Last weekend, my Husband told me he wanted to go to the beach.

“The gang is going to the beach on Monday. You don’t have to go, but I’m giving you the option.”

I know your first question is: Does LA hate the beach. To which the simple answer is NO…but the longer answer is more complicated.

I know I can border on the high maintenance side of life. But, when I want things a certain way, I totally do them myself. I do not ask for help or assistance in anything that I personally want to feel comfortable. I am self sufficient in my high maintenance needs. Except…when I go to the beach.

I like a chair, an umbrella and a public bathroom.

I will not go to the beach without a chair, umbrella and public bathroom.

As I don’t have a car, or an umbrella or a beach chair, when I make a trip to the beach I need to rely on the kindness of not at all strangers. When I go to the shore with my college friends, they are my friends, and they know my peccadillos by now, and I have no problem asking for the assist. But with this group, who are technically my Husband’s friends, it gets a little trickier.

So my Husband has to make the call, to ask about the stuff that the beach diva needs. My Husband is a bit embarrassed about this- with others, he likes to assume the easy going laid back guy pose, which is SO NOT MY HUSBAND, but it’s the equivalent of saying “I’m not an easy going guy, but I play one on TV”. (In fact, the one single woman in our group said- Oh- K is so easy going about everything” and I snort laughed…)

Bottom line, my husband the people pleaser, doesn’t really want to ask the group if all these things will be available for my usage. He would gladly throw my daughter and I under the bus instead of having his image of the happy go lucky party guy be tainted. Which frankly, gets a bit old after a bit…

But now that I’ve thrown my husband under the bus for the sake of a blog post…all’s fair in love and blog posts, right?

The things I want to leave you with are as follows:

  1. Is high maintenance bad?
  2. If your partner needs something specific, how hard should you try to accommodate
    them?
  3. What makes someone high or low maintenance?

80 thoughts on “Anything Can Happen Friday: The Beach Diva”

  2. Meh. I don’t describe myself high maintenance but in certain situations I am more high maintenance than I used to be, if that makes sense. For instance, I need/prefer certain comforts out of doors in public places too and mostly can organize those myself. But… If it becomes an ordeal, for me or others, I just opt out. 🤷‍♀️

    So are you going to the beach?

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  5. I’m not sure asking for any of those things can be considered high maintenance when at the beach. I mean, you didn’t ask for partially naked men to fan you with palm leaves or a catered lunch so…
    I think I’m fairly flexible, although I got a bit cranky/bossy towards the end of the CO trip adamantly not wanting to wander the streets of Denver, sweating and gross, all day before flying home.

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  7. I don’t think your demands are high maintenance at all. I think they are a Necessity! Of course you need all those items. I would too.
    Growing up in South Florida the beach became the cool thing to do on weekends, especially during high school. But even as a carefree teenager I brought a giant towel, a big hat, a transistor radio (everyone brought a radio) and there HAD to be a bathroom close by. Plus, I remember carrying a large bag filled with my beach items. But seriously, once you pass 50 who bothers sitting on the ground? You must have a folding chair. You could rent umbrellas which I would do now. That’s survival, not high maintenance. As we age, we require more to enhance our comfort experience. Why go somewhere and be miserable?

    I used to go to concerts and sit on the ground. Would I ever do that now? Nope. A few years back Some friends and I saw Joan Jett in a huge out door area but we carried in folding chairs. We weren’t standing or sitting in the grass. Those days are over. The following year we saw Joan at the HardRock where we sat in comfy chairs. Why rough it when you can enjoy comfortable seats? My last live concert was Ringo and his ALL star Band at the HardRock (before the pandemic). There is nothing better than having that bathroom nearby, a comfy up close seat, and buying food or drinks in the lobby.

    Yeah, i need comfort now . I’m no longer built the same way I was as a teen. Are we spoiled? Perhaps. But I figure, I’ve been around long enough where I don’t go anywhere if I’m not going to enjoy my surroundings. I say, you deserve to pamper yourself! Stand your ground!

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    1. I’m blaming my need for a chair on a youthful incident. When I was in my 20s I had a mountain biking accident…whiplash and such. The doctor wanted me to go for physical therapy for my lower back but I totally didn’t listen. How I have arthritis in my lower back so sitting on the ground without back support is impossible. But I do appreciate my daughter going to the beach with a hat, a towel, a water bottle and her cell phone

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      1. Yup! I had an accident about a decade ago and I have the same issue with my lower back. I MUST have a chair or I’m in pain big time!
        I remember as a teen my mom told me to protect my neck when I was out in the sun because she didn’t and was starting to see signs of sun damage. . My mother wasn’t vain at all but when we moved to Florida she loved sitting out in the sun for hours. As it turns out she was right! Now at my age I am suddenly seeing my neck showing lines etc. .
        But what we did use however, was “erase” under our eyes in the 1960’s. In those days Max Factor was the ONLY brand of concealer. My gal pals and I all bought it and used it to protect us under our eyes when we went to the beach. I’m convinced it worked. . My eyes didn’t wrinkle much. I barely have crows feet. But, I wish I would have protected my neck.

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  9. I think a public bathroom falls in the absolute necessity category!! Glad you had a good time.
    Love going to the beach.
    I’m planning a fall getaway–can’t decide between somewhere beachy or a big city with lots to do.

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  10. One of the reasons we’ve only gone camping twice in our 38 years together is that I insist on a place to shower and not to sleep on the ground. I used to have to shower and wash my hair every day. Now I don’t feel the need as much but I still need to not sleep on the ground. And bugs. I hate bugs.

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  11. I don’t think your requests are out of the ordinary. I think spouses need to go along with specific needs, reasonable accommodations. Early marriage, we went on an extended backpacking trip. My big deal was being able to shower and wash my hair. The answer was a solar shower (basically a water bag you put on a rock). It wasn’t ideal, but it was an effort to make me want to go and it made me a tolerable person to be with. Win-win!

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  14. I have to say that I don’t see that as high maintenance. I need those things at the beach too and I don’t think of myself as high maintenance. Now if you would have said you needed an umbrella drink and someone to stand beside you fanning you then thats a different story. LOL!

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  15. Once we get over 50, we need to take care of our acquired injuries/issues etc. I NEVER go to the beach unless I know there’s going to be natural or provided shade (I live in Australia remember folks); my partner helping to provide those things is an expression of love for me. And you’re hilarious x

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  16. High Maintenance to me has always meant someone prone to stress more than the average person. It’s take time and energy to accommodate a high maintenance person, a low maintenance person only has hiccups now and again and gets over their hurdles easier. Is it bad to be high Maintenance ? Naw, some of us are just wired that way 😁👍. If my wife needs something specific/or vice versa we have no issues accommodating each other.

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  17. I second you on the need for a chair, umbrella and public bathroom….but when I go to the beach (which is seldom as it’s a longish drive and it takes too long to pack up), I require 4 beach towels (one for the car seat on the way home), several types of sunscreen for face and body and a spray, sandals plus those rubber scuba shoes for going in the water as it’s rocky near shore, a wide brimmed hat, a cover-up and change of clothes, a good book, sunglasses, tie for putting hair up so it doesn’t get wet, a small plastic purse thing for storing car keys, mirror, Kleenex (sunscreen make my eyes, nose and mascara run) cell phone etc, plus a large cooler for snacks (sandwiches & salty snacks) and drinks such as lemonade, water and sometimes a thermos of hot coffee if I pack a dessert like brownies. Life would be easier if I didn’t need all of this, but if you’re spending the whole afternoon there what would I leave out? So if you’re high maintenance I must be……..????

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    1. PS. I don’t think it would be out of line for hubby to have inquired as to the beach facilities, esp. if you were not driving there and could not pack/transport all those things yourself. So many people have to be caution sitting in the sun anymore.

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    3. To be fair, I had many of those things but I packed them myself! I knew my friends on the train were bringing a cooler so I tossed in grapes and water. Brought a towel and sunscreen, hat and two pairs of sunglasses and lip balm.

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  18. I totally get that you can’t bring your own beach chair, umbrella etc. without a car. This group isn’t your friends, but your husband’s. That’s a little awkward, but inquiring what the facilities are is okay in my book. I’d want to know. Is there something you can contribute from the city like a delicacy to thank them for their help? I view my husband as high stress or high maintenance because he is. I have no qualms about asking my friends — about his needs. No waiting time going out to eat, early nights, etc. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and he complains and I remind him he could have said no.

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    1. Let’s put it this way, as soon as there are other women involved, my requests are the same exact requests if the other members of the group. One woman who’d never been to the beach with us before, and was coming from the city like us said she just assumed there would be chairs, umbrellas and a bathroom…

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  19. I hit the beach a lot – chair is a must. Umbrella is a must in the summer. In the winter months, it’s optional. Public bathroom depends on if the water is warm enough for a swim. 😎😉. Sounds like you had a fun day!

    You would love Brazilian beaches. They have concessions guys that provide your chair, umbrella, beer, food and just keep a running tab all day. There are strolling vendors selling all types of things and your concession guy controls if they approach you or not. The only problem is the bathroom situation…..

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  21. I tend to think there’s a difference between high maintenance and being particular about things. To me high maintenance means needs that are out of the ordinary or needs that feed the diva. But being particular is about needs that make you comfortable. I would categorize your needs as this.

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  22. I love the beach now. I ironically wrote this week too about “goin to the beach.” I hated going as a kid. But, for my money anyway, a chair, umbrella and a restroom are not high maintenance requests … but the basics!!! I would probably be asking about them right off the bat too because they make or break a fun day! If nothing else, I’d probably inquire to see what I could bring. Good luck on your next beach adventure. ⛱

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  23. Is high maintenance bad and What makes someone high or low maintenance?? I suppose this depends on how you define this. If high maintenance means high expense, it could be bad, unless you can easily afford it. If it means an extra hour for pampering oneself before leaving the house, it might just be annoying. I tend to associate high maintenance with expense, and if it’s an outdoor activity, well I hope the other person is prepared to get dirty, sweaty, tired from the hike, but filled with awe at Nature – does that make me high maintenance?

    If your partner needs something specific, how hard should you try to accommodate
    them? I think I’ve always been very accommodating, but if you’re not careful, this slips in co-dependence. If the specifics are not hard, accommodate all the way. If they border on the ridiculous, well forget that.

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  24. High maintenance has a negative connotation, but I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to want what you want. So long as you don’t turn into a Sally Albright and spend ten minutes ordering a sandwich.

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  25. I don’t think this is high maintenance. High maintenance isn’t bad, until it affects other people and also when the demands are demands that stall group activity. I have a cousin like this. Trust me. Your 3 needs are not high maintenance.

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  26. I’ll be honest, my husband and tossed me under the bus once or twice for the same reason! I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it. But to answer your question, I think high maintenance is demanding that others go to unreasonable lengths to meet your expectations, which is not the same as needs. I don’t think being honest about wanting a bathroom, chair and umbrella for an extended beach day is being high maintenance. It’s just practical!

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    1. That’s what I thought. When you’re going to be someplace for at least six hours, there should be some level of comfort…I mean, it’s supposed to be relaxing!!

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  27. I’m with Ann on this. I don’t think the things you’re asking for are too high maintenance and OMG a bathroom is a requirement! We did a few trips to a beach town with no public bathrooms – that was tricky! And for the record, high maintenance people are much more interesting.

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    1. When I’m at my friends house, I have no problem running back to her house. (In fact I love the ability to go to a nice clean house bathroom) but yeah…on a day trip it’s annoying

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  28. High maintenance is about preference and experience, expectations and what you can and will not tolerate. All good traits to be able to utilize in making decisions. It’s also about being reasonable…which can be relative to what others prefer, have experienced, expect and can and will not tolerate. Life, judgment and temperament make one high or low maintenance all depending on the situation. For instance, I refuse to squat in the bushes or do my business in the water. Gross. I have to have a bathroom available. If that makes me high maintenance, I’m really okay with that! 🙂 The other day, I had to do without bug spray. Didn’t really like it, but I tolerated it. My husband? Couldn’t handle the biting flies buzzing around, which, btw, were unexpected. HE TURNED INTO A TOTAL DIVA AND RAN FOR THE CAR! That’s okay, I love him anyway! Mona

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    1. I like the way you said life, judgement and temperament…that’s a good way to think about it…which leads me to…are we all high maintenance in a few ways, because there’s just some things we can’t handle?

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      1. LA,
        You never know what you can handle until you’re forced to. I hate bugs. I can’t imagine having to eat them. If my plane crashes in a remote location (let’s say a jungle) and that’s the only thing available to keep me alive until I’m rescued, I may have to eat fat, juicy worms, right? Ick. Ick. Ick. Sometimes you do what you have to do to survive. Between water bugs and worms, I’m going with the worms. I think. Does that make me high maintenance?

        I think of Holocaust survivors who were forced to adapt to the most deplorable conditions. Humans are incredibly adaptable. The human spirit and the will to survive? Amazing. You truly have to have choices and something to measure against in order to use standards. It’s all relative to something else.

        Things we don’t think we can handle? We figure out creative ways around them usually. Our minds are protective and we block out things we truly can’t handle. We minimize a situation. We out-and-out lie about a situation. We might dissociate. We might become catatonic. We might have meltdowns. Those are extremes, of course, but they are ways that our brains deal with something incredibly traumatic, forced into making chooses we don’t want to.

        Given reasonable choices, though, in a semi-civilized world, we choose what makes us the more comfortable, unless we’re people who like to “rough it,” get off the grid, etc. Some people like to test their abilities. Me, I’ll have the salmon with a yummy sauce, a delicious salad and an iced tea in an air-conditioned and pretty (and clean) restaurant, thank you. Then an afternoon of sight-seeing and shopping. Then sleep in a comfortable bed that’s neither too hot nor too cold. Life tests me enough. Not interested in choosing to test myself for giggles if I don’t have to. Mona

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  29. I have views about the term “high maintenance” as it’s generally a derogatory one aimed at women. If a man set his standards and required they be met, no-one would dream of calling them high maintenance.

    To answer your questions…
    I see nothing wrong with having standards which relate to your comfort – I do not consider your standards problematic. People have different needs in order to be comfortable – I wouldn’t want anyone judging my needs, so I don’t judge theirs.
    I think doing the ‘oh you know what’s she’s like’ thing and suggesting someone is being a diva is shitty behaviour. If Himself tried that, he’d be in trouble. Fortunately he’d never even think that way.
    The only true type of high maintenance is those celebrities who make ridiculous demands in some sad dance to prove themselves higher value than others.

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  30. “But now that I’ve thrown my husband under the bus for the sake of a blog post…all’s fair in love and blog posts, right?”
    😂😊 Funny tho 😊

    High maintenance for me is not bad if you or/and your partner is capable of funding it.
    And again, sometimes, your partner can be capable but seems difficult due to some personal reasons.
    That’s where understanding comes in.
    COMPATIBILITY in a relationship is very important.

    So, so sorry your husband kept you under the bus😊

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