Three weeks ago, a good friend of ours had a massive heart attack/coronary episode. Unfortunately, last week he passed, leaving behind a wife and three children. To say we are inconsolable is an understatement.

My Husband worked with P about 15 years ago. Even though they have both gone on to different jobs, they remained good friends. P was just a great guy- it was impossible not to like and respect him.

Back during the pre vaccination days of COVID, P had invited us out to his house over the summer for a barbecue. We were unable to rent a car as renting a car during COVID became a real issue for us. My Husband was too scared to take the train. So at zero hour, my Husband decided to cancel on them. He was too afraid.

Do you know how that decision is looming over my Husband right now? How bad and horrible he feels about not going to his house?

While my Husband and P did get together a few times post vaccine, twice their plans were thwarted by weather: they had tickets to see the Mets, and of course the games got rained out.

I look at a recent text that I had sent to his wife- “Must have dinner soon…” YES!!!! she responded!… but life still has a way of sneaking up on you.

My Husband and I miscalculated. In thinking that time is infinite, we forgot the our time is finite. We are only here a short period of time. We don’t get to choose when we die. We only get to choose how we live. I still have the house gift I bought them last year, sitting in my closet, because I figured, “Oh- we’ll get out to their house soon…”

Get on the train to see your friends.

Buy tickets for more Met games.

Make the dinner plans.

Don’t be so afraid of dying that you become afraid to live.

As Snoopy so eloquently said, We only die once: but we live every day. Make it so.

I dedicate this post to Post to P. We will miss the passionate and spirited debates about current events. You were one of the few people we could have discussions about everything with, because even if you didn’t agree, you were always willing to listen. We will miss your wry and understated humor and how you made us laugh. We will miss your stories about your girls, every ounce of adoration in every word. We will miss seeing you and C together- couple goals if I’ve ever seen them. We will miss your impeccably made Moscow Mules. My Husband is going to miss the Met games and sharing 20 game packs with you. When I walked by The Lamb’s Club the other day, I couldn’t help but remember that as the last place the four of us were together- having one last drink after seeing Jagged Little Pill. How I wish for one more outing. How my Husband wishes for one more conversation. You will be missed so very greatly by those who knew you.

I wish for C and the girls to find the courage and strength to get through this.

Cherish the relationships that matter.

89 thoughts on “For when I have so few words

  1. My condolences to you and your husband. I’ve been thinking on this very issue, the one about whether we should socialize more now, or continue to stay to ourselves. I’ve come to no definitive conclusion. Socializing and having fun is good, but so is staying home, not inadvertently spreading the virus to friends and family. It’s a conundrum.

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  2. Sending heartfelt and understanding condolences to his family and you, his friends. My own husband passed away like this almost 3 years ago. The strangeness and unbelievability of it never seems to go away. Please remember your friendโ€™s family through the years and know that every day they wake up without him will be hard.

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  3. Iโ€™m sorry for your loss of a good friend. I know the shouldโ€™ve couldโ€™ve have a way of creeping in. You made the best choices you could during that time. I know you know that even though you feel otherwise. It sounds like you have a lot of wonderful memories to hold onto as you mourn the unexpected loss of a friend. It is a reminder that life is short and we need to keep our loved ones close. โค๏ธ

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  4. โค I think we’ve all felt the haunt of regret with the proximity of COVID. It kicked us into gear to see family more because a close relative of ours learned she had cancer and we were all unable to interact with the restrictions …but we’re right back to the distance again. So, it’s a constant habit we’ll need to work on.

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  5. Holding P’s family and friends in loving kindness at this difficult time. You said something that is golden – Cherish the relationships that matter. This life seems but a fleeting experience but the wonderful memories you all have are treasures. โค

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This post had me crying. Iโ€™m very sorry for the loss of your friend. May his memory be a blessing.

    Yes, life does get in the way of plans sometimes. It hard not to feel angst over the time missed with a friend. And We do take life for granted. Until we donโ€™t.
    Living life the best we can is all we can do.

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  7. Feeling sad as well. We had two Uncles (brothers) pass in Sept/Oct. One funeral is tomorrow. It’s hard as you say, when we didn’t have the last goodbye. So, as you mention, time for us to contact our good friends, see them if we can, because with COVID and surprise illnesses in general — never know what happens right now. We are in strange times. Will light a candle at church tomorrow – for you too!

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  8. I’m sorry for your loss. Your tribute to P is beautiful. You’ve given us a good reminder to not put our relationships on hold. My husband and I both lost close friends in the past couple years. I didn’t respond to her text, and she died that night. My husband’s friend was in hospice and he wrote his friend a letter of how much their friendship meant to him, only to deliver it hours too late.

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  9. So sorry. I think a sudden passing is so much harder to deal with than a long illness. You shouldn’t beat up on yourselves too much though. We are living in unusual times. Thanks for the reminder about keeping up with the relationships that matter.

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  10. This makes my heart ache LA, for all concerned, what a beautiful tribute, and reminder to live courageously, without fear, to prioritize our relationships. Somehow you managed to remind us about our most precious entity ~ time. Much love to you and yours, C

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      1. Honestly, it’s one of the lessons that we’ve learned from my husband’s cancer too. Live every day as if it is your last, because it might be. I really wish you didn’t lose your good friend, but I’m glad that you’re using that horrible loss as a way to re-evalute what is and isn’t important.

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  11. I am so very for your loss! My thoughts and prayers are with your family and his. I hope that your husband finds a way to work through the regret of not getting together. Regrets can stand in the way of cherishing the moments we had. But you are absolutely right that we have to let living be greater than fear of dying. Unfortunately, I think COVID has created so much fear in people, that they’re missing out on time with others. Again, very sorry for your loss!

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  13. Life is so bittersweetly beautiful: exquisite in the joys, devastating in the losses, & torturing in the regrets. Iโ€™m sorry to hear your loss, & this post is indeed a lovely memory to share of your dear friend. As long as he knows he was loved & appreciated, you did all you could possibly do as his friends. And it sounds like he did โค๏ธ May you keep his memory alive in many small waysโ€ฆ

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  14. No wonder you were (and doubtless remain) so distressed. Losing someone special is always hard, and losing them suddenly is harder. Losing them while living through this topsy-turvy world we’re currently in adds a whole new level of what-ifs and potential for regret. My heartfelt sympathies. Nevertheless, what you’ve written is a truly lovely tribute to your friend .

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  15. Oh LA I am so sorry for you and your family and your loss. Prayers for you guys and for P’s family.
    This brought a tear to my eye for it hits home every time someone talks about the fragility of life! As you have seen probably in some older posts of mine I lost my brother suddenly to a massive heart attack at 23.
    My parents were supposed to go see him out in Indiana. He was working at the college he had graduated from and he wanted them to come see the play that he had written and directed. This was in March back in ’84. My Dad was very busy, felt he couldn’t get away and told himself that they would see him when he came home that summer. May 1st he had the massive heart attack.
    Moving post and wise words about living for the moment!
    Tight ((((Hugs)))) โคโคโค

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