I will totally admit that when the blogger told me that I wasn’t positive, it hurt me a little.

There.

I said it.

However- I went pretty quickly from being hurt, to what Kim said the other day in a comment, which was roughly along the lines of: Who said that being positive was always a good thing?

But back to the original point- when people say things to you, they can hurt. Words can hurt. The trick is figuring out if they hurt because what was said was horrible, or if you think what the person said about you is true…

Do we really want to look our worst traits in the face?

We have a friend who talks a lot (and let me preface this by saying my Husband and I are champion talkers, and this guy makes us look like we are in the minor leagues) So one day the guy was saying how his son talks a lot. My husband and I laughed and we made some sort of apple/tree comparison, and our friend was stunned, I mean flabbergasted, that we thought he talked a lot, because he was 100% positive that he was quiet as a mouse… He was hurt by the realization that he was actually quite loquacious. And we didn’t mean to hurt him- we were just stating a fact…We thought there was no way this guy didn’t know he was a talker. We were wrong…

My positive/not positive thought process went as follows:

  1. Told I wasn’t positive
  2. Hurt and self doubt
  3. Thinking about what is positive
  4. Considering ways that I am positive
  5. Realizing how positivity can be a bad thing
  6. Accepting the fact that I am balanced
  7. Realizing that too much positivity is bad
  8. Taking the rainbow and unicorn sweater out of my Amazon cart

When/if someone has ever said something to you that hurt, how did you react? How did you handle the comment? What is your advice to someone who has been hurt by words?

77 thoughts on “The Positive Truth

  1. In truth, I think it depends on who’s saying it. Is it someone I trust, whose opinion I value & respect? Regardless of who’s saying it, I will give it some thought. But I’ll give it much deeper thought if it’s said by someone important to me, than if not.

    In terms of my immediate reaction, I’d probably say nothing and seek to withdraw as quickly as I can, in order to lick my wounds in private. But there have been times when I’ve responded with something stinging in return.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Even if one is bubbling over with positivity, it is probably a good idea to take the rainbow and unicorn sweater out of the Amazon cart.

    Words that are hurtful should be viewed as curses. They need to be rejected so one doesn’t receive those curses. Then make sure one doesn’t respond with a curse.

    At the same time sometimes what one hears as advice should be considered even if it hurts. Like passing on that rainbow and unicorn sweater.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Isn’t it interesting how much weight we give to a subjective comment?

    And like you illustrated, it’s a matter of perspective. If one person thinks you’re a chatty Cathy, another thinks you’re quiet and repressed…

    As far as positive/positivity is concerned, people need to get a grip. A lot of positivity is a bunch of bullshit, fake and although possibly well-meaning, mostly just a bunch of words without accountability. I can see fake or toxic positivity from a mile away and want nothing to do with it.

    Just keep being you. 💟

    Liked by 5 people

  4. That’s the beauty of getting older. Sure, it hurst… but then we DISECT it and realize — MAYBE THEY ARE THE ONES having a BAD DAY. Maybe they are too sensitive. It’s always best to kill them with kindness, take the high road. AND if a little bit of what they say we recognize as being true in that moment, adjust our way of talking. Sometimes we are in a mood just like they are. Human nature.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. When someone says something hurtful, I think we need to consider a few things. First (and in my opinion most important), what value does this person add to my life? Is it someone you’re close to or merely an acquaintance? Is this person truly looking out for your best interests or is it someone looking for an opportunity to make themselves feel better. In other words, does this person’s opinion/thoughts hold any real weight in your life? Do they contribute to it? Do they truly know you? Second, we always have to consider there might be some truth in what’s said. I have a hard time with that, admittingly. This doesn’t mean we should feel bad about ourselves (easier said than done), but we take a look within and determine if there’s any weight to what was expressed. If so, then maybe you take it into serious consideration. If not, you brush it off and move on with your day. I don’t claim to be good at any of these things…but I think they’re important to consider.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. I think what hurts is that not everyone may like us. Or likes everything we say or do. We momentarily go back to middle school and want to sit at the popular table. Let’s face it, nobody likes to feel rejected. And We all have things we are sensitive about.
    One of my good friends from college called to to check on me after my chemo session last month. When she asked, I told her I was ok but feeling a bit “wonky “. She laughed and said, “ You were always Wonky! “ I burst out laughing rather than being offended and asked her to explain.
    She said, “ You always did nutty things. Nobody ever knew What you were going to get up to. Let’s face it, you always danced to the beat of your own drummer. And that is why we’ve been friends for over 50 years! Because I’m crazy too. “
    And we both had a good laugh. But I guess I could have been offended.

    I think it depends on who criticizes us. Deep down people usually like approval. And sometimes you get your feelings hurt if there’s something you say or do that annoys someone else. As we age it becomes less important to seek approval. But now and then it can really hurt.

    Liked by 7 people

  7. Being positive is important for your mental health, but not at the expense of honesty. The same goes for negativity. The real question is “Is what someone else thinks of you so important that you question yourself?”

    Like

  8. If something hurts it simply hurts and the person that hurt with words, does not know how to talk without hurting, because always you can avoid hurting by simply not talking if you are not sure.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. I have no problem getting toxic people out of my life. I beleive there are many points to ponder here. Firstly, did you ask for their opinion? If not who the hell are they to be critical. If I’m put off, i zone out and avoid that person in the future. I was on a business call the other day and the person on the other end was being a jerk, I laughed at him. OMG he had a melt down. I do not own any rainbow colored unicorns but I appreciate the idea of walk a mile in someone elses shoes but if their shoes have holes and their feet hurt – its their problem not mine and im not getting into their problems unless invited. Yes I take offense to unsolicited critiques. Not be cause I dont appreciate a good crique, it is all about the unsolicited part.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. I had an interesting experience this past year. I am a quiet person but if I feel strongly about something, or if I am convinced that I am right….I can get loud and vivacious. My feelings were hurt this year when an admin (who left inexplicably) 2 months before the end of the school year told me that I was inappropriate in the way I asked someone to heat up my dish for the staff. Seriously…this had never happened to me before and my jaw dropped open. I did pursue it because the Cafeteria lady appeared as if she wanted to bake it all over again and you know I love making my dishes but for someone to ruin it. Oh, no, so I returned to let her know again how to heat it up. This was the second time this admin spoke to me and the first was was over the matter of a sub being in my room after I told him that I was there earlier and he was not needed. According to the admin, I was using an inappropriate tone. Perhaps because he appeared more interested in my work space and computer and I had just told him to return to the office to see if they needed him. To this day, I can’t figure out whether this was someone from Generation y reporting me or something made up by the Admin who left. Yeah, it still bothers me that someone was so petty and off the mark. And nah, I will think twice about bringing in my home baked goods and addressing subs again. My husband just laughed and said, ‘brush it off’ but all year I felt uncomfortable addressing others, especially trusting someone and telling the truth.

    Liked by 6 people

  11. I think I’ve had more family members say hurtful things than friends over the years. I apparently did not meet their expectations in various situations. It hurt, but there has never been a reason given for their feelings, even when pushed. How does one evaluate themselves when others reactions are arbitrary or without depth? Maybe it comes down to how well we fully know ourselves, or how honest we are with self-evaluation. If you are consistent in your behavior across the board, and then a random incident or backlash occurs, I tend to believe the issue falls with the reactive person and it has to be theirs to deal with.

    Liked by 5 people

  12. I would feel the same way if someone said to me “you’re negative.” It would hurt my feelings. And I would let it bother me. A lot.

    I truly believe that most people who tell you something about yourself are projecting. I have finally learned that it is none of my business what other people think of me. YOU know you better than anyone else on the planet because you live in the meat suit that is YOU.

    I’m sorry someone said this to you. 😘

    Liked by 4 people

  13. I’ve been thinking about this lately. I think it’s just a natural thing. At least for those of us who are people pleasers. We share our work/content with the world and we take others comments more to heart. I think the challenge is to fight back with grace — to give ourselves a break. It’s something I’m definitely trying to get better at! Good luck to you!

    Liked by 4 people

      1. My sister in law once made a hurtful comment about my daughter. I did tell my daughter when she was older and used it as a life lesson…

        Liked by 1 person

  14. LA,
    Don’t get me started! I feel like you’ve been with me on something similar before. You know how I handled something similar. LOL. I think you’ve handled this situation much better than I did with my situation, my friend. BTW, someone who NEEDS or WANTS you to be (more of or less of) whatever they think, has issues that neither you nor anyone else can help. A cursory question to the offender of, “Do you do this often with people? Tell them what you think they need to change about themselves? May I suggest you find a competent therapist to help you through this…moment you’re having!” Then laugh and walk away if possible. Kind of gives them something to reflect on…if they’re capable of doing that. Mona

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Ugh, I hate that your feelings were hurt. I don’t always do this myself, but sometimes, after my own feelings are hurt I try to see where the other person was coming from. Sometimes that works and sometimes that doesn’t. If the person who hurts me is someone I’m close with I’ll have a discussion with them, but otherwise, I’ve realized that life’s too short to worry about what other people think all the time. LOL. I just contradicted myself with my first sentence and that last. I’m over 50 and I can see why young people think older people are cranky. I just really don’t care what others think anymore! Do what you want and embrace it. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  16. I have been on both ends of the hurtful words and don’t like to even think about it. I think saying something that hurt someone was worse than hearing hurtful things because I truly did not mean to offend. Once words leave your mouth and enter another’s ears they can’t be taken back and that is hard. It is difficult not to dwell on hurtful words. Maybe we need those unicorns and rainbows after all. 😉🦄🌈

    Liked by 3 people

  17. It’s hard to ignore comments like that. I try to ask “Why do you say that?” Can’t say I succeed always at that. I can take honest criticism, but sometimes I don’t think the speaker is trying to make my life better. Best to ignore them.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. All feelings are valid! In my opinion there is a whole lot to not be positive about right now, so….. But yes, I don’t like it when people criticize me because I always believe it to be true. Then I analyze it just like you did. Sometimes I realize they are right and I try to do better. Other times, they are just being hurtful and I have to not take it personally.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. Yes take the rainbow sweater out! LOL
    But seriously words do hurt and I will usually think about and feel thee hurt for a good day. AND then I’m like “how dare you” and I mentally list all there negative traits and I’m left thinking..”the nerve of some people.” I get over things hella quick these days.

    Liked by 3 people

  20. I’d add
    (0) The blogger is wrong.

    And I like your (5). There’s an interesting book, “Rethinking Positive Thinking” https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/315221/rethinking-positive-thinking-by-gabriele-oettingen/
    Excerpt from that site: “Gabriele Oettingen draws on more than twenty years of research in the science of human motivation to reveal why the conventional wisdom [of positive thinking] falls short. The obstacles that we think prevent us from realizing our deepest wishes can actually lead to their fulfillment. Starry-eyed dreaming isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and as it turns out, dreamers are not often doers.”

    Liked by 4 people

  21. I wonder what kind of prism that negative commenter sees life through. You know and I know, and most every one who reads you knows positivity or negativity spews forth from our own depths. That person, must live in negativity in their open head.

    Liked by 3 people

  22. “Taking the rainbow and unicorn sweater out of my Amazon cart” LOL

    I try to see if there’s any truth to what the person said, and if there is, then I consider it. But also it depends. What am I to do with someone’s opinion of me, like your talking friend, who doesn’t know he’s a talker…what’s he to do about your opinion of him talking a lot?” As I write this, I guess that’s the question you’re posing lol

    Liked by 4 people

  23. I think we often see ourselves very differently from how others see us, so when someone says something like that to us, it can be a shock. But you handled it well….you have to think about if what they said is really a fault, and if it’s not, then who cares? If it is, then that’s simply something to be aware of. We all have faults, and always will, and the best we can do is try to be aware of that.

    Liked by 3 people

  24. I think it is how we perceive the comment definitely. Words do hurt, how do I know? I have been told many, many things that should never be said to or about a person. I have “hated” myself for as long as I can remember. I am not always positive either. I just know to be positive towards others because my pain isn’t their pain. I am on my Healing Journey and learning to love myself as whole. Inside and out. I think when you have even just one person rooting you on Positively even though they are hurting is Strength. There is such thing as Positive Toxicity. Another blogger posted it. Lifesfinewhine

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Writing on the concept of Truth in Igbo Thought in my final year Project/Thesis, I come to realize that Truth is unending.

    Whether you want to hear it or not, it changes nothing from it.

    At last, Truth must always be known.

    Liked by 1 person

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