I write about a lot of personal stuff on my blog. If I have angst, you’ll probably hear about it? Parental issues? Parenting? Marriage? Relationships? Yup- all fair game on my blog. In fact, back in the early days of my blog I heard my daughter say to my husband:

We better dial down the stupid, or Mom will write about it…

I know there are other bloggers like this, bloggers that open up their personal lives to the blogging community. The ones that share the really hard stuff, they are my hero’s. They let others know that they are not alone in the fight that we refer to as life.

However…

Is there such a thing as being too open?

Are there things that should not be discussed in a forum such as ours?

Have you ever read a blog and cringed, and inwardly wished that someone hadn’t let those thoughts into the open air?

Are there things that you don’t/won’t talk about on your blog?

Is it possible to be too open?

Discuss:

107 thoughts on “Open Sesame”

  1. Years ago during the early days of blogging, a woman wrote about her crumbling marriage and the other woman who broke it up. At one point, I said, “she’s over sharing now.” It was like her personal rant and really too much. I think people want to relate, but there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

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      2. My unfinished sentence was supposed to say~ it’s not like you were forced to sit there and read the whole thing because you had to pass a quiz… I’m not trying to come off a certain way, it’s just we should never discourage a writer from writing. That could have been a release for and by doing that she didn’t hurt herself or that other woman… who knows. I release a lot of pain and experience through my poetry as well as play on words. But I have to say Id devastated if someone mentioned something to this sort about my site.

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      3. People are going to love things you write and say it. People are going to hate things you write and say it. I don’t like some comments I’ve received on my blog, re me or my posts, but that’s life. I just wrote about that and move on.

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  2. Ah, such an interesting question! I had a old blog (2010-2014ish) and ended up with creepy stalkers, so personally no longer share my full name or pictures of myself. However, at least personally, there’s something powerful about being open, but I think boundaries are also appropriate.

    I cringe when I see parents post embarrassing pictures of their kids online… it’s one thing to have them in a family album at home, but out on the internet for anyone to see? That doesn’t sit well with me.

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      1. It’s the culture today. If people take pics of their meals then it’s only natural they share pics of their children and grandchildren. Personally I’d rather see pics of my friends’ children or grandchildren than what they had for dinner. But everyone is different. Everyone has a different vision for their blogs. Different strokes for different folks.

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  3. There are definitely things I won’t blog about. But that’s because I don’t want to hurt the people I care about. My dirty laundry should stay private even though writing about it would be good therapy. I write things that no one will ever see for my therapy.

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  4. Such a great question, LA. For me, I need to be able to write/share when I’ve mostly made sense of an issue. Because I’m so overly verbal/verbose, I’ve learned to check my audience…leave readers, if I can…with a sense of hope despite challenging circumstances. Hope that makes sense. xo! 😊 And I love your daughter’s comment…I believe I’ve heard that, too….”oh no….blogging fodder!”.

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    2. I think this is a great point Vicki! Deal with the major crap and then when you reflect on your blog with your own self-awareness and understanding it becomes (hopefully) an experience that will give others pause or awaken something in their own life as readers.

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  5. Contemplating this issue right now as I work on the new HoTM blog so I’m feeling my way hesitantly over there. It’s mostly things that I focus on for the kids on my private blog and how far I want to go in sharing some of that for HoTM. I think I mostly keep it real but controlled on Closer. Things I share there I would share with any friend face to face, but that’s always been my method in blogging. I seriously don’t think I would ever share anything sexually related- anywhere but most other things in my life are fair game. And remember, people can always choose not to read…

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      1. Sure, it’s very cathartic. When you transform painful experiences into narrative it feels good because you sort of expel it and gain all this control. If you’re using family as characters, their experience of being written about is entirely opposite.

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  7. I say, write about anything and everything. If it’s your blog then you decide what you want to share or discuss.
    When I started my WP blog, ( I’ve had a few blogs ) I didn’t do it for any other reason than wanting to express my thoughts , feelings and opinions. Rather like writing a diary of sorts. I write because I have a need to write. NOT to impress anyone or to make my blog popular. And I prefer to read blogs where the writer expresses her/himself openly.

    I personally stopped writing in my WP blog in the last year because my world has been totally focused on fighting cancer and in those clear moments between chemo, medication and being sick, I realized that every one of my blogs would be overcast with my health issues. So Now I mostly just respond to others much more than writing my own various pieces. I do, however, write lengthy thoughts on Facebook, but I know so many people there and if I don’t keep friends up to date on how I’m doing I’m bombarded with calls, emails, drop byes etc. so I am way more open on FB.

    However, back to your question…. I don’t write to be cool or to win awards. I write because I enjoy writing. Or when something irks me. During the past administration, I had so many complaints about what was happening in America, that my blogs were very politically motivated.

    We writers take a part of our soul and expose it. We create scenarios or invent stories because we see life in words, colors, scents etc. And I truly believe that as a writer creates, the words expressed reveal a bit of who they are. I don’t want to read a blog that is trivial. I’d rather read a heartfelt, thought provoking blog than one that is trendy or fake. So LA, I very much enjoy your diversified blog topics.

    I say write whatever you feel or what you need to discuss. Write about any topic at all. And open up when you want to or need to. It’s all good! You be You!

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  8. I’m cracking up about dialing back the stupid! LOLOLOLOL
    It’s all fair game!
    However I read a new blog yesterday and I have to admit she has guts to write what she’s writing! Don’ think I would write about cheating with a married man!

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  9. I can recall when I overshared in your comments section! But I don’t share much personal on my blog. You share way more than I ever would with the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that – it certainly generates discussion, so it hits a nerve with your readers.

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    1. Someone else said it succinctly…I share the things that I would share with friends. I do not share things that I would share in therapy/analysis. When I share it’s usually because I’ve learned or accepted something. I don’t often share the things I’m processing

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  10. I used to follow a blog by a women sharing her challenges with raising teenagers adn a husband. It started getting dark and in her last post she talked about killing herself. The blog is gone, I have no idea if this was real or just a way to build readership.

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    1. See…there’s a conundrum. I think it’s brave when people share struggles. However…there’s that line where you wonder if it’s being used to get attention or followers. Did you see the thing about the self published romance author who let people believe she died, and then resurfaced? Crazy.

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  11. Good question. I think if what we write violates someone else’s right to privacy, we’ve gone too far. Or if we tell a story that is someone else’s story to tell, we’ve stepped over the line. This is where a writer needs to employ empathy (“how would I feel if my very personal story was told by someone else—someone who may not have the full perspective?”). If it’s important to share a sensitive story where someone else is the central figure, unless we have their permission, we should think about changing names and otherwise obscuring identity. You do a great job of this, LA.

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    1. It gets tricky, because as a writer, you’re going to write what you see and experience. The people around you are natural fodder…so then does it become your experience and perspective?

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      1. Just because we’re writers, we don’t have the right to write anything and everything we think or know. Other people have rights, too, and the right to privacy is one of them. I know you’ve taken many writing classes, as have I, and there is always the reminder that “what we hear here stays here.” I have seen other writers forget this and start telling another person’s story outside of class—not maliciously, but because it’s interesting. But it’s not their story to tell. I think the same applies to other people in our lives. Of course, as writers, we can fictionalize and change facts enough to maintain confidentiality. It’s a fine line between writing our experience and violating another person’s life and rights. Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes said something to the effect that “My rights end where yours begin,” reminding us that there are limits to every person’s free speech and free action.

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      2. To tangent just slightly…my book club recently read The plot, and then Midcoast. We have discussions about who has the right to tell what story, and how, and who owns a story. It’s a lot to think about

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  12. On social media, I decide what about myself I’m willing to write about because that’s my business, but I don’t get to make that distinction where it involves anyone else in my life. So while I may refer to other people (Himself for example) I try to do so in the broadest terms. It’s just being respectful. If the people in my life didn’t mind, then I could be more open – but they do, so I don’t.

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      1. Yes it is, but the right to tell our story doesn’t trump that other person’s right to privacy.

        I find it easier to get my head around this concept because although I’m a pretty open book, Himself and my daughter are not. Himself shares his photos on social media and my daughter shares work stuff. But that’s it – for both of them. If I was to cross the line with either, they’d be deeply hurt. And because I love and respect both, I don’t.

        The problem with individual rights is that by asserting our right we can end up trampling all over the rights of another. I don’t like when that’s done to me, so I try not to do it to others.

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  13. Is there such a thing as being too open?

    Yes. A personal blog is not the place for everything that you think and feel, it’s a place for some of what you think and feel. There’s this little thing called *therapy* and that’s where you can discuss the cringeworthy stuff.

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  14. You hit on something I could go on and on about. I was also relating to Vicki and Deb with their comments. I agree with Vicki – my sharing comes only once I’m to a certain place, mentally. Writing definitely helps process things, but I have to be part-way there. And I do the same as she said in terms of trying to end on a hopeful note. 😊 As to Deb’s comment, writing about sex and using vulgarity is tacky to me. Same with swearing. Just my opinion, but to me, it’s classless and immediately turns me off. As to family things, I think it’s a balancing act. I tend to be transparent, and I’ve had to learn to taper when sharing things that involve other people. Meaning, it’s about them too, and I wouldn’t want to bring them hurt. It’s a fine line, this writing stuff, and as you said, the question is where IS that line? 🤷🏼‍♀️

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  15. Sure there are things I prefer not to “share.” But in all blogging is meant to be fun, a place to vent, get advice and write. You asked if one van be too open and I guess you can, but I haven’t found it so far. Your husband and especially are sufficiently embarrassed by you, what parent doesn’t cause their children some angst, but I think it is more their problem than yours. Blog on! Be yourself and keep writing enjoyable columns.

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      1. As a wife/mother you are subject to a certain amount of ridicule, good natured and in a lovingly funsy way. Especially as they help you celebrate.
        Happy Valentine’s Day.

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  16. This is a fantastic topic, and it’s as if you were in my head today. I read through all of the comments, and there are so many different thought processes. I believe we have a good idea of what constitutes “oversharing” and what does not. But where is the line, and what if someone else’s idea of the line differs from yours? 

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  17. I know my siblings read my blog sometimes so o don’t write much about anything that might cause friction there.

    My wife has no clue what I write and would never read it but I still wouldn’t write about anything too personal there.

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  18. The thing about opening up with your feelings and emotions about an issue is that, people judge you by your emotional reactions to that issue.

    But then one is not just one reaction. One is totally different in different scenarios and different timelines. The sum is completely different than one tiny piece.

    That’s the tricky part about opening up completely.

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  19. There was a blog I was reading where the person was talking about how miserable they were in their life and how they wondered why they were even alive. They had problems with relationships with their kids and on and on. It made me depressed reading about it and also made me slightly worry that they were going to harm themselves. I stopped reading because why subject myself to that?

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  20. This is a really good topic. I am a pretty open book in my blog, but that’s the nature of my writing. Are there specifics I wish I hadn’t shared? A few. But I don’t beat myself up about it. I find that there’s usually someone who can relate to the things shared.

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  21. There’s honesty, and then there’s honor. Some family systems seem to value one above the other. My family of origin definitely valued “honor” – as in you’d better not make us look stupid out in public. But honesty? That one was held up as worthy, but not really lived out. There was much duplicity.

    The internal conflict I sometimes deal with when blogging is whether to be honest / true to myself and my own journey / or to be honorable, as in don’t talk about the stuff that might not make others look so great – even if by their own choices they have not always *been* so great.

    I tend to write with enough transparency to feel comfortable in my own skin, and sometimes that does mean I step on the proverbial toes of others. If they happen to even care enough to read what I write, then maybe we could have a real dialogue, but my experience is that since honesty isn’t really that important, they probably won’t seek that dialogue.

    As for writing in a cringy manner…I suppose if my writing is too cringy for someone, they’ll either tell me or move on.

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      1. Oh, also…full disclosure and all…being true to the original intent of my blog, I found this a great discussion and decided to reblog on my site.

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  22. An interesting topic LA. My feeling is what we consider as oversharing will vary not just from person to person, but also that there is possibly a generational factor. To me, the younger generations are just so much more open. I’ve seen a few blogs where the writers are too ‘this is my life’ – just lots of details etc rather than any kind of reflection or learning from the situation. I know when I was writing a post recently my first draft was very personal with lots of examples- I had to work through them, and writing allowed me to do that. However it wasn’t necessary to share, and as others have said, I was also writing about others, so it wasn’t my story to tell. I guess we all write by our own morals/values, but there are just some blogs I won’t read

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  24. I think we can be too open in our blogs. Sharing something that would hurt a family member or friends feelings is off limits for me. There are things I’d love to write about but hold back because it’s too personal. It’s a fine balance.

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    1. There’s little I’ll hold back on…not to embarrass, but to show people examples of how people really act/are. I don’t know if we see hypocrisy until someone points it out

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  26. Reblogged this on Pinwheel in a Hurricane and commented:
    Is it possible to be too open?

    This is the closing question of my fellow blogger, whom I only know as LA. I sometimes wrestle with this question in my own writing.

    Being true to the original intent of my blog, I want to share the question and look forward to your replies. And…no need to even reply on this site. I’m following the comments on LA’s site!

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    1. I really share how things affect me, so I may be talking about someone else, it’s my perception of their story that I’m sharing. And my husband and daughter are great fodder for posts

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  28. I think we know what to share and what not to. I love when you share about living in Manhattan as this teaches me so much about a city I once enjoyed living in and lost touch with. I also like hearing about your husband. I share but some things I keep to myself for my own sanity and a sense of mystery is always good like Greta Garbo might say…my Swedish reserve in play.

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  29. I write about a lot of personal stuff to LA. I go back and forth about it, but the end of the day, I think that’s where my best story telling and writing comes. I’m careful about trying not to infringe on family members. But, it definitely can be hard at times. A great question though LA.

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  30. I think this is part of the issue around all social media, concerning the perceptions of the person behind the keyboard. We’ve all seen ghastly stuff people will post on twitter or other platforms that they would probably never say in real life, just because it feels as if they can rant into an empty space with no come-back. I post some personal stuff, although not very personal, but before posting anything (or, indeed, tweeting) I find it helps to stop and think ‘would I say this if I was standing on a stage addressing a thousand people in an audience?’ Because that, in essence, is what you’re doing.

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  31. I don’t know if you remember but I once shared my story of being raped while I was in college. After awhile I made that post private because it just feel too sensitive. I like your stories . They don’t seem mean-spirited or slanderous. But I do think it’s wrong to talk about marital problems if you’re trying to hurt the other person or in the middle of an ugly divorce. It’s just not appropriate. I limit myself when sharing about my husband. I believe publicly criticizing him will only bring bad things, not good. But some marital stories are okay .

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    1. I tell my reality. I know some people won’t like it. I think airing out problems with partners is ok, as long as you’re not doing it for any reason other than telling your story. But yes…you were brave to tell your story but I understand deciding to make it private

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  32. Great post and a topic worthy of discussion!

    I always call myself an open book and do tend to air it all on my blog, but I lead a pretty steady and happy life these days. There were moments in the past, however, when my mom warned me I was oversharing. Mostly when I was unemployed and ranting against corporate America.

    I actually started blogging on a members-only site and, throughout the course of my own crumbling marriage and divorce, shared every little detail through a year’s worth of very personal posts. Was it too much? Not judging by the substantial jump in readership I enjoyed. Writing it all out was cathartic, and a lot of the comments were truly helpful. Plus, it was handy having a day-by-day record of all the crap my ex was putting me through.

    I recently, as in last year, re-read all that for the first time in ages. I actually felt empowered, having survived a whole lot of bad times and come out so much better in the long run. I don’t regret a single word I shared.

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  34. When I first discovered Twitter, I found it so easy to open up, to share just about everything with the world. Back then, Twitter was a place where vulnerability seemed OK, possibly because everyone else was doing it too. At first, I felt silly sharing my life, my thoughts, my frustrations as a blind guy just trying to live his life, but I soon discovered that there were people who appreciated it. As one person tweeted at me, “you’re opening a window into a world I knew nothing about.” That helped me to feel OK in sharing. And in sharing, I found that I more easily connected with others and felt far less alone.

    I don’t know why I’ve struggled to do the same sort of sharing on my blog. I suppose I have this preconceived notion in my head of what my blog should contain and anything personal that I might share would fall short. Logically I know that’s silly and honestly, it’s something I probably should focus on letting go of.

    I really don’t think there is a limit to how much should be shared, as long as it’s authentic and isn’t directly harmful in some way to others. Of course there may be a limit on what I might be willing to read, but I don’t think that should limit what someone should or shouldn’t share. Years ago, I worked with people who lost their vision later in life including one particular fellow who wanted me to help him set up a blog. I think every post he wrote was filled with anger, with bitterness, with sadness, and sometimes absolute rage, … but as hard as his posts were to read, they all were authentically him and reflected his feelings and experiences from the perspective of someone who found himself in a situation that most people will hopefully never experience. I remember his wife saying, “he writes such negative things, nobody’s going to read it” — yeah, she was not exactly the model of support. 😦 His answer though has always stuck with me, “I don’t care if anyone reads it, I write it for me.” A very insightful perspective and one I know I need to take more to heart.

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    1. I don’t use Twitter or any other social media except for my blog. On my blog I post whatever is on my mind…but I feel I have the room to get it all out, and discuss

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  35. Haha I think you already know my stance, but I will say this…I think it’s all in how you write about it. One rule for myself is that I try not to use the blog as an online diary, but rather, use parts of my life that I think will help someone.

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  36. Pingback: My Story to Tell – Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50

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