It is this harsh corrective to our sense of being central, competent and powerful that makes even trivial losses so difficult to accept. To lose something is a profoundly humbling act…It forces us to confront the limit of our will. Lost & Found: A Memoir – Kathryn Schultz

If you lose your keys, how do you feel? Or some other sundry item that you use often?

For me, I “lose” my glasses a lot.

I only need glasses for seeing far, which means I always have them on when I leave my house, but in the apartment…not so much. I am forever taking my glasses off and leaving them where ever I am- like I’m cooking and once I spot what I need on the top shelf, the glasses come off…and I place them down and totally forget where I put them…

Looking for my glasses are never one of my finer moments.

I try to recreate my steps…think about why I would have taken them off…and when I can’t find them I am humbled…

And this is just for glasses, of which I have three pairs…

How do you handle loss?

Do you lose something trivial and handle it with grace and ease? Or do you lose it when you lose something?

Do you find loss, even of trivial things, humbling?

While there is no one size fits all methods, and some losses are truly greater than others, what are some good coping strategies for loss?

Discuss

50 thoughts on “Loss”

  1. You don’t flip them up on your head? Or go the librarian route and wear them on a chain! I can’t tell you how often during the day I lose something trivial. It’s just become a part of life and I know I’ll find it eventually, probably where I’ve already looked 2 or 3 times.

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    1. I sometimes flip them on my head, but kitchen is hard because I store a lot vertically and they slide, and barrhroom I leave them a lot. My daughter hid my eye glass chain and really mocked me so much that I don’t do the chains

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  3. So interesting, LA! I think losing things is a different category than looking for or finding things. In my head when I lose my keys, there’s definitely a harsh self-criticism that pops up. Perhaps that ties nicely to the profoundly humbling act that your quote from Kathryn Schultz describes.

    But I’ve tried to give up looking for things. I can’t do that for my keys and glasses of course. But for any of the myriad of things the kids don’t put back in their spot and can’t find – matching socks, that particular lego part, the watch they got a year ago – I’ll look for it briefly in its spot or where it was last seen and then try to move on to accept that we’ll find it when we find it. It’s a tough exercise – because that puzzle making part of my brain definitely wants to find. But it’s also great for practicing flexibility.

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    1. I will never look for a lost sock unless it’s the socks I keep in my draw if my feet get cold. They are so soft and stretched out and just perfect. But I’m hyper aware of where I put things…except my glasses f course…

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  4. It will be rare and avoidable. I feel cranky when I lose my handkerchief. Trivial losses are more daunting. Don’t know why? For bigger losses we comfort ourselves by thinking it had to happen.

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  5. It depends on what I lost. Some things are a little annoying but I don’t think much about them. Some things I get very impatient and irritated. I think it depends on how much I want said thing in that moment. It also depends on if I think I misplaced it or if someone else in the house moved it without telling me.

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  6. I know where I keep things. If I lose them in a public space, I worry until I find it wondering if someone moved a few things or took something. Loss of movement of my right hip proved that I am a fighter, refusing to accept limitations and continuing with physical therapy on my own and finally seeing improvement after 2 months. Lost socks, I am good.

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  9. I’m forever finding my hubby’s glasses as he leaves them down. I need to wear mine continuously sh I don’t tend to have that problem.

    I once lost a classroom key. That did have me panicked a bit, but I retraced my steps. They’d been found by a colleague … I’d opened up my first classroom and had left the key in the lock 🫣🤦‍♀️

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  10. I’m irritated because the prior homeowners left us one complete set of keys to the house on a cross keychain. I added the mail keys to our neighborhood mailbox and our PO Box. I always keep the keychain in my purse. When I left for Seattle, I handed the keychain to my husband before I got out of the car at the airport. He lost them! I have looked everywhere. I’m beyond!!!

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  11. So relatable, LA! I tuck my glasses into the top of whatever shirt I’m wearing, but as soon as I lean down to do something, they fly out and I plop them wherever I happen to be, and then forget where I left them. I need a better solution…and maybe keeping them on my head is what I need to do. 😉

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  13. I think it depends on if I am sure I’ve just temporarily misplaced something (glasses and keys), or if I feel certain that something may be irreparably lost. In the latter case, I will probably freak out a bit before consoling myself. I watched a movie called “Happy Go Lucky” in which the protagonist discovers her cute bicycle has been stolen. Her reaction was, “Oh, I didn’t get to say goodbye!” I am striving for that level of detached serenity (never going to get there).

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  14. I have up close readers in every room in my house. I need to see up close and without readers I can’t! Sadly, there seems to be a black hole in my house that swallows up reading glasses! They are always disappearing!!
    Before chemo I needed glasses or contacts but only for driving. And I could see perfectly up close. After chemo my eyes changed. Now I can drive and see far just fine. So No glasses are needed for far away. But I can’t see a thing up close anymore.. The doctor said don’t get a new glasses prescription while in treatment because my vision will continually change as long as i am in and out of chemo. So I buy those drug store up close glasses for reading and no longer need any prescription glasses to drive or watch tv. It’s weird! But I have been known to wear my readers on top of my head and not realize I left them there.
    I once lost my remote control and found it in my refrigerator. I think I have lost my multitasking skills and if I’m chatting n my phone I have been known to put crazy things away in drawers or in the fridge . Lol
    But what bugs me the most is losing my remote. Ive left it all over the house. Lol I used to lose my keys but my son put up a hook by the front door and I hang my keys on it now immediately when I get home. I don’t lose them anymore.
    I only get really upset if I can’t find my wallet, my phone, or the remote. Everything else I don’t stress over. BTW, I was never a big tv person but while in treatment tv has been a haven for me when I’m to ill to go out. That’s why misplacing the remote gets me so upset. Before I rarely watched television.

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      1. I do the same thing. I always buy the multi packs. Lol in fact I discovered there are some really cute readers on line with polka dots, hearts etc. I figure they might as well be cute lol.

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  15. When you find, you find it. And it will always be in the last place you look! But really, losing things is only a sign that your mind is so full of the important stuff that you forget the little things. Only highly intelligent people lose stuff.

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  17. There was a time when loss, any kind of loss would make me angry and rage-full, yet I know today that had more to do with my inner state at that time, than the loss itself. Today, loss is difficult, yet there is love within me, for myself, and for others, and there is acceptance, and the knowledge that grieving, for instance, is a normal part of the loss process, and should be respected and cared for. Time becomes less meaningful during these occasions.

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  18. I do not handle loss of any kind well. No matter what it is, it typically takes me at least a year to “get over it” or come to terms with what it is I think I lost. But at least now, I admit that I’m sad or angry about the loss, as opposed to repressing the actual emotion, so there’s that.

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  19. Yes, I hate losing anything. I can’t find a pen that should be on my desk but it’s disappeared. I keep looking for it even though I have plenty of other pens. It just bugs me that I could “lose” something I had just been using!!

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