A few months back, my Husband and I were going to my Sister in Laws house for a holiday.

In some families, this is a non event. In my Husband’s family…not so much…

She asked us to bring flowers for the centerpieces.

Again, for some families this is easy. But nothing is ever easy with my SIL. For example, about twenty odd years ago, we were going to dinner at her apartment. It was going to be her and her fiancé, my husband and I. Just the four of us. She asked us to bring cookies. It happened to be girl scout cookie time and I had bought some from a co-workers daughter. So I brought two boxes of girl scout cookies.

Do you know what my SIL said?

“When you go to someone’s house you don’t bring Girl Scout cookies. You bring a white box with red string from a bakery…”

So bringing flowers…I’m on high alert.

I text my SIL. “Can you take a picture of the vases you’ll be using so I’ll know how many flowers to buy?”

Her response: “I don’t have time to do that. Just buy 40$ worth of flowers.” (please don’t get me started on how busy some people are…)

Now, for a second, just imagine my face on the other side of the text…

Of course, this was a Sunday, and one of the COVID casualties was florists. Many of the local florists went out of business. My option was supermarket flowers.

Now, for me in my house, I always get supermarket flowers. They’re pretty.

But, supermarket flowers don’t come in a white box with red string from a bakery, if you get my drift…

I’m one part freaking out and one part pissed off and one part wondering how I married into this batshit crazy family…

So I go to the market and I buy 40$ worth of flowers, which was harder than you think it would be, because I was not the only person trying to source flowers for the holiday…

We bring them to her house, and she used the smallest vases imaginable, so that really, 20$ worth of flowers would have been enough…in fact…I could have bought six tulips from Trader Joes and it would have worked…

And I really wanted to take some of the flowers back…

But there you go. Just a day in my life with my in laws. Moral of the story: be wary of your future in laws. They matter more than you think they will…

Let’s have some fun. Remember yesterday’s blog- how open should you be on someone’s blog? Many people said you should only tell your story, not anyone else’s.

So, in context of yesterday’s post- was this an over share? TMI? Did I tell someone else’s story or my own? Is this cringeworthy? Would my SIL be embarrassed about this?

If you behave in a certain way, if you say something to someone…is the story “out there”?

Discuss

80 thoughts on “You Don’t Bring me Flowers”

  1. All I can say is “Oy Vey!”

    First of all, if I as the hostess decide to delegate for a party I am giving, then I have no right to criticize the person helping me or bringing me something. Either that or the hostess should research exactly what she wants and then tell that person in specific detail what she expects. All she had to do is say, “Here is the name of a place I know where you can get a nice grouping of flowers for a centerpiece.” If she didn’t specify then you had a right to get whatever the heck you wanted, and go wherever you wanted to go.
    She’s just being deliberately mean . Either that or she’s a rude “B”.

    And I totally get why you are miffed. I’m not sure I would have been able to hold my tongue.
    Sometimes you need to share what bothers you. I don’t think you over shared. You brought notice to the fact that some people focus just on the negative. And she was being trivial as well as rude.

    In the scope of life, who gives a darn where you got the flowers. I think I would have at least told her not to delegate if she can’t handle the input of others. She’s a shallow person.
    I think any flowers would have been lovely!

    But whatever you brought it was one less thing she had to do so she should have kept her mouth closed.

    I used to know a great place for flowers that was owned by a friend of mine. But I had to ask a friend once for a good bakery when I had to bring a dessert. I asked a gal who brought into work some fabulous baked goods because they were not only delicious but gorgeous to look at. My colleague told me the name of her bakery and over the years I used it for special events. I couldn’t tell you if it survived but the pandemic. Then I would have just gotten something at a Doris’ Market because they have a variety of pastries at a great price. But no matter what my guests brought I would accept it gratefully. Your SIL was rude. Sorry you had to deal with that.

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    1. I’ve never asked someone for something specific. I usually have people brings snacks/appetizers or dessert, and I really don’t care unless I know someone else attending has horrible allergy. All I could think was you don’t have time to snap a picture…and I asked her like a week before the event

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  2. I would so tell this story without a second thought and I hope you never stop telling the intricate and questionable family stories that you tell. They are so entertaining and probably for most of us very relatable to much of our own family dynamics. We don’t live in a vacuum so how can you have a personal blog where you share your life experiences and not talk about family/friends/work etc? Most boring blog in the world that no one would read if that was the case. 85-90% of bloggers blog appropriately- the rest have their own agenda for whatever reason. I don’t read them anyway…

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    1. Mick made a great point…would you stand in front of an audience of 1000 and tell the story, you bet I would stand and tell this story. I like blogs where people share the good and the bad. I mean really, that’s the great equalizer…that most of us have bat shot crazy families…both blood and in-laws.

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      1. I have often thought your family stories would make great comedy routines and you know I say that from a deep, loving standpoint, and because I often feel so much better about my situation after reading them 😉

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  4. Rightfully your own story. It happened to you therefore put her business out there. I mean anyone who turns their nose up at girl scout cookies should be put on blast. And don’t even get me started on the flowers.

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  5. I’m with Bella…not oversharing at all…just like Deb said, too. Wowzers…the things we handle in our families and keep on moving. There are so many big things…the fussing about flowers and cookies? Sigh. I’m with you, LA — and this was a great post. Super, duper relatable! 😉

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  6. That’s a legit story to tell on your blog. She may have criticized your cookie choice, but you didn’t say she had a problem with the flowers, only that you felt you’d spent too much. C’est la vie.

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  7. Your SIL sounds like a nightmare – maybe it’s a qualification to be one? Or maybe just SIL on husband’s sides … my brother’s wife was lovely.
    I agree with others, this is your story, your experience and you have the right to share. I also agree, she is very rude. I’d probably tell her no in future or tell hubby to deal with his sister – which is what I do.

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    1. Agreed! Unless someone has a significant dietary restriction, store-bought should be fine! When I was younger, I remember going with my mom to a store that sold ready-made food, and the lady in front of us asked for pieces that looked odd shaped so it would look like she made them 🤣 The lengths we go through…

      And clearly, high maintenance, thy name is SIL … I feel for you 🤗

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  10. It’s your blog, and as such, you are free to share any stories you see fit – even if they involve other people. I once wrote a blog post about a bunch of crazy ex-girlfriends, and I know for a fact at least one of them apparently read it, because she broke off all contact with me (not that we had much at that point) and unfriended me on the usual social channels. It was a risk I was willing to take.

    Your SIL sounds like the very definition of “extra”…I mean seriously, $40 worth of flowers is pretty subjective. That’s either two roses or a bucket’s worth of daisies, you know?

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    1. That’s what I said to my husband…first off…I live in Manhattan…every thing is more expensive here. But really…she must be going to the Tiffany of flowers stores if that’s the vase she uses for 40$ worth of flowers…

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  12. It’s your blog and it’s your story. You experienced it. My wariness is telling a a story that is truly another person’s story to tell. An example would be someone else’s mental health issues. It would be an invasion of privacy.

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  14. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I never had in-laws to deal with. But I can certainly understand how this SIL would drive you mad. I think it’s particularly rude to invite someone to your house for dinner or whatever and expect them to bring something. It’s quite different if they call and say what can I bring. I would certainly never expect them to be providing major items such as the centrepiece for the table.
    And as all the others bloggers agree, I think you are entitled to vent on this blog. It’s your blog and you put on it what you want

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  15. Your in-laws sound challenging. I would never demand of someone to bring something. I remember one time travelling and we stopped in on my nephew and his wife with a day’s notice. We did not pick up anything but we mailed her later on a gift for her Lucille Ball collection. They served us some weird after thoughts but we did not think twice about it as we were the unexpected commodity.

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  16. Oh gosh! I am imagining your face at that text. I would be “smacking my head!’ LOL!
    I have to say that my daughter broke it off with a longterm boyfriend partially because of his family. You do have to think about what you are marrying into! And he catered to everything they wanted, sooo….

    But back to SIL, I think it was fine to post that. I think the problem is wifh more personal stuff, when it comes to sharing about others.
    When one does and says crazy things, its blog material! LOL!

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  17. I guess the moral here is, you just can’t please some people. There are some who are only happy when they can make someone miserable. So, do what you think is right, what is best. Neither act out of spite. When you do the right thing, you can’t be wrong.

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  19. On a side note, how snooty and ridiculous. You should buy a white box with red string and put whatever you’re buying (even if it’s the economical option to please your idiot SIL)

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  21. I was asked to bring flowers to a baby shower–one that was important to me. I arranged with Walmart which was close to my house to have what I wanted to take. When I arrived to pick them up the day of the shower, they didn’t have the flowers for me. The person that handles it wasn’t there either. I made a trip across town to the only florist and picked out flowers that would work. Back across town to the shower. The hostess had already decorated the table with flowers and a giant stuffed rabbit. My flowers were redundant. Just part of a great family relationship.😳 So, I feel your pain!

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  26. Extraordinarily pretentious behaviour on her part.

    As to whether it’s blog fodder – that has to be your call. I’d not write about the scenario in case the SIL or someone who knew her read the blog and there was fallout. It may be a long shot, but it’s not a risk I’d be willing to take. If you are willing to take the risk, or you don’t care if that happens, then totally it’s blog fodder.

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      1. It’s not ‘should there be’ that would be my question, but would there be?

        The fact that she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her behaviour means she’s more likely to have a reaction to your post. It’s clear from your post that you do, and that you’re also talking about it in public, as well as inviting other people to comment – most of whom are clearly agreeing with you. Reading your post and the comments are unlikely to change her mind, but it could make her angry, and it could cause a rift. Would she reach out to her family members to support her? If that happened, that could leave your husband in a difficult position.

        But that’s how I look at things. I couldn’t live with the potential consequences, so I don’t write about that kind of stuff. As (I think) Ally said, the line is different for each of us – and it’s up to us to decide where we’re comfortable with it being.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I guess I figure I figure that all art springs from something real…whether it’s a kernel of truth or a whole incident. People are fodder.

        Like

  27. Sounds like a real peach. LOL Ohhh…I would have a hard time biting my tongue. The way I see it, this is your blog and you’re free to write whatever you wish. In a way, it’s also kind of like venting about poor behavior. There are some things in this world that just aren’t kosher. And this type of behavior falls in that category.

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  31. If the person said or did it, then it’s fair game to be written about. There’s an Anne Lamott quote I use to justify all of my writing: “If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

    And yes about the in-laws…you should vet them, if they’re going to be a major part of your life.

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