It isn’t a sadness, but a joy, that we don’t do the same things for the length of our lives. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow Gabrielle Zevin

Is our ability to adapt, grow, and change the biggest asset we have?

We have kids and are active parents and they grow up and we have an empty nest.

We start a job, get promoted to different roles.

We switch careers.

We play tennis and then one day we start playing pickleball…

Is the joy and beauty in life the fact that we can adapt and change and mix things up?

Should we embrace the new things that enter our lives instead of mourning the things we no longer have?

I appreciate that change is hard for people- that they don’t necessarily roll with the punches, more like get smacked with the jabs or try to duck and run…

but…

Is the ability to see the good in situations the thing that make some more successful than others? I’m not talking toxic positivity- I’m talking the Darwinian theory of survival…you figure out what to do to get to tomorrow.

Should we focus on finding the joy in the new and the unexplored, instead of longing for the good ole days?

Is it a joy that we don’t do things for the entirety of our lives, or a sadness?

Discuss

64 thoughts on “Sadness or Joy”

  1. Thank you so much for this.As the company I work for declaring redundancy in some positions and its likely I may get affected.I needed this to remind that we need change and learn to embrace change.

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  2. Speaking as someone whose gone through pretty well all the phases of life, I think we should definitely focus on finding the joy in what we CAN do. And there is always joy to be found. 😊

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  4. I always wonder what is going on behind the inability to adapt to change. Our world isn’t stagnant and it’s hard for me to understand how someone would want to live without experiencing change–what happened in their life to hold them in place? I probably have to go back to fear again. Maybe there is a misconception about the word adaptation as well, that the changes will wipe your previous life habits and joy away? I like that quote btw! So many tomorrows and so many possibilities…

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      1. I have not read the book, but I will check it out while I eat breakfast! I seem to be using the fear reason as explanatory a lot but I really do have a hard time trying to discern what could impact someone so deeply that change almost becomes debilitating for a lot of people. People cover their reaction to change with crankiness or stubbornness but I can’t help wondering if stuff is deeper…

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  5. I love this question, LA. I think fear and resistance can compel folks to stay in place, avoid change but I’ve always found greater and greater rewards when I risk a little…and then a little more…challenging myself to find the joy, see the good because what often holds me back is fear. (Which is just a repeat of what smart Deb said above!) 😘

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    2. Oh Vicki! It is just my poor attempts at amateur psychology! I really should have been a double major I think as psych would have been a great addition to sociology 😉

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      1. Ah…they’re ‘social sciences’…they run close enough and I think you’ve always had the good stuff within — no matter what your college major may have been! 🥰

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      2. Well that’s kind of you! I do hope I never come across as anything but someone with an interest in exploring varied concepts- certainly not as someone who really KNOWS what they’re talking about like the professionals who work and write thought provoking and essential blog posts and whose names may start with a V…or something like that 😉

        I did love the time spent with social-psych though, which I think came right around the same time as deviant behavior. That was another fun one!

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      3. You’ve got me giggling, Deb. Don’t discount what you know naturally! And oh yes…I really enjoyed abnormal psych, too! See what LA did here — she gave us a fun platform to swap some silly stuff! xo! 🥰

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  6. If you’re creative and resist being stuck then it’s a joy that you don’t do the same things for your whole life. It’s about being open-minded and trusting yourself, rather than placing your power elsewhere.

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  7. I was told a long time ago by someone I grew to respect…
    Yesterday is a canceled check.
    Tomorrow is a promissory note.
    Today is all we have so make the most of it.
    The only constant we have in life is change. Every day starts a new adventure. We have to face it and adapt to it.

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  8. Such a great questions to chew on and savor. I, for one, am not a huge fan of change, but recognize it is our constant, and I’ve learned to search for the silver lining in situations. There always is a silver lining. Even though I’m perverse to change, I love the changing seasons of both the weather and my life. I love the growth of children who have found their place in the world and I love the joy I’m finding in this stage of life, retired, traveling, finally smelling the roses. Hugs, C

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  9. I think change is complex, as is the way people respond to it. There are many variables which can impact on how we react to change. Have I started doing something new that I’m channelling my attention into? In that case I’m likely to embrace the change and happily ugive up what went before as my focus and attention changes. It may be past behaviours, habits etc aren’t needed any more. Conversely it could be I’m being forced into a change and I’m resisting, digging in my heels and refusing to budge. It may be that the change will be beneficial, but right here, eight now, I’m comfortable and not willing to change. Vicki talked about fear and resistance to change. These are definitely strong elements in how we react to change.

    I think the best we can do would be to take time to reflect on why we’re resisting, what are we scared of, and use that insight to accept the change.

    I think there are also just some people who don’t like to operate outside of their comfort zone – in particular, I’m thinking of neurodiverse individuals

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    2. I’m reading a book on cleaning that is geared towards neurodiverse. It’s interesting to look at something through that lens. Thanks for bringing this up

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  10. I think it’s possible to miss parts of my life, like when I was young and everything was exciting. Or, when I was busy raising my kids. But it’s also meaningful to find happiness in little things each day.

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  11. I resist either/or questions, because they are nearly always both/and answers. But hanging on to what’s safe and familiar deprives us of so many wonders and potential interests and skills. Trying new things and taking risks is how we live life to the fullest … and become interesting people in the process.

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  13. I think survival is the reason we change. We can choose misery or joy, but ultimately it’s for survival. Life is hard. If you want to survive you do whatever is necessary to make that happen. ( while still being a morally responsible human being) Most people choose joy. But I think it depends on one’s inner self. Some people have been so damaged they can’t. Others just like negativity.
    For me, I prefer joy and enlightenment.
    But the changes I made in life were in order to survive things like divorce , being a single parent etc. I switched Careers because I needed to make extra money due to being divorced. I had to give up my home, go back to work…I never really got caught up in the negative. Why bother? To me survival means having a positive attitude. It’s the same way I focus on living with cancer.

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  14. I think it takes courage, foresight and pragmatism to change course. Sometimes I am so saddened by what I read happening in places I love. Politics is a dirty field not run by idealists, like I. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve a voice as I am no longer in the game meaning areas and fields changing. Many of us adapted by leaving situations as the requirements to stay were not possible for us to field. If this makes sense….survival of the fittest.

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  15. And I realize that with every year comes changes and so I prepare myself mentally, physically to weather them. I appreciate those who stand by me. The world may only become more challenging until some changes are in play and even then we must be fit and pragmatically optimistic. Thanks for letting me philosophize.

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  16. Change is inevitable, so if we don’t embrace it, that sets us up to be bitter and sad. I don’t wanf that! But I think its Ok to still look back with a fondness to the past. Yes, I am glad my children have grown to be independent adults BUT I will always cherish their younger years and there are days for brief moments when I would love to experience them being a toddler again. ( minus the tantrums)
    Time moves on though and I am excited about what the next chapter brings. Though scared too as I watch my parent’s get older. I think there can be sadness as we look ahead, as long as we don’t dwell on it.

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  20. Haven’t read anybody else’s comments here, but the first thing that came to mind here was that little book called Who Moved My Cheese. Attitude choice is foundational to quality of life. I inwardly cringe whenever I hear someone say, ‘ I don’t do change well”.

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  22. I think it is important to do both. Hang on to the things you enjoy that have always worked for you and brought you joy. Be ready to try out new things when they arrive on your doorstep or just to shake life up a little.

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  23. Until I hit midlife, I wouldn’t have embraced the whole idea of new things. But I think we regret more what we haven’t done. Sticking with what we know, if we enjoy it, is valuable to our life. But it’s also a shame to miss out on something that could have made life even more enjoyable.

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  25. Without something new, our brains atrophy. With Alzheimers on both sides of my family, I am all about evolving and learning. Fortunately, it gives me great joy to do so. That isn’t to say that we can’t get joy from having some of the same things present throughout life, but it needs to be mixed in with the new.

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  26. We SHOULD see this as a joy, but it’s so haaaard! I think it would also help if the change weren’t so change-y, like if it was just a slow slide into whatever the newness is. For me, change is always quick and I ultimately have no choice but to roll with it.

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