Say you get invited to a wedding. You are given the option to bring someone: your invitation reads
Plus 1
If you’re not dating someone, can you bring your sibling? Your best friend?
Or does the Plus 1 really mean bring a date?
I hadn’t thought about this before, but I read somewhere about a Bride getting mad that her friend chose to bring a friend and not a significant other.
The bride said that the wedding meal is too expensive to be wasted on someone who really has no “meaning” to everyone.
The guest said that she did not want to sit at the singles table but wanted to have someone to talk to. She said no where in “plus 1” did it signify who that person was to be.
The bride said that it’s tradition to bring a date, not just anyone.
My understanding is that the bride and the guest are no longer friends.
So- what do you think plus 1 means?
Are the bride and the guest equally right (or wrong)? Or is there a clear winner to this argument.
Discuss:
Oh. I had never considered this… 😳
I’ve been a plus one to several weddings where I either knew no one or I was the invited person’s newish date and had very brief or casual interactions with the bride or groom prior to the wedding…
In none of the situations did the bride or groom seem to want to control whether it was appropriate for me to be there…
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I guess with wedding costs spiraling, it’s something to consider. Many times cuts are made to the invited list because of cost constraints…if I was trying to budget, I don’t know how I’d feel…
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I think no matter how specific you are there will always be people who don’t listen. Plus, you ALWAYS have to prepare more than enough food. My niece gave a birthday party a few weeks ago for her baby who turned one. It was the first kiddie party she ever made and she only ordered food for the kids. My sister had a fit and ran out to get more food since there was nothing for the adults to eat. Lol My sister took her daughter aside and scolded her explaining that you have to feed the parents too since they can’t leave little ones alone. That Never dawned on my niece. All she focused on was her incredible decorations, her baby’s outfit, the cake, and food the kids would eat. Plus, it didn’t occur to her that some parents would bring siblings to the party too. She will know all this for next year’s party. Lo However, some people ( like the mentioned bride in your post) can’t see the Forrest from the trees.
This particular bride will most likely realize down the road that she handled it badly.
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I’m still torn about this. I just talked to one of my close friends whose daughter is getting married in March. As of now, only single people in longish term relationships are invited. She said check back next year to see what actually happens
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It says +1, not “bring a date”, so I think the friend whoever they wanted. If the Bride is complaining over the price of one meal in the grand scheme of a wedding and does it by insinuating that the friend’s +1 was meaningless, then she really needs to stop and consider her priorities.
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Im out of the age where my friends are getting married, but I know the last wedding we went to (son of friends) no one who was single was invited to bring a guest because they didn’t want to spend the extra money. But it was straight out there from the beginning. I have another friend whose daughter is planning a wedding. I’m going to ask what she’s doing
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I’m old enough now that my friends aren’t getting married, either (the ones in long-term relationships aren’t showing any sign of wanting to get married). When we were younger and weddings were going on, I was either in the wedding and not worried about a +1, or I was photographing it and still not worried about a +1….. So I’m no help on that end.
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My bestie has three daughters either engaged or in the cusp…I’m going to use them as my non scientific research
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That’s the best way. If they can’t afford extra guests just make that the rule and nobody gets their feelings hurt.
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What a storm in a tea-cup! Like you, I have never had need to ponder this one too closely but if the invite simple said “Plus One” then I would assume that to mean that I could bring anyone I darned well please. Surely, the Plus One is there for my benefit, to make me, the guest, feel more comfortable and thus better share in the festivities of the day? My Plus One would be significant to me else I would not invite them!! Although, this does open the door to another controversial question … Does just sleeping with someone make them significant enough to share your friend’s wedding? 😉
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Well yeah…especially if you sneak off at the wedding…😉😆but that’s a whole other etiquette question
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Haha. I just do not see why you would even raise this issue. If you like someone enough to invite them to your wedding dinner then surely their presence is to be welcomed not picked-over as a “waste” of twenty five dollars. Gahhh 😦
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Oh…weddings in New York could cost 200 a plate
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For the meal alone or is that an approximate per head cost for the whole event? Crazy if that is just for the meal unless the Astoria are doing the catering 😉
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That’s what they consider the dinner alone costs. My friends son who recently got married? 300$ just for the per person dinner.that’s not anything else like flowers or limos or photo. That’s the catering hall cost
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Ah, yes, we have similar here but they hide the “total” cost by bamboozling you with venue hire, lighting (yup!), linen and glassware, table service and bar service and hidden there somewhere is food!
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Ridiculous. Which is part of why I’m anti weddings…
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Yes, it seems to have turned into a major business without us really noticing!
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Ridiculous
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I’m getting married in October and one of my friends is apprehensive 1. because of post lockdown life and 2. because she doesn’t really know anyone else going.
She is in a long term relationship but due to physical health issues her partner can’t attend.
We had a video catch up last week and I could see how anxious she was because she desperately wants to be there for me but is uncomfortable about going alone if at all.
I told her no one is under any pressure to attend, I’d still love her and I’m anxious about life returning to ‘normal’ myself. I also then suggested she bring a friend. I don’t understand why if I would’ve been happy for her to bring her partner I wouldn’t be happy for her to bring someone else.
I can’t dedicate my time to her as it’s my wedding, but I would love to have her there, providing she’s happy, comfortable and having a good time.
The bride in question here sounds selfish to me.
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I just don’t know about this. Maybe selfish, or maybe someone else didn’t get invited because she extended the plus one to a friend. My guess is they weren’t close to begin with
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But as the bride, her and her partner would’ve chosen their guest list so that’s on them, not the guests.
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True
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Hehe, this is a very alien concept to me. Here, the invitation goes to either the person known or the person ‘with family’. Which includes spouse, children, parents.
But it does seem rather churlish of this bride. If she was so much into the price of dinner, why the plus 1? Surely it’s not up to her to decide who her guest should bring along? Looks like the bride took her ‘special status’ to mean much more than it does!
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Well, bridezilla is a term…but my thought was, if she was so worried about money, don’t have the plus one to begin with
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Exactly! ‘Bridezilla’ 😂😂
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😉
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I feel like a + 1 means bring someone. It doesn’t mean “only bring someone you are dating” I didn’t police who came to my wedding. Who even has time for that?
My nephew is getting married in New Orleans next May. My daughter asked if I thought she would get a plus one so she could bring her best friend. I think that is appropriate. Of course, I also told her I’m sure Hanna would be OK with going to New Orleans and not going to the wedding.
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To be fair I hate weddings because I think the couple should use the money on an awesome honeymoon or a dwelling…but that’s off topic. But it seems like everything is an issue now
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..and suddenly, eloping looks so attractive.
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Right? I told my daughter if she ever decides to get married, elope is the way to go…
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We have a set amount of money we put aside for weddings for each of our kids. They can do whatever they want with it..and if buying chicken breasts, spuds and asparagus for 100 friends and distant relatives is their preference, have at it..but me personally, I’d rather see them go on a fabulous honeymoon instead or buy furniture.
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I’m with you! Use it for your home, or a fabulous once in a lifetime trip!
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I told my daughter..we can have a “slide show” picnic with everyone when you get back..they’d probably prefer it that way!
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That totally works
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To me plus 1 always meant a date, not a sibling or friend or neighbor or whatever. It’s expensive to feed everyone so the couple is willing to pay for another person that’s a significant interest in the guest’s life. At least that’s how I have always viewed it. It’s not about just getting a free meal.
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See, I totally understand that POV as well…it is expensive…you’ve chosen the list carefully…I understand both sides
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My guess is the bride and the guest were never friends from the beginning. If that guest is a friend, who would complain who the +1 is? How ridiculous. I would just be happy that my friend made it at all. It’s my thoughts.
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I can sort of understand both sides if this, but it’s why I wanted to run it up the flag pole. I was eager to hear the different perspectives
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The only way the bride could be right (in my eyes) is if the friend brought someone they knew the bride had an issue with or a belligerent drunk or someone who would upset the wedding. Everyone has their own opinions, but I’m not a person who has expendable friends, and I love each and every one I have. This situation (to me) is a good way to lose a friend, and that’s why I say the bride was never a friend in the first place. The other option is to not have her friend there at all and for the seats to be empty. How can that be better?
Some men hate weddings—my husband included. I would never make him attend a friend’s wedding, and would likely take one of my older kids or someone else because I’m not an extrovert, which is something a friend would likely understand. If the bride wanted to invite only specifics, it should’ve been stated on the invitation, otherwise, you leave it up to the guests to decide.
The bride seems stingy and that doesn’t seem like a good quality. I could never be friends with a person like that.
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In my family I’m the ones who doesn’t like weddings, unless it’s someone I’m really close with and I know a lot of people invited. I guess I’m against the extravaganza of the wedding…
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I am really glad you wrote this blog. I think people who are not single, divorced, or widowed don’t understand the predicament going to events is for women who live alone. While most invitations write plus one or and guest, sometimes a single person isn’t even given that opportunity. When my nieces got married their invitations were only addressed to me. So I wasn’t even given that option. I never said anything because I didn’t want to embarrass the girls, but I would have liked to have had the option of bringing a date. I was plugged in with coupled family members and would have preferred to have had my own dance partner. I didn’t have a particular sweetheart at the time, but still i felt slighted. Don’t get me wrong, I had fun, I’m a social person, but I like to dance. On the other hand, when one of my dearest friends’ daughters had a surprise 65th birthday party for her mom, the invitation said plus one so I called to ask her daughter if I could bring my oldest son with me. (He was 40 so it wasn’t like he was a kid). The main reason was he knew my friend well and had worked with her through business, plus the party was held at a distant location that I could not drive to. ( I am fine to drive around town but I’m no longer comfortable driving over Florida waterways and bridges). Anyhow, I asked if it was ok and her daughter thought that it would be great. We had a fun time and he was much better than taking an Uber to the party.
But here’s the thing. Many of my friends are divorced or widowed like I am. It’s often uncomfortable to attend and be forced to sit at a singles table where everyone is 25 when you are pushing 70. Or to be purposely seated next to a recent widower who only talks about his late wife. So, I’m all for letting someone bring a friend or family member. One of my dear friends had a nasty divorce and got tired of having to go to events alone and see her ex husband and his new wife ( his former secretary) who is the same age as their son, at every event. She was divorced but their mutual friends were still the same. Talk about awkward. So she stopped going to these events. Because these people knew she wasn’t dating anyone and didn’t bother to even put a plus one on her invitation. It’s so inconsiderate. She was always forced to sit with single people she didn’t know while her ex sat with couples of all her friends.
My thought is, if you can’t afford to offer guests the plus one, then don’t have such a lavish party. Or talk to your guests beforehand and Discuss seating, guests etc. communication is key.
Personally, I no longer mind going alone anywhere. But, it would be nice to be given the choice to take a plus one of my choosing.
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I understand all aspects of this. And I sympathize with all aspects of this. But honestly I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong answer. My friends daughter is getting married next March. I’m going to ask her how her daughter is handing this. But honestly, I hadn’t thought of the plight of the older single person…like your particular perspective. I only thought about the younger single person. Everything is expensive…yet, you want people to have a good time…on a different note, we had friends who had a big buffet wedding at a yacht club. They purposely ordered less chairs than guests so that people would mingle. You have no idea how that pissed me off cause I was 7 months pregnant at the time…
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When my son got married he paid for everything because his wife’s parents were deceased. He asked if I wanted to bring a date and I declined since I knew he invited family members to fly down and so I would be surrounded by family plus I wanted to help keep his costs down. I wasn’t in a financial place to help since my second husband was quite ill with pancreatic cancer etc. anyhow, he had a fairytale wedding, presented amazing buffets, had his wedding at a gorgeous place on the beach and got a great rate so it all turned out beautifully.
I waved my plus one so someone else could have it. And I had a ball! One of my son’s jobs in being the director of a foundation is planning fundraising events, so he had so many connections that on a shoestring budget he was able to put on a beautiful wedding that truly became an event! It makes a difference when people are professionals. He had a budget, kept to it and it was extraordinary. I’ve been to his business events which are lavish and raise money in the community so clearly he knows how to throw a party. Watching him made me realize that while weddings are expensive there are also ways to get the most bang for your buck.
But adding a plus one is the polite thing to do on an invitation and you NEVER tell someone who they can or cannot bring to any event. It’s not proper etiquette to dictate who the plus one is.
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Wedding cost have gotten out of hand…the whole industry…so figuring out how to do it on a smaller budget is commendable
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I’m glad you now understand and admitted you hadn’t thought about “mature” singles. See here’s the thing… if you are over 50 and married, nobody thinks about the over 50 single people. And trust me, the majority of women as we get older, especially over 65, are single. Divorced or widowed. And we are INVISIBLE! Here we are, at our most vibrant intellectual age, comfortable in our own skins, still vital and attractive, ready to take on the world, and yet NOBODY SEES US! We want to go to events, parties, and gatherings. We have much to offer in our conversations, yet we are often stuck at tables where we don’t know anyone or are decades beyond them and have nothing in common to discuss. Without a mate we suddenly are forgotten. My friends and I often discuss this problem. My own sister has to be reminded.
Seating grandma or Aunt Ida with teens or not giving them a plus one option is hurtful. And at my age my contemporaries are too polite to say anything. We understand that it’s not intentional. But it’s a real problem. Oddly enough, my generation was less lonely than most during the pandemic. We’re used to it and we all had weekly or monthly ZOOM gatherings. We love to connect.
So remind your friends about older singles at events. We can still be the life of the party!
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I haven’t gone to many weddings of late, the last two were kids of friends. I haven’t been invited to the weddings if my cousins children, so I don’t foresee too many weddings in my future…but interesting to ponder
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I think thr bride is right
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I understand both sides
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If the bride didn’t want to spend the money on a plus one of her guest’s choosing, then the bride shouldn’t have offered a plus one at all.
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See….that’s what I keep coming back to…don’t offer it if there are contingencies
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Exactly
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Someone is going to be offended no matter what, however…I think it’s rather rude of the bride to be so very specific about what constitutes a plus 1. If I extend the invites for single guests to bring someone along and they actually RSVP that they are bringing someone along (and the someone isn’t a complete jerk) then let it go. I really have more issues with those folks who don’t take the time to RSVP and then show up unannounced, or worse show up with extras!
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Not rsvping and showing up is horrible! There are no provisions!! And the couple has a lot on their plate at that point
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I’m in the camp that plus one is the choice of the invitee, not the inviter. Otherwise, be more specific.
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You winder if the bride should call the single people beforehand and ask if they’re dating anyone. But it that wrong too? I don’t know
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That would be strange.
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I think there’s so many ways to navigate things now…it’s hard…
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Best to just be nice.
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Nice? What’s that?
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😆
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Plus 1 – means whatever the guest thinks it means
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I have never thought of this either…
The bride is wrong. So everyone in her life, who still wants to be in her life, must have a partner? So everyone that came to her wedding brought their partners? What happens if you don’t have one and don’t want one?
I’d rather not go to that wedding if those are the terms of attending.
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Totally understand your point of view. I’m still pondering this
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https://www.honeyhollowranch.com/wedding-plus-one-etiquette-rules-for-the-bride-and-groom/
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It would never have occurred to me that a plus one could just be a friend, but then it’s so long since I’ve been to a wedding that things must have changed. I always thought the plus one was a date, so you would have someone to dance with, if they’re weren’t many or any singles. Sometimes bringing a “date” you weren’t particularly close to was not fun either, so I can see the advantage of bringing a close friend. I think big fancy weddings are a waste of money in general….and that bride was definitely a bridezilla.
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I’m against big weddings. Spend the money on something else like a honeymoon or dwelling!!
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That’s ridiculous! If I were inviting a single friend and added the Plus 1 on the invitation, I would be glad that they brought a friend. It’s awkward being alone at weddings. It’s not all about the bride. Guests should have a nice time too. Great topic.
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It’s something I never really thought about and I sort of get both sides of this
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Because I have literal ADD, I didn’t read all the comments thoroughly to read your point of view in favor of the bride. Unless it is specifically stated on the invitation who you are to bring (which I believe is impolite), a plus 1 indicates that you can bring anyone. Ish. I mean, it doesn’t imply bringing a screaming toddler with a loaded diaper.
But what difference does it make if you state plus 1 on the invite and they send back an RSVP saying that two people are attending, if that person is a friend or a husband? I am asking for clarification, not to start trouble. 🙂
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Honestly, I don’t know where I stand on this. I understand both sides.i understand not wanting to go aline for the wedding, but I understand the bride not wanting one offs that she will never see again. I wanted to toss it around because I just don’t know
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Lol I see the idea of not wanting meaningful guests at her wedding. I didn’t think of that. I was also thinking that if you respond plus 1 and then your plus 1 were to get sick at the last minute. What would be the protocol in that case? They’ve already paid for that guests plate, no? So should you bring another person anyway? Maybe a grown relative who knows the bride? Or is that tacky?
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Yeah…all sorts of things to think about. I vote no weddings…
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If I have to dress up and eat banquet food, I’m out…😂
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😉
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I think the bride must have been under a lot of pressure and stress with her wedding. That’s why I’m not a fan of the big weddings. I’m not sure who they are for. My husband and I drove to Laguna Beach before our wedding and planned and paid for it all in one day, colors, flowers, meal, etc. It was family and close friends only, around 20 people. My husband’s grandfather gave us use of their beach house for one week for our honeymoon. After our wedding ceremony, everyone came over to the beach house to continue the reception. We played smash ball on the beach and swam.
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Now THAT sounds like fun!!!
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👍😊
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That wedding sounds perfect. My husband and I went to Vegas. Invited people to join. Easy and low key. My mother in law still complains about it.
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Your wedding sounds perfect, too. Fun and easy! That’s funny that your mother in law complains. I honestly think a lot of weddings are for the mothers of the bride and groom and not the couple getting married.
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Completely agree. My mil wanted the whole shebang. We didn’t.
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I think the bride in your scenario is a bit of a control freak. I agree with Kim, the invitation did not stipulate that singles had to bring a”date”. Sometimes tradition needs altering. If the bride was a true friend she would never have raised the issue. Seems pretty tacky to me. If you cannot afford wedding guests don’t invite them!
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I’m very torn on this. I just talked to my best friend whose daughter is getting married in March. Their intention is to only invite singles with dates if it’s been a relationship, because their goal is to know everyone at the wedding. She did say to check back next year as to how this plays out
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I understand that. Weddings can be extremely expensive and it’s a fair point to have people celebrating such an occasion that you feel close to, or at least know something about. I do get that aspect.
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I think not knowing the bride anymore sounds like a good idea. What a control freak!
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😉
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I think it means you can invite whoever. If I was invited to a wedding I would be more likely to attend if I could bring a plus one—at this point it would probably be my daughter.
Agree with Lesley’s comments—Aunt Ida might want to have a plus one so she will have someone to drive her home late at night or travel with her if the wedding is out of town.
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Exactly, Kate. That’s why I brought my son to my friend’s evening dinner bday surprise party. I didn’t want to take a long Uber drive alone at night. When my friend ( the birthday gal saw my son she hugged him and said “ I’m so glad you are here! Your mom never would have driven out here alone! “ She was delighted. However, when she had an afternoon religious event held at her Temple a few years later and then a celebration on the water afterwards, I took an Uber to and from that event . But it was in the temple and the reception on her boat right after. I knew it was daytime and I felt comfortable using an Uber. A very different thing than riding alone late at night.
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It says plus 1, not date/spouse/partner. I see things like this and it drives me bonkers that people get so upset over something that is really trivial. What if someone brought a date, but it was someone they just started dating so the relationship isn’t at an important emotional stage yet? What about a couple that are on the doorstep of divorce? Are you going to ask that you don’t bring that spouse because their relationship doesn’t have a future, so you don’t want to waste a meal on them? Are you going to drop to the level of evaluating the “realness” of every relationship of every guest that attends? If you really only want your single friends to come alone as you don’t want someone “insignificant” to attend then don’t put plus one on the invite or rsvp card, just fill out their name and wait for them to reply, but even then I think it is ridiculous to try and force someone to attend alone because they aren’t in a relationship.
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Interesting topic LA as always. Most people who are in a relationship bring their significant other as a plus one, but sometimes there’s not a significant other. However, the plus one I think is for the one invited as a sign of ‘bring someone so you’re not alone’ so bringing who you want is your choice as the invited. But I do get the Bride’s point of view too. As a bride myself many years ago, if I extended the invite to include a plus one, then I felt it was the choice of the invited to bring whom they chose.
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This kind of thing would not have happened 57 years ago when I got married. The whole thing was ambiguous. Perhaps the bride should have specified that she had to judge the suitability of the unknown guest. I’m thinking the marriage won’t last long if the bride is that petty and mean-spirited.
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Anne you are so right! Manners were more important back when we were young! I do know that I have seen wedding invitations stating no children etc. But a plus one or guest was always up to the person being invited. I think communication is a must since things have changed so much. Clarification is needed. A hand written note can go in the envelope if necessary explaining specifics.
Plus these days brides have a dozen parties before the wedding that are unnecessary. Skip some of those and let guests bring a friend. Lol
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The amount of pre wedding festivities is a little crazy!!
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I like your summary. I’m so out of touch that I didn’t know brides have lots of parties before their wedding. I’m glad I’m out of that rat race.
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Years ago though, people would never have brought a friend , they would just go alone and sit at the singles table. When I was 22 even, going to my cousins wedding I didn’t have a guest option cause I wasn’t dating someone
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We had a number of unattached friends at our wedding. Those that weren’t in the wedding party sang, played the violin, or the organ. Everyone came to the stand-up reception. Back then things were so easy.
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The person who is invited along with a “plus 1” should be able to bring any person they wish! Who would even want to be friends with someone like this bride who could be so petty?
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I get the bride though, as far as expenses go. Do you want someone you’ll never see again at your wedding? But I get both sides
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I wouldn’t care, but everyone is different.
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It would never occur to me to question someone’s choice in responding to an invitation. And to lose a friendship over this??? I consider this a good opportunity to find a new friend.
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I get that. But I really do see both sides
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My daughter is 25, just had this situation. She was invited to Italy for a wedding. When the bride invited my daughter, she did not have a boyfriend. Now, she has a boyfriend, so would like to bring him, but felt it would not be right to ask. I told my daughter — true, usually they specify, bring a guest, but since bride did not know you have a boyfriend, did not add +1. I suggested my daughter ask if it would be OK to bring boyfriend. If wedding was small and it was not possible for extra guests, she would understand. Also, she would be willing to pay for his meal (which we KNOW the Bride would not accept), but would be happy if she could bring her boyfriend. Bride said – BRING BOYFRIEND. Weddings are tricky, they are a formal occasion and expensive.
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Going international you want to make it a thing, so I totally get your daughter asking if it was ok. That’s reasonable, especially as you might want to vacation around it. But I get both sides of this
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Plus 1 means you can bring whomever you want.
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I see both sides, so I’m unsure
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Realistically speaking, the bride is so busy mingling with everyone and/or dancing and having her own fun, why should she care who the plus 1 is unless, as someone above said, it is a person that the invited guest knows would cause an issue ( an ex of the bride or groom, or they are an obnoxious drunk who would make a scene). If you are trying to keep the costs down, don’t add plus 1. Another thought provoking one, LA. People amaze me.
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Cost, especially in some areas of the country, is a real thing. I actually see both sides of this issue. But I will tell you, the last wedding I went to was the son of friends of ours. We only knew one other couple at the wedding. Even with my husband there, it was still pretty boring for all of us.
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Plus 1 is just that. It is not like someone is going to just pick up a random person to take to a wedding. I will say that it is usual that it is a significant other, but that doesn’t guarantee that the significant other will remain so.
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I admit I’ve known people to take people they don’t know well to a wedding so they’re not alone…I understand both sides of this, so I think it’s tough
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People have way too much time on their hands. I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m trivializing either of these people’s issue, but I’m trivializing both of their issues.
I always though +1 meant you could bring whomever you wanted to…who wants to be sitting at a “singles” table. Seems like a form of bullying to me lbvs
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But from a monetary perspective, does the bride have the right to not pay for someone’s dinner? In New York, weddings are really expensive per person if you’re doing a hall or something. I see both sides of this. That being said, the last wedding I went to we knew only one couple besides the parents of the groom. Even with a “date” it was four hours I’m not ever getting back…plus the commute
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Ummm I think said person should think about why they’re getting married and having a wedding. Do you want the people who support you to be happy and joy-filled or bitter because they’re sitting with a table full of strangers? I think weddings, in general, are expensive (I know NY is twice that), but seriously…maybe only invite people you know and don’t do a +1 if it’s going to pain you that much. For example, a couple would invite only me, if they didn’t know my significant other and both of us is they did.
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I have to admit I wouldn’t do the +1 thing…but I also got married in Vegas and invited people but it was a very low key thing. Brunch buffet. Personally..I think the money is better spent on other things, and if they aren’t close to me 8 try to avoid weddings
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Yeah, like if I knew what I know now? I’d just elope. But if I’m having a wedding, the last thing I wanna worry about is who your +1 is lol
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I’m thinking people will not be invited with plus ones in a lot of situations. But I’m in fir elopement
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It’s always a bit tricky and I’m never sure quite what to do
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I understand both sides. I was just talking to friends…one has a daughter who recently got married and she said the bride was right. My other friends daughter is getting married in a few months and as of now they’re not inviting single people with guests unless it’s a longish term relationship. They want to know everyone at their wedding
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Wow. A first world problem, indeed! 😉 Mona
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😉made for lively debate though!
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hahahaha. That’s a fun one, LA. I don’t think there is a clear “rule” or formality about this; and, I’ve been to many weddings, and I’ve never heard about this. Though, I think, if there is an expectation that someone brings someone they are dating, or seeing, or…that should be stipulated. Yet, as I type that, is that a real thing? That someone getting married would actually ask people to bring someone they are dating? I’m not dating anyone, do I get to go to the wedding? Are singles allowed? That’s way too much fun.
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I really see both sides to this. I have two friends, one whose daughter recently got married and one about to be married. They both totally understand the bride in this situation because do you really want someone you don’t know at all at the wedding? Like, the one bride is the oldest of her cousin group…all her younger cousins are single and there’s a lot of them…to let each of them bring someone would get unwieldy very quickly.
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Ah, I see. That added context actually makes a lot of sense…I come from a larger-sized family, yet am unsure about how that has been handled in the past….my ex-wife and I avoided all of that by flying to Vegas….😏
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We did Vegas too!
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Your plus 1 should be whoever you want it to be.
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I’m beginning to side with no weddings…
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Lol I can see your point! 😉
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Plus 1 means bring someone, if the bride had wanted only partner she should have addressed the invite by name to the two people she wanted there.
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True
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My MIL wanted the guest list to be bigger for our wedding—-I think we had maybe 125 guests. There were people on the guest lists from both sides that our parents wanted to be at the wedding. Some of the people that were invited I’m not sure we had much contact with after the big day. So certainly there were people at our wedding that had little meaning to my husband and I.
I hope both my kids elope or doing something small, for a lot of reasons. Weddings can be a lot of fun—-but there can also be a lot of drama.
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My besties daughter is getting married next March. I’m looking forward to that because my best friends will be there (we are spread out and don’t get to see one another much) and I’ve watched the bride grow up, plus I know the whole family. But other weddings…bleh….
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I think they are both wrong to let such a trivial thing ruin a friendship. I have no history with “plus ones” as we didn’t offer that at my daughter’s wedding, and I’ve never gotten an invitation with that written on it. That being said, I would assume it meant I was allowed to bring a date, or a friend, to the wedding. But I agree with other comments that no matter what is spelled out on the invitation, people are going to do what they want to do. We had more than one guest show up with other, uninvited, people in tow. People have very different ideas on what is polite behavior these days!
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I feel for people on both sides if this…bride has a budget, wants a certain type of wedding, tries to include people important to her. However being at a wedding alone is boring…so I don’t know…
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I don’t think the bride should have any say in who the “plus 1” would be for invited guests. If she is so concerned, perhaps she needs to only address invites with Plus 1 to those she knows have significant distractions in their lives. If she doesn’t know, then it’s just addressed to the single person or don’t invite them since you are not close enough to know personal details. Problem solved on her end. I agree with Ann, what a trivial thing to ruin a friendship over.
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My guess is they weren’t good friends to begin with. After I wrote this I realized there are so many wedding related things I could post about
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😀 I’m with the Bride, these weddings are an expensive you can’t go inviting someone for a free lunch.
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I’m very mixed with this…I get both sides
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Petty
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I realized I could do a whole series about weddings
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I have a funny wedding story . It was a relative’s wedding. They seated us a tables for a meal . The food was brought in a communal serving dish to be shared , but the serving was so small we thought it was for one person. 🤣 Tiny portions. We were all middle aged adults who were used to real servings so it brought serious confusion. 🤣🤣🤣
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Omg that’s hilarious! I mean not while you’re there, but in retrospect….
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plus 1 means, bring some one. I never took it to mean a significant other. On 3 occasions my plus 1’s were my best friend Rob for my Brother’s 1st Wedding (the straight one), I took my close friend Lourdes to my cousin’s wedding, and I took my friend Kroeger to my Mom’s friends daughter’s wedding. Yeah I took two guys as my plus 1, neither was gay nor were we dating. Each time no one had a problem. Seems pretty to me.
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I am still torn over this issue
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I meant to say she was being petty
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I that knew
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The Bride has zero control over who you bring. As long as they meet the dress code and aren’t an ex of the bride or groom.
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Could you imagine bringing an ex of the bride or groom? That would be a great story though…
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Sure would 😂
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One of the most enjoyable weddings I went to was small, and no plus 1s were offered. If you were an established couple and friends of the bride or groom, you both received an invite, otherwise it was a solo invite. I’ve been to a lot of weddings solo. Sometimes it was awful, mostly it was OK, a couple were great (the small ones). Not a big fan of weddings, they seem ripe for drama.
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I don’t like large weddings either…you’re right…too much drama…
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I believe it should be open to anyone you want to share this experience with, not up to the bride, or she should have not added the plus 1. Most people do not like to attend events alone and it’s a curtesy to the single person to have a companion, not specifically a love interest. C
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A few days later and I’m still thinking this one out…I don’t know…
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I always wanted to go to a wedding. But I assumed it would be as a ‘plus 1’. Idk what I am suppose to do now. It is certainly too late to cultivate intimate friendships.
I could buy a green screen, I suppose. My experiences are whatever instagram says they are, at the end of the day.
Still. Kinda sucks.
JC
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No me actually wants to go to a wedding of someone they don’t know. They don’t even want to go to weddings of people they know
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