A few months ago my sister shared a news story with me. It was a clip of her old boyfriend. Apparently he thwarted a subway mugging- it was a small size story in New York.

My first thought was- how odd that my sister comes in from Seattle and this happens with her ex- what a bizarre coincidence. Then I looked at the story date: It had happened six months before.

So I text my sister, wondering how she happened upon this information.

Did you see S while you’re in town?

She responds “No”. E told Mom.

E is our Aunt, who has become somewhat of a selfish jerk (after having been my favorite relative for awhile) and I choose not to see for a variety of reasons. Call it one of the very many dysfunctions that plague our family.

But anyway.

Apparently, our Aunt googles all of our exes.

Apparently, she has info on a bunch of guys that we either married or dated. My sister and I are both divorced from first husbands. As this seemed, let’s just say odd, I called my Mom to ask her about this:

Me: Doesn’t it seem bizarre that E googles our exes?

My Mom: She doesn’t google them.

Me: Then how does she know all this info

My Mom: She reads a lot

Me: She happens to read Washington and Pennsylvania papers where some of the people in question live?

My Mom doesn’t say anything and we close out the conversation.

The next day:

My Mom: So E googles people. She’s just interested in what happened to them. Did your ex husband have Alzheimer’s because he was in a home for that when he died

Me: I know he died. I didn’t research it. She’s not just googling- she’s researching. Is her own life so unfulfilling and pathetic that she needs to look into the gory details of all these things?

My Mom: She was just interested

Me: Sorry. That’s batshit crazy. (and I don’t care that we aren’t supposed to use that word. Sometimes is just fits)

So…

  1. Is it odd that my Aunt spends her time googling people from ten plus years ago?
  2. Do you google anyone that would be considered questionable in interest?
  3. How often do you google people not in the public eye, or for legitimate research?

Inquiring minds want to know:

84 thoughts on “Google their Ex”

  1. It is odd.
    I pretty much know what is happening with people from the past from Facebook and my siblings who still live where we grew up.
    Very occasionally a “whatever happened to X” conversation happens and I, being the researcher in the family, will try to find out.

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  2. “Apparently, our Aunt googles all of our exes.”
    Inquiring minds want to know: “Why the heck does she do that?”
    I figure Facebook (of which I’m not on – full disclosure however is that I was on MySpaceMusic back in those early years of competition for Facebook!) is for lurking – ahem – researching questionable people from ones past. But I do google ***upon occasion*** a person who comes to mind over the course of a conversation or something which triggers a memory…but definitely not ‘bad boy former boyfriends’.
    Geesh!

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    1. Oh…this is the kicker. My aunt isn’t on Facebook because she thinks it’s a waste of time and doesn’t care about anyone else. That’s pretty much a direct quote. Can you i imagine?!

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  3. Confession- I have in the past, after watching a sappy Hallmark movie “goggled” a long lost ex. Not because I wanted to rekindled anything, but I wanted to see how everyone else was aging compared to me. I got a gym membership the next day lol.

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      1. I agree that it is not weird to want to find out information about someone you cared enough about to marry or have a long term relationship with. Googling someone else’s ex is weird. We do have too much personal information “out there,” and your aunt needs to get a positive hobby or a life.

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  4. Perhaps this is not the kindest comment I have ever left, but in so many ways I tend to feel better about my own odd/crazy/dysfunctional family relationships over the years after reading some of your posts. It’s good to know there are others out there, a bit “crazier” than my own. Anyway, your aunt might need a hobby to occupy her time, or a career as a detective so she can put her skills toward a useful goal.

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    1. This seems so odd to me and I can’t figure out a kind explanation by which to interpret her behavior. I’m glad Deb has come up with a constructive suggestion that she become a detective. Perfect idea!

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    2. Just when I think nothing about my family will surprise me…it does. To be fair, one of the reasons I choose not to interact with her is because she’s shallow, looks blessed and narcissistic to an extreme. It’s not a good look

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  5. That is strange behavior indeed. In my research, I frequently meet people much older that me. If they don’t respond to my emails, I will google to see if an obit pops up! I was labeling old photos and came across a friend I’d lost touch with. Was very saddened to learn of her passing and that she’d been living just a 5 hour drive away. Sure wish I’d googled sooner.

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  8. It is definitely odd, but this has been going on even before Google and Fb made it easy. Some three decades ago my neighbours, all housewives, would gather around a bench around 5pm. They would systematically and thoroughly discuss everybody’s affairs/guests/attitudes and much much more, before going back home an hour later, just in time to cook dinner. I was excused because I was busy teaching, but was often filled in conscientiously by some or other lady. They found nothing odd about their pastime; I think it made them feel good about their own lives.

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      1. I guess it provided entertainment in the absence of tv/ theatres at that time. Today, with hardly any relationships, this is the interest in life!
        Cannot identify with Aunt, couldn’t identify with those ladies either.

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  9. My mom had “E” like tendencies, but they were thwarted by her inability to get along with computers and/or the very beginnings of early dementia. Once she bought a laptop that had a crappy search engine preloaded on it—my sister and I said nothing to her about changing it to google because we knew what would happen. And she would throw out these innuendos about the tidbits she found online and how the info just fell into her lap. Even something fairly innocuous she would go on and on about.

    I may engage in the occasional questionable search but I don’t generally share the info. Would never think about googling exes of my nieces and nephews.

    Years ago I googled my nephew(on my husband’s side)—I think for his address. I saw some social media postings making me wonder if he was gay. I felt like that it wasn’t really my business to speculate or gossip about so I kept it to myself. It turned out that he was gay. I felt like it was my nephew’s journey so I stayed out of it.

    My sister googled an ex boyfriend of mine. She knows others with the same last name so not really sure what her motivations were. He had passed away and she told me. I thought it was an odd thing for her to do—-and ended up having some difficult feelings for a few days that I couldn’t share with anyone.

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  10. I don’t see anything wrong with this. Sometimes we are curious as to what happened to someone. FB allows people to learn about a lot of people we would never think about, but suddenly their name comes up. Italians talk about ALL sorts of topics and as people get older, have a lot of time on their hands, think of the past, people they knew, etc. if they are not on FB, then they Google them. It’s just “wondering” about people that they knew. Many old relatives/people I know get nostalgic for the past and people they knew that touched their lives in some way. It’s curiosity. That is an interesting story about your sister’s Ex… LOL Good job Aunt E, you could use her as your MAIN character in a Detective novel.

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    1. I think there are so many better uses of peoples time than googling people from the past, especially when they are really that relevant to someone’s past. I’d hate to think that some exes aunt was googling me. I find it creepy and stalkerish…too many people removed. It’s a judgy sort of thing to me

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      2. Funny you say this. A few months ago I wrote a post about how my mom doesn’t have a smart phone, which led to a bunch of comments about how people couldn’t conceive not having a cell phone because they rely in it. So I have a post in the pipeline about how much I rely on my cell phone, so e been gathering info sort of. I tend to Google practical things that have a purpose. I googled lava lamps because my niece wants one and I wanted to see which is best for her. I used fandango this morning to look at early reviews of a movie I saw an advance screening of yesterday. I ordered my B12 off Amazon. And that’s it. When I look at my iPad breakdown the spend the majority of my time reading on nook, or WordPress. Just don’t do it, so I guess I don’t understand the fascination. I’d rather read a book.

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  11. My absolute favorite thing is research, but I do not google any ex anythings. I appreciate the interest one may have in “knowing” but I really don’t care. Secondly, never use Google, Gmail, Android or any of their products. They keep everything you search for, email you send, call you make, etc. I’m not a crackpot I just have contacts at Google. ….Sorry to get off topic…. In popular culture “googling” yourself is a thing, think of it as digital voyeurism. Makes you wonder about people, a little creepy if you ask me.

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    1. It is a little creepy in my opinion, but much depends on who it is. To be fair, I did Google my ex husband recently…after twenty two years! And sure, when Facebook was bright and shiny I looked up two ex boyfriends. Two. There were only two I was interested in seeing how they turned out. Awesome btw….and I’ve looked up two friends who fell off the face of the earth. But otherwise….onward and upward I guess

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  12. If she doesn’t have social media, I find it a little odd.

    But, if your aunt doesn’t have a lot to do, this just might be her “hobby?” Some people are “reporters.” That’s a nice way of saying “busybodies.” 🙂

    However, when someone offers you information without you asking (about an ex, for example), I believe it crosses a line.

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  13. Googling someone else’s ex is a bit of a waste of time. Just don’t see what the point is. I have googled clients but that’s for my own protection. When I would meet clients in their homes I wanted to make sure I wasn’t walking into a lunatics den.

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  17. I do think it is weird and a little messed up that she looks into so many people and so often. It is one thing to try and look up someone you’ve maybe lost touch with, but that much time and effort is a bit obsessive.

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  18. The now EX MIL used to do that all the time. She probably does it still and now I’m included in her sleuth list. LOL It made her feel ‘in the know’ and she used the info she found out to gossip. Small minds. I’ve looked up exes to see what they’re up to because we had a relationship and I wonder what ever happened to them. But your Aunt, well, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. LOL

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      1. I agree with you. It’s not just idle curiosity, it satiates something deep within – knowing what they think others don’t want to show or feeling above people because they are in the know. I don’t get it, but I find it weird too.

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  19. I feel sorry for her that she has no life. I have tried to find my ex on FB and found his son instead. The resemblance is uncanny, but the person appears nothing like I would have expected our children to be. Didn’t find out anything about the ex though.

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  21. Yes, I have to agree with you, it seems freaky to me! Like you said is she that desperate for things to do? Does she google her neighbors as well, just a very curious person??? Or like Mrs.Oleson from Little House? LOL!

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    1. Superiority complex and loves to pick fault. She once looked at a picture of a supermodel on a magazine cover. Her comment….the models left nostril was larger than the right

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  26. During internet dating years I had a friend whose catchphrase was “it’s not stalking, it’s research”. As it was about potential/new dates, I agreed – even though it wasn’t something I ever did. But she has, on occasion, also taken it to extremes – causing me to feel awkward with an old family friend I introduced her to, and also with her most recent ex. In her case, it’s like an itch she can’t avoid scratching and she’s only hurting herself. But still… it’s not healthy behaviour, whatever the reason.

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  27. Hmmmm. Interesting. Okay, here we go.
    1. It is craziness, and completely unnecessary. I know at least one person like this. I don’t get it.
    2. No.
    3. Not really. I think I’ve probably done it before, yet it is not a normal practice for me at all.
    I’m not a fan of this kind of thing….obviously…

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  28. That is interesting behavior.

    If we happen to be briefly discussing a certain celebrity we see on television I might ask Alexa how old he/she is, or some such trivial detail. That’s about the extent of it unless there’s some sort of fascinating thing that recently happened, then I might dig a little deeper. For instance, after I saw that movie Grey Gardens I immediately started googling the main characters because the story intrigued me. Still does!

    But I don’t ever remember googling a family member’s long lost ex. I have much better things to do with my time.

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  29. I recently found out my ex-boyfriend from twenty years ago died and I tried to Google more information and I couldn’t find any and I think I need your aunt to help me do research!

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