I can be a little obsessive about planning things, an

d in turn carrying them out. While I find it easy to turn off responsibility sometimes (it might be a day or three before I clean the toilet) when it comes to certain things I can be quite rigid. And with this rigidity comes things that are supposed to be fun…

I had spent a few days in DC with my Daughter. These days were full of fun and camaraderie and such. But as I was in DC, things didn’t get done back in NYC. So when I got home I really did have to play catch up on all things practical.

But there were all those self care rituals in place…

And vows of doing certain things every week…

And I found myself drowning in my rituals and plans and the things I was supposed to be doing for relaxation were starting to stress me out because I was doing them out of a sense of obligation instead of a sense of being kind to myself.

By trying to fit all these things in, I ended up being unkind to myself… I ended up more stressed than if I hadn’t practiced any self care…

Too much of a good thing can end up being bad… When something goes from a hobby to an obsession you can end up in trouble.

In my case, making sure I got to the Met and did an at home facial three times a week wasn’t going to break me…but are there things in your life that start out as good but lead you down a very bad road? Are there things that begin to overwhelm you and lead you to start to spiral?

Know yourself. Know when you have to scale back. To riff on Coco Chanel, before you leave the house, take one thing off your plate. Sometimes less is more.

48 thoughts on “Too Much is Too Much”

  2. Lord knows I fall into this trap so often. What starts out as fun turns into a painful obsession.
    I don’t even know why I do this.😅 Almost like there’s a mental rule that once I’ve planned something I have to do it, no matter the stress.
    You just can’t force self care on yourself. Kind of defeats the aim.

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  3. I’m not really an obsessive person. And life has taught me the best way to be kind to myself is NOT to obsess about what I cannot immediately change. I write this as I sit in my living room. To my right, my bed has been pushed in this area and everything around me is a mess. Another pipe broke inside my condo walls and the restoration people will be returning this morning to remove water soaked walls and insulation. I have spent the last month fighting with my homeowners insurance to bring the right people out to repair and fix my flood mess. Yeah, for a while it drove me crazy. But sometimes we just have to accept what we can’t immediately change. So what if we get behind schedule. Living one’s life can’t always be planned for or scheduled and we have to learn that. Pipes broke in my building. 20 residents were affected. My next door neighbor lost clumps of hair from being stressed over it. All she talks about is negative and how horrible everything is. Yes, It’s going to take weeks to restore this mess. It’s annoying and inconvenient. But I seriously want to shake some of these people and give them a reality check and say, get real! This is annoying but you are alive, healthy, and this is part of life.

    In my mind I was thinking… I was in the middle of weekly chemo treatment while getting two large home invading leaks. I had to pack up my entire living room, dining room, den and live like that for months because I was too sick from chemo to have everything repaired during treatment. And then suddenly another pipe burst in the bedroom and mold started to grow and spread in the walls while waiting for my insurance to send out restoration people. And because my building is old insurance no longer want to cover the residents here. Too many pipes are breaking and they have to pay too much for repairs.
    So think about it…
    Pandemic, cancer, and now a cluttered mess in my home. My choices? I’m either miserable and stressed or I just take a deep breath and deal with it. How much do I let this affect me? Cancer has taught me to stop beating myself up over what I can’t control. what I can’t change. I can’t change that I have to deal with this reoccurring cancer. So, I accepted that I had to give up controlling my health and leave that to my oncologists. I learned i must recognize what is important enough to try and change and how i accept what i cant.
    It’s hard to do but I have learned that every one can learn to adjust. We are able to adapt to new situations. People are flexible.

    Why let yourself stress over facials or cleaning the toilet? Think about it. Is that really so important? Enjoy your life, not your rituals. Priorities. Sometimes we need to just be kind to ourselves and chill out.

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      1. LA It is easier said than done. When I don’t sleep well at night I know I AM starting to obsess too much. I have to force myself constantly to let things go. I am getting pretty good at redirecting it but it takes practice. I literally talk to myself and tell myself to stop it! Lol

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    1. My husband and I were just saying that our basic philosophy KISS (keep it simple stupid) has worked for us. That’s not to say I don’t flub it occasionally… I was helping my parents yesterday and, while I don’t like telling my parents what to do, I had to reign my mom in…😆

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  5. Nope, I can let things go willingly unless it’s an actual appointment. Dishes in the sink- I can walk past them all day. Afternoon reading time- I’ll inevitably create a “project” that needs doing. Get my walk in early- I’d rather just watch the birds at the feeders. There’s so very little that I’m actually responsible for anymore. Things will get done at some point.

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      3. I understand that LA. Stepping back is difficult. My health has forced me to do it. But it isn’t easy. You have to constantly remind yourself. Seriously, I talk out loud, sing songs, whatever it takes to get myself in a positive frame of mind and refocus. Whatever works so that you remind yourself to care about Yourself!

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  8. I understand perfectly – been going through the exact thing in the last week. Felt like I was flailing. Took a breath and declared everything I was trying to catch up on a ‘holiday’ then brushed it aside and started the day like any other. Nicely paced and forgave myself for that which was left undone. Worked this time but not sure it will again!

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  10. I’m a planner too but the day I learned to let go a little (baby steps) was a liberating moment for me. And the shit that didn’t get done? The sky didn’t fall.

    It’s really really hard, but I think I like this idea of occasionally simply looking the other way.

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  11. Sometimes it takes something drastic that shakes up our lives and routines to get us to stop and think about what is really important. Although you didn’t emphasize it, I didn’t miss the fact that in the middle of your chaos and stress you took the time to visit with your parents. Even if it was difficult because of their circumstances, you will look back some day, maybe even today, and be glad you did.

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  12. Yes, yes, yes! My Fitbit is a mixed blessing. I like that it encourages me to be more active but I do get obsessed about getting over 10,000 steps and when I don’t, I beat myself up. It’s not the way I want to treat myself. It sounds like you are aware of what’s happening and can talk yourself through it which is a positive!

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  13. Having my studio yearbook has helped me a bit to learn that. I used to be upset if I didn’t write something in each box every day. Now when I miss a day or it seems like it’s just a routine day, instead of stressing about it I glue a picture over the day. Problem solved! As for feeling guilty for doing what I love instead of cleaning, yeah, I’m still working on that one.

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      1. I get that. So many days are just normal days for me that I was struggling to put things in it. “Did typing work” just doesn’t sound exciting enough so a pretty picture helps! Washi tape and stickers are also my best friends. LOL

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  17. I can’t say I really relate to this. I have a very loose schedule and it’s almost always flexible. There are deadlines to be met, sure, but I’m usually well ahead of them. Except with my blog.😁 Always falling behind on that.

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