Pet Peeve time:

I hate it when people ask me if I miss my daughter while she is at college.

What does it mean to miss someone?

Let’s talk a little about me…

I love my daughter very much. I also feel that she loves me very much. When you are secure in the to and fro of a relationship, you don’t really feel the “missing” because it’s just a part of your heart. I don’t really “miss” her because she is always with me in spirit.

I also text/facetime/talk to my daughter almost every day. I know everyone out there is going to have an opinion about this. Some will say I’m not allowing her to spread her wings. Some will say I’m being over protective. Some will be jealous of my relationship. Some will think it’s nice that we connect when we can. For the record: don’t care what anyone thinks- this is how our relationship has evolved up to this point. I’m sure as time goes on it will evolve further, but I’m all for letting things happen organically.

What do we talk about you ask?

Sometimes it’s practical. She texts that she received a package. I call because I’m having trouble resizing a JPEG that I need to attach to something. She asked me to read over an review she wrote for the paper. I give her updates about her grandfather.

Sometimes it’s fun- she calls to tell be about a sorority party. I call to discuss a movie I just saw. We text each other pictures from the Met Gala…

Can you really miss someone you talk to almost everyday?

Chew on that for a moment…

You know why else I don’t completely get this question?

In a world where Zoom took over our lives- do we still need to be physically present with someone in order to not miss them?

I guess if we are discussing pet peeves I must add that I hate Zoom and doing things where I have interactions over a screen with more than one person. What am I saying? Even one person. I can facetime with my daughter because we are easy going about it. I walk around the house, I make tea, I put things away while I am on the phone with my daughter because we just kind of go with the flow. I don’t know how many others would be this easy going about my laissez faire video calls.

Now I know you’ve enjoyed learning about some of the things that I don’t like- but we will return to the original question:

When you say you “miss” someone, what do you mean?

What are the things that make you say you miss them?

What do you miss about them?

When is the last time you told someone that you missed them, and what was the who, what, when, where and how of it all?

65 thoughts on “I Miss You”

  1. Personally I miss being in the physical presence of my daughter, the one now living in Colorado. We text or email in the same manner and regularity that we used to when she still lived here, which was really more of a “checking in” sort of routine every few weeks, or the sharing of major news. It’s been almost 3 months since I’ve been in her presence though, sharing space with her, being able to hug her goodbye rather than just saying it. I miss that physicality, and the knowing that I can’t simply drive 30 minutes and remedy that desire for her human contact with me. The ease of that relationship is gone. That’s what I miss.

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    1. That makes total sense. I always go back and forth on the physical,presence thing. Do I miss giving her a hug? For now, I know I’m going to see her at quasi parents weekend next month, then she’ll be home for thanksgiving, then Xmas break….for now….I will see her, and seeing her means living with her…I’m guessing I might feel differently when she’s actually living on her own

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  2. Some people miss people that they haven’t seen in a while, physically speaking, even if they can connect over the phone.
    Some people. Not me.
    If I text or call someone vry often I wouldn’t miss them, cause it’ll feel like they haven’t even gone anywhere.
    But that’s just me.

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  3. I’m still see my kids regularly because they both live within an hour of me and my daughter lived here over the summer for work. I still text them regularly. I texted with my daughter through the two hour premiere of Survivor last night so we could still technically watch together. I would say I still miss her living here, mainly because it reduced the amount of time I spend alone

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  4. You’ve made some excellent points here. These days, it seems that one can only truly miss a relative or close friend when they die. That said, I text with my daughter almost daily, but it can never replace the dinners we have once a week.

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  5. I told my sister-in-law I missed her yesterday. She had left earlier in the day and I was texting her for medical advice. She has 25 years as an RN and navigated us through some medical issues, while she was here. I told here, “you need to be here!” She answered “I’m only a phone call away. Call me anytime you have a question.” My kids call me when they are driving our out for walks several times a week.

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  6. Do I miss my kids while not living with them while taking care of my mom? Yes. But also no. Because like you said, they are with me in spirit. Always. Every time I look at a clock the first thought that pops into my head is they’re doing x now, they’re going to y now, or I wonder what they’re doing now. So yes, I miss being in their physical presence but I also don’t because they are present to me. (And only 30 minutes away, theoretically.)

    There’s another type of missing someone. Say you’re in a new relationship and you’re distanced for whatever reason. There is a type of missing someone that is more accurately described as longing. That kind of missing/longing is very different from missing family members like children, especially if the relationship is new and still unfamiliar. There may be other sentiments that come into play: bliss and happiness, or pain riddled with uncertainty and doubt.

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  7. Interesting question (as ever) LA. A somewhat different take you might like to consider. When my daughter left home to go travelling at age 18, my relationship of 10+ years felt the strain of her absence. By dint of her being the other side of the world and 12 hours away, the relationship I had with her had to change, and that put a spotlight onto everything which was lacking in the relationship I had with my ex. He & I soldiered on for 4 more years, but that was when the cracks began to show.

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  9. I can’t recall saying that to anyone, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss people sometimes. Friends move away or die and I miss their presence. It was weird for my husband to be in healthcare facilities for 17 days, but I never said “I miss you” to him. It’s just not a phrase that comes to my mind.

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  10. This describes my daughter and me rather well. Every day we Facetime or text. I haven’t seen her in person since the first week of August. Yes, I miss her, but not in the sense most think. I miss doing things with her. But because of FaceTime and texts, she feels like she is part of our everyday lives.

    I can’t imagine how it would have felt without technology, though. Shout out to parents 15 plus years ago. 🙂

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  12. I hate that question too. I miss my dad and my older sister because they died quite some time ago. I miss my mom because I used to see her almost every day when she was babysitting my kids but now she moved about 2 hours away and is living with a sister I don’t get along with. We talk on the phone but she can’t Facetime or Zoom. I think what I miss is the availability of them. I didn’t miss my husband when he went to take care of his mom for several weeks. I relished the time alone since we are together 24/7 most of the time. But just because I didn’t miss him doesn’t mean I don’t love him. Wasn’t there an old saying, “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”

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  14. I don’t have a daughter, but I do miss my brother! I guess, missing is more about how distance has creeped in, both physical and emotional as people move away and get busy. I don’t miss my parents as much because we’re probably more connected than we were before the pandemic.

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  15. Interesting questions. I do miss the physical hugs from my son who lives in Georgia. There’s nothing better than his in person visits. But he calls or FaceTimes several times a week so I hear from him often. And being able to see him via FaceTime makes a difference.

    My local son takes me to chemo and doctor visits so I see him often. Still, what’s interesting is how comfortable he is with being close. family members are no longer allowed in the infusion center due to covid. But he walks me up to the center, carries my bag with my stuff (I’m in chemo all day and bring a blanket, pillow, iPad etc) so he carries it into the office, hands the bag to the chemo nurse, and in a waiting room filled with patients he never fails to give me a hug and tell me he loves me before he leaves. I had no idea how special or unusual that was. ( At least according to the nurses and my doctor). I’m always told what good sons I have. No matter which son brings me, they both behave the same. We are close. They aren’t embarrassed to show love. My out of town son doesn’t get to town that often, but when he does, he acts the same.

    My sons have me on a three way text several times during the day. They both are at work (in different states) and they include me in their texts. It’s adorable and I feel like a part of a secret society of sorts. Innuendos, jokes, sharing accomplishments etc. I feel very lucky. so yes we are constantly in contact.

    But yes, I miss the full gang being all together. I miss my grandchildren in person. Now that they are back to school and I’m back in chemo We are back to FaceTiming due to safety. But I sure miss the in person hugs.

    I missed both my sons when they were away at college. But it was different back then. No FaceTime. Just phones. We spoke frequently but technology wasn’t as advanced as it is now.

    Truth is, yeah, I always miss my kids. I just do. I enjoy spending time with them.

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    2. The grandchildren thing is a relationship where I really do think the grandparent misses the grandchildren. As grandparents you don’t have as much control over when You see them, so it’s a different sort of thing.

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  16. ‘Are you missing’ someone is a too vague and devoid of emotion, a similar phrase that often crosses my imagination is ‘I should see my mother more often”, the answer of course is ‘yes I should’ accompanied with PLENTY of self guilt and loathing! There is no other answer apart from “I’ve seen enough of you this week”…………..families hey! (I’m gonna phone her right now)

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  17. I sometimes miss Julia after a couple of hours. Everyone else I’m not fussed about. I saw one of the kids a few months ago and spoke to the other about four months ago on the phone. Julia keeps me up to date on what they are doing. I think it helps being a man, we don’t bother with all that stuff.

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  18. I miss everything imaginable, my younger self, my Mama, my first dog, and yes, I miss the original Star Trek. I miss old friendships that fell away, my first car, the toe ring I lost in Mexico. I miss the sound of my Dad’s laughter, a flat tummy and pert boobs. I miss falling in love with Larry and the thrill of that first kiss, when he whispered in my ear, “oh baby.” I miss my students, faded memories, I even miss the season I’m not currently occupying. [Weirdly, as I’m writing this, my son walked in the door, he’s been out of town all week, and when he appeared in my room I was overjoyed, jumped up and gave him a big old bear hug, totally missed him] The truth is I miss reading your posts when I’m out of town. Hugs, C

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  20. I miss people frequently. Zooming or virtual chats haven’t replaced in-person situations for me. I mean I can deal with them okay, but if I’m meeting a friend, I’d rather see the person in person. I like feeling the person’s energy, looking at verbal cues, and just vibing in general. It’s hard to explain.

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    1. Zoom makes me anxious and drains me. My friends who live in other places I’m used to not seeing so I’m ok with the text relationship, because that’s how it needs to be.

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  22. Just today I reached out to two friends that I had not seen in a while and told them that I missed them. One is coming back to work at the university where we met. It will be great to have her on campus and to see her regularly. The other is a friend that I have not seen since July and our regular communication had dropped off.

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  23. Honestly, such a complicated question that I’ve never really pondered. I guess missing someone would just mean finding yourself wishing they were there with you. I can totally see how you don’t miss your daughter, per se, because you still are with each other daily, in one sense. (I think that’s awesome, btw.) I kind of miss the friendship I used to have with someone. It was nice and cozy and fun. Then things changed, as I suppose they had to. That’s life. I have the fond memories, at least, but I still (and eventually I’ll get over this with the passage of time) wish we could have those days again.

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    1. It’s funny as I read responses how a pattern is sort of forming…I’m glad I asked this question because I’m starting to get a better idea. Good points in your comment!

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  24. I would miss the human contact if I was separated from someone I love for a long period of time. I probably miss my grandchildren the most when they are not with me. Our daughter in Florida calls frequently and we talk but it’s easy to become distracted by other things while on the phone. No one is our family likes to Zoom. And, then there’s those in our family who I don’t miss at all!! 🤣

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  25. A very timely question, LA. I miss contexts that once were and are now less present. In the missing, there are people, yet it’s about the time we spent together in the same physical space. I don’t miss them to miss them, I miss the contexts we were in together. I also think people conflate missing someone with sadness or some other “negative” emotion. I disagree with this approach. You can miss someone and be joyful about the missing. A multifaceted emotion, like them all.

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  26. When I was briefly an empty nester and all alone at home, I missed my kids. Being boys we texted and had a quick chat daily. (Met Gala fashion isn’t on their radar) LOL. But we didn’t FaceTime as hearing their voices was enough. With friends, I enjoy talking with them, but I dislike Zoom/FaceTime even though I have friends who really want to ‘be’ with me via video chat. Ugh. If it’s a person/person real time visit, I’m all for it! But if not, then let’s just talk. I miss my friends who are overseas or not local to me. I miss them and we say it often. But I feel that we talk often enough so I don’t miss them as much. However, if I were living alone now, I think that would be a different story as I need human contact and interaction and my sons are here at home which helps us all immensely.

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