If you had told me that we would only see each other a handful of times a year, I would probably have assumed the friendship had failed. It wasn’t until my late twenties I understood that sometimes old friendships evolve like plants whose roots outgrow their pots: they are still alive, still growing, but they need more space to survive.Natasha Lunn, speaking about a friendship where at its heyday the author spent time with someone almost every day, Conversations on Love
Have your relationships with your friends evolved?
I know mine have.
I have the same three besties for 40 years. We have not resided in the same spot since 1986, yet we text each other almost daily, but if we see one another once a year it’s a win.
I have NYC friends who at one point in my life I saw on a daily basis, but have evolved into a once a month outing and a few sporadic texts throughout the month.
I have neighbors who I stop to chat with a few times a week, gym friends that I will stand at the water fountain and bs with after spin class, volunteers friends who are lovely to catch up with before our shift. My tea society friends who I value the time I get to spend with them. I have my book clubbers, and my writing buddies. I don’t ever see these people socially outside of the appointed spots. I can’t imagine any of these relationships evolving into anything else, but who knows…
Everything changes. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. And sometimes just because things have to change. Our physical appearance changes with time, our opinions change, we learn and we grow. It makes sense that our relationships will change as time goes on. What we needed before we no longer need now, and we now need other things in order to get on with life.
I no longer need a bunch of Mom friends to help me navigate parenting a child through NYC public schools. I do need writing friends who can help me write better and write more. Our priorities change, so do our friend group and how we spend our time. Circle of life so to speak.
Have your friendships evolved over the years? How so? Do you ever long for a friendship that has passed you by?