A topic I’m getting different points of view on is the cliché that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I’m wondering if, rather than self-love, perhaps self understanding is a more useful goal. Natasha Lun posing the question to Alain de Botton in Lun’s book Conversations on Love
I already read de Botton’s answer, so I want to know what you think:
Self love or self understanding? Which is more important for a person who is about to embark on a relationship? Or is it a combination of both?
I guess, it all depends on our definitions of self love and self understanding. Is it being content with how you are right now? Is it that you’ve accomplished the things that you wanted to, or are on your way to accomplishing things? Is it being happy?
I could spin all sorts of stuff into this, but I’m going to toss the reigns to you all:
What is self love?
What is self understanding?
Do you need either one before you embark on a relationship? Do you need both? Do you need neither?
Personally, I think you need a combo of both, with a dash of self respect thrown in. I think you need to have an idea about your likes and dislikes. I think you need to feel good about yourself. I think you need to understand that no one person will make you happy, complete you or fill in the gaps. I think you need to have worn a few different hats to see which one fits you best. I also think you need to have lived away from parents/caretakers without their assistance for a little bit- to get a grip on adulting…
Your turn? Self love or self understanding? Both? Neither?