People exhaust me.

This is the real curse of being an introvert: too many people for too long a period of time starts to jangle my nerves.

And yes. I am an introvert.

A few months ago we spend a Saturday visiting my Husbands Uncle. Seven people, not including my husband and I. Seven people for five hours. And hour each way with the father in law and his girlfriend. I had a headache in by the time we got to our destination. The rest of the afternoon just added to it…

I love to talk.

I love to hear my own voice.

However, after a little bit I am done. I’m better at being a comedian- run in, do my eight minute set, flash the lights, and I’m off…

There’s only so many questions I can ask other people who give one word answers…there’s only so many times I can hear the question “Why didn’t your daughter come today?” (why is it assumed that adult children are going to attend something with their parents?) There’s only so many times I can listen to the same loop of conversation traipsing around the room. Nine people in a room is like speed dating: two people have a conversation and then each goes to another person, and starts the same conversation over again. It starts to become a TV show where the main character keeps hearing the same dialogue over and over again… A bad TV show I might add…

On this particular weekend we were set to see friends on Sunday. This time it was only four others, but the cumulative effect is the same…Same one word answers to questions, same polite chit chat in a spin cycle…

By Sunday night I was mentally drained.

Seriously- I got home, donned a heated eye mask and put Enya on my headphones…I petted the dog with my right hand and the cat with my left. It was my own sort of pod to crawl into…

People exhaust me. Conversation exhausts me. As an eavesdropper, having different conversations around me exhausts me.

This is why I am an introvert. I need solitude to survive.

91 thoughts on “I Hate People”

  1. I worked with people since the days when I was thinner, younger, fresh faced and idealistic. Talking to people, listening to people, advising people, helping people. Forty years later I worked out that I’m not a “people person” and I’m no extrovert. It’s all fake. I’m an animal person, an introvert, and I dislike people. I guess the idealism got knocked out of me quick smart.

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    1. I know!! But I will admit I was away for a weekend with my two closest friends and it didn’t feel like this. But I guess it was because they know I might need to stare off into space sometimes and get it

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  7. You’ve put it so well. I think I’m somewhere in between. Many years ago, newly married and in a very different setting, I listened for hours, wanting to fit in. Also nervous. Then I listened to home-bound neighbours, students, colleagues and on the way learnt to filter stuff. The pandemic did the rest. So yeah, it’s a long time since I found myself in this situation.
    All the best!

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    1. Exactly! I as seriously drained. You’d think I spent a week in a mine shaft digging coal for how physically and emotionally exhausted I was

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  10. It’s surprising to see how many introverts we have here. I’m with you all. The image of you, LA, lying down with eye pads petting the dog and cat each with one hand is straight out of a Snoopy comic book.

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      1. Yes extroverts understand. Trust me, It is exhausting being an extrovert. Actually, I’m both I just enjoy being around people. Plus I live alone now and so being around friends or family is a treat. But I’m drained after visits even ones that I enjoy. I do have people I have to limit my time with, mainly because I don’t want to be brought into negativity for too long. But good healthy debates are exciting and thought provoking.

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  15. My oldest daughter and her oldest daughter (Peanut) are both introverts and are uncomfortable in large gatherings. Too Peopley is their mantra. Peanut actually has a shirt with the saying I’m Done Peopling on it. 😆 But, I agree, superficial conversations can be exhausting.

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  17. I totally get this. It is especially noticeable after the way we have been closed off from others for the past year and a half. The biggest crowd I’ve been around so far have been in the baseball stadium or at concerts but that is almost like being alone because I don’t really have to talk to anyone, except maybe the people next to me and even then it’s not really a conversation, it’s more like sharing the experience of the game or the music. Much easier. Of course my husband is an extrovert and loves the interactions. He made “friends” with the whole row behind us (slight exaggeration, maybe 6 people). Got their life histories. Even went so far as to give them one of my business cards to “keep in touch.” I was polite but mostly looked forward and listened to the Fab Four play Beatles songs.

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    1. I was on a train the other day. The guy in the aisle seat talked to at least half the people who walked by, his seat mate and the people across the aisle. I put my headphones on

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  18. An extrovert I know recently said that extroverts are the most insecure people. I wonder if they need the buzz of conversation as much as introverts need times of reflection.

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  19. We’re having guests for the weekend. I like alone time so we’ll see how this goes. I’m like you. I have a few close friends I can be with for long periods of time and not get exhausted. People I don’t know as well wear me down.

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  20. That sounds exhausting! We had lunch with a friend of my husband’s from high school yesterday who was in town. She talked non-stop, and I sat there, listening, saying “Oh, uh huh” over and over. Three hours later (a walk in the park after lunch) I was exhausted. I slept well last night.

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  22. Hmmmm…but Is that really being an introvert if you like to talk? Usually introverts are normally shy and DON’T like to talk. Perhaps you just like solitude when around certain people. Maybe it’s uncommunicative or narrow minded people you don’t enjoy being around.

    I am NOT an introvert at all. I love being around people, love chatting, enjoy conversations. Enjoyed being the center of attention when I acted. BUT, I like being alone too. I have no problem at all being by myself. I enjoy it too. I can keep busy easily. I don’t often get lonely and don’t need to be around others to enjoy my surroundings.

    So what is really being an introvert? According to the dictionary it’s “ a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings.” So in a way that not much different from an extravert. It’s Only the amount of people in the room. I think maybe you just need breaks from too many people in a room.

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    1. There’s a common misconception that introverts are shy and lack confidence. While this can be true, it’s not a hallmark. Introverts are people who do not feed off the energy of others…they need solitude to feel at peace. They tend to like small groups. For example, I can make a speech in front of people but I am horrible at chit chat because that’s draining.

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      1. Interesting, but by that definition I might be an introvert too. I do feed off the energy of others as a former performer and teacher. So the response of students who like to learn pumps me up , and obviously audience reaction means everything to a performer on stage. But some people are draining. Even on the phone. I’m exhausted after spending too much time with some of my friends who challenge everything I say, write, or do. I think those folks are just people I have to spend a limited time with. ( The burst your bubble kind of folks who rain on everyone’s parade). And other people are just boring as heck having no opinions at all. Lol I personally think it’s a matter of who I’m with whether I’m an intro or extrovert. I suppose we all can be both.

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  23. I never thought of myself as an introvert, shy perhaps, but not introverted. Certainly not extroverted. Actually, I resist putting people in boxes at all. But then came Covid and lockdowns. Suddenly I had 2 hours of Zoom meetings 3 days a week (and I wear hearing aids meaning I have to strain to understand a lot of what is said). I liked the people I was engaged with as well as the subjects of discussion, but at the end of each meeting I was drained. I just wanted to be by myself with a book and wish the world away. I could identify so well with your post–especially the conversations on replay.

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  25. You know, I look at it differently. I think any worthwhile experience can exhaust us. I’m drained after I write a chapter in my novel. Or create a lesson. It’s creative energy that takes effort and flows forth. So of course Its draining. I was always drained after a great presentation in front of a group of teachers, parents, or students. I was drained after a good performance on stage. Any presentation worth its weight is draining. Ask any actor. After a good performances on camera some actors have to calm down because the experience can be so intense. Actors can break down right after the curtain goes down. Trust me. It used to happen all the time in a Shakespearean play because of the way the drama builds. I’d be weeping. Or after an athlete plays a sport. To me it’s all the same. ANYTHING that takes effort is exhausting. I use all of myself in every aspect of my life. Im drained after chemo. I think it’s a combination of a lot of things. But more about how we perceive the experience.

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    1. But that’s good drained. I wrote a thousand words on a new idea yesterday and I felt great. After I write my blog I feel great, even though they’re exhausting.

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  27. Those people sound boring! But even with great conversation, after awhile I have to get alone and recharge. Taking a walk is my favorite. On my vacation I had very little time to myself for 5 whole days. It was a wonderful trip, but I was ready for my alone time.

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  29. Hahaha. Now, I am laughing with you, because, of course, your post resonates well with me. I am an extrovert with a large introverted part of my personality and life, and I too become sooo drained with conversation. It’s a lot to take in, especially when it is done almost entirely via Zoom. As much as I love people, it is exhausting…😅

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  34. I hear you…..but I’m loving that descriptive third last paragraph about petting the dog and cat and the pod! I hate when the conversation is that draining and people give one word answers, it’s just too much work. I’m always tempted to just sit there in silence too and let them carry the conversation but they never do.

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  37. “People exhaust me. Conversation exhausts me. As an eavesdropper, having different conversations around me exhausts me. (BIG time!)

    This is why I am an introvert. I need solitude to survive.”

    So true!!!! Thx for sharing what many of us experience!

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