All losses have their own private complications, and, whether we acknowledge them or not, their lasting consequences will show up somewhere- in the next relationship, in a drunken fight, in a panic attack, in jealousy. That’s why we should honour the heartbreaks that matter deeply to us, however insignificant we fear they might seem to someone else. The bigger challenge is how to carry those losses inside us without letting them distract us too much from our lives. Natasha Lun- Conversations on Love
We all experience it.
We all experience it differently.
When someone is grieving, it is not up to us to decide how they should grieve. Grief, loss, recovery from these things is a very private matter, and there is no “right” way to get over loss.
I think we often think that there is a timeline on grief: you lose a parent and you should grieve for six months, and then after that, life is great. We lose a great job: one month. Serious illness: three months. But each of us comes with our own set of background experience, we all come with different personalities. No two people are the same and therefor no two people will experience grief and loss in the same way.
We have to allow ourselves the space to grieve and get over loss in the way that is best for us as individuals.
Lun states, we do need to be able to get on with our lives, so the challenge becomes how do we acknowledge loss, grieve the way we need to, and still get on with our lives?
If your grief, recovery from a loss is hampering your day to day, is it time to try to figure out how to handle the situation better?
I think when people say that someone should be “over” something, what they might be trying to say is that there comes a point where you must move forward, because if you don’t move forward you are no longer living. If ten years after a divorce you are still talking about all the things your ex did that annoyed you, maybe you should ask yourself why you are still stuck in this loop. Are you still grieving the loss of a marriage, or is it something else? I have no doubt that people grieve for former relationships forever- hurt and love can last a lifetime- but are you living your best life by still starting out conversations and journal entries with- remember that time my ex did … You can still hurt, the loss can still sting, but is there a better way to deal with it?
Now it’s your turn:
How do you recover from loss?
Do you think people recover differently?
How do you get past your heartbreak and move on while still being true to your grief process?