This is a totally fictional tale about some mother and some daughter.

Some mother and some daughter are having a perfectly lovely conversation over the phone. No Zoom. No texting. Just an old fashioned cell phone call on speaker because some mother hates holding the phone to her ear.

After much pleasant chatter:

SOME DAUGHTER- OMG I bought my train tickets for Thanksgiving. I need to leave Saturday night at 10pm and get into DC at 2am

SOME MOTHER: Really? They’re already sold out?

SOME DAUGHTER: No. The tickets for Sunday were more expensive.

SOME MOTHER: You know I’m paying for the ticket. How much of a price different are we talking?

SOME DAUGHTER: The Sunday afternoon tickets are X, about 50$ more than the 10pm train.

SOME MOTHER: I don’t want you getting to DC in the middle of the night and going back to a mainly empty dorm. Change the ticket.

SOME DAUGHTER: I’m not happy about the train time either.

SOME MOTHER: If neither of us is happy about the time, change the ticket. I am paying for the ticket and frankly that price is cheaper than I thought it would be.

SOME DAUGHTER: Morally, I can’t pay that much more for a train ticket strictly for the convenience.

SOME MOTHER: BUT I’M PAYING FOR THE TICKET

SOME DAUGHTER: Don’t you think it’s ridiculous that the afternoon tickets are more expensive?

SOME MOTHER: Supply and demand

SOME DAUGHTER: I just can’t pay more money than the other train.

SOME MOTHER: BUT I’M PAYING

SOME DAUGHTER: But Morally…

SOME MOTHER: Where were these morals when you chose to go to a private college that didn’t give you a scholarship as opposed to the colleges that gave you handsome merit scholarships? (OK- some mother didn’t say this, but she thought it…)

SOME MOTHER: Can you please change the ticket?

SOME DAUGHTER: Can you respect my decision and treat me like an adult?

In today’s adventure, who was right and who was wrong, or are both parties being stubborn?

Should Some Mother allow her adult daughter to make her own choices? Or should Some Mother back off?

101 thoughts on “Anything Can Happen Friday: The Train Ticket”

  1. I have to admit that I would likely book the cheaper ticket as well even though I could afford the afternoon price. In my world I would likely back off and let the kid make the decision. My wife would keep bugging them until they relented.

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  2. LOL, firstly both are right and both are wrong. Yes, Mom needs to let daughter be an adult; however, mom has a lifetime of experience and knows bad things happen to women wandering the streets of a large city in the wee hours of the morning. Plus I’ve been to Union Station in DC in the early hours and it is sketch. The mom should tell the daughter she appreciates her desires but safety out weights principle in this case. I’m sure daughter is just making a stand against Capitalism (I hear that from my son all the time – insert eye roll by dad). Mom needs to tell daughter that Amtrak is a quasi-governmental organization and this is not about capitalists gauging the common person & she needs to take an Ecom class in her fancy school. This is about personal safety – period, make an adult decision at the corner coffee shop (Starbucks is verboten).

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  3. If this random mother is paying for the tickets, it seems she should have some say, but as you say, the daughter is an adult…

    That said, I was in a London train station at 10:30 at night once and I was super creeped out because it was nearly empty and I was alone, even though I was 30-something and don’t get creeped out being alone in a city. Train stations feel super weird when it’s late.

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  5. Sounds like SOME MOTHER and SOME DAUGHTER have many other power struggles, other than this one.
    Daughter should agree with mom on this issue.
    Mother/Daughter relationships are the most complex of all human relationships. 🤗🌷🌼

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  6. If Some Daughter taked the Saturday night tain nand gets in at 2.00 am will she expect to be picked up at the station or if she takes a taxi will she want someone to have waited up? If yes to either of those things then she should go on the Sunday. If no to either of them then I think Some Mother should allow her to travel on the Saturday night and save the extra cost..
    Huge Hugs

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  7. I’m with “Some mother”. It’s strictly a safety thing. And some daughter is certainly doing what most children do as they stretch their wings. Some mother does have to get used to hearing some daughter using that line for another few decades. ( About respecting her decision and treating her like an adult). Some sons use that line well into their 30’s and 40’s).
    Argh! Personally this mother would push the safety thing and pull some mom guilt. But that’s up to some mother to decide what she wants to do.
    Some children never get over pulling the respect my adult decision line. ( other children never use it. I have two sons. My oldest still says that line, my youngest never did. Maybe it’s a first born thing… who knows.) Anyhow, I am so with some mother. Fictional or real story. Moms and their kids deal with this all the time. Drives all moms crazy! 😩

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      1. Ohhh that’s a great line. I’m using it. Lol I’ve learned, however that the adult children who continuously remind us that they are adults tend to need to prove it more than the adult children who don’t use that line. I wonder if our expectations were tougher on only children. I didn’t have my second child until the first one was almost 16. So in essence he was an only child. He’s the one who seems to have a need to remind me that he’s an adult. But, I do see him as an adult. Maybe only children have the need to seek our approval more. Im not sure. I can only judge by my own kids. The younger one doesn’t seem to have a need to remind me. He never did. Perhaps it’s jus a personality thing. But the older one still does it now and then. I’m not wise enough to explain it. I think first borns might put more pressure on themselves. Who knows. In any event motherhood is a lifelong enigma.

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      2. My daughter always does this at the start of a new semester when she’s away. This is why kids need to be out of parents house at 18…they do need to assert their independence. However parents can still comment when we think something is stupid…

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  8. The Zoom call might have helped this mom in this case. There’s a look that mom’s get on their face that almost every child (younger or adult) knows not to argue with. I believe we call it “Mom Face” and even my adult kids know to simply back away, say thanks and move on rather than pressing the moral high ground. As to who’s correct in this fictionalized scenario…there is the safety issue as paramount, but…I also know a mom who had horrible anxiety regarding the safety of rock climbing when her daughter took up that sport. Needless to say, that daughter did eventually have an injury participating in that sport, albeit 20 ft. from the ground. It’s a give and take, a lot of feigned ignorance on the part of the parent, and perhaps a self-confidence booster for the child.

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    2. In this case, the mom reminded the daughter of an instance where the daughter was out in nyc and at 330am was unable to flag a yellow cab, and the Uber price was 100 to go less than a mile…

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  9. A wonderful post, LA, brilliantly executed. In the hand as dealt “Some Mother” holds all trump. Safety first, ad infinitum.

    And “SOME DAUGHTER” may want to consider how dangerous the public square may become, come late November, now that government is quickly rolling back pandemic mitigation measures.

    Again Nice write.

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    1. You know what’s funny? Her internship is not far from the station and she was just telling me how sketchy it is when she’s walking from bus to internship…at 1 in the afternoon….

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  10. Mmmm. No right or wrong here. Both of these fine individuals are being a bit stubborn. How about an alternative option? In these types of situations, I might ask some questions. For instance, I hear you saying that you don’t want to change a ticket because of moral principles, and I’m concerned about your safety arriving in DC in the middle of the night. What other options do we have? Any other ideas? Maybe something like that…

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    1. In this case…what are other options? Saturday afternoon tickets same price as Sunday. Class Monday morning at 930 with mandatory attention, followed by other class and internship. Bus could get stuck in traffic as thanksgiving weekend. Flying just as expensive.

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      1. Don’t know. When a person in a discussion stops the back and forth, and creates the space to acnkolwedge a point where the conversation is stuck, it’s less about the outcome, then the process. Sometimes inside of the process of reflecting back how someone else feels a new understanding will dawn, and one of the people in the conversation will come up with a new idea, and or, relenquish their previously held view of the situation…

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      2. As she started the conversation with “can you believe” and stated more than once that she wasn’t happy about it either, my thought was she was making an ill firmed decision.

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      3. Understood. Again, no right and wrong in these things. As you and I have discussed many times, it’s also about how we feel inside the context of the conversation….sometimes actually, the feeling matters most.

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  12. Definitely a tough one here. I’m with “some mom” and I would definitely play the safety card, although “some mom” used to say that going into San Francisco was dangerous at any time of day and “some kids” would roll their eyes at her and say that she was being paranoid and old fashioned.

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  13. To me the concern for safety outweighs everything else. Adult or not, this doesn’t change a parent’s desire to make sure safe choices are made. While this mother can’t force the daughter to change tickets, it’s in her DNA to express valid concerns regarding the illogic of choosing saving money over possibly saving something much more valuable.

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  14. I love this post and can relate to the anti-Capitalism POV of Some Daughter. I know Some Kids who would argue the same point. However, when it’s a safety issue, Some Mom has the say so. Two young women from my daughter’s university were murdered, one kidnapped at 2 a.m. traveling back to the university from home. One, you may have read about was an acquaintance of my daughter’s. Her name is Lauren McCluskey and she was shot while leaving night class — while talking to her mother on the phone. Not that it would happen to your daughter, because they had relationships with the murderers. But WHY purposefully put yourself in danger over $50? The adult in this situation would not arrive at an empty dorm at 2 a.m.

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  16. I love the back and forth between the said Some Mother and Some Daughter.
    No matter how old our children are, we want to protect them at all costs. Since Some Mother is paying for the ticket, I say Some Daughter should take the ticket Some Mother is paying for and chug along back to DC at a decent hour.

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  19. You crack me up lol Is this like the A and B wife and husband?

    I’m confused about these morals, too. Some mother gets to choose because she’s paying. When some daughter is able to pay for said ticket, then she can make all the “moral” decisions she’d like.

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  20. Look, I emigrated to Australia by myself aged 20, and rarely had contact with my Mum for years… stubbornly independent… totally get the Some Daughter attitude and self-belief. As a Mum now (albeit to a boy not girl), I’d offer to pay for a taxi from the train, and pre-book it? And request a phone call during the process… yet ultimately, (being quite stubborn myself), Some Daughter can be given another chance to change the ticket at another point, but Some Mom has to accept her final choice. And no doubt have a sleepless night while the journey is happening! Sending Mum/Mom solidarity x

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  22. Back off Mom! I think Mom has a strong point in wanting to change the ticket – absolutely! However make that point for the next trip explaining her safety point. Daughter is making decisions and planning independently – step back. This is the hardest thing of parenting, giving up control. When you are used to driving, the passenger seat can be tormenting but also for the driver if their choices feel scrutinized at every turn. Not easy knowing she is an adult and can make decisions for herself, and actually letting them do it (and keeping silent).

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      2. That’s a good blog topic. Is it hurtful or is it truthful? She had the option of not going to college and getting a job and supporting herself. What does adult mean? Is it an age, or the ability to support yourself?

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  23. You can never be sure where Some daughter is 24 hours of the day. As it should be – it’s all part of growing up and becoming independent. Allow Some daughter her POV and slip her some cash to cover the taxi fare from the train station with a ” let me know when you are home” gentle nag.
    Some mother wont sleep well but that’s the price you pay.

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      1. I had one daughter backpack around the world for 12 months by herself at 18 – she is now a lawyer – and another who moved interstate for Uni at 17 , rented a unit by herself, worked part time, and put a deposit on her first house at 24. She jumps into bikie dens to save children from being involved in unsafe and sinister situations. I felt sick – as a single parent- every bloody day but I had to trust that what I had put into their upbringing added to their life skills would get them through. They a both strong, resilient and good people just as I know you have raised your daughter to be. I hope this makes sense. I guess too, LA, because I lost my mother at a very young age I had no choice but to grow up fast, to take care of myself, to learn right from wrong.

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      2. I think there are times to hang back, like you did with your kids, and times when you tell them they’re making a dumb decision. If you can avoid going into a train station in the middle of the night you do it. My daughter has dove off cliffs, gone white water rafting etc. Those are lifestyle choices that I stand by. Making a stupid call to take a train when there’s no necessity of, into a high crime, and I mean high crime area is not making a smart rational adult decision. To be fair, if a friend was doing this I would also say exactly the same thing. I don’t want anyone arriving in an urban train station in the middle of the night

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      3. I think that’s my issue with this. I would literally tell anyone arriving on a train at 2 in the morning in a situation where it’s not imperative to just not do it. Daughter or not. I would say it to you. I would say it to a stranger I met on the street.

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      5. At 11 pm it’s fine…past midnight….anyplace that is open 24 hours is going to attract people. Some are good. Others bad. Plus, the people who loiter outside these places…dark, not much security, don’t know the area that well, etc

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  27. I’m with “Mother” 100%….especially since she is offering to pay!!! Morals ‘schmorals’ when it comes to safety in that kind of situation……and I am very serious about morals generally speaking but to me, taking that kind of risk…alone at 2am….for a mere $50 savings is too high. Just my opinion, of course. 🙂

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  32. That’s a fine example of some daughter wanting to express her adulting/independence. My daughter does something very similar to this every week, but I just stand back and smile. They have to learn on their own, even though we as Mother’s know best. 🙂

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  33. This mother would encourage her daughter to change the ticket for a better time, regardless of cost. However, if the daughter insisted she would not, this mother would accept it and settle herself down to worry until she heard from her daughter once she’d finally got back to her dorm room in safety. In my mind, my paying for the ticket would has no bearing on the situation as I fund my daughter as part of my duty as a parent and not in order to be able to control her choices. There are many decisions my daughter made while studying in London when fully funded by me which had the power to turn my hair grey with worry, but I had to learn to let go and live with it. It’s something all parents have to learn how to do. Who’s right is irrelevant, in my opinion.

    If you were giving your friend advice, you’d accept their decision – regardless of whether you thought it was right or wrong. Allowing your children to grow up means you doing the same with them.

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    1. Nah. If it was my friend I’d push for them to travel at a safer time. I had a friend who had a brain tumor and wasn’t ready for its removal…I pushed for that too. And if I saw someone drinking too much I wouldn’t let them drive. Physical safety is important

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      1. I agree that it is and I would make my feelings known.

        But because I loathe anyone – be they friend or family insisting that their decision is the *only* right one despite my own feelings, views or opinions – I make sure to extend the respect to them which I’d want to receive.

        A good friend gave me a very hard time over a carefully thought out and researched decision I made at the time of my cancer treatment. I knew she was doing it from the best of intentions but was nevertheless frustrated that she wouldn’t let it go. Interestingly, when it came time for her to make a similar decision, she hid the decision and closed down anyone else’s views if they attempted to speak on the subject with a firm “my body, my decision” announcement. If you’re happy to be pushed in the same way on your decisions – you’ve earned the right to push away with impunity 🙂

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  34. Love your “Fictional” tales. I can see your daughter’s point in wanting to save money BUT like you pointed out you are the one paying! I would be worried with about safety too, so I believe you win. ..this time. 🙂
    Safety trumps over money! Can’t the moral argument be used too in not purposely putting ourselves in harms way??

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