I used to have a best bud, G. Those of you who have been on my blogging journey since the onset may remember my talking about G. G died about twelve years ago when he was in his mid forties.
The road with G was quick and painful. He went from not feeling well to pt scan to a terminal cancer diagnosis to death all within two months.
I was very pragmatic during those two months, me and our third musketeer S. We picked up his kids from school, we made trips to chemo and hospital. We comforted his mother and his grandmother.
We knew that death was at the end of the road and we prepared for it. We accepted it. It became the companion we didn’t want.
Now, after he passed, I had a little bit of non acceptance… I really couldn’t believe that my friend had died. The grief blindsided me at every turn…
I guess that’s how grief works though- you think you have it concurred, and then it bites you in the ass.
So how do you prepare for the death of a loved one? Can you prepare?
Or should you just go along for the ride and accept the emotions as they come to you?
I know I’m asking questions that are impossible to answer- questions that we tend to avoid because really, who wants to talk about death? Who wants to think about it?
We all handle these situations differently: what might be right for me might not be right for someone else. There is no one definitive guide to dealing with death. The only commonality is that all of us at some point will experience the death of a loved one. And that it will hurt. It might hurt forever. We might hurt forever.
When someone you know is about to experience a loss, be patient with them. Follow their lead. Be their support system in the way that they need to be supported. Don’t assume how someone feels or what they need from you. How we handle death, the coming reality of death, is unique.
As my Dad is ill, I have to learn how I need to cope with the situation. I need to help my Mother and my Sister with it. This has proved difficult because we all look at it differently. Sometimes we get frustrated with one another, but I have to keep reminding myself that I just need to be there for them. This is way more challenging than I ever thought it would be. It’s one of those moments when life is more challenging than it should be.
Do we look death straight in the eye? Do we battle the reality of it? Or do we quietly accept it? I guess we sort of do it all. Because there is no way to accurately hand death. I guess the process is just one we must endure.