A few months ago, I asked my husband what he was doing on a night about six weeks in the future. My husband said he was free. I said do you want to go to X on that day 17? He said sure. I bought tickets.

About two weeks before the event, my husband says-

“K just sent a reminder about doing something on day 17. We made these plans six months ago and I totally forgot.”

I looked at him quizzically, opened up my calendar, and said- You know that’s the day we are supposed to do X…

He stops, realizes his error, and says “I’ll call K to cancel.”

But on the road to cancelling, my husband finds out that out of the six people who were supposed to do something on that night, four people had already bailed. The only people left going were my husband and the organizer.

At this point I felt horrible. My husband had made these other plans way before I asked him to go to X. I knew the organizer of the other event really wanted to do this thing, and I couldn’t let my husband bail out on that. I told him to go to the event with K, and that I would find someone else to come to X with me.

Here are some discussion points:

  1. Should my husband do a better job of noting his plans? (he always double books things btw)
  2. Should my husband have cancelled the plans with the other person?
  3. Was I right by letting my husband out of his plans with me?
  4. Anything else?

What would you have done in this situation?

Have you ever double booked something and not been sure what to do? If so how did you handle it?

Pick anything you want and discuss!

71 thoughts on “Why You Should Plan Better”

  1. Here’s the short version:

    It took me *years* to train my sports family to use the Google family calendar, namely to check it before booking something of their own.

    It’s a journey.

    Things will fall down, it’s inevitable. But I will say that after they fell down a few times, especially after our family gained a third driver in a two-car household, the “mistakes” became fewer. 🤷‍♀️

    What ended up happening in your situation?

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  2. I think you did a lovely and kind thing telling husband to go to his original commitment. I also think husband might benefit from a real, live personal assistant who constantly updates a planner for him but more importantly gives loud, red light flashing alerts when he forgets he’s already booked.

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    2. I think you hit on a great point, Deb: there used to be specialized people who “helped” people with busy calendars. Technology replaced that, meaning, it now falls on, well, us. So we’re more likely to run into situations like this?

      I think it’s delightful that you were able to let it go like that, LA, I think some people would have started and epic fight over it. Credit to you!

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      2. I hear you, and I’m sure it would result in 💔… That’s why I respect what you did, despite the impact it had on your personal plans. That sense of community, of caring about another’s well-being, even at the cost of discomfort to you is very admirable, and I think our world would be a far better place if this wasn’t such a rarity.

        I’m glad you’re you!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes, I suppose the days of the live personal assistant are gone unless one perhaps is in a corporate or other high-profile setting. Sort of sad really- technology can be a life-saver if one remembers to use it. Welcome btw to The HoTM!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I think since he made the plans first it was probably right for him to honor those. I have a similar issue here in that my family won’t use a calendar and won’t ask before scheduling things. Luckily, I’m rarely scheduled to do anything these days

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  4. I am a relentless planner. Both my husband son are fans of doing everything at the last second with no plan. I’ve learned to accept this and no longer strive to change the behavior of 2 other adults. However, this stark difference continues to be just the teeniest burr in my saddle. 😜

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  9. You did a kindness to K by letting your hubby not cancel. Entrepreneur lives by his Daytimer so he usually doesn’t miss much. Part of it is he doesn’t want to remember more than he absolutely has to since Bain surgery. BUT…..when I want to plan something, I ask him to check his Daytimer before I commit. Sometimes when things are planned far in the future, it’s easy to slip the mind. 💜

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  12. Men, for the most part, are bad about this. I write everything down, his and mine, that way we don’t have too many problems. You did the right thing. I would have done the same, with a stern warning not to do it again. Well, maybe not too stern.

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  13. See my post from yesterday! You are the reason I am using Plum Paper by the way. I’ve had to bail my husband out of double bookings many times. His problem is he just doesn’t know how to say no, on top of having no memory!

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  14. I’m probably not the best person to answer this as my social calendar is a little light on the social. In fact, it’s just a big ol’ blank page of white squares in ascending numerical order at this moment. But at least I know I’m free on any given date!

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  15. We keep an open paper calendar book in a central area. As soon as something is planned – whether it’s a social event, a trip, or a doctor appointment – it is supposed to go on the calendar. I’m better at doing this than my husband. I think I would have done something similar to what you did. The plan that your husband agreed to sounds important for him and his friend.

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    1. My husband doesn’t always write things down, or doesn’t always check. In this case I couldn’t let his friend be reduced to having no one go with him

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  18. My husband doesn’t share his work calendar with me, and he often has evening networking events, so I have to ask, and we always do a check-in Sunday evenings to let each other know what’s going on that week. If we’re planning something way ahead, even stuff for the kids, I will actually send him a calendar invite from my work calendar to his. I know it sounds complicated, but it’s the only way we’ve found that works for us. I always put his travel dates on my calendar and planner.

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  20. My husband keeps every appointment on his calendar online which I have access to. Typically I do most of the scheduling of events both of us want to do and put it on his calendar so things don’t get double booked. I also manage his work calendar and appointments for him since scheduling is my strong suit and not his but we both like to be organized. Which reminds me, I need to add something to the calendar before I forget. It works really well for us. Good luck!

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      1. What really helps the most as a planner is having access to his calendar. Half our marriage we also worked together which really made things easier. I can plan things months out. What really worked lately has been blocking time on his calendar for possible trips. If it doesn’t work out I just release the dates. But we are very structured and organized people. Spontaneity is a bit more of a challenge for us. I think it’s just finding the right balance for both of you. I do all the planning and my husband trusts I don’t misuse that ability.

        Liked by 2 people

  22. You handled it well…not sure that I would have. LOL Planning is important. Remembering commitments is important. Especially because it impacts others. But I’m the type of person that can’t fathom not being organized and having a planner. It’s hard to understand those who don’t.

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  23. A planner to the point that I actually planned our wedding, because she found it too stressful and because I enjoy planning. Once I double booked two theater shows at the same time but for my wife and I, thankfully I was able to change the time for one of them. For the most part we are pretty much in synch.

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  24. I really liked how you handled the situation, but I find this a helpful alternative that may help in the future:

    If I give my husband an event to go to or plans weeks in advance, I physically stand there and wait until he puts it in the calendar of his phone. Once that is done, I ask him questions about the event once a week such as, “what are you thinking of wearing for _____?” And, “Do you think we should invite ____ to _____?” Once I run out of questions to ask, I’ll just send him a reminder of, “Hey, remember we have _____ next Friday,” or something along those lines.”

    I hope that you’re having a great 2023 so far, and thank you for sharing your experience with us 😊

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  25. Simple. There are a few simple rules about plans that all men know and women fail to grasp. The plans made first should stand. Wives rarely make plans about anything that is important anyway – normally just anniversaries and birthdays and stuff. Being organised is not actually a virtue, no matter what you organised people may say.

    Once you grasp these three simple rules everything falls into place and the decisions make themselves. 🙂

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  26. My mother is the worst with this! I think in her case, and in the case of a few friends of mine, they are always keeping their options open in case something better comes along. It doesn’t sound like your husband does that, but I do think he should honor commitments he made to you. However, like you said, it’s always a balancing act and sometimes the situation makes it nearly impossible to choose. Isn’t it the case you can have NOTHING for weeks and then suddenly an invite for 4 things on the same night? Such is life, I suppose.

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  27. I never double book, and I don’t understand adults who do, especially with the five millions ways you can remind yourself that you have an upcoming event nowadays. I think he should’ve gone to whichever one he committed to first.

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