We are all allowed to have opinions.

Opinions are not wrong: they are just the way people think about certain issues.

We can have opinions on just about anything.

But should all your opinions be stated for the multiverse to hear? Or should some or all of opinions be kept to oneself?

Case in point: My Mother doesn’t like the way I color in my eyebrows. But she does like the way my skin looks right now. One is complimentary, while one is not. One means keep up the good work, while the other means you must change this immediately.

Clearly they are opinions because there is no international rubric for how one cares for their skin or their eyebrows. How it looks only matters to the person thinking/making the statement.

Now, these two statements are my Mother’s opinion. Does she have the right to state an opinion about my looks?

Should we keep our opinions regarding the appearance of others to ourselves?

If asked “How does my hair look?” should we ever tell the asker that you hate the way it looks? Or should we just nod and say that it looks nice?

Where do we stand on personal opinions regarding appearance and looks?


66 thoughts on “Opinionated Looks

  1. Did you ask for her opinion? I suspect not.

    In general, I would say if you want to voice an opinion unsolicited, give a compliment or wait until you’re asked, and find a polite and diplomatic way to say something that’s honest.

    Bottom line: What matters is what you think, not what they think. So if opinions are dished out unsolicited, then you gotta develop a thick skin.

    Mother’s, however, especially Boomer generations (and/or of certain cultures – I’m thinking Italian/Portuguese/eastern Europe etc) might be excluded from this only because… I don’t know why. 😂🙄🙄

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Unless it’s complimentary, I think people should keep quiet about the way other people look. So you don’t like how someone does their makeup. Big deal. Do they really need to know? Is saying something about it going to change anything for the better? Probably not. Best to just follow Elsa’s advice and let it go.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Oh this is a difficult one. I would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings but sometimes it is difficult to answer questions when asked. Example: I will never forget ordering a gorgeous antique chandelier for a home I used to live in. It was, in my opinion, exquisite. When it arrived I was so excited. My sister came by to see it and looked at it funny. She finally said, “ Well, it’s nice I suppose but it’s not my taste.” Now, she has very modern taste and I prefer to blend antiques and period pieces into my designs. So I can appreciate her taste, but it’s clearly not mine. However, I would never say what she did. I wasn’t asking about her taste. I wanted her to appreciate the beauty of a hand made vision from the past. Clearly she couldn’t. When she received her new dining room set i knew it was a good company and well made and that she used a decorator. And I said , it’s lovely, use it in the best of health. It was lovely. I can appreciate things that are well made but wouldn’t necessarily display them in my home. Sometimes too much honesty can be hurtful. I got angry at my sister about her cavalier response and told her, “ of course it’s not your taste, it’s in my home not yours. But your answer was hurtful. Next time just say something nice. Appreciate the item. Not whether or not you’d put it in your home.

    Family members seem to think they can say anything to you. Especially mothers. Mothers think they can say or do whatever they please. My mom used to criticize me a lot. But I had my own sense of style and it hurt my feelings when she’d tell me to cut my bangs or wear something else etc. mothers seem to forget that once their children grow up they can’t push their opinions on them or change how who you are.

    However, if someone asks, I think You have to carefully answer. And it depends who it is. My daughter in law is a beautiful woman. But when she gets dressed up I don’t always care for the way she does her makeup. I would never comment on that. Personally I don’t like the way dark thick eyebrows are colored in today. To me It looks unnatural. But it’s a style choice and some women like it. It’s not my place to correct someone’s personal style. Everyone is different. Some folks think they can just comment on anything. Again, if someone asks for help or advice that’s one thing. But even then you have to answer tactfully.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree with your comments. I think we sometimes let family trample our feelings as if it was their right. When you call them on it, they act like you are in the wrong for pointing out their thoughtlessness.

      Liked by 4 people

  4. I don’t think we ever want to hear we need to lose a few pounds but our honest self can tell this is the truth. I know I need to start exercising again when I look at myself too often in the mirror checking out my side profile. I prefer honesty and married a very honest guy!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I suppose we have all been guilty of unsolicited opinions. If you love something about someone- tell them, give them a compliment. If not, I think we all know realistically to simply keep our mouths shut. Are we smart enough and kind enough to always do that- no.

    Liked by 5 people

  6. I think honesty is a form of trust, also. I remember some guys saying ‘my husband hurt their feelings’ and I was like, judgmental…well, get a grip, aren’t you supposed to be tough? If we can’t be honest and let someone know the truth-there is a difference between being nice and being kind. I like to think of myself as a kind person because I operate from good morals and like to think I do what is right but a nice person often doesn’t say the truth and sometimes it needs to be said. I was reading an article about this the other day-‘why we should not always be nice” and I kind of agreed with it. Nice to your face does not always do the best but kind is in your character.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I suspect in my case it depends on the source and the subject. Some people constantly provide opinions and are uninvited and those quickly are resented. I suspect opinions should be offered rarely and given only when asked.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It depends on the situation, circumstance, relationship! My granddaughter spent an hour “doing” my face the other night, she’s 7, and would prefer I wear makeup, which I never do. It was family dinner night and I kept her “vision of my face”
    on all evening much to the dismay of husband and family! She thought it was beautiful! Who am I to say but my husband had trouble holding a serious conversation with me! I say error on the side of kindness in most every situation. 💕C

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Should we keep our opinions regarding the appearance of others to ourselves?

    Unless I am asked directly for my opinion on a very specific issue, my answer is Yes. I’d also add that if I see someone with spinach in their teeth, or something like that, I’ll tell them. That’s not an opinion, that’s help.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. I recently threw out on Nextdoor.com that my husband and I had been out and it was a weekday. I was off from work for Spring Break. When we came back late morning, someone had put a quarter on the doormat outside of our entryway. I found it very odd and mentioned it to my husband. I was going out the front door to work in the side yard. We usually use the garage door opening. Upon researching, I discovered picking up the quarter alerts that someone is in the home and paying attention. Sometimes our home looks empty and we have a long entranceway. Anyway, I had some good remarks and some really freaky snide comments including ‘this is an urban legend” and that it was paranoid to think we were being marked for a robbery. We live in our neighborhood and I trust my husband’s opinion as he was a little wary also. Some of the comments were mean and snide. I often think that unless you are in the area, you cannot know the whole story and that we have some good neighbors who were great. Anyway, until something off center happens to you or if you are a story on 48 hours about a home invasion, it is best not to shot the messenger. Hope I did not get too far off track and now we have ring installed! Again, honesty is appreciated along with kindness the nearby neighbors showed was appreciated and social media, a mixed hamper!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I think there has to be a certain level of comfort with someone, before you express these types of opinions. Even then, I think it’s important to ask yourself if it’s necessary for you to express it. If someone had eyeliner dripping down their face, I might say something. But if they’re wearing a shade of eyeshadow that looks garish, I wouldn’t. When it comes to appearance, for the most part, I think it’s an area we should try to avoid stating our opinions about.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Once, after lunch with a colleague, I gave a presentation to a large group of people. As you can imagine, a small part of a piece of spinach from lunch stuck to my front tooth and I gave the presentation looking… well, I probably don’t need to describe that broken-tooth look 🙂 My colleague was there during the presentation, saw it over lunch, and just didn’t say anything 😦

    Years later, I still remember it. If I see something like THAT (which I know wasn’t exactly what you were asking about, but it’s still about people’s appearance 🙂 ), even on a relative stranger, I’ll tell them. IMO, everyone should extend that basic courtesy.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Weirdly, I work with more than one person who pronounces it “oh-pinion” instead of “ugh-pinion.” Stops me in my tracks every time, as I’ve never heard this pronunciation before. I wonder if it’s a Midwest thing?

    Which, of course, doesn’t answer your question at all…but everybody else has done such a great job already, I don’t feel the need to add my “oh-pinion” / “ugh-pinion” to the mix.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I feel when it comes to appearances, it’s best to tune down on unsolicited comments, cus we honesty don’t know how much damage can be done.
    But it still bores down to relationship with the person and how the message is conveyed.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I’ve been told that these days we should NEVER comment on a person’s appearance. Even a compliment is rude, THEY say. Sometimes I just can’t help myself if someone is looking particularly good and happy, I comment. I have never had anyone argue with me or tell me to mind my own business!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Depends on the relationship. Some relationships are more open, and intimate sharing can be done without hurt feelings. Some relationships cannot. I grew up in a household where we were taught to give the standard reply, it looks nice, etc, yet I enjoy relationships today where more can be said. It seems more meaningful to me. Either way, it should be said with respect and kindness.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I listened to a blog today, where the woman said she teaches her child to never, ever say anything (good or bad) about someone’s body, no matter what. According to her, you should just keep it to yourself.

    I’m a little torn on this. I think the other person should learn how to be comfortable in who they are, because that’s the only real way comments won’t matter. It seems we put too much onus on other people changing their behavior, as opposed to kind of knowing where our power is in the situation.

    I’m still thinking about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve seen too many people, myself included, who have eating disorders because of comments made. I think we need a strong core f telling our kids they’re beautiful just as they are from the time they’re little, and I think that’s how we deal with negative comments. Believe in yourself first…then no one can tear you down

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I don’t think we should share our opinions about people’s looks unless they are complimentary. The single exception is our spouse: If a dress makes my butt look bigger than Cleveland, I want to know. And my husband tends to be a bit color-blind when matching his outfits, so if something clashes, I’ll tell him. But even then, we say it very nicely!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I’d definitely warn someone if their dress was caught up in the underwear or anything of that nature, even warning a man his flies were undone on a train when it turned out he was a known regular flasher (cue much humour from my fellow passengers) 🙂

    Offering an unsolicited opinion – not when it’s negative, probably yes when it’s positive.
    Responding to a request for an opinion – depends on who’s asking, when & where. My general rules are to be kind and constructive when doing so.

    But yes, I’m another one joining the chorus of “mothers!” on this subject.

    Liked by 1 person

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