"Do you trust him?"
She hesitates. "Yes and no."
"That means no. Trust is all or nothing."

Jennifer Egan The Candy House

I think about my own experiences- I tend to be a distrustful person with people that I don’t know… I assume the email is SPAM, I assume that the deal is too good to be true, I don’t think the check is in the mail, I know that I’ve already blocked the Prince of Nigeria…

You get the idea…

I operate in a world where I don’t normally trust.

But…

I do give my friends and family the benefit of the doubt. I trust them until they show/prove that they can’t be trusted. I’ve had a few people in my life do me wrong- I admit that I cut most of them from my life- not so much because I couldn’t trust them, but because of the drama that they bring. I think I can forgive- but I don’t like things that add stress to my life. There’s already enough stress just living day to day- why add more?

There are some people in my life that I don’t trust at all- but you can’t always cut those people out. What I’ve learned is that I take everything they say with a grain of salt- I assume that they’re lying, and behave/act accordingly. If I give them money I assume that it’s not coming back to me…when people believe their own lies there is really nothing that you can do. I have NO TRUST in certain people.

Last week my word for the week was TRUST, and I had a lot of great comments from people about the word, the idea and the topic. Though I know the answers of many of you, I will ask the simple question:

Is trust all or nothing?

53 thoughts on “Trust”

  1. Trust is worth giving if you think is worth your effort and time. Persistence between two people needs more then just a friendly greeting daily. Even if you knew a person for years, do you really know that person well enough to trust? Hence, the question remains unanswered.

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    1. There has to be a little benefit of the doubt…but gut instinct usually guides me. We know someone who recently told us something. While I trust the guy, something about the story doesn’t make sense to me

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  6. No, it’s not all or nothing. People aren’t necessarily black or white when it comes to trust. There certainly are people I trust completely . And those with whom I know I can’t depend on. And then there is something in between. For instance, After my second husband passed away it took time, but I started to date a little again. I’m allergic to cigarette smoke and so I did not want to go out with a smoker. An old boyfriend from college found me on social media and We started to see each other again after 40 plus years. His car always smelled like cigarettes. While he didn’t smoke around me I soon realized he did smoke sometimes in his car. When I confronted him he told me he had just quit and every now and then did have a cigarette. It bothered me that he wasn’t truthful. If he had said he was working on quitting rather than saying he quit I would have understood. I stopped seeing him for several reasons, but the fact that he lied was something I couldn’t shake. I felt he could have been upfront about it. I think well intentioned people who have some kind of addiction fail sometimes. I may Be on a diet and then if I’m out to dinner and the dessert comes with the meal, I might give in and have the cheesecake. Would that mean I’m not trustworthy? Or that I caved and let my sweet tooth win from time to time? Hmmmm…

    If your boss suddenly requires you to do overtime and you promised your child you’d take him to see a movie after school but you can’t because you have to work late, does that mean you are untrustworthy? Sometimes things happen. I think it’s more about being dependable. Everyone messes up now and then. But some people continually lie. My first husband was a charismatic , talented actor and director in the theater. He was charming. He also wasn’t faithful in his youth. So we divorced after five years of marriage. Would I trust him as a husband? Nope. But I trusted him as a father to my oldest son. I knew that my child would be safe in his care. So I trusted him when he was with our son. But when he suggested we get back together I told him no. He’s still a great guy. When he comes to Florida he visits, he texts me all the time to check on my health since I was diagnosed with cancer and will call quite often. We are good friends. But he would have been a terrible husband. Lol.

    I had a flood in my condo last year. I trusted the company I got to repair and renovate the damage. But i would have fired them if they weren’t true to their word. I would use them again. Trust comes in all shapes and sizes.

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    1. That’s an interesting thought about the child/movie/work scenario. If my husband and I are supposed to do something, but he has to work, I don’t necessarily view it as a betrayal of trust…more life getting in the way. But that’s worth thinking about

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      1. I imagine for a kid having a parent who continually breaks his promises, would be extremely difficult. I’d overhear students talking sometimes during recess, about their parents who disappoint them. “My dad is taking me to a concert this weekend. That is if he actually shows up.”
        I would listen to all kinds of comments. Kids suffer sometimes from parents who mean well but aren’t always available to spend quality time with them. Trust is a tricky word.

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  7. I think you can never say never, so consequently you likely shouldn’t be assured that always is always. However, your post is an absolute retelling of my own life and views.

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    1. I don’t like being cynical, but life experience…fyi…every time I get one of those emails saying I’ve been hacked, the ones that are obviously fraudulent, I do wonder how many people fall for them

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  8. Great post. I agree with you that there are people that you can’t always cut out of your life that aren’t trustworthy–I always tread carefully in these scenarios.

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  9. Relying on instinct, gut, it’s part of it for me. Also patterns. A little white lie may not be damaging anyone, mostly, but repeated white lies from that person might affect their authenticity and integrity. I rely on my instincts and intuition more now than ever before.

    So for me it’s a mixed bag, not all or nothing.

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    1. That’s fair. I was just reminded of something that happened recently…someone I know, who I trust, recently said something, and it just doesn’t make sense…but is he lying, or just not telling the whole story

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  11. I must be in some kind of frozen state because I am having an extreme amount of difficulty commenting on posts today. Has WP done some changing again while I’ve been on jury duty? I don’t think trust is all or nothing. But is trust the same as truth? I might trust someone to go to the store for me but not believe it when he tells me they have no milk.

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  12. I don’t trust anything in email or the press. People have the habits of reading clickbait and then jumping to conclusions. Don’t trust it.

    I don’t like people that put down others. That includes criticising politicians rather than political parties. Yuk. I’d rather people were constructive and innovative. They are the ones I trust more.

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  13. I think trust can have different meanings depending on who is attached to! What I mean by that is, is a person acts a certain way and you know who they are, you trust them to act just they way they are! Like if they act funny around you or shady, that’s how you know they’ll be. You can trust them to be that way! People don’t change. You can trust them to be who they are!

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  15. I too assume every email and phone call is a scam. I trust few people completely. Very few family members, unfortunately they believe their own conjuring. The toxicity of some is too much and I dropped them from my social networks. I just don’t needed it.

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    1. Hmmm…is that trust though? I admit I’m a confirmed of plans…the day before and the day of. Does that mean I don’t trust my friends or that I know we have busy lives and it’s easy to forget to write something down?

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      2. It’s funny because I can’t imagine having someone in my life who would continually flake out on plans….I agree that we all forget sometimes…but if someone did it to me twice I’d cut them off

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  17. Definitely NOT all or nothing, I’d say more but it’s 4:15 am and I leave for work in 15 minutes..working an odd day today because I will join my wife in a therapy session, I trust that the therapist will offer me direction to prevent a relapse in my wife’s mental health.

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  19. I think you can trust different people in different ways, so no, I don’t think it’s all or nothing. I think it’s important to realize that although some people mean well, they have faults they can’t or won’t overcome.

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    1. I thought maybe an example was important here. When we were out of the country, we needed to mail some things back. My husband suggested we mail it to my daughter, and I was like, ummm no, because who knows what may happen and what the reason will be that she doesn’t get the package, pick it up, etc. So, we mailed it to someone else more trustworthy.

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