Say you’re in a bad mood. You had a lousy day. Your commute was horrible. Your boss scolded you about something. You got into a fight with partner/child/parent. You cat threw up on your freshly washed sheets. The lens of your glasses felt out. Whatever. Assume your day was just an epic fail from the minute you woke up, and you really regret getting out of bed.

Is it ok to:

1. Eat for comfort?
2. Drink for comfort?
3. Do drugs for comfort?

When does this go from being a nice way to treat yourself for a lousy day, to becoming dependent on something to ease you out of a bad mood?

Is there ever a good time to seek solace in a chocolate chip cookie, a chocolate chip cookie plus, or a glass of pinot?

What’s the difference between being comforted by something and using it as a cure-all?

I freely admit that if I’ve had a tough day, I love a bowl of egg noodles with butter and parmesan cheese. It just makes me feel better. FYI- I use this same meal if I have a cold. It just works. Admittedly, I probably only rely on this meal for comfort about once every few month, but if my husband is away I will occasionally make it just because I love it so much- then it’s just dinner.

Food, drugs and/or alcohol: Should we rely on them when we are having an emotionally bad day? Pros and cons?

Discuss:

I continue to have problems with the gallery block…picture me having a temper tantrum right now…But…aside from technical difficulties, it was a good week!

Forgiveness is the best way to disempower the enemy. Gift Gugu Mona

Every evening I write down ten assorted memories of my day- good, bad, funny, sad, gratitude or annoyance. Here’s a sample from the past seven days…

1. I finally figured out how to best store my yoga mat- the solution has been literally staring me in the face for years yet I was too blind to see it. how’s that for a life lesson.
2. My daughter needed me to send her her red dress. I found some other things to send her and closed the box before I’d added the red dress….I was not happy about opening the box and reclosing it
3. I had amazing subway connections going to Brooklyn Botanic- hit everything in record time. This never happens…
4. Sunday’s wordle word was stupid
5. when I went to Trader Joe’s, they had full shelves, no lines and an great cashier
6. I have about 12 Oscar nominated movies to see between now and March
7. My favorite apple guy wasn’t at the Farmers Market and Ive become addicted to his evercrisps…
8. Realized that I screwed up reservations for my daughter’s graduation- thrilled that I was able to fix it
9. grateful for really wonderful conversations on my blog this week
10. movies that are 3 hours and 12 minutes are way too long

1. Picasso’s War- If you are interested in modern art and history, this is a decent read. When artists like Picasso first appeared, the American Art market was not too keen on them or their art. This is a well written history of how MOMA was formed, and the people responsible for it.
2. Paris- This is literally a compilation of a women’s letters to friends after she emigrated to Paris. I love the whole letter format, and I love Paris, so this was a win for me, but if you don’t love those things, give this book a pass.
3. My Life at the Table- When the author discusses food, this book sings. Don’t read this book hungry because the way he describes meals that he’s eaten is just glorious. Unfortunately, the other part of this memoir is more personal, and they really should be two different books, because the sad part didn’t jibe with the food part.
4. Handbook- little inciteful chapters about why it’s ok to have bad days, and how to get past them. This is the anti toxic positivity handbook- it’s practical and to the point
5. Marple- Some well known mystery writers take over where Agatha Christie left off with some new adventures of Miss Marple. Some of the stories are better than others, but it was fun to see my favorite sleuth solve some new mysteries. Light and fun
6. Lost- Schulz is clearly highly intelligent. She writes beautiful sentences and her words flow from page to page. Schulz is also clearly an intellectual- she is the type of person who spends her evenings reading poetry aloud to her wife- there’s nothing wrong with this type of activity or person, but the book is written from the head and not the heart, as if she doesn’t have real emotions to express. It is way too stylized to give me the feels. The book is about the loss of her beloved father and the beginning of the relationship with the woman who would become her wife, yet it is almost emotionless- there’s a lot of wonderful thoughts and such, all beautifully rendered, but it lacks soul. You can’t have a great memoir without soul.
7. Positive Thinking- This is the kind of book you read a page of every day. It’s cute and uplifting and I enjoyed starting my day with it.
8. Tidy- This isn’t a bad book, but for some reason I am iffy about it. Decent plot, decent main character, decent writing, but the parts don’t equal to a solid whole for me. I’m guessing because it gets a little repetitive in places, and the clues sort of swirl around. Hoping I can pinpoint it a little better.
9. Solito– Harrowing memoir about the 7 weeks about Zamora’s unparented journey from El Salvador to USA with a group of migrants in 1999. This book was written from the perspective of the 9 year old child that he was- and I do not like books told in this way, so it dragged a little for me, even though I understood why the author chose this way of telling the story. The ending brought me all the feels though…but I don’t know if it was worth the trip.
10. Midcoast- Told in 1st person by someone intimate with the main characters- who spends a lot of time on the water. The book sort of sinks, no pun intended. The distance of the narrator to the main character was not Gatsbyesque, because we really don’t learn anything that we need to learn emotion wise- as the novel is completely lacking emotion. It comes off as whiny. Let this sink.
11. All About Me- Brooks has written/directed some of my favorite movies- The Producers and Young Frankenstein and play The Producers. I know he is a brilliant writer. he just doesn’t show it in this memoir. Every chapter includes him telling the reader how much someone laughed at something in the past. Frankly, I was a little bored…
12. Hello Habits- While there are some useful tips for creating and sticking to habits, this book could have been MUCH shorter. The author drones on about things that I didn’t need or want in this book- way too much theoretical. The best part is the appendix which gives you the steps to creating and keeping habits. The rest is useless.
13. Life’s Too Short- This was just trite and one dimensional and the characters bored me to tears. That it’s not my least fave this month shows you how bad the botton two are.
14. Daisy- First month of the year and I already have read two of the worst books ever…This book is just ridiculous. Avoid at all costs.
15. Listening- This might be the worst book that I’ve ever read. What a bunch of precious, twee crap. The only think I learned about writing from this pretentious book was how not to write like a person who is completely full of crap. After reading this I can’t help but wonder why anyone listens to Julia Cameron about anything. Avoid this book at all cost.

1. Living- I sort of loved this movie. While I admit it starts slow and there is a scene that I think should have been shorter, when you get to the second half of the movie- magic. Just understated and elegant, both the film, the script and the standout performance by a constantly underrated Bill Nighy. This is not a big obvious film, but it you like gentle films that bring on the feels, this is your movie Oscar noms for Best Actor (Nighy) Best Writing (adapted)
2. Glass Onion- Well executed who dun it. Solid cast. Just a fun, clever movie Oscar nom for Best Writing (adapted)
3. All Quiet- Visually stunning and emotionally devastating piece about the horrors of war. This is gut wrenching so not a movie for everyone, but well made film that just grips you. Well deserved Oscar nominations for Best Picture, Best International Feature, Best Music, Best Writing (adapted) Visual Effects, Cinematography, Production Design, Makeup and Hair
4. Megen- This is the go to genre of the early 20s…thriller/horror. This movie does the genre proud though- clever, witty, entertaining and if you like the genre you should try to see this film. Can’t believe I liked it because I don’t normally like this genre, but there has been a slew of well told thrillers of late so as long as they make them like this I’m all in
5. Puss- This is a charming animated movie, with a fun story and great voices. I was all in for one more adventure- however, I don’t know if I would bring a child under seven to this. Oscar Nom Animated Feature.
6. Missing- Pretty good drama/thriller about a daughter searching for her missing Mother. Really highlights the good and bad use of the internet and social media. Better than I thought it would be. If you like this type of non gorey thriller you should check this out.
7. Otto- I loved the book that this movie was based on, and Hanks does a decent job of portraying the uptight, set in his way, sad protagonist. There’s a charm about this story that I like, even though it’s a tad quirky. I think you can wait to stream though
8. Fire of Love- Doc about Volcanologists Katia and Maurice Krafft. The footage, much taken by the Krafft’s is just spectacular- if you have an interest in volcanos and nature and natural phenomena, you should check this out. Well directed and edited. Oscar Nom Feature Documentary
9. Broker- Deals with baby brokers on a base level, but makes you question ethics, morality and who is good and who is bad. Thought provoking but also glacially slow moving. I nodded off for a few minutes at one point
10. Corsage- Fictional account of Empress Elizabeth of Austria. The movie stresses how hard woman have always had it- weight/appearance/expectations. It does a decent job of exploring how these issues relate to a woman’s ego and confidence, but the movie itself gets a little tedious in places, and I had trouble rooting for the protagonist
11. Whale- This is a story about a morbidly obese man trying to reconnect with his estranged teenage daughter. This should have been a minefield of emotions, but I was strangely unmoved through most of it. (I cry at Folgers commercials, so that’s how easy it is to make me cry by watching something) There are some disconnects in the film that I couldn’t reconcile. However, solid acting all around with excellent performances by small cast. Oscar Noms Best Actor (Brendan Fraser) Best Actress Supporting (Hong Chau) Makeup and Hair,
12. Women- Solid screenplay and visually stunning movie about the women who live/belong to a religious community but the women are not allowed to be educated and are victims of sexual abuse. Searing drama about standing up and fighting for your right to safety. Good film but I felt it was overacted. Oscar Noms Best Picture, Best Screenplay (adapted)
13. Avatar- Visually stunning- all the tech aspects of movie making are displayed here- it is a beautifully crafted movie. That being said, I am bored by this franchise- at 3 hours 12 minutes, it is just way too long for what is basically a simple story. There will be people who love this movie- I am not one of them, but kudos to the effects. Oscar Noms Best Picture, Best Visual Effects, Best Production Design,
14. Not Okay- Very average film about entitled youth, but it misses the point in many ways. Plus- the content warning is that there’s an unlikable female protagonist…

Expect that I will see a lot of movies next month! My goal is to see the 11 movies nominated that I have not seen yet, plus all the shorts.

Say you’re dating someone. You’re starting to think that this person might be “THE ONE”. You like this person: you love this person. You are in the gooey stages of love where everything is wonderful including the sound of his farts and he is enamored with your charming Mother.

Is it smooth sailing ahead? Or do you have to ride out some rough waves? How do you know that they are the “ONE”?

What questions should you ask someone before you decide if they are the right person for you?

For example:

1. Do you want kids?
2. How many kids do you want?
3. House, apartment, trailer, yurt?
4. Own or rent?
5. City or suburb or rural?
6. Car, mass transit or bicycle?

So, if you best friend, child, parent was about to take the plunge, what are the things that you think they should ask their intended? What are the most important things to know before walking down the aisle?

Discuss:

I am seeing my friend M today. M and I share a subscription to the Roundabout Theater Company, so about six times a year we see a show together. We also see other Broadway shows together, as well as hit up the Fashion Institute Museum and make pilgrimages to Container Store. M and I have been friends about 30 years, since we met at work.

Most people have people at work that they chat with- it could be the person in the desk next to you, or someone on the same bathroom schedule as you, or, like M and I, we used to compliment each others outfits. We began a friendship outside of the office when we discovered out mutual like of theater, museums, classes at the gym, and fashion. M and I haven’t worked together in 25 years, but remain friends. This has been a good relationship.

My husband had one amazing friend from work who he spent time with long after they stopped sharing a work address.

Work friendships can clearly work, and can clearly be good and long lasting.

But…

Are all work friendships good?

What if you become friends with someone in a department that works with yours. You need them to do something, but they do a half assed job, or don’t complete it on time. Can you react appropriate to the situation when someone is your friend? What suffers: the friendship or the work?

What about envy or jealousy? What if you get a promotion that your friend wants? Can they stand possibly working for you?

What if your friend turns out to not be the person you thought them to be? After you get to know them you find that they have traits or characteristics that you find distasteful? That you realize that they might not be a good person? How do you extricate yourself from the friendship when you still have to work together?

Should you continue a work friendships outside the office?

Many companies make people who are dating co-workers sign something stating that the relationship is mutual, and that they won’t let the relationship interfere with the work. Because after a relationship goes sour, does the company really want to deal with the fallout?

I guess in an age of remote work, we might not have work friendships anymore- there’s no chance meeting in the hallway, or getting to a meeting early and having a few minutes of chat. No company softball games or holiday parties.

For our discussion for today, I want you to think about the following:

1. Do you have work friends that you continue to see even though you no longer work together?
2. Do you think you should be friends with people you work with, or is it a minefield?
3. Do you think the office friendship is over due to remote work?
4. What do you think about dating within the workplace? Yay or Nay?

For some reason I had a lot of trouble with the gallery block when I was trying to do this post- This was a frustrating morning and I’m just happy I didn’t throw the computer out the window….insert exasperated face here!!!