Did you ever have a week when everything went your way? The weather was as you needed it to be, the errands that you had the run were done seamlessly, problems you had managed to find easy solutions. How did that magical week make you feel? Were you kinder or happier because things went your way?

Now imagine a week where absolutely nothing goes right: pet is sick, car got a flat, boss didn’t like the work you did on a project that you worked on for months…How does that make you feel? Were you kinder or happier that week?

Is it easier to be happier, kinder, whatever word you want to use, if things are going your way?

I’ve never done an analysis on this, but I would take a guess and say that if things are generally going well in your life, it’s easier to be a more pleasant person.

Which then begs the question:

If things are not going well in your life, how do you get through the day to day without being a rotten person to be around?

What’s the secret formula to being a kind, generous, happy (whatever) person when the chips are decidedly down?

Resiliance?

Faith?

Positivity?

Self confidence?

Something I haven’t thought of because I’m not that good at this?

What do you think is the secret sauce that keeps people on an even keel when they are going through a rough patch?

And to spice things up a bit…

Is it acceptable for someone to be a tad of a downer or mean or cranky if they are going through a bad patch?

Discuss:

75 thoughts on “When It’s Easy”

  1. I honestly, for myself, cannot think of a justification for kindness other than kindness itself. I suppose if I had to choose some quality to associate with it, I would add empathy to the list you provided.

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      3. Faith and hope. First, believe in What you don’t see, second, have the conviction (hope), that one day you Will see what you desire. Finally, pray. Prayer brings peace of mind & joy!

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  4. I’m getting better at handling the knocks and not taking it out on innocent bystanders. But maintaining an upbeat attitude and being nice and friendly, too. Well, that might be asking a bit much. It sort of depends on the situation, though. If something is going wrong and a nice person helps me out, then I’m going to be much nicer, too.

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    2. I’m almost the opposite. If somebody’s being nice to me when I’m in a snit, I sometimes wonder what THEY might be getting out of it. On the other hand, if I’m in a snit and find an opportunity to do a favor for someone else, even if they don’t ask, it can take me out of my bad mood, even if only temporarily.

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  5. I wonder at times like that- people who seem consistently upbeat and positive, always kind and thinking of others… Is it the quintessential “fake it til you make it” thing? Project positive vibes and good will come back to you? I’m human and I’m flawed and on some days I want and need to be cranky, bitchy, nasty and probably left alone. I’d be lying if I said or did anything differently.

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      1. Do you think that there’s a societal expectation that we cover up our feelings on bad days? I would expect a nasty, cranky jerk to be that all the time but I can’t imagine having that expectation with a normal person. Bad things happen, why are we judging people when they react with normal feelings? Those aren’t people I want in my circle of friends.

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      2. Yes…I think you’ve hit on something…there is a societal expectation of covering it up. Which blends into the stigma of mental health and it’s treatment

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  6. Most people who are rotten to be around would not admit that they are. Someone else has to be blamed, not them. So, if one does admit that he can be rotten to be around that is a good sign, because then one is aware that change is an option.

    If change is an option one could either try harder to be a better person perhaps with the help of a shrink or one could seek a deeper solution by trying the secret sauce. That secret sauce would involve demonic deliverance and baptism in the Holy Spirit while being part of a community of believers. That change might take time to start manifesting, but it should continue to manifest more and more throughout one’s life.

    However, I know people who claim to have received the Holy Spirit who still act like they need demonic deliverance. So the community is important for mutual support and correction.

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  8. I just don’t talk when things are going roughly. That way, at least I don’t say anything I will regret. It is understandable to be mean to others when things are rough for you, but it is not okay. This same philosophy can be applied when one is not feeling well. Meaning it is harder to be nice to others and a pleasant person when one doesn’t feel well.

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  9. I don’t think we should be on ‘an even keel’. You know the old ‘if it never rained how can you appreciate the sun’ or something like that. Now taking it out on others – not so good. But it happens. Maturity determines the extent of that.

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  10. This is an interesting post. I’ll have to think about it some more and come back to it. I used to dwell in self-pity if I was having a difficult week. I used to search outside of myself for answers, blaming it on someone other than myself.

    Now I wonder what am I lacking? Is it possible that I am judging others too harshly? Maybe I’m not journaling enough? Who have I been around who may have influenced me? Is it possible that I’ve spent too much time on social media?

    When things were bad, I used to feel like I had to hide. I’m learning that being flawed does not imply being ashamed.

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  11. This is your forte LA – posts that invite thought. I wish I could attribute the thought to its origin but I think it goes something like this. Life goes up and down and we should try to enjoy our lives not just when they are up, down or in the middle. Most of our lives will be in the middle so enjoy each phase and know that the only constant in life is change.

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  12. Only natural to be snippy when things aren’t going your way. The trick is to understand you’re being snippy and why. Obviously you shouldn’t take out your frustrations on others. Deep breathing works for me lately, but it’s something I just learned. A smile helps too.

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  13. Intention and practice. I believe that kindness is something we do because of who we want to be and what kind of world we want to live in. Being kind only when our lives are rosy means we need to examine and renew our commitment. Kindness takes practice—lots, and lots, and lots of practice. If we practice enough, it can become our default setting. That doesn’t mean we won’t still slip occasionally and speak sharply to someone or blow off an opportunity to extend a kindness. But the more we practice, the better we get at it. Just like anything we want to do well.

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  15. I think throwing tantrums and showing temper to others when you are going through a bad patch is absolute no-no. But sometimes I do feel quite happy being snappy. 😁Bad bad…

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  16. Everyone has the right to feel like they do, but they don’t have the right to be unpleasant about it with other people. That’s where the concept of personal boundaries come in handy. And good manners.

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  17. This may sound trite, but during times that go badly, I try to remind myself that I have much of what millions of others don’t: a roof over my head, food on the table and security. And my cats still love me.

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  18. It’s something I have never tracked or analyzed but I will be paying more attention to it in the future. Meanwhile, I like what J. M. Barry said (and I think others similarly in various ways):
    “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

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      1. This is my technique also ~ I ask myself how much worse might be what the other person is going through right now without giving me a hard time over it!

        So much of what we suffer, we ourselves put on one another. The vicious cycle begins to reverse when we consciously try to rise above, to remember we’re all family.

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  19. Great question. I think the answer is letting go of needing everything to be okay in order to be happy. I think the key was realizing that I don’t have to fix everything and that life is going to be annoying, difficult, painful, sad, scary, and lonely sometimes, but it will get better. It’s a faith thing for me. In other words, my faith used to be in my ability to keep my life (and other people around me) under control in order to feel good. Now I’ve let go of that.

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  20. One of my favorite quotes is Viktor Frankl’s “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.” And I wish I had the willpower and discipline to always the choose the attitude I’d like to have rather than one I end up having after a bad minute/hour/day/week 🙂 But what was it Scartlett O’Hara said about tomorrow? So I remain hopeful…

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  21. I think it’s easier to be happy when things are going your way. I’ve noticed in my husband that if he’s in pain physically, he gets cranky. If I have a bunch of bad things happen, I get stressed but I don’t take it out on anyone. I believe some people are naturally more positive than others.

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  22. Send a good week my way. I am going through the week of h$$$ with Conferences, paperwork due, and observation by boss. Can I scream now? If I get a good night’s sleep, I will be fine. I am trying hard to be positive but little things throwing off my routine make me cranky. The husband had a workman in today and he arrived as I was coming home after a very long day which began at 5 a.m. He did not seem to understand why I be cranky. Now it is all good. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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      2. Thanks. I have heard an earful of gossip as the year drawn toward the end….I keep quiet like the Mona Lisa with a secret smile. Sometimes the best revenge is saying nothing at all to other’s pettiness. What goes around will come around.

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  24. When we set expectations on what a good day, week, life is, we are sure to be disappointed. However, if, each day, we are open to all that life gives us, and then work with that inside of whatever vision or goals we have, we have a higher probability of finding happiness. The bottom line is joy and happiness come from within. They really have nothing to do with external factors, yet we are mostly socialized to believe the external world is where we will find our happiness and joy. Confusion is normal. Yes, I believe it is okay to give people space when they are experiencing a difficult time, especially if they know it, and are aware of how it may effect other people. There is a certain sensitivity here, when there is empathy all around.

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  25. I’m a pleasant person for the most part. But when I’m going through a rough patch, that can be a challenge. I don’t like this about me, but those closest to me tend to give me grace. I strive to not take it out on others, but not always successful. It’s during these times in my life I usually isolate myself. It’s safer for everyone. LOL

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  26. Hummmm… I have to say resiliency. Although it seems to be harder as I get older even with sooo much experience with “what the heck went wrong this week!”
    A good phrase is “Be Kind, as we are all experiencing something.” Is great advice for myself and for others. Doing un-solicited acts of kindness seems to me the way to balance the karma of the world. I think we all need a pick me up even if we think it isn’t deserved or needed. Make someone smile.

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  27. When you first meet someone and they’re an angry and negative sort of person, it’s difficult to say if they’re just having a bad day or week. I started a job once where the manager was like that – very harsh, negative and mean-spirited. The way they treated their co-workers and those they managed was appalling.

    Over time, we learned (from them) that they had always lived a hard life from childhood through to their present age (50s at that time). But does all that give them the right to be mean and nasty to all around them? Doesn’t help that they use their past as an excuse to be mean. “No one showed me any compassion when I needed the help, so why should I show you any compassion?” were phrases often used. It’s much harder to give people a pass when dealing with people like that. And it’s very difficult to show compassion to someone who’s had a hard life when they’re negative and condescending day after day and you have to work with them.

    To get past it, I learned to just keep my head down, do my job, do the best I could and not engage in any personal talk whatsoever. It was not an easy time.

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    1. Bosses/work mates who are unpleasant is really hard situation to deal with. Keeping under the radar is a great way to go. I’m sorry you had to go through this

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      1. Sure is. The constant negativity changes how I act and react and I hate that. Next thing I know, I’m snapping at someone else for no reason other than my nerves are frayed by someone else. It’s amazing how just one toxic person can change the attitudes and reactions of so many people.

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  29. It’s the faith that God has the best plans for me, even when it doesn’t look pleasant in my eyes now. That faith does get me through, build my resilience, giving me positive view in the middle of negative occurrences and thus self confidence that I can handle my perspective by holding God’s promises that He will always provide ease with difficulties.

    And, no, being hurt does not justify hurting others.

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  32. It’s all in the mentality of the person. People with a negative mentality are cranky even when life is going well. They don’t notice their blessings and compare their lives to others who have more. People with a positive mentality practice gratitude and mindfulness and look for the silver lining in every situation. It’s indeed more difficult to be positive when things aren’t going your way. I believe that all feelings are valid and it’s okay to get upset when things don’t go your way as long as u don’t linger on it for days or take it out on others, but positivity is a practice so someone with a negative mentality can move towards positivity but it takes effort and surrounding yourself with positive people. My husband and in-laws are very negative people and I noticed that it affected my positivity. I was never a sunny-side-up person but I wasn’t negative either. I am now aware and seeking out positive people and situations while practicing gratitude and mindfulness, but it’s an effort and feels like a slippery slope sometimes.

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  34. It’s world well being week and i hope everyone takes the time to focus on their well-being! It’s important we take a break and practice self-love. Wish you a great weekend!

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