A few months ago someone made a comment on my blog. The comment was sort of obnoxious. I just kind of ignored it. Haters gonna hate as the saying goes…

But KE Garland happened to read the comments a few days later, and she was irked. She wrote me an email and said something along the lines of the nerve of some people… She was amazed at how some people choose to speak to others just because they don’t like what they say…just the general rudeness of people.

I fully admit that I was bothered by the comment, but of course I wondered if I was being too sensitive, which is probably why I blew it off. But having Kathy confirm what I thought…Sometimes its nice to have validation that I wasn’t “making too much of something”…

Have you ever done that to yourself, let something slide because you thought you were overreacting?

I can’t help but wonder how we should handle situations like this, where someone has said something that is out of line. Do we have a right to be angry? Should we confront the person? What’s the rule of how we get through life with bullies and people who think they have the right to say anything they want to you?

I journaled about it, and I talked to Kathy about it, and honestly, after a time I forgot about the comment itself. But what I did not forget was that Kathy was in my corner. Maybe we learn to forget the bullies and move on, but we don’t forget those who have our back, whether it be in word or deed.

How do we handle stupid comments? I don’t know. But I do know that I’m going to try to back up my friends when someone is rude to them. How about you?

97 thoughts on “The Comment”

  1. I’ve had a few rude comments on my blog, I’m sure you can imagine. Communication between people via words on a screen is tricky at best, so I take the high road and assume the person didn’t mean to say something rude, ’twas merely not using their words well. I reply succinctly. On the other hand I’ve had some trolls show up who clearly were contentious and out to make trouble. They go straight to spam, without another thought.

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    1. For the most part, I get positive or reasonable comments. Occasionally…bleh. I only engaged once, when someone made a homophobic comment…but w hen they’re personal I tend to gloss over them

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      1. I also think about comments from the point of view that I know I’ve made some that sounded worse than I meant them to. I go back and re-read what I wrote and then give myself a pass. I meant well.

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      2. That was why Kathy emailing me made me feel a little better…no matter how you looked at it, the comment was rude. It was nice to see that this seemed I guess rude to other people

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  2. I always figure stupidity should be ignored. I ask myself what is the benefit of arguing. Some people do it to get attention and I refuse to give. If it is something that strikes at the core and I need to respond I always remember that my response if just for my sake. It won’t change the other person. I guess the easy answer is -to ask yourself what the purpose is of your response.

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  3. A tricky one! I think sometimes some folk write more aggressively than they mean to or would not if we had a face to face conversation. Although perhaps that is just wishful thinking on my part! Some, I am sure, must hit the send button before reading their comment. Others though seem to care little for other people and scatter rude and divisive comments before scuttling back under their rock. 😦 Sometimes, people suck.

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  4. I’ll toss in the question of knowing the sender of the comment- Is this a newbie or a regular, someone who in the past may have been more outspoken, etc. If this came from an unknown source then spam it and move on because engaging never works. If this was someone I felt I “knew” then yes it would surprise me, but much like Ally said I would also wonder what provoked the change in tone. Did the post hit a nerve, trigger something painful. Obnoxious usually doesn’t come out of the blue from a regular reader.

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    1. If it’s someone I know and respect, I’m more likely to not be offended because I know we all say things that don’t come out as we intended. I think I wrote something back to you recently that didn’t read as I intended and I was mortified that you’d take it the wrong way. One time though, a blogger who was a regular made what I considered a stupid comment, and I know I took it as intended, and I stopped following them because I didn’t like the person that they revealed themselves to be. It also wasn’t the first time they’d gone down this road. In this case I don’t think I knew the blogger well, but the comment was still a personal criticism of my lifestyle, and in reaction to something I revealed about myself personally. If you’re going to judge me, just shut up about it…

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      1. Haha, yes, we should all just silently judge…;) Clearly, whatever you thought you said/implied towards me had no impact at all. If it had I would still be harassing you and laying on the guilt.

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  5. First, I think people who are rude via social media are oftentimes cowards who wouldn’t say the same thing in person. Second, it does feel good to know that others recognize that rudeness. I’d definitely stick up for a friend if I ever thought someone was being rude. It’s nice to look out for each other.

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    1. I don’t care if someone doesn’t like my opinions or ideas. What I say is fair game. However, the comment was a personal statement against me…and that’s not fairplay

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  7. Oh, what a good topic! YES! It hurts when a bully is mean. Whether in person or on social media. Cruel words and a mean intent, even written, transforms into what feels like an actual slap. And that stings! I am ALWAYS hurt. Because I never think I offend anyone. At least on purpose. But, apparently sometimes I do. However, I now think some people just troll around looking for victims to put down. Sometimes I innocently respond on social media and it’s like the sharks come out and attack! Yikes!

    But I’m always hurt when people judge me incorrectly or take my words out of context just to say something mean. Yup! I always get my feelings hurt. I suppose I’m way too sensitive.
    Why just this morning a woman hurt me on a site I’m on and it really bothered me. I still get my feelings hurt! I’m still bothered by what happened today.

    Im on this silly Facebook site. (You may or may not know I almost went into fashion design after high school, so designing clothes, jeans in particular, is now a hobby of mine). And I recently discovered there was a large group of women who buy a particular brand (dg2) of jeans from a designer I have liked for decades.Anyhow, one or two times a month this designer is on HSN and shares some new clothing designs, positive vibes, fashion tips to look great as you age etc. Well, I learned HSN and the designer got involved in an existing FB group and now monitor it. Since HSN is located in Fl where the recent hurricane hit, I went on the site to inform the group administrators that in parts of S Fl we still don’t have our connection back at HSN and the ladies in my senior community are upset that they can’t watch or shop on tv anymore . ( I figured that the data that it’s not working in our area would be helpful in getting things up and running) and I explained that I could watch on my phone or iPad but many residents in my community were somewhat tech challenged and several didn’t own smart devices.

    Well a hater came out if nowhere and blasted me for being rude and accusing me of saying everyone over 60 was too old for understanding technology ( I never said that) she called me an agist, said I insulted every woman in my community etc. etc. ( keep in mind this FB site has mostly middle aged ladies chatting, some take pictures in their DG2 jeans, talk about how proud they are feeling young again wearing denim. Etc. So it’s a style site for mature women.And quite often on the site many will ask how to shop using the technology etc. everyone is usually nice to one another.. And this new person jumped in and started bashing me. Soooo I began to answer… rewriting in my head several times and apologizing for what she took as an insult. Then I thought… why am I so hurt? Why is this my fault? It ALWAYS stings when someone takes what I consider a well meaning comment and turns it around to a negative. And time after time my first reaction is to feel hurt. This time I started by telling her my age and because of where I live I have first hand data that quite a lot of seniors do need assistance in the latest TV technology. So what? That’s why messages are posted on A bulletin board because half the community can’t operate technology. (BTW there are neighbors from their 60’s to some in their upper 90’s here). And so many of them call me for tech advice. My data is from living in a senior community and that reinforces my conclusions. But my motivation for writing was to be helpful and Informative so I directed my answer to the site’s administrators. But, when I read the nasty response from one person, first I was hurt, then I became empowered, then a bit ticked off… lol should I have not bothered to inform? Maybe. But I felt it would be helpful. And yeah, haters gonna hate.

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    1. Some people just have to get in “the last word”…they have to defend something, even if it doesn’t really need to be defended. It’s crazy

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      2. Yes. I think people want to push their agenda no matter what. My mom will say something in a discussion so she can prove her agenda, whether or not it belongs in the discussion

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  8. I’d definitely block and remove the comment if it was personal. I don’t need to be subjected to that and neither do my other kind commenters. Sorry about your Mets by the way. I was rooting for them to beat the Padres. Now I have to root for the Padres to beat the Dodgers.

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  9. I don’t get many comments like that. It is one of the benefits of being very obscure. Generally, I would just ignore them and move on. I did write recently about responding to one on medium. I did block that guy.
    I have had some people attack me on Facebook when they didn’t like something I shared. My friends all stood up for me before I even had a chance to respond

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  11. I believe the American expression is that nobody kicks a dead dog. It just shows you are getting out there and making people think. Sadly, there will always be people who react badly to things you say. Block them or ignore them, and bear in mind that they are the ones with the problem, not you.

    And referring to on of the comments above – I’m over 60 and find technology tricky. When people make a big thing of it I merely pointed out that people sailed round the world without needing a phone, satnav or You Tube to tell them how to do it, so I can certainly live without being in thrall to Microsoft and my phone.

    Pah!

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      1. There is never an excuse fro a personal attack, and you are right not to be OK with that. Attacking ideas – it depends on what sort of blog you have. mine is very lightweight so I don’t expect to be attacked, or to attack other people. To be fair, people rarely annoy me with their comments. Sometimes their blogs may annoy me but I can walk away. If they really upset me by something they said, I don’t go back. It’s easier than arguing.

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  12. Fortuantely, my subject matter does not lend itself to comments, but I had issues when I shared to FB. People are idiots so I stopped sharing to FB. I was always told if you dont have anything good to say, don’t say anything.

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  13. I’m sorry someone said something that hurt your feelings. It’s nice to know someone has your back. I used to get rude comments on a parenting advice column I used to write. I also had defenders in the comments which made me feel good. Once, I got rude comments about my daughter and she read them and was devastated.

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      1. It was an article about what sacrifices kids make if they’re really into their sport. It’s wasn’t necessarily about her but a compilation of several athletes I observed. I read mean comments about how she needed to get a life, etc. What really hurt was my daughter read it and was hurt! 😡

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      4. Do you read/know The Home Edit? One of the founders is very public about her breast cancer and what treatments she’s doing through presently. She had hecklers. Can you imagine?!?!

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      3. Aww! I am sure you did, for I would have too, but it wasn’t your fault!! So I hope you didn’t beat yourself up about it and that your daughter was able to get over it, and not take their nasty words to heart!

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  14. If a comment is purely vicious, stupid, and cruel, I will ignore and even delete it from my blog. After all, it’s my blog. But if the commenter seems genuine and trying to make a point that matters to them, I will try to approach it with curiosity and ask them to “Help me understand [why you think that, where you’re coming from, why you would say something like that…].” If they reply, we might have a civil conversation and agree to disagree—but learn something from one another and maybe even move a step closer to tolerance. Engaging my curiosity is always a good first step.

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    1. I only deleted one set of comments…the speaker was homophobic and I wouldn’t have those sentiments on my post. But as to other stuff, ILl leave it. Maybe someone else can learn what not to do

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  16. I tend to avoid writing many comments or even blog posts these days, largely because I am often not here but also because things seem so volatile in general–I no longer have the belief that me sticking up for myself or someone else in public will be safe to do. The creep next door to us with the history of domestic violence and stalking has actually made up defamtory lies about us and included photos of our yard (!!!!???) and put them on facebook, and it just makes me think huh–it seems best to hide from &^*&^%$ to avoid escalating things. I hope others will have more productive and helpful views, but I just sort of stay out of the way.

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  17. It’s comforting to know that we’ll always have one other’s backs. But I do believe that each person’s perception of what constitutes rude behavior could be different. There have been times when other people’s words have ruffled my feathers, and I’ve wondered to myself, “Why doesn’t anyone else say anything?” Is it because they don’t believe it’s rude, or because they don’t want to start drama because it’s my blog?

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    1. I think a lot of people don’t want to start drama on someone else’s blog. Back when I started blogging, I had commented on someone else’s blog, and ended up fighting with a rude agitator. I still regret doing that

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  18. Listen. I was ready to FIGHT that person. In fact, the pettiness in me has been waiting for this post, where you like, stick it to the person lol I suppose the best thing to do is to let it go, considering karma, energy, and all, but I do firmly believe in also letting folks know when they’ve gone a bit too far or at least clarifying things. I made a comment here recently, where Matt was like, “Are you saying…?” And I had to clear that up.

    So, I think it’s a little bit of everything. The person’s initial intent seemed to have been harm. That person was clear about their stance, and then made a personal attack…I think that’s what took it over the edge, the personal attack. It’s hard to be the “bigger person” and walk away from those types of things.

    Anywho…you know I’ve got you, and you’re right, sometimes, that validation is important 😉

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  19. I do agree with your comments. Recently at a meeting, someone was extremely rude to another person. I couldn’t help but respond by saying that that was totally unnecessary. I don’t think I won a new friend. But I know that I felt it was the right thing to do and the person I was defending thanked me.

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    1. I was at a book club recently where I didn’t love the way the conversation was going. No one was mean, but it didn’t sit right with me. I emailed one if the members the next day to make sure she was ok with the conversation

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  20. People don’t have the right to be rude or unkind just because WordPress is a public format. One thing I love about this site is I have the option to delete and block offensive people and have done so. Life is too short to dwell on negativity. I will allow comments that may be opposite or otherwise to my point of view, but out and out meanness – nope! I deserve better, You deserve better, and so do our readers.

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  22. As hard as it can be I think an empowering way to deal with it is completely ignore it, some people are just spoiling for a fight and thrive on it. There’s always the delete button…

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  23. As others have said, it matters if this is a regular follower and commenter, or someone from out of the blue. In the latter case, if it seemed rude, it was probably meant to. In the former, maybe not.

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    1. I have a lot of slack with regular readers, because I know whatever they say, it comes from a place of goodness. They’ve engaged in conversations and want a dialogue. This person just wanted to say something and escape out if it

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  24. Aligning with like minds and hearts is very important. Today, when something like this happens, I acknowledge my feelings about it, and move on. The reason? Because people that dump emotions, do not typically possess the self awareness about doing so, which means, if engage with them, they will just keep dumping, and I’m not interested.

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  25. Coming late to the discussion the only thing I’d add is that, in my experience, while any unkind comment will hurt, it hurts even more when it comes from a friend. And it also hurts more if your friends don’t step up to offer you support. I am well aware that I can fight my own corner, but it is a good feeling when someone – even if in private – speaks in a supportive manner of/to you. I’ve felt both support and the lack of it from friends, and the former is a far nicer place to be. My lifelong inclination has always been to jump in without thought to support a friend, but recently I think more carefully about their past actions before I leap into a fight.

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  27. First of all, I love what you said about Kathy’s support being what you remembered more than the obnoxious comment! Because I think that just shows the importance of reaching out to someone when they’ve been hurt, insulted, or whatever…. It matters!
    Personally, I have to approve the first time someone comments on my blog, so I’ve been able to intercept the very few obnoxious comments I’ve received, and I delete them. If one does slip by, I can, and do, delete that one too. I feel very strongly that my blog be a “safe place” where people can express opinions without being ridiculed or attacked for them. It’s fine to disagree…I always allow those comments…but someone who makes fun of another person’s comment or attacks the post itself isn’t going to find a platform on my blog.
    An interesting aside: I once had someone send me another comment after I didn’t post their first one (which accused me of not writing my own posts, among other things). In the second comment, she apologized for her first comment and thanked me for ignoring it. I thought that was nice of her!

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    1. It’s often bizarre the things people say. I approved the comment, and I wrote back something, more questioning their line of thought, which they didn’t respond to…I tend to approve things

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  28. Don’t sweat the small stuff but I will put someone in their place…. Because they are feeling safe behind a screen they feel like I’ll say whatever I want.
    So glad she had your back…true friend!!!

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  29. Trying to get caught up on your posts, now that I woke up and have my caffeine. LOL!
    So sorry about the rude comment.
    I tend to let things roll off of me yet sometimes I do let them fester inside me and thats not good! If I can’t get rid of the hurt or anger about the rude comment I will confront the person, so that I can stop simmering. We all know what happens with a simmering pot.
    I appreciate your blog and your thoughts, and glad you don’t let rude comments stop you!!
    Yes, friends should always have each other’s backs! ❤❤

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  32. The few rude comments I’ve gotten over the years have been from people who eventually dropped off my blog anyway. Yes, they have bothered me, but in a weird way I almost respect the person for being brave enough to speak their mind. My worst experience involved a blogging buddy of many years who just suddenly stopped reading me and was too chickenshit to tell me why when I called him out on it. I’d rather he at least told me a post or two of mine had touched a nerve, instead of just disappearing. And no, he isn’t dead – he’s still posting to this day.

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      1. Well….if that’s the case, I’d let it go. People treat people the only way they know how… the same way they have been treated. That comment is a reflection of where they are, not you. If they don’t know my full name, it’s hard to take it personally. 💜

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