The Book– Make Yourself Cozy A Guide for Practicing Self-care by Katie Vaz
The Quote: Give yourself a time limit for what is bothering you.
MY Question: If something is bothering you, what do you do?
Me trying to explain myself: Yesterday, I was running to get the bus to get to the subway to get to volunteer work, and while I wasn’t late, I wasn’t quite early either. I saw the bus, which is what we call a “Select Bus” which means that you pay for the bus before you get on (receipt to show inspector). When I got to the receipt machine, it ate my metrocard. There is no ability to get a new metro at the bus stop. While I did have my credit card for “tap” I do not have my banking details on my phone, so if I were to be stopped, I had no actual way of proving that I paid. After having just lost about fifteen bucks, I did not want to add $150.00 fine on top of that. I let the bus go, stomping away, annoyed at both not taking the bus and losing my metro and about fifteen dollars. (still don’t want to hear about free mass transit- thanks for the suggestion)
It’s about a twenty minute walk to get to the subway I needed, where I could purchase a new card, etc. As I walked there I was fuming about the indignity of the machine eating my card.
When I got to the subway, bought my new card and boarded the train I sat down. I asked myself how long I was going to let this bother me.
Deep breath, which in a mask is not always a fun thing to do.
I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others, but I thought about the person who might not be able to buy a new metrocard if their card was eaten. I thought that at least I am lucky enough to be able to buy a new one without it disturbing the balance of my finances.
I was still annoyed about losing about 15 dollars…I don’t like losing or wasting money, no matter what the sum.
But I let go of a little of the annoyance.
Then I thought about what’s going on in my life. Presently, there is a situation which I will talk about eventually, but not today, that is weighing on my mind greatly. While I was annoyed at the metrocard incident, it’s not really what’s bothering me today, but what’s been bothering me the past two weeks. I was displacing my anger at something else, and venting my frustration at this, really at its core, insignificant issue.
I sort of gave myself a twenty minute time limit to get over my anger at the loss of card. I thought it out, and gave myself the ability to forgive the act, and forgive myself for whatever was whirling around in my head. Sometimes we have to cut ourselves some slack and let it go.
It’s funny how coincidences work. I scheduled to write this post back in August, and when I jotted down the idea, I had a very different post in mind. Which is sort of what this quote in this book is trying to say: give yourself a time limit because you just might see things differently when you have some distance and some space. We change every day- we don’t see it- it’s sort of like a plant growing. One day there’s a seed planted in the dirt and the next thing you know, you have a plant. (FYI- got a little bit of help from Ted Lasso for some of these thoughts)
While I know that there is no expiration date on grief or bad feelings, I do know that carrying spite or anger or jealousy or any negative emotion will not make things any better.
If something is bothering you, pick a date in the future, and jot a note to revisit the subject then. Hopefully, the issue has sorted itself out by then. But if it hasn’t, maybe thinking about it as the person you are on that day as opposed to today will give much needed perspective.
If you are still hurting, or whatever, then continue on. But do what you need to do to keep moving forward. Stagnation never really helps anything.