Have you ever said the phrase:

You/They should know better

I’m betting, and I’m not a betting girl, that you have uttered these words at least once in your life. You might be talking about a child, or a sibling, friend or neighbor or co-worker. You see someone do something and you just can’t figure out why they would do that.

I recently said it about my Mother, when she almost fell for a scam to buy someone gift cards. After she told me her tale, I got off the phone and thought- OMG she should know better…

I get it- you see someone do something so mind numbingly irresponsible or dangerous or stupid, and you shake your head and wonder…

But when you are wondering about them, did you ever stop to think about that statement?

If YOU think that THEY should know better, is it implied that YOU actually know better?

Are you 100% certain that YOU know better?

It’s easy to point out the flaws in someone else’s logic or reasoning or action. It’s easy to think that the “other person” doesn’t know anything. But is that a little bit overreaching? Narcissistic? Egotistical? To be blunt, does anyone know anything with certainty?

So next time you are looking cross eyed at someone (to be fair, this is a big, fat note to myself), consider for just a second that you might not know as much as you think you do about the subject. Put yourself in their shoes for just a second and think about how and why you might have reacted as such. And then, once you’ve passed the test for the thought process in that situation, remember that we all screw up, that we all fall prey, that we think with things other than logic, or the heart, or whatever.

We probably should all know better…but hopefully we get there one mistake at a time…

53 thoughts on “You Should Know Better”

  4. I agree LA, we should never assume we really do know it all…but you have to admit sometimes there are people in our lives that anyone would really have to wonder about 😉

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    2. I agree. I think the phrase should be reserved for the really really stupid cases where 99% of the people would know better than to do that, thus leaving the other inexplainable 1%…..

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  7. Love this, LA. I’ve often found that my critical thinking skills take a nosedive when I’m dealing with layers of emotion — good, bad or otherwise – and I’m learning that I can be critical of others if I don’t slow down to consider how emotions might interfere with how neurons fire…or don’t…for others. Good to see your reflective post this morning. Reminders are good! 😊😊😊

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  13. Great Post LA, and yes I find myself saying this regularly when I’m frustrated with students. You’re right, I need to take a step back to consider why they’re behaving in this way … there might be lots of other things going on in their lives and my coursework may not be near the top of their list of priorities

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  14. A good reminder. I should know better! I lost a letter from Costco containing a gift card for buying solar panels somewhere between the mailbox down the street and our house. I beat myself up over it and lost a night’s sleep.

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  15. Ouch! I feel that one. It’s definitely easier for me to think this way about others and not consider that I could potentially do the same. Or maybe there’s been things I’ve done that people have thought the same about me. Great thought to contemplate!

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  16. Confronting a subject. Confronting a situation. What’s the difference?
    Often a disaster of one’s own making. You can learn how to add but not necessarily… how to sum. This bad metaphor or analogy proving my point, think I’ll just mosey on over to that crazy ass Bling Chatbot, and yet it yell at me. Seems it doesn’t know how to sum either…..or ….Oh No…

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    1. I’m trying to think how to phrase this. If we confront a subject we do it idealistically….if we confront a situation we react and don’t necessarily logically. I’m reminded of the movie Sully, about the pilot who had to land in the Hudson. They say he might have been reckless in not returning to an airport and they do simulations but when they do them they are confronting a subject…they know what’s wrong and act based on knowledge. When sully reminds them to account for human reaction, a situation, the result comes out differently

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  18. This is such a great reminder, LA! Very rarely does judgment get me anywhere but there are some situations in which I can’t stop judging long enough to remember that. I appreciate this gentle call to empathy.

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  19. My aunt almost fell for that gift card scheme, and another aunt was scammed out of her life savings (a LOT of money) and it’s hard not to slap one’s forehead wondering how this could happen. But I do get your point. I do want to think that they have their reasons. And I’m certainly not infallible.

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  20. I know I *must* think/say it about other people, but I know that I’m inclined think & say it about myself All The Time, so have been practising grace and self-forgiveness.

    A meme I like is: Forgive yourself for not knowing better, now that you do know better.

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  21. And to be honest, we all have fallen for the twisting logic, pressure, cheating, these people do to earn our trust or make us feel like we are idiots if we don’t do what they want us to do. They are trained for manipulating us with fear tactics or pressure tactics.

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  22. AMEN! Yes, I been guilty of saying those phrases and slapping my head. I have also been guilty of not knowing better or knowing better BUT having a temporary amnesia moment. Like you said, it happens to ALL of us! Grace is needed!

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  23. I absolutely hate this phrase. My mother’s side of the family likes to tell me that I “should’ve known x, y, and z,” usually something about racism. I always remind them that I don’t go around looking for people to be racist, so yeah, it surprises me every time I see it or experience it. And I agree, it’s kinda egotistical.

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