The world has evolved into a place where we all claim to respect the inner person…a world where we eschew ones’ physical appearance…where beauty doesn’t matter…

But let’s face it: Looks matter. Appearances matter. Beauty matters. And I don’t know anyone, male or female, young or old, who doesn’t want to be thought of as attractive.

So now that I’ve made this mornings controversial statement…

I’ll hit you with another:

I tell my daughter repeatedly that she is beautiful. Pretty much every day that I speak to her.

I know I am going against popular theory. I don’t care if I’m setting womankind back a thousand years. I just don’t care. I think people need to be told they are attractive by the people that love them. Because let’s face it- how many people worry that they are unattractive? There are entire industries that rely on being able to take advantage of people’s insecurities about their physical attractiveness… So this whole looks don’t matter thing we keep espousing clearly isn’t really working…

Sorry to say this, but kids who think they are physically less than are going to have confidence issues. They are going to think of ways to get people to like them because they don’t think that they are good enough. These little chasms of feeling less than are when the propensity to make not so great decisions creeps in… Kids make enough questionable choices- do we need to give them ammunition to make more?

Tell your kids they are attractive.

Tell your kids they are smart.

Tell your kids they are talented.

Tell your kids that they are special.

If you tell them enough times, they just might believe it. And when they believe that they are all these things, then physical appearance really doesn’t matter- because they become confident from the inside. And when kids feel that they are worthy…all sorts of doors open up.

87 thoughts on “You’re Beautiful

  1. Well said! I have no one to tell me I am beautiful so have taken that job on myself. The only thing is that as the years have passed it has gone from ‘You are beautiful’ to ‘Not bad for an old broad’

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Another related “mantra” if you will I’ve told our kids (for similar reasons) is “I’m proud of you.” Period. Not because of something they’ve done, but just because. I never heard it growing up. I’ve heard it 2nd hand (ie, more than one person has come up to me and said, “your dad is really proud of you.” could have fooled me…never said that to me in person. and I too have told my girls more than once…I think you are beautiful…just like their mama. I also agree w/ you on the attractiveness/ judgemental stuff that is still in play in our culture. You are a good, wise. mother.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you! And yes! I tell my daughter I’m proud of her for the exact same reason…I didn’t hear it and it crushed my confidence. Kids need to hear these things

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The husband and I have been talking about this one a lot. Why is beauty taboo? It’s just as much a physical trait as intelligence and, he claims, needs working on as much as intelligence. Yet, we don’t want to encourage feeling proud of our attractiveness.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I get that some are endowed with more pleasing physical traits. But some are also endowed with more intelligence. We can’t make the playing field equal. Unless we wear masks I guess…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh this is so insteumentally informative. Yes, I’ve felt this, being not told I am good growing up led to low self esteem and fear in me till i discovered it was denying me peace and decided to seek my own happiness by exploiting my talents. I second, people should be told they’re good, they matter… in every way.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I wish you were my mom or that my mom knew what you do. I still struggle with confidence issues today. I was the nice daughter. My sister was the.pretty one. Thanks for the great post.

    Liked by 5 people

  6. I told my kids the exact same things. But we were very performance focused too. Instead of complimenting them on their accomplishments, like winning a science fair or a swim race, I wish I would have praised them more for effort.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I agree with you and do this too. I recently read some expert telling people to not say these things because it’ll make the kid lazy or too pround. Nonsense, I say!! I wish I had more confidence growing up. Confident people get better jobs, better salary, a more comfortable life.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I agree with you completely. And kids need “Rocks” in their lives. People who always support them no matter what. I’ve never met the standard societal definition of being “handsome” as a man. As a teen, I was in the outcast group, so guess what, me and my friends embraced being outcasts and got into the drug culture. That’s where we found acceptance. We weren’t beautiful, nor handsome, we were just different

    Liked by 4 people

  9. I agree . And what is the alternative ? Never mentioning their looks? I guess that’s better than what many people do, criticize their child . On a related note, I was just telling my husband that I wish I’d known that boys are so easily pleased by a friendly smile and a little devotion when I was a teenage girl . I was so worried that I was too fat or not pretty enough to get a boyfriend. My obvious self-consciousness was actually what probably kept the boys from approaching me . Forks need to know they are pretty, but also that boys are not as looks-critical as girls.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t think the current thinking is working. Kids are more depressed than ever…let’s look at the world as it is…let’s look at people how they are…and let’s work with it!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I agree with you that it is very important to tell children they are wonderful. My grandsons are grown now, but I tell them every chance I get that I love them. They know they can count on that love in any circumstance.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. My mother gave me a hard time for always telling my daughter she was beautiful. “She’s going to be vain,” mom would say. “No, she’ll be confident,” I countered. And I was right. I’d have given a great deal to be told I was beautiful by my mom.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. My mom is the same way…don’t compliment because they’ll, be vain, or because they become complacent, or because they could do better. That just doesn’t work. Kids need to hear their parents tell them they are worthy. The world so often sends the opposite message

      Liked by 1 person

  12. You are such a wonderful Mom, warm-hearted, kind, supportive and you always seek to build your daughter up which is such a blessing in this life. I believe this is one of the most important things a parent can do for their children, build their confidence and help them to feel attractive. Hugs, C

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Completely agree. I can and do hold the space of knowing that beautifying a normative ideal is problematic, while also making sure to tell people I love that they are beautiful, wonderful, and loved. Great post, LA. 💕

    Liked by 3 people

  14. I agree with you on this. Our children and grandchildren need to hear positive comments about all their attributes. Intellectual, physical, creative, whatever. We as parents and grandparents need to make them feel secure. Does it always work? Probably not, but I’m sure it helps.

    I remember telling my oldest son how handsome he was. ( I thought he was a beautiful child and a really handsome teen. ) He was tall, had gorgeous curls , was athletic and in the gifted program for being in the top 2 percentage intellectually. I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread and since I too grew up with a mom who didn’t think giving compliments was necessary I wanted to make sure my son received them from me. I’ll never forget when he was 14 or 15. Suddenly he shot up to 6 ft 1,started to have a few teenage breakouts, his voice changed and he felt like a stranger in his own body. So I told him how handsome he was and and mentioned his other good qualities to make him feel be better. He responded with, “ You have to say that, you’re my mom”. Now I truly believed what I told him. But he thought I only said it because I loved him. So sometimes kids question our viewpoint. Perhaps with him it was overkill but I really thought he was the perfect kid . I didn’t have his brother until my oldest son was almost 16 and the new baby was more confident from day one.. He didn’t question his looks and he actually got Chubby during puberty and wore braces. So for a good year he was a little “awkward “. Yet puberty didn’t affect him the same way it did his brother. But I remember both were sensitive and a bit moody during those growing years. My oldest played sports, my youngest played music. . Life happens how it’s supposed to happen. They may have thought my eyesight was a bit skewed by love, but they knew I was their biggest fan. And that had to be helpful. Both are successful adults. And I tell my grandchildren how terrific they are too. (How smart, how handsome and beautiful they are.) etc. I try to give them positive feedback whenever I can. I think it’s good for children to hear nice things.

    My sister and I learned after my mom died that she told other people how pretty she thought we were, but she never told us to our faces. We both modeled as teenagers. We were cute girls. Yet we were both insecure about our looks. ( We wanted to be Jean Shrimpton or Colleen Corby- popular models in the 60’s) we both grew up to give our children compliments because we didn’t get them .

    I’m a feminist. But I still tell my grand daughters how beautiful they are. I also do little Happy dances because they get straight A’s. I think kids need to hear all those positive things. Sure, I let them know brains and kindness, giving to those less fortunate are the important values , but they deserve compliments too. Your daughter is smart and pretty. You told the truth. Nothing wrong with telling the truth! ❤️

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Since I was so insecure about my own looks I tried not to comment on my daughters’ appearance but I think they picked up signs from me and from others. The main thing I wanted was for each of them to feel comfortable in their own skins and not be swayed by others’ opinions, even mine. Even so, there were a few things that I said or did that may have had this effect.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Most kids aren’t comfortable with their own anything. They need to be told they’re smart and strong and capable and wonderful, as well as beautiful. The kid that gets no praise suffers.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Totally!
    I’m not sure my mom told us we were beautiful that often, but she has definitely always told us that we’re worthy and can do anything we set our minds to. For me it set the bar high when in relationships and friendships. Not because I thought I was better than anyone else, but because parents who bring you up knowing your worth make you more secure in knowing you deserve to be treated well. I feel for people who didn’t feel that security growing up.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. A funny thing happened to my oldest daughter…we told her she was beautiful, and it wasn’t like a parent-type thing, she was a beautiful baby, child, etc. People used to stop us to tell US how beautiful she was. Well, from pre-k to third grade or so, she was bullied in several environments and never told us…totally ruined her self-esteem. She just told me about it last year and everything suddenly made sense to me, all of her choices in boyfriend, etc.

    I guess my point is, yes, you should tell your child they’re beautiful, but you should probably tell them some other things that have nothing to do with beauty, too, because you never know what’s going on while you’re not around that may affect their self-esteem.

    *steps off soapbox

    Liked by 5 people

  17. I’m all for telling children how wonderful they are for the many things they are and do. It’s hard to be self-confident, especially during puberty. It’s sad how many commenters expressed that they didn’t hear the words they needed to hear from their parents. I will add what my mother “preached” to me and I passed on to my daughter because I truly believe it is so: “Pretty is as pretty does.” If your actions are not positive, then people will not see you in the same way as they would if you are kind, honest, etc. and even self-confident!

    Liked by 3 people

  18. The most beautiful person can fail due to their personality! Character, strength, balanced and drive are more valuable! Personality is above beauty! Power and value out weighs, looks that is timeless beauty!

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Praising children matters so much. Although I understand (and accept) that the world gives value to good looks, I try to focus more on the other aspects. My daughter and granddaughter are both truly beautiful, but they are also way more than that – and when the beauty fades, they’ll still be amazing human beings. My mother and her mother were both beautiful, but because their looks was all that was focussed on, they felt lost when their looks faded with age. My daughter knows that she’s clever and caring, and my granddaughter just got her first award from school for her kindness. They’re both stunners too, but they know they’re valued for being well-rounded human beings.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree on building from the inside. However, I’ve seen many people, men and women, who feel less attractive, and then end up with partners who don’t treat them right, because they lack self worth.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. As so much of our self-worth comes from what is modelled to us or what we hear from key people early in our life, those beautiful people who ended up with partners who didn’t treat them right were either not treated right by their parents, or their parents themselves had that type of bad relationship, so it was all they knew.

        The thing is self-worth isn’t built on looks alone – ask someone who doesn’t have the looks, yet has bags of have self-worth.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I completely get that self worth isn’t built on looks alone. But if you tell your kid that they are beautiful exactly as they are, maybe they won’t go getting plastic surgery at 18 or get an eating disorder or follow the first person who tells them they’re beautiful. Just my opinion.

        Liked by 1 person

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