The Lesson is clear: when the going gets tough, humans find scapegoats.

Charles Wheelan- We Came, We Saw, We Left

I’m going to let you write my blog today:

Do we look to blame above all else?

When there’s a problem or an issue, is our first reaction to say:

He did it!

She made the error.

They started it.

Is it easier to point a finger than it is to actually do something?

In your everyday life, how often do you blame other people, other groups, just others in general?

Have you ever said: Well, the Republicans…

Have you ever said: Well, the Democrats…

Discuss:

60 thoughts on “I Blame …”

  3. I had this conversation with my daughter so much when she was younger. She went through a blaming phase. We would have similar conversations where I would ask her questions, cause questions work on her to make her stop and think. She would her so mad cause that isn’t what she wanted to do. I believe that it seems to be a natural human tendency that too many people do not either grow out of or learn out of. Life is better, however, when we can learn to stop doing it.

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  4. I’ve been on both sides, blaming others as well as being blamed or put “at fault” for various things. I’ve always associated playing the blame game with some level of inability to apologize sincerely, or at all really, when you are the one actually in the wrong. Apologies seem so foreign to many people-it’s easier to find a scapegoat than take responsibility for your actions and own up to them.

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    1. True. Much easier to have a scapegoat. I’ve definitely been on both ends of this, and I’m really trying not to say something is someone else’s fault, or I told you so, which goes hand in hand with blaming…

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  5. All my life I have made lots of stupid decisions and mistakes, but even from a young child I took some pride in always owning my mistakes. Making mistakes is not the problem. Pointing the fault elsewhere is.

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  6. Interesting question. How often do I blame others? In thinking about that question …my answer is not a simple one. I think the blame game begins when we are little. Often times in families where there are multiple children, siblings tend to blame each other.. Growing up as as the middle child I think I was often stuck with the blame just because I was the free spirit in the family. And I usually let things roll off my back. But yes, I remember blaming others as a child or making excuses if I left my homework at home etc. Not wanting to take responsibility is a maturity thing. Usually as we mature we learn to take responsibility for our failings. We assume that people having reached the age of adulthood would be responsible adults. Not always.

    At my age, I usually don’t blame others. What’s the point? I learned back in college in the late 60’s,way back when you had to be 21 to vote, that rather than blaming the government and being too young to let my vote change things, I had to figure out what I could I do to make things better in the world , rather than blaming things beyond my control. I still live by that philosophy today. What good is it it to blame others and have a heart filled with anger? Or hold on to hate? I know couples who divorced decades ago and one or the other still holds grudges. That’s destructive. And why do that?

    When I first was diagnosed with cancer my children were angry at my doctor (my gp) for not recognizing the problem earlier . And one voiced his disapproval. I knew my kids were just upset at my diagnosis. And while I was definitely saddened by it, and momentarily thought, why me? I let blame go. Because who can you blame for a silent mutation of cancer cells? Nobody! Stuff happens.. and who do you help by blaming others? If a drunk driver hurt a loved one I would seek justice, yes, but then work towards helping awareness etc.
    perhaps blame is just a cop out at facing the truth. And if someone messes up, how long must they be chastised for a mistake? Owning up to our errors shows good character. We can learn from our mess ups.
    So, no I rarely blame these days. Except perhaps when I’m driving. Lol I admit I have been known to yell at on coming cars in traffic. I’ve said a few choice four letter words when on the road. But other than blaming bad drivers , lol, I accept my failings pretty well these days. Age often brings wisdom.

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  7. My daughter had a swim coach in high school that drilled personal responsibility into their heads. After every race, he’d ask my daughter how she thought she did and why. She’d answer something like “I didn’t warm up enough” or “I wasn’t focused” if it was a less than stellar swim. I try to admit when I make mistakes, but it’s easy to catch yourself blaming others.

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  8. I think everyone has blamed someone else at some point. Some do it more than others. Some blame someone else for everything wrong and never take responsibility for their own actions. I try not to blame others for things, but I fail at times.

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  9. We often take the easy way out of things so blame falls in that scenario. It’s much easier to blame someone else. Those Republicans make it so easy to pass the blame don’t they? LOL

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  13. In my experience taking or asserting blame is a learned behavior. I see whole families that look for someone to blame when something goes wrong. Others accept it as something that happened or take responsibility for it themselves. I’m sure there are exceptions, but it is true of those around me.

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  14. The whole blaming thing seems to have become endemic in our society. I’m not perfect, but I long ago learned to take responsibility for my actions and the things I say (or email). That’s not to say I don’t find fault with others at times, but I hope I am understanding and not unkind – we’re none of us perfect.

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  15. A few years ago, I learned a concept called “co-creation.” It stopped me from blaming someone else, and helped me to see that we’re all responsible for what we see occurring, whether it be political or personal.

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  16. In studies of dyfunctional families, one member is placed in the role of scapegoat in an attempt to avoid real problems that are going on. My dad abused alcohol–looking back I think I was in the scapegoat role as a child.
    My mom and sister are great blamers. My sister and her on again off again partner blame their financial uncertainty on everything but their own actions.

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  17. That is a fantastic quote, LA. Every generation blames the previous one. It’s as though once we reach a certain age, we all (as humans) forget what it’s like to be young. Our planet is dying, and no one wants to accept responsibility. It’s a tragedy. This world may be able to repair itself if just one person in a family can overcome generational trauma and begin the healing….

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  19. I think unfortunately blame comes naturally and you have to fight against it! I have always told my children that Noone can make you do something. You make the decision. YES, others can play a big role in it, but you are ultimately responsible for what you do.
    Annnnd the Republicans and Democrats are both responsible for me hating politics. LOL! But honestly I don’t think we can lay all blame on one party.

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  21. Have you ever thought that by doing so, it buys you time to sort things out? I was having this discussion with a friend and she mentioned that when we use coping mechanisms, it acts as a buffer. If we have to learn lessons (and we do), sometimes we learn in increments, especially if what we’re dealing with is scary. Our poor brains can only handle so much at a time. How many times have we blamed at first and then slowly came to realize a different truth? It takes time to process whatever, and our survival instinct usually works faster than our ability to think it through. Hence, it’s easier to blame first, whether others or ourselves. Mona

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  23. This has become the mentality of our society. When I worked in the front office of a K-8 public school, this was most apparent. Not just in the students (particularly the middle school kids), but with their parents as well. Which always made me think, “Hmmm…I see where they get it from.” I don’t think I met one single parent that didn’t feel their child had a “reason” for whatever they did. Across the board it was always someone else’s fault…the teacher, another student, the school, the principal, etc.

    I tried to instill in my children as best I could taking responsibility for their own actions. Recently I saw my adult daughter hold her own daughter to that when she made a bad decision about something. My granddaughter was quick to blame the other two involved, but my daughter told her she didn’t care about what they did. She still made a choice and it was solely on her shoulders the bad decision she made. I have to say, there was a lot of pride in seeing her handle the situation that way.

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    1. I know we all have times we want to blame others, but I really tried to show my daughter that wasn’t the right way. I am also quick to apologize when I screw up…which is often. But this feeds into the people being offended by everything, and being overly sensitive

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