My husband works partially from home and partially in the office. On the days that he’s home, I try to be out of the house. My Husband thinks he leaves me alone, but in reality, for someone who has a lot of work to do, he’s seemingly underfoot a lot.

When he’s home, I’m his IT support. LA, why is my mouse not working. LA, why can’t I get anything on the big monitor. LA is there an internet problem?

Not exaggerating.

To give you an example: It’s Sunday morning. I began writing this post at 7:40am. My laptop is open, I am at my desk, I have a mug of tea to my side. My husband knows that I write my blog posts in the morning. He knows this because I do it every morning for the past five years. Desk, tea, laptop, desk lamp. Check. It is now 8:06. Do you know what transpired in my apartment the past twenty odd minutes?

  1. He was at a friends house yesterday to watch college football. I heard about how Alabama lost, why they lost, who he thinks will be the top 4 teams in the polling this week (FYI- He’s going with TCU as an out of the box number four) There was at least five minutes of football talk.
  2. World series update (as if I care because really, the Mets lost so what’s baseball?)
  3. How much food his friend had to eat, even though it was only three of them- FYI- it was a lot of food, the guy bought a Sicilian style pie for an appetizer then followed it up with some artery clogging goodies
  4. the new pickleball courts that opened up near where our friends live and how we need to start playing with him and his wife sometimes
  5. My husband running through the small living room playing with the dog
  6. Asking me when I’m doing laundry because he’s out of everything (FYI- I did laundry on Thursday so if he’s out of stuff on Sunday morning he probably needs more of something)
  7. What are we doing for lunch

Of course, before you asked, I said a few times that I was trying to write my blog… And to be fair, I’m doing what I’ve done almost every morning for the PAST FIVE YEARS.

He has no conception that I can’t actually write when he’s home because when he needs a break I am supposed to be his entertainment.

I know that there will be people who think I’m a shrew- that I’m mean and bitchy because I resent his interference at these times. He’s just being nice, right? He’s trying to communicate with me. Isn’t that a good thing, that my Husband wants to talk to me and tell me what’s going on?

Which it is. I like that we are able to talk to one another.

But if I’m trying to write, whether it be my journal, my blog, my homework or my work in progress, I need time to think, to put sentences down, whatever. My husband thinks if I’m not actively typing I’m not working. Any of you who write know that this is simply not the case. Sometimes I’m thinking of what the arc is, or what the hook is, or I’m plotting. It may look like I’m staring off into space, but I’m THINKING. If you did a crosscut of my brain you would see the wheels turning…

So when my Husband works from home, I work from somewhere else. I usually go to a coffee shop near my house- decent WIFI, convenient location, not a national chain, comfy banquettes. If I’m editing (I edit on hard copy) I go to a coffee shop that doesn’t have WIFI- it’s much quieter and no one taking meetings on zoom.

My Husband just doesn’t get why I do this…he thinks he is a fine coworker, the coworker that lets you get things done. he doesn’t realize that he’s the coworker who is always stopping by your cubicle to chat…He also works in a room with a door, but doesn’t like to shut the door because he feels disconnected. So even when he is actively working, I hear him and his coworkers in every meeting…. I used to play work bingo and every time he said a certain word I’d look it up on my BINGO card- I know why they call something Tab 5, which honestly something I never needed to know EVER.

So I leave.

This particular rant is over for the day. But no one should be surprised that I booked a writing class on the day he’s always home (a 3 hour class that takes me 45 minutes to walk to and fro) and on the other day I book a 90 minute yoga class that’s a 30 minute walk…

66 thoughts on “I’m Not a Bother”

  2. This is me, too when the family is around.

    He actually told me that he feels like a burden when I give him looks of irritation. Thing is, in the house I have no place to escape to so I put my huge headset on to indicate I’m concentrating. When one or the others stand on the other side of the counter and stare at me (as in, “I’m trying to say something are you going to acknowledge me?”) and I look up with (yes, I admit it) a look of irritation, they get mad at me.

    Blah.

    I have started going out to coffee shops as well. It’s not always conducive because my laptop is too clunky but I can do a few things on my phone, which is somewhat helpful.

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  6. I think men in general are more needy. When my dad retired my mom signed him up for all kinds of classes because he drove her crazy. Lol My sister has similar complaints about her husband now that he’s retired. I can’t speak from personal experience since my husband died before he was able retire. But I think most women learn to be resourceful with their time due to their plethora of responsibilities. Many men have had someone take care of them and therefore need or expect more help.
    I raised two sons who are very focused and can run the show… but then I didn’t coddle them, so they grew up being extremely self sufficient. I was a single parent and I guess I raised my kids to do duel roles. So both could, if they needed to, could be a single parent and do everything. I’ve had two husbands. ( divorced one, the other died). Both were nice men but I was the more self sufficient one. And yes, both were rather over protected b6 their moms).
    Anyhow, I always needed my alone time in both marriages. I think many men don’t care for alone time.

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  7. I was working on my NaNoWriMo manuscript. My goal is 1,000 words a day, since I’m starting at 25,000 words. I work in our casita because my husband’s office is next to the kitchen and he’s very loud. He walked into the casita no less than six times to talk yesterday. I totally get where you’re coming from.

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  9. I hear you. We are both retired. he is here ALL THE TIME! Thankfully we have dogs that need to be walked. I also stay up later than him so I get a couple of uninterrupted hours. It’s a good thing I love him.

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  11. Your rant resonates with so many people. Whether that’s a coworker, family, neighbours, writing needs a quite physical and mental state.

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  13. It’s impossible for me to multitask. If I’m working on something and you start talking to me, I need to start over from scratch. So I get it.

    I thought you wrote you looked for coffeeshops with comfy baguettes. That was confusing, to say the least.

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  14. I sooo hear you. This would be why my posts are written so late at night. Its QUIET! And I am laughing about how he thinks you aren’t working if you aren’t typing. YES! Our mind gears are racing, just like you said. My daughter, will be like, “Are you okay?” I ask why and she says, “You are just staring.” LOL!

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  17. This is kind of an odd post for me because my wife claims that I never listen to her. Seems like you have a similar problem, but in reverse. I guess when you work from home, it makes you want to go to the office.

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  19. I was lucky. When John worked from home, he had his office in the basement. I ruled above ground. We had adjustments to make when we moved to the mountains and “worked” in adjoining rooms. He played news and music ALL the time. I haven’t listened to music since he died, but I’m gearing up to listen to Christmas music after Thanksgiving. I think my ears will be ready by then.

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  21. I knew what it would be like when I retired. It is what I expected. I am “on call” all the time. I love him, but when he takes a rare trip by himself, it is a vacation for me. I relax and get so much done!

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      1. Since the Happiness Engineers are still working on my inability to “like” a comment (which now they are saying is a “known issue” that they are working on), I am breaking from my usual routine to say how happy I am for you on your mini-vacation. I hope he has a great trip and that enjoy your staycation!

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  22. I’ve started writing “morning pages” (per The Artist’s Way) on the sofa in the morning. If he happens to get up and starts reading the news and talking to me (even if I’ve paused my scribbling), I simply ignore him. He knows I don’t want to be interrupted, and that’s the best reminder I can come up with. I cannot work in a coffee shop – ever! Library is okay.

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  24. I think my husband has done a pretty good job of giving me my time but there are definitely times when he can be disruptive. Your example of your husband updating you on all the football results is exactly what happened here the other night. I was trying to watch a show on TV and he kept telling me things that weren’t important. I know I hurt his feelings when I said I really didn’t care!! I didn’t mean to but I can’t focus when he’s chattering away!! I admit, I need to do better. I can’t act like I still live alone.

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  25. Himself is good at staying out of my office if he happens to be home during working hours. That said, working separately to investigate or sort out a solution to the same thing when we’re in the same room never works. It’s a constant stream of requests for “can you take a look at this” or making phone calls on speakerphone, or playing YouTube instructional videos while I’m trying to concentrate. Gah! Mind you, he’s also very “good” at helping me find a solution when I haven’t asked for his help (and don’t want it either), but that’s another story 😉

    In short, I feel your pain. I suspect many will 😀

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  26. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have to laugh because it seems as though this post was written about my husband. I want to scream and say get the hell out… of wait I have! But it doesn’t work for long. He works from home in Monday’s and sometimes Fridays so I run all my errands on those days.
    He seems to come in my room when a light bulb has gone off in my brain! I love him but damnnnnnn!! 🤦🏽‍♀️

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  27. Sheesh, i know what thats like, if i am challenging myself with a multi rule poem, when i was single i enjoyed the silence, my wife hates complete silence..so i usually have to go to the bedroom to concentrate, or write when she isnt home. I totslly feel your challenge. If anything he is being a bastard by encroaching on your set time.

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  28. You’re not bitchy, you’re just honest. And I can relate. My husband doesn’t write or read, so when I’m doing either, he has no idea that interruptions aren’t welcome. He’s a numbers person…makes his living as a CFO….so his brain just works differently from mine. I write my blog posts when he’s at work, and if he comes home when I’m still working on one, I’ve learned to tell him, “give me a few minutes.” Is it wrong for me to say that part of me is looking forward to his retirement so we can travel more, and part of me is dreading it??????

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    1. To sidetrack for a moment…I often feel like you and I are on the same wavelength. I schedule most posts months in advance, yet right around the time I’m getting ready to publish, simultaneously you’re writing around the same thought I had (most recently my being stymied by my daughters keyless dorm, and your experience with techno house) so I just want to add, that my husband is also a CFO….

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  30. Husbands. Can’t live with ’em, can’t kill ’em. You might consider yourself lucky in that yours has friends he spends time with i.e. other people he can bother besides you. In retrospect, that may have been one of the red flags I overlooked re my idiot ex.

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