The Book: Bookshop of Second Chances by Jackie Fraser
The Quote: “He’s not even been gone twelve hours, it can’t be that. It had better not be, it’s dangerous to become too attached to people. I think about Paul McCartney. He and Linda never spent a night apart during their marriage, except for the time he got arrested in Japan. Did that make it easier, I wonder, when she died, or much harder?”
This is a question that has always stymied me: if you see someone often, does that make their passing less or more difficult?
As I deal with my Father’s illness, and the fact that my Mother is also older with her share of health problems, I have contemplated this question a lot. Will I feel better about their passing if I were to spend more time with them?
I have no good answer.
I know some people tell me I will feel better if I see them more. I know other people tell me it won’t make me feel any better if I see them more. The only consistent is that everyone says it sucks when your parents pass…and that everyone’s journey is different.
Is there a set amount of time to spend with the people you love? To spend with your immediate family? Or is any time spent too much and too little at the same time? Is this something that can be balanced out?
Spending too much time with family can mean not spending enough time on yourself- I think my Mother sacrificed an actual life by doing the every Sunday at the parents thing her whole life. I think her over devotion didn’t help her with her own issues. Conversely, my Dad was distant from his parents and I don’t think that helped him emotionally, even though it enabled him to do well at a career. Two different approaches- neither was quite right.
If it seems like I’m floundering here, it’s because I am. I really don’t think there’s an answer to this question, yet I desperately want a How To guide as to How To Deal With Grief. Yet, I know there is no one size fits all approach to anything- there’s only suggestions and tips.
But for now, I will continue on the path that I think is right, and hope that I make peace with whatever route I choose.