stuff. She assumes that people are good, and that no one tries to take advantage of another.

In theory I guess it would be nice to be that trusting. But you know…I’m a realist not an idealist…so most of the time I’m looking for the angle.

Is this real?

Can I trust this?

What’s the possible downside?

My mother emails back, asking how she can help. She gives her “friend” her phone numbers in case her “friend” can’t find them. And then she proceeds to try to figure out how to buy the gift card.

Now this is a time when I am glad that my Mother is not tech savvy. She couldn’t figure out how to buy the gift cards.

My Mother then calls her friend, to tell her that she can’t buy the cards…

You probably know that the friend’s email account was hacked.

My Mother called me, worried that these scammers have her phone number, and she responded to the email. She was worried that accounts could be opened up in her name using her phone numbers. Honestly, I don’t know anymore what people can and can’t do with information, any information, so I told my Mom to watch her statements and she uses one of those companies that call you when an account is trying to be opened, so I told her to just monitor things…

After I got off the phone with her I heaved a big sigh. While I have got over scams with my daughter ad infinitum, I never thought I would have to go through this with my Mother. I assumed that my Mother would just know when something seems off…But now I really have to worry that she will think the Crown Prince of Nigeria really needs her help.

I love that my Mom is trusting and wants to help others, but now this is a new worry that I have to contend with. Realistically I know that I can’t protect my Mom, but it sort of crushes me that I can’t stop bad people, bad things from hurting her. This is the part about being a daughter that no one really talks about- when the child becomes the parent and the protector.

I sit and try to figure out where to go from here. Is there anything I can do to help my Mother than I hadn’t thought of? Is there any way to prepare? I have to remind myself that there’s not always a solution to things: that there are things that I can’t write as a list and check off the things I’ve done and look ahead to what comes next…

I realize that this is where I need hope: hope that things won’t be too bad, hope that I can fix whatever happens, hope that life will be pleasantly uneventful.

Hope. Sometimes it’s the best option.

Posted on by LA · 43 Comments

What is Love? Ha Ha Ha

Love is the quality of attention we pay to things.

J. D. McClatchy, Love Speaks its Name as quoted in Conversations on Love by Natasha Lun

In her book, Lun states that sustaining of love is to create a space for simple moments and then to notice them. Seems so simple, right? But is it?

The incident Lun refers to is about cooking a meal with her partner- being present in the moment and just enjoying each others company. To be present with one’s partner…

What simple moments have you shared with a partner in the past? Do you recall those moments with a sense of peace? Are they pleasant memories?

It doesn’t have to be romantic love though. It can be love of a friend, love of a child. When I think about my closest friends, the thoughts that always pop into my mind are of simple moments of just being together, or talking about nothing. A few months ago we got into a day long text chain about staplers. One of my friends remarked that day that this is why she loved us: because we could spend an entire day talking about staplers. And now, when I see a stapler I think of my friends and the thoughts are happy- it’s about a silly conversation that just sort of captured all of us in a perfect moment of togetherness.

It’s your turn: Is love the quality of attention we pay to things?

Is love noticing the small moments that make up life?

Discuss:

Posted on by LA · 65 Comments

Ten Things: 1/7/23

I’m trying something new this year. A few months ago a friend emailed me and asked What’s Up. I responded with ten things about my day, both good and bad. I had fun writing those ten things down, and I came up with an idea that instead of journaling in the morning and evening, I would write five things in the AM and five before bed. To be fair, I was getting tired of my morning pages habit that I got from Julia Cameron after I read one of her books and became very disenchanted with her and her methods.

So…

On Saturdays I am going to randomly pick ten things from my weekly writing and post them. There will be gratitude and angst and happiness and sadness, as well as all the other human emotions that we often pretend that we don’t have.

  1. Old neighbors of our moved, but we were still invited to their traditional New Year’s Day brunch. everything is new and modern, but it took five minutes to figure out how to flush the toilet
  2. Saw Shadow of a Doubt at Film Forum, one of my favorite Hitchcock’s. Alas the daughter and the husband did not like it as much as I did.
  3. My gym recently added a relaxation station. What this amounts to is three massage chairs. Now I go to the gym to use the chair as a reward for the workout.
  4. Made spaghetti (homemade) and vodka sauce (homemade) for dinner. Both came out great. I realized that with fresh pasta you can start cooking it in boiling water but finish it in the sauce. So good.
  5. Giants shockingly make playoffs. Jets not shockingly don’t.
  6. Annoyed that I just missed the bus both coming and going
  7. Looking forward to playing pickleball again- so much fun
  8. Beat my family at Trivial Pursuit
  9. Happy that all the holiday decorations are put away
  10. Sad that a coat I like has a frayed collar because I don’t know if it can be fixed. It was old but I liked it.
Posted on by LA · 56 Comments

Anything Can Happen Friday: Enemy

Imagine if a Mom took her daughter to New York City to see the Rockettes Christmas Show at Radio City. This was a girl scout trip- so picture a bunch of little kids excited to see a holiday show.

Now imagine that a venue such as this uses facial recognition technology. What if the Mom worked for a law firm that is presently in a lawsuit against the parent company of the venue.

What if the Mom was denied access to Radio City because facial recognition flagged her as an enemy?

What if this wasn’t a science fiction story or dystopian movie?

https://www.nbcnewyork.com/investigations/face-recognition-tech-gets-girl-scout-mom-booted-from-rockettes-show-due-to-her-employer/4004677/

There’s all sorts of ways we can discuss this, but what’s YOUR take?

What do you think of facial recognition tools to keep out “enemies”?

Have we gone too far?

Am I a danger because I wrote this post?

Are you a danger because you read it?

Discuss

Posted on by LA · 48 Comments

Does This Make Sense?

Scenario 1

A few months ago my husband went for pizza with his co-workers. They ordered two pizzas, different toppings on each. The server brought the pizza’s and people started taking slices.

I mean, this is what you do at a restaurant: you get served your food and you eat.

One person had taken a slice from pizza A. It turns out pizza A was made with something wrong.

No harm, no foul. Mistakes happen. Server quickly rectified the errant pizza situation.

What my Husband thought was bizarre about this encounter was that the restaurant took back the pizza that had been served incorrectly and was missing a slice.

Now, according to health and safety, that pizza can’t be served to anyone. So should the restaurant have just cut their losses and left the pizza there?

Scenario 2

I sometimes still have trouble finding hand soap, so occasionally I order from Amazon.

Recently I ordered a four pack of hand soap.

When the hand soap arrived, I only received one thing of soap. When I contacted Amazon about the issue, they said I had to send back the one soap, and they would send me a set of four.

Why wouldn’t they send me three additional soaps instead of me returning one?

FYI- after I returned the one soap, when they redelivered they again sent me one soap instead of four. My lesson was when I see soap in the store I buy multiples…

Question:

Have you ever had a weird experience when you’ve received the wrong thing? How did you handle it? Did it get resolved to your satisfaction?

Discuss

Posted on by LA · 37 Comments

Friendship Envy and Honesty

Have you ever been envious of a friend?

It’s Ok if you have: I think there are times we see what someone else has, and we do get a little green at the thought of it. Maybe your friend has a great job, or a wonderful new relationship, or is pregnant- and you might really want these things, but at the present time it just isn’t there for you. Perhaps it makes it difficult to spend time with this friend, or maybe even be happy for them.

These are honest emotions, and you shouldn’t berate yourself for feeling them.

But…

Maybe you should have an open discussion with your friend about how you are feeling.

In Conversations on Love by Nathasha Lunn:

At times, that ongoing conversation might include sharing painful thing. Saying I’m proud you are achieving so much in your career, but sometimes that reminds me I’m struggling with mine…Because Susie made me realize that my envy was not only rooted in wanting what others had. Really it grew from a fear of being left behind , and of loneliness.

When you are envious of a friend, what is it really about? Is it really wanting their great job, or is it because you just aren’t in a good place at the moment and you feel scared and alone and afraid?

FYI- we all feel scared and alone and afraid sometimes. Really- we do. It might not look like that on social media, but there isn’t a person out there who hasn’t had moments of doubt and insecurity. But that’s why you need to talk to your friends about how you are feeling. They are your friends for a reason: share what you are going through. Chances are they will be scared of something too, just maybe not the same thing as you are.

Be honest with your friends about how you are feeling. Talk to them. Communicate. Having emotions is a part of being human- you just need to learn how to deal with them in a positive and healthy way.

Posted on by LA · 71 Comments

Why You Should Plan Better

A few months ago, I asked my husband what he was doing on a night about six weeks in the future. My husband said he was free. I said do you want to go to X on that day 17? He said sure. I bought tickets.

About two weeks before the event, my husband says-

“K just sent a reminder about doing something on day 17. We made these plans six months ago and I totally forgot.”

I looked at him quizzically, opened up my calendar, and said- You know that’s the day we are supposed to do X…

He stops, realizes his error, and says “I’ll call K to cancel.”

But on the road to cancelling, my husband finds out that out of the six people who were supposed to do something on that night, four people had already bailed. The only people left going were my husband and the organizer.

At this point I felt horrible. My husband had made these other plans way before I asked him to go to X. I knew the organizer of the other event really wanted to do this thing, and I couldn’t let my husband bail out on that. I told him to go to the event with K, and that I would find someone else to come to X with me.

Here are some discussion points:

  1. Should my husband do a better job of noting his plans? (he always double books things btw)
  2. Should my husband have cancelled the plans with the other person?
  3. Was I right by letting my husband out of his plans with me?
  4. Anything else?

What would you have done in this situation?

Have you ever double booked something and not been sure what to do? If so how did you handle it?

Pick anything you want and discuss!

Posted on by LA · 36 Comments

Believe

As a child, when your Mother believes in you, you believe in yourself, and when that happens, there is nothing you can’t do. As a Mother, that is the greatest gift we can give to a child

Caroline Kennedy- She Walks in Beauty: A Woman’s Journey Through Poems

The holiday season has just left us. You’ve recycled the environmentally friendly wrapping, or put away the gift bags to be used next year. The credit card bills haven’t quite hit the mailbox yet. But the gifts have been given. The physical show of love has been exchanged…

I’m all for gifts. I still remember when my daughter was seven and she received the Hannah Montana Malibu Beach House, the years of the American Girl stuff…This year the highlight was tickets to see Funny Girl on Broadway. To be clear, I like the idea of giving gifts. I think it’s OK to want something tangible, or an awesome experience.

However…

Even though I have given my daughter a lot of physical things…

The greatest gift I ever gave her was the that I believed in her- that I thought she was strong and capable and had the ability to set a goal and work towards it. I taught her that it’s is OK to make a mistake, to fail. I taught her that the greatest asset you can have is resilience…

Physical gifts are wonderful, but they won’t make you a better person. Buying something doesn’t give you confidence. Owning something doesn’t make you stronger. The things that really matter are the things that reside in your head and heart: confidence and determination and a thirst for knowledge. These are the things that a parent or primary caregiver can give a child.

So next time you’re with you’re kid, remind them that you think they are special. Give them the courage to try something new. Be there to pick them up when they fall, but then push them to try again. These are the best gifts to give a child- the gift of you believing in them.

Posted on by LA · 83 Comments

How I Felt

I was in the elevator of my building recently. I began a conversation with some random neighbor and I said that my daughter went to X University. he replied, “Oh, someone else in the building has a kid that goes there.” I looked at him quizzically, because there aren’t that many college age kids, and I know them all. He said- “He’s the guy on the board. Maybe you know him”. And I laughed and said- “yeah- that’s my Husband. We both have a kid at that school, or something like that.” The guy looked at me quizzically and said OK.

It was the OK that got me.

And, I know that I am totally reading into the situation, but I felt like the guy was trying to figure out how that guy was my Husband.

My Husband is four years younger than me, and in annoyingly good shape. If we had an attic I would assume that there was an aging painting in there. He has all his hair, he’s slim, and he has limited wrinkles. He doesn’t even look his age at all…

This is when I hate men.

Alas, I am a post menopausal woman who likes to eat and cook and I have the stomach to prove it. I know that I am not as physically attractive as I once was, and I’m normally OK with that…

All right, I’m really never ok with the fact that I’m not as attractive as I once was…

And this day I felt it.

There was no consolation in the fact that I was in the laundry room in my gym clothes, because I’d been to the gym and wanted to get the laundry up while I showered. My hair was in a pony, I had not a drop of anything but residual sweat on my face, and seriously, I looked like I needed to be put in the wash cycle. I’m sure I didn’t smell so great either…I was definitely not wearing perfume…

I felt old and dingy and washed up.

Amazing what the mind does to you…

And then I wanted to go make a high calorie cake for my husband and hide my moisturizer that I let him use. Let him get dry skin…let him look his age…

But that’s being petty.

I should be better than that…

I should be…but I’m not…

What is it about aging and beauty, or lack there of, that gets me every time? Why is it so hard to accept that looks change as you get older? How do we learn to accept ourselves as we get older?

It’s funny because I thought I was OK with my body, my face, my drier skin and grey hair. But I guess I’m not as emotionally and mentally strong about this as I’d like to be. It’s another thing to work on, one more task for my to do list…I just wish it was easier to plot out the goal, for me to say- to become more tolerant of my aging, I just need to do steps 1, 2 and 3…

Alas…it’s not that easy…

But I’ll try.

First, I’ll have a little pity party, and then I’ll remind myself that I am healthy and can still hold my own in a Spin class, and that I really don’t have that many wrinkles around my eyes, and I don’t yet need reading glasses…

And I’ll just get on with it a day at a time.

I need to remember that aging is a gift, a gift that many do not receive.