We know my husband is a hard working lazy person. He will delegate any task that he doesn’t want to do. He is also quite likely to forget to do something that someone has asked him to do because he doesn’t normally pay attention to chit chat.
I am allowed to make fun of my Husband for this. I am allowed to get mad if he forgets something.
But…to be clear…no one else is allowed to do this.
This includes my in-laws.
My husband’s family excel at asking him to do inane things, or things that they can do themselves. It’s like their superpower: what stupid thing can we ask K to do.
The things they’ve asked him to do include ordering things off Amazon, getting involved in something in the middle when he has absolutely no backstory, and assorted tech support…(for the record, my husband doesn’t know what a router is, doesn’t know our Amazon password, and probably dislikes customer service calls more than I do.) So in short, he rarely does the things that they ask.
And they complain.
And complain.
And complain.
They call him a shirker.
Now, I admit he’s a shirker, but he’s my shirker. And I’m allowed to call him on it. But I do not like it when someone else calls him a shirker.
I like it even less when they expect him to act as their executive assistant. I’m from the do it yourself or learn how to do it yourself variety of people. While I get that people might need assistance sometimes, when my sister in law says she is too busy to do something that she wanted to do, something that my husband had no interest in starting, it sort of pisses me off.
I guess I just don’t like the way they treat him, their general lack of respect. I feel like they think their time is way more valuable than his. And I think it’s a lousy way to treat a son and brother. I feel like they take him for granted, and I don’t think anyone should be taken for granted.
Except I’m still allowed to write about him when I want.
Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50 
I love your heart! You are a good helpmate. If that sort of stuff was coming from my in-law family, toward my spouse, I would be totally pissed. Boundaries are always important, I’m wondering if they are not even more important in families in order to have healthy relationships. Other people, you can just shut them out if they are that way, (disrespectful), family toxicity has to be a lot worse before I would get to that place.
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Without boundaries you can’t have a healthy relationship
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Seems to be more common than one would think. My in-laws are the same. I know they are getting older but they really do ask him to do a lot of silly things for them. He does most of it but gets very frustrated at times. One day I asked him if he did something they wanted him to do, something they had asked a couple of weeks before. He said no and he was hoping they would forget they asked. I thought that was very funny.
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I met my husband about 30 years ago and I knew his parents since then. They were younger than I am now, and I don’t ask for help. For them it’s a control issue
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That’s a good policy to have. My inlaws are the opposite. They think everything my wife does is perfect so I don’t have that worry, but in general, no one is allowed to complain about my family but me.
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See, my in laws are bizarre, because part of them is that husband is perfect, and part is critique. My sister in law however is always critique
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Yeah. I have a sister just like that. Haven’t spoken to her in over 45 years.
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I understand that
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Yeah. Sorry I wrote that to you. That is a very long drawn out sordid story.
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It’s ok.
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I find this a very sweet post LA. It’s encouraging to see your loyalty to your spouse, even in light of his flaws.
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😉
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I’m of the same school of thought “do it yourself”. And exercise that school diligently. I don’t do anything for anyone unless it is our daughter. Yes you should get mad at the others. I do think you need to plant the “no” seed in your husbands mind. Let it grow and he will start saying no.
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He tries to ignore it, but that line of thought is a whole other blog…
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You are very special and I know where you’re coming from. Some people are users while others are the used. Your husbands’s family sounds like the sort of people who can solve any problem by finding someone, him, to take care of it and you are right to be concerned even annoyed. Keep in mind though that if he is as you say a shirker, he may mot even hear them when they find these things for him to do, so it just rolls off his back. He will deal with it that way. Remember, the hardest part about being a grown man is making believe you’re listening.
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Well…he’s perfected the art of not listening…but that’s a whole other story
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This makes me very thankful that my husband’s family did not overstep the bounds with him.
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I wish I could share my in laws with you. We all help each other. We have our fights but at the end if the day there we love.
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💗
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I feel the same way about my OH – I’m the only one who can criticize.
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👍👍
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😆❤️
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As a forgetful shirker myself, with about twenty more years of experience, I totally support your position. There are those who are allowed to comment, complain, or indicate the facts, and there are those who should just “zip it”.
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Right?! A spouse can complain about their partner..but really, everyone else back off
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I’d have a hard time being an observer of family treating my significant other that way. It’s one thing to need genuine help and another to unnecessarily ask for it…but even worse, to tear the person down. I love the way you can acknowledge his flaws, and yet stick up for him the way he deserves.
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It’s all about expectations
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Hey..I knew youse was stand-up. But pray tell…if you gave him this post for a day what would he say be his pet-beef with youse. Nice post.
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We went to breakfast this morning and I asked, he said his biggest issue with me is that in the morning, he has like ten minutes between getting dressed and leaving for the office and he gets annoyed if I don’t talk to him, as opposed to me writing because I write in the mornings.
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Exactly! We get to say what we want about our spouses, because we love them and don’t take advantage of them. Your husband is not his family’s personal assistant, and I don’t blame you for resenting it when they treat him as one.
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It really is ridiculous…and my sister in law will say things like we are way too busy to do this so can you, about things that don’t even concern him
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Have things changed with time? Did he used to do things they asked and then gradually stopped, or has this always been the case? If so, they have no right to get mad about it!
Actually, they have no right either way.
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No. He’s always tried to pass the buck, but if they whine enough he might give in
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100 percent! Hugs, C
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Unfortunately, I’m kind of like your in-laws re my ex. I took for granted that he could and would do everything I asked of him. Of course, in our early romantic stage, he “loved” to do this and the fact that he started to pushback, again about halfway through our marriage, in retrospect seems to have been another sign (that I missed/overlooked) that our marriage was probably essentially over way back then!
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