I don’t own jeans.

I don’t wear jeans.

If I say this out loud, I am viewed as an outcast.

Why don’t you wear jeans?

Everybody wears jeans.

Jeans go with everything.

Why don’t you ever wear jeans?

Do you know how many times I have heard refrains such as these? Do you know how many times Stitch Fix has sent me jeans?

I don’t like jeans.

And I am made to feel like something less than because I don’t like them. And honestly, it makes me feel a little bad. And then I read a book…

And here’s the big one: I stopped wearing jeans, because they never felt right on me. Leopard is a Neutral-a really useful style guide– Erica Davies

There was Davies, a fashionista, an expert on style and fashion, telling me that it was OK to not wear jeans…

Mind…Blown….

But the real question is why I needed a book to validate my feelings on on what I wear…

Having grown up with a Mother who was very into clothing, and highly critical of what I wore (along with being critical of a bunch of other things) I guess I always felt judged by what I did and didn’t wear. Being told I can’t wear something because I’m short, or because I have a big chest was emotionally deflating. To this day she will still make negative comments about my clothing. She always manages to make me feel less than. So I’ve had a negative image of myself with clothes for a very long time. Being comfortable with clothing and my body has been a long, hard battle- and I’m still not quite sure who won the battle…

But I can’t entirely blame my Mother- there is societal pressure from women to dress a certain way. Don’t dress provocatively, don’t dress like a frump. Wear sensible shoes, wear high heels. Don’t show your shoulders, don’t wear short skirts. Don’t wear stripes. Don’t wear black. Only wear black…

You get the idea…

No matter what we wear…someone will judge us…

But now I’ve reached the “I’m wearing what I want to wear” stage of my life. And maybe it took a book to make me feel OK with dressing how I want to dress, but that’s all right- at least I got there…

Until I visit my Mother anyway…

65 thoughts on “Jeans”

  4. I can understand. I’ve felt that way about wearing dresses forever, although oddly it wasn’t my mom who screwed my head up about clothing. That may have been the one thing she didn’t interfere with. I had a moment last night laying in bed. It was the gray hair thing. I stopped coloring when I retired. Sometimes I shock myself with the changes so I needed to remind myself that this is the real 63. Dying my hair won’t change the number and won’t change how I live my life. You can be you because thankfully you have a choice. I will rock my grandma jeans until the very end!

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      1. The “Coastal Grandma”! I’d like to embrace the idea if: it didn’t remind me of Martha Stewart and it wasn’t deemed a luxury style- as I am neither. I just love that grandma jeans can be stylish now-with the flat waist, stretchier fabric- no more baggie elastic waist accentuating the chest area. My outdoor daughter has turned me on to the hiker pants worn everywhere in outdoorsy states. I think I need to start the Outdoorsy Grandma Hiker trend…

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  6. I was a jeans wearer in my teens & early 20s. My mother (there’s a theme here 😉 ) did not like me in them – the hipster jeans especially. I did stop wearing jeans, but only because my figure changed and I didn’t feel they suited me. I’m the same way as Deb with dresses – I never used to wear them as I felt you had to be pretty or cute for dresses (I suspect society joined my mother in delivering that particular message 🙂 ). I don’t allow that to hold me back anymore. I choose clothes I like on me, then put them on and forget about them. Style is individual – thank goodness 🙂

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  8. First of all, of course you should dress in whatever clothing makes you feel special. You be you. Everyone should do that. Clothing is all about freedom and self expression anyway. So dress for yourself at all times!!

    Jeans, however, are who I am. I’ve been wearing them my entire life. I live in jeans because they make me feel like “me”. I’ve always worn what I liked not what was necessarily popular. In fact, I designed and made my prom dress to be unique. It looked like a dress, but when I walked you could see it was actually pants. For 1967 that was extremely avant-garde in Florida. I created my wedding dress which was a mini. (My mom and the Rabbi about died of embarrassment), but I loved it. So, clothing to me has always represented creativity, rebelliousness and personal freedom.

    During the late 60’s and early 70’s I painted my jeans, embroidered my jeans, turned old jeans into vests, skirts, pillows, you name it! I love jeans. When I set up my burial plans I have it written for me to buried in a pair of my vintage embroidered, flailed jeans! Seriously, I did that. So yup, I love jeans.

    LA, you might want to know that jeans have evolved. Designer Diane Gilman makes these incredible “virtual stretch” denim jeans for women over 50. They come in 3 lengths and the waist is larger because we are middle aged. They are fabulous! She used to design for Jimi Hendrix and Janice Joplin back in the day. Anyhow, her jeans are all I wear now. She just designed an entire Woodstock inspired collection. *Anyhow, you don’t have to try or wear them. I just thought you might want to know.
    ❤️✌️🎸

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  9. LA,
    Do you remember that commercial where the woman goes into her closet to get dressed for her party but can’t find anything to wear, so she just wears her birthday suit instead? What were they selling, again? LOL! Your story reminded me of that! Glad you’re feeling more comfortable with your clothing choices! Mona

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  11. I have always had a problem with jeans too. No matter how many styles or sizes, they never seem to fit me right. It was easier to find when they started putting spandex in them. I have one pair that I hardly wear. And don’t even get me started on the cost!

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  12. That’s okay. I once told my wife to knit me a pair of colorful shorts and my father-in-law felt his right to tell me overweight people should never wear bright colored anything.. I was like really ? Screw you…I wear what I like and what I feel comfortable in, some of which are bright colored clothes. Yay you for not wearing Jeans

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  13. The jeans of the 80s are so passe… Rigid, hard marlterial… remember stone wash? I shudder now.

    I don’t like them anymore either, but I own some jeans capris, made with much thinner material and are also stretchy. They’re not my first choice in leg wear but I sometimes wear them dog walking. 🤷‍♀️

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  14. I have white jeans I like, and white jean cutoffs. But in the summer I like cotton sundresses from Jam’s World. I wore them at the beach when my kids were young. I recently rediscovered them and it’s my summer uniform, loose, cool and comfortable. I am not going to comment on your mom. “If you can’t say something nice….”

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  15. I don’t wear shorts. I don’t like the way they look on my body and I’m not overly fond of capri length pants either. I like sundresses in the summer—it’s my money and I’ll spend it to dress however
    I would like. 😊

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  16. I am right there with you. I don’t like wearing jeans, they are just not comfortable anymore. I really didn’t like them that much when I was younger either, but I just put up with wearing them. My daughter cares a lot about trying to fit into weaering what society says girls her age should wear. We just had another conversation last night where I told her to dress how she wants to dress and be happy with who she is, not worrying about what others do!!

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    1. I wore them regularly until I started a full time job. The. I was wearing work clothes a lot, and the Gap made these awesome black, side zip trousers that became my weekend look when I didn’t want to wear a dress

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  17. I own 1 pair of jeans and I very seldom wear them. I only wear them when all of my other clothes are dirty and then I will immediately change out of them once I’ve done the laundry. I hate wearing jeans. For me it’s because they are uncomfortable. I’m a double amputee so most of my time is spent sitting and jeans just tend to dig into me. Of course I get up and move around some but I just don’t want to spend the majority of my time wearing jeans being uncomfortable so I chose to just not wear them. You do you and don’t let anybody make you feel bad for that!! ❤️

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  18. Isn’t it strange that we fuss over how to cover our private parts? How our wardrobes evolved from fig leaves to denim, silk, lace, and leather we will never fully understand but I am ever so grateful for spandex. It’s accommodating if you know what I mean. Hugs, C

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  19. I love how with age truly comes wisdom. We start to reject those things that don’t really matter and accept who we are, how we are and for what we are. I love being at the stage of life where I just really don’t give a darn what others think. 🙂

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  20. “No matter what we wear…someone will judge us…”.
    Who cares? If it’s not what we are wearing, it will be something else. Our speech, our interests, our friendships, our hairstyles. Bottomline, we each give our own “power” away by caring what people think. I ask again….who gives a rats??

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  21. Years and years ago I found a brand of “jeans” that were made from a material that was light and flexible, looked like jeans but felt more comfortable than my sweats 🙂 I went back and bought a dozen pairs!

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  22. I have never been into jeans. Even in my younger years. I’m just not comfortable in them. I have heard all the “why don’t you like jeans” and “just wear them until you get used to it”, been hearing it for years. Nice to know there is someone else out there that feels like me. 😁

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  23. I seldom wear jeans anymore. I’m into comfort, and just can’t find a truly comfortable pair that fits well. It’s been worse since they put that spandex stretchy stuff in, even if it is only 2% of the fabric, as I find they don’t breathe and are way too hot in summer. I think they look nice on some people…..except for those ripped holey ones which look good on no one ever.

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  24. It’s amazing how much pressure women feel (and I do think we feel it more than men) to dress according to other people’s expectations and standards. Now that I’m older, I find myself wearing what I want to wear, and not caring very much what others think of it.

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  26. Are used to wear jeans and come to think of it I never felt quite right in them. I mean they say you can dress them up but it never felt that way. I stopped wearing jeans a few years ago and frankly feel better for it.

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  27. As a guy, I don’t care. Don’t think I will ever stop, just like I still wear tees with designs/some of which I self designed. Going forward I’ll never dress what my age may dictate according to younger people.

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  30. But the real question is why I needed a book to validate my feelings on on what I wear…

    Exactly. Why do you?

    Four hundred years ago clothes were cut to make people look fat (because access to excess food was considered to be a sign of prosperity) and black teeth were good because it showed you could afford luxuries like sugar.

    Fashions change, but a sense of humour and the ability to write an interesting blog will never go out of fashion.

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