Today you’re getting a real story from my life:

A few months ago my husband got a text from his sister. I don’t remember the exact wording but it was something along the lines of:

We’d like you and LA to be guardians of our children but I want them to live in a pet free home. Would getting rid of your pets be a problem?

Ok- so obviously there are multiple takeaways from this exchange (or lack of exchange if you will)

  1. Do you even have the inklings of a conversation about guardianship of children via text?
  2. Do you ask the guardians to change their lifestyle? ie give up pets or ask them to move to where the children are as opposed to the children moving to you?

The next thoughts are a bit more tricky.

  1. If someone asks you to be a guardian, do you have the right to say “No”?
  2. If the person asking is a sibling to part of a couple, does the non related partner have the right to say “No”?

Here’s my thing: We all know I’m not getting rid of my pets or moving, so we will start with that. But what if I don’t want to be the guardian to my sister in laws kids? What if I am totally done with being a parent? What if I just don’t want to do it? Do I have the right to say “No”?

Does saying no cause an irreparable shift in the dynamic of the relationship?

Does saying no make me a bad person?

Is it ethically wrong to say No?

Now, my perspective. I love my daughter. I spent a lot of time, effort and energy being a parent. I just don’t want to do it again. And let’s face it, the burden of the day to day parenting would fall on me. I don’t profess to be a saint who will Mother the world. I’m just a person who wants to get on to the rest of her childless life…

Am I selfish for thinking this?

So…give me any and all thoughts of guardianship, or anything I addressed here, or anything that is germane to the subject.

117 thoughts on “Guardians of the Children”

  1. I think you should only choose a guardian if you are Ok with your kids living in the exact environment in which the chosen guardian is currently living. Also, yes, you can say no and should say no. I wouldn’t want my kids going to someone who didn’t want them but said yes out of duty

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  2. Not a simple situation friend. I will say my husband and I have accepted guardianship of another couple’s children. But there are two stark differences. 1. We have 2 year old, and we are no where near our empty nester phase 2. They chose us for our home and lifestyle (including our pets)
    Did I feel obligated to say yes? Yes. Would I like them to stop riding motorcycles and keep themselves safe and alive? Oh yea.
    Best wishes🌺

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  3. This is one of those you-can-either-laugh-or-cry moments. Might as well laugh! Being asked to be a potentially-in-the-unlikely-case-that-something-happens-to-both-parents guardian is both an honour and a serious responsibility. You can definitely say no. “We are honored to be asked but after much consideration think we would be too old.” Re expecting you to get rid of you pets and asking by text, as we say in French, incroyable!

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  4. I let out a spontaneous chuckle of incredulation after reading the first line of the text message.
    Okay, that really sets the stage for the relational environment you are navigating…
    I will merely contribute one aspect of this multilayered situation: Even under the best circumstances, it’s perfectly okay to ‘decline’…and even under the oddest circumstances (yours) the standard, but still appropriate, standby of “We’re really honored you’d consider us to be guardians of your precious children, and after much thought and consideration feel we’d not be the best fit for all concerned.”
    It’s a start…good luck!
    😉

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      3. Hold on – the criteria for eliminating you as an option is pet ownership?! Holy cow. I understand if the kids have horrific allergies, but otherwise, wow. Just wow.

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  5. The “demand” to get rid of the pets should the unfortunate happen rubs me wrong.

    Is she looking at the big picture before making such demand? I mean, if she said “I want them to grow up in a drug free environment” is a different category altogether. Is this her primary concern, the fact that you have pets? Strange…

    I wonder if your family was the first she approached…

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  6. The people asking can ask whatever they want, however too many demands and specifics about what can and can’t be done may indicate they really don’t want you to say yes and are attempting to give you the opportunity to bow out. Not sure if ethics are even involved in this as I believe anyone has the right to say no. There is no moral imperative to take on the role of parent.

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    1. If it’s a sibling I wonder if there is a moral imperative, if guilt starts to factor in.
      Ike, my MIL would browbeat my husband if she knew he said No. we would get but it’s your sister guilt trip. Right or wrong, how often would a sibling be guilted into something? Like a sibling going through a transfusion or something for a sibling. Obviously this is different than saving a life, but does sibling guilt factor into things?

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      1. Navigating already “strained” familial relationships in this picture would, I admit, be a challenge. Guilt is a great coercive tool if used properly…

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      3. First my answers; then my take on related question I bet you can understand and appreciate.
        Do you even have the inklings of a conversation about guardianship of children via text? No
        Do you ask the guardians to change their lifestyle? ie give up pets or ask them to move to where the children are as opposed to the children moving to you? No
        If someone asks you to be a guardian, do you have the right to say “No”? Yes
        If the person asking is a sibling to part of a couple, does the non related partner have the right to say “No”? Yes

        My kids are adults. I have only one sibling, my sister who happens to be a childless dog lover. I partially understand and accept that she loves and appreciates dogs more than people sometimes. Our relationship has run the gamut of mutual caring and understanding over the years to where we have now reached the realization that our shared family history makes us each the best person for the other to vent to re Mom and our past failed relationships with the opposite sex.

        I never expected to get decent advice re the latter after her two divorces but now that I am in the middle of my own I can see she learned a few things from me after my relatively long period of singleness as well as from her shrink. She has shared the latter with me after she finally started seeing one, and doing the work to get healthy after a near-suicide attempt and now a period of near singleness that is almost as long as mine was.

        What I am getting to with all this is the following. I moved back into my childhood home in So Cal to care for our demented mother. I hadn’t originally intended to do this but between the pandemic and the pending divorce it seemed like the reasonable thing to do. On the flip side, however, I have on a few occasions gone close to bat shit crazy after being cooped up with the woman. When I vented to Sis about this I guess I may have sounded near suicidal because she offered to stay with Mom for a week or two so I could get away.

        There was, however, one huge condition on that offer. Since she can’t bring take her “emotional support” dog with her on the plane, I would have to stay in her house near Nashville to take care of him! Mind you I have a mild allergy and she has a senior dog but I don’t understand why she couldn’t make other arrangements for his care for just this short time. She herself has dogsat for complete strangers in her area and she has other friends there I’m pretty sure she could trust to take card of Rocky and even stay in her home every night if necessary just to keep an eye on him. Worst case, she wouldn’t have to pay to kennel him.

        I was surprised when she made the initial offer to swap places with me because she usually has even less patience for Mom than I do. I was hurt, though, that she would want to limit my freedom of movement and opportunities for socialization with my friends who live in other parts of the country, especially given the limitations on travel imposed during the pandemic. What’s your opinion on this? Am I wrong to think she has carried her pets over family issue too far?

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      4. Oh the pets/family thing. In this particular case, I think she should have tried to find alternate arrangements for her pet, because you need a break from caregiving, and taking care of a dog isn’t a break. But, I get that finding good pet care is hard, so I u derstand…

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  7. You’re not selfish at all to say “no” to this out of the blue request. It doesn’t seem all that sincere to me. I’d suggest that your SIL was just covering the bases before choosing who she really wants to be her child’s guardian. Just so she could say she asked you like she was *supposed* to do.

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  8. No, you’re not obligated to take your SIL kids, and what right does she have to ask you to get rid of your fur babies? There was always an understanding that any of my siblings would have taken the others kids in the event of their deaths, that’s just how my family is. We all have pets, so that wouldn’t have been an issue. What is your SIL’s problem with animals? I could (sort of) understand if there were life-threatening allergies involved, but it’s still weird. Glad your husband said no.

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    1. I think there are allergy issues, but basically she’s not an animal person. But to ask that if others is, I don’t know….to me, pick someone who doesn’t have pets

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  9. I don’t think asking someone to be their children’s guardian over text is the proper way to do it. Maybe, they could have texted something like ‘hey, we would like to talk about it over phone (since we are still in the pandemic era) or face-to-face. let us know when you are free to meet up.’
    No is a complete sentence. If you don’t want to be their guardian, say so.🤷‍♀️ Is it okay for the children to have a guardian who constantly ‘reminds’ them they took guardianship only because they couldn’t say a no?
    I read a book (about mind and body) last week where the author says we have control over what we say, not over how people react to our response. He also gives an example about how saying no can annoy people but it will not keep us resenting for something (in the future) we never wanted to do in the first place.

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  10. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing, but I am. Such a ridiculous text! I would be tempted to reply in kind: Sure, we’ll take your kids should anything happen to you, G-d forbid, but just so you know, we’ll farm them out for adoption before we get rid of our pets. My heavens. I don’t envy you having to sort this one out, freighted as it is with so much callousness, presumption, and insensitivity.

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  11. I agree with “Writer of Words” about a drug free environment. I feel like people should not make unnecessary demands. As you might remember I had some issues with my stepson farming out two dogs to us and cages for almost 2 months while they “moved.”

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  12. It is not like they didn’t know you have pets. If the pets are such an overriding concern then find a couple who doesn’t have them. You have the right to say no, but seeing that it is family I could see it becoming a huge problem, because it would be discussed with the family. People who are asked to be guardians of someones children are agreeing to a huge responsibility, to me that is a demand unto itself.

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  14. Yowsza! Ok so I’m the Guardian of my brother’s kids (if needed). But I prayed I would never have to be and there’s only one left that’s under the age so I think it’s all fine. Whew. But a text? I’m sorry but it’s inconsiderate. Yet, at the same time, it gave you time to think without being on the phone and having to respond right away. As for the determining your lifestyle and pet situation, I think it’s absurd especially if the children are not allergic. And dare I point out that if you’re the guardians then they’ve passed away and can’t do anything about it? Sorry to be so blunt.

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  15. Nothing wrong with saying no for every reason you stated. Now I completely understand if from her point of view that if her children have pet allergies, that would make sense…But do people not realize that the animal in your home is also a family member ? That alone is pretty messed up to say someone…If I die take care of my kids but only if you get rid of your animals, sorry no dice. Ridiculous.

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  16. Talk about presumptuous. Telling you they’ve decided you should be their kids’ guardians (via text!) without having a long and serious conversation with you about it is astonishingly disrespectful. And then telling you that you must change your life to accommodate them takes it a step further. You have every right to say no, and, in fact, unless both prospective guardians are unreservedly in favor, I think the obligation is to say no. I don’t think explanations are needed, just a simple, “I’m sorry, that won’t be possible.”

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    1. Agreed that both partners must be 100% on board. It’s a huge responsibility to take on the children of others. You hope the prospective guardians think it out

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  17. Ugh! So much to unpack here. As a parent, you should choose someone that most closely fits with how you would like to see your children raised, but you have no control of how those you choose will actually perform that function (and part of the reason I was never able to decide on someone). You are asking them to do something huge. That ask alone is enough. You don’t get to tack on all kinds of rules and expectations.

    Now, I will say that when picking someone to care for your kids, you should have conversations with those people about things like moving and what their willingness is in that regard or anything else the parents asking feel is important, but those should be topics that are part of the process of deciding who would be a good fit for raising your kids and not absolute expectations. Those people are not you and you shouldn’t expect them to be. If someone expects not only that you will take on their kids but to do so with all these strings attached that you didn’t expect or agree to, that makes them an astronomical jerk.

    And yes, you absolutely have the right to say no. Sure, the person asking may get bent out of shape and take offense, but that doesn’t change your ability to say no. No one ever has the right to impose such a huge task on someone without their consent. There are so many reasons why someone should say no and the desire not be a parent (or in your case, a parent again) is just as valid as not being able to afford to do so.

    This is actually something I’ve been drilling home to my son because his GF has a twin that is severely disabled and will require care for the rest of her life. Heavy, intensive, and expensive care. There is some speculation that if something were to happen to their parents that they expect her to take on the care of her sister. Since there is talk of marriage, this is something my son and his GF will most likely have to address at some point. They may choose to take on that burden, but they need to understand that it isn’t a requirement if they felt it was too much, that they do have a choice. It may be a very difficult choice, but they do have one.

    Depending on the situation, you will also have to deal with some guilt on saying no. In your situation, I wouldn’t feel guilty at all. I can see how my son’s GF would struggle with that if they had to say no when the time comes with regards to her sister. Guilt or not, saying no is ALWAYS okay.

    The flip side is that even the parents asking can change their mind after getting consent if circumstances change and the people they’ve asked no longer feel like they are a good fit.

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    1. Your son is in a very tough situation. He might think it’s ok now, but when real life smacks you in the face, what do you do?it’s a lot of responsibility to take on the care of someone. There’s no easy answer

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      1. He and his girl are very good about talking about these things, so that will help. When the decision has to be made, they will be ready and on the same page, which will make it easier. Not easy, but easier.

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  18. That’s a in person question to ask. Or maybe they realized that you would say no and didnt want to deal with it in person. How old are the kids? I wouldnt do it either. You’ve raised your daughter. Enjoy your time.

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    1. I think you at least do it over the phone. Or you can text and say can we have a convo about this with all four parents/adults

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  19. First of all, I think that’s an ongoing conversation, that should most likely take place in person, not a text message.
    Secondly, beggars can’t be choosers. If you’re gone and you’ve entrusted your kids to someone, you better damn sure have made the best choice for your kids before hand.
    Thirdly, it’s OK to say no. If that damages the relationship, perhaps that has more to do with the actual relationship than choice of guardian.
    You must be true to yourself first and foremost. Then to your husband and own child. And your pets, they’re your fam too.
    How will this impact all of you? Do you want that level of impact? Do you want that level of responsibility?
    Obviously, you’ve answered those questions and the last two are both no.
    No is an acceptable answer. It is your right to make choices for your life. And your choices are not hinged upon the choices of others.
    It’s OK to be done. To be finished with raising children.
    I’m curious what your husband thinks. Is he squarely in the no column? Does he feel pressure to comply to keep the relationship where it currently is? Would he be inclined to agree without your consent?
    I suspect not, especially if he doesn’t want to get locked in the closet, but what is his relationship with his sister like?
    My hope is that you can express that while you feel honored they’ve chosen you, you respectfully decline without too much having to explain why and without too much back and forth.

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    1. As far as family dynamics go, my husband is the peacekeeper. He always tries to make his parents and sister happy above himself. So, I think if I hadn’t been abundantly clear that we shouldn’t be their first choice, I think he would have waffled

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  20. It sounds to me that she didn’t want you to be guardians of her children. Why would she ask via text? Why would she demand you get rid of your pets? Maybe she felt obligated to ask you guys first? And via text she felt it would be easier for you to say no. I asked my brother to be guardian of our two kids. His children are 10 years older than mine but he said yes. We had an awful falling out, long story, and I changed our will to have a new guardian. I didn’t want to tell him that he’d been removed. Thankfully, our kids are in their 20s and we are still kicking.

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  21. Wow! That is a hard one. Honestly, I probably would say that I would love to be a guardian but I cannot agree to give away my pets or move. Then you place the burden of the decision back on them without having to pack your bags for a guilt trip. Of course you need to think about how big of a commitment that would be. How many kids do they have? How old are they? How well behaved are they? Do you have enough room in your apartment? Are you and your spouse in agreement?

    I think about these things quite a bit myself because my brother Matt is disabled. I have now been asked to be executor of their will and have been given power of attorney of my parents. I know my brother Luke would probably be willing to be guardian but he lives across the state and would like to move my brother there. He would be moving Matt away from everything he knows. He has been settled into a group home and is in a wonderful program for adults like him. Sometimes I feel burdened and selfish for wanting my own life. Yet at other times my husband and I are considering to be foster parents. So…whatever works. Best wishes in figuring it out. Sometimes that is the hardest part.

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    1. To answer the logistics…3 kids over 12, and no…no room for them at all. This is such a hard decision, because how do you not feel guilty about making a decision? Even if you know it’s not the right thing for you, how do you say No? I mean, we did, but my husband felt horribly guilty about it. I felt bad…but not that bad….

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      1. That is tough! I would feel guilty for saying no too but it is probably better for the kids that you did. Could you imagine if something did happen and it wouldn’t be a good fit? Now that really wouldn’t be fair to the kids or you and your family.

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      3. Wait – THREE kids & you live in a NYC condo. What the heck? I’m reading thru comments & I get more aghast as I scroll.

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  22. I’m on the other side of this – as in I’m a parent of young children that thinks about what would happen to them if I died. No, I didn’t ask the people that are named as guardians to do it over text (and wouldn’t) and wouldn’t make any demands on giving up pets or anything else.

    But in those tender moments especially during a pandemic when life feels really uncertain, I think about this. I understand that having children is a lifestyle choice. Both my named guardians and backup guardians have left the having kids lifestyle behind. They have graciously said “yes” but I know that it wouldn’t be ideal for anyone because my kids would cause a strain. Knowing this, I’m grateful that my beloved family and friends have said “yes” to give me peace of mind that I have a plan but I pray like hell that I stay alive (and exercise and take my vitamins). Both of the couples are very close to my kids and in the case that it happens, I know my kids would be loved.

    And maybe that’s the crux of it. It’s not that you have pets but that you don’t have a lifestyle that would make the kids feel treasured. You don’t mention in your post how close of a relationship that you have with the kids but they have to be with someone that they already trust to love them through a very difficult time. Perhaps your husband is close enough to his sister to want to be that person that gives her the peace of mind that her kids would be taken care of. In that case, maybe he could agree to step in as a temporary guardian to make sure the kids find a home that works best for them.

    I think there are many loving responses without saying yes. Appreciation for her making a plan so it’s not left in the air, her love for her children, love for her brother. Having the conversation that acknowledges all those things while letting her come to the conclusion that you guys aren’t the right fit might be tricky but could work.

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    1. You are a very good person, because you see all the goodness in this. That’s a rare and wonderful quality. But, in this case, it’s not so much love for her brother as much as dislike of her husbands siblings. And I’d say her husbands brother has a closer relationship, because he has kids in similar age ranges, and they belong to the same temple.

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      1. Kind of you to say — it’s always easier to see the good when on the outside of the family dynamics. For whatever its worth, wishing you luck and love!

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  24. Ok wow, just wow. The ask via text, the comments – wow. Ok here’s my 2 cents: when I was married, we never picked guardians. We both agreed that various family members had great traits, but we didn’t want our kids with them for a variety of reasons. We rolled the dice & got lucky that it was never needed.

    As for your SIL, to ask via text is ridiculous. 3 kids is a huge ask in & of itself. It would involve a heck of a lot more than just the fur babies. I would want to know about the financial arrangements. 3 educations, upkeep, medical, etc. that is a hefty amount. Plus asking you to remove your pets VIA TEXT is absurd. It is part of a larger conversation. You dodged a bullet on this one. Geez….

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  25. I think the whole thing sounds like she doesn’t want you to be the guardians, but she wants to be able to say that she asked you, in case you’re offended if she doesn’t. First of all, by text, second, asking you to get rid of any pets you might have before her children turn 21 (when you wouldn’t need to be a guardian anymore, unless they had serious problems. ) But she’s offended you anyway (I would be too) so…tell her her kids will need your pets as therapy animals if she and her husband are wiped out suddenly before the kids are of age.

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    1. I actually think she wanted us to be guardians. My husband and I aren’t the offended types. This is really her personality. She expects others to do what she wants. I think my husband knew I was serious about not wanting to be anyone’s guardian

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  26. What in the entire…????

    This should’ve been a sit-down, very important conversation (or a Zoom meeting). It should’ve begun with, “We would like for you and your wife to be our children’s guardians, should anything happen to us. Is that okay?”

    And then…there can be a convo.

    Also, wouldn’t they be deceased if this happened? And if so, how you gone tell someone else what type of household they should have…from the grave?

    Mmmmkay…this one made me mad lol

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  27. Request by text speaks to a whole other range of issues in this relationship! I agree you should not feel obligated to be guardians if you don’t believe it’s a good fit, given your lifestyle. I hope you are able to enjoy those empty nest years because sometimes those children return and then you end up raising or helping raise grandlittles! So….never say never……..

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  28. Oh, my, word! Text?!?!

    As a single mother who had sole custody I had to think long and hard about who would care for my child if something happened to me while she was still a minor. Her biological father was unfit, but I had to plan for the possibility of him deciding that rearing a child was something he wanted to try after abandoning her prior to her birth. Cue lots and lots of legal paperwork and financial guardianship agreements (he wouldn’t get her inheritance even if he managed to get “her”).

    I actually made several people very angry with me while I was setting all of this up. My parents were offended when I didn’t ask them (no way in H**L). My grandparents were offended on behalf of my parents (really?!?!). My siblings were offended…the list goes on. But, my aunt and uncle were amazing parents, mentally and emotionally healthy, financially stable, geographically settled and most importantly adored my child. When she was six months old I drove to visit them with the intent of asking them if they would be willing to care for her if something happened to me. *Asking* With no pressure and many assurances that I would completely understand if they felt like they could not take on the responsibility. Luckily for me, they were more than happy to accept her into their family. Even better, she is almost 30 and I am still kicking so it was never necessary.

    I simply cannot fathom the audacity of texting that kind of information, to also require pet removal (ummm, that is a whole bucket of nopes) is beyond rude.

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    1. It was a bit surreal to me. I understand a text that might say- would love to have a discussion with you about possible guardianship. That way you know the subject and have tine to think about it and have questions ready…but yeah. The whole family involvement thing is hard, because with certain families there is guilt….and guilt is just bad

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  29. Wow! First of all one doesn’t ask that important question by text!
    2nd, if you don’t want your kids to be around pets ( which is crazy, but I am bias) you don’t ask someone who has pets to take care of your kids!!
    Plain and simple!
    Should you feel guilty? Absolutely not! Its a huge responsibility!

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  32. Saying no to all of it is perfectly fine. I’m not sure if relationship dynamics would change but you have to take care of you first. Also if you decide to accept it, it needs to be on your terms. No way should you give up your pets!

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  33. WoW…..a lot of thoughts run through my mind as I read this, but, the ones I feel confident in sharing are that expecting you to get rid of pets and to move are way “over the top” and should not be expected. In my opinion, when you ask someone to be the guardians of your children, you do so knowing fully what their lifestyle and environment are and if you don’t like it, then you don’t ask them……you choose someone else. You are asking of them a TREMENDOUS favor and therefore do not, in my opinion, have the right to list “stipulations” of any kind. If they accept and if they know your strong feelings about a particular issue and agree out of kindness to acquiesce to your wishes……how lovely and generous…..but “expectation” and the audacity to even ask shows their character and self-centeredness. Perhaps many people think of it mostly as an “honor” to be asked without taking into consideration all of the very real and practical implications on a daily basis…..were it to come to pass. As far as the spouse having a right to have a say in the decision…….that goes without saying, in my opinion. When you get married, you become a “team” and your decisions about things that affect “the team” should be made as “a team”. Just my 2 cents.

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    1. I don’t consider it an honor really. I mean, it’s nice that they think highly of you, but it’s a huge responsibility. I would have been ok not being honored in this way. I think people really need to consider the fit…how the potential guardian is as a parent

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  36. I can’t believe she thought you would get rid of your pets. She has a lot of nerve, especially communicating by text.
    Choosing someone to be a guardian for your kids is hard—realistically there is no one who will be perfect. We had asked my husband’s sister–we thought she was the best choice. Over time we had mixed feelings though but didn’t know who else we could ask.
    I was so glad when my daughter turned 18—she no longer needed a guardian, and then she could be her brother’s guardian–not ideal, but better than other choices.
    I couldn’t get in the child raising business again—I would be willing to help—-but not do it 24/7.

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  38. Being a guardian of someone’s children is way to big a topic to handle in a text. And asking people to give up their beloved pets in order to do that is weird. So no, I don’t think it’s out of line to refuse. Those children deserve to go to the best possible home for them, if the worst happens, and maybe that home simply isn’t yours. And ultimately, who can best care for the children is really the only important question.

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    1. It’s such a tough decision to find a guardian for kids. How often do we see people who would parent the kids the way you want them to be parented. I’m glad I’m past the stage of needing to find one

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  39. An excellent, excellent, question, LA. Well, questions. As to the last question, absolutely not. I was walking with a friend of mine the other day, and we saw a young couple with two little kids, and she said something like, I always knew kids were not for me; and, I said, when I see a scene like this, I think, done that. So, no, not at all. I have absolutely no intention of having more children. In fact, I don’t even want pets right now. Just me. Anway, I digress. As to the former questions. Um, texting that question is, well, different….not something I would encourage or suggest. You absolutely have the right to say no. Especially because that’s how you feel and what you know to be true. Will it cause a shift in the relationships? Maybe. I would, however, take a shift in the relationships over possible resentment down the road. Wow, a lot to say on that one.

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  40. Oh my gosh. The text thing is amazing. As soon as I read that part about the text…. well get this. I was told 1 1/2 years ago that I was adopted. Via MESSENGER. By what is thought this whole time my real brother. Who is the biological son of the woman that raised me. Yep. I know. I just don’t know what to say about this text and no real face to face talk. Yeah. Those issues you brought up are definitely making me scratch my head. And then how to even wrap my head around all of what you brought up. I’ve got to think about this, but my initial reaction is I KNOW!! I DON’T KNOW!!!

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  41. I love this piece – could we republish it please? Of course all links and credits to you. We are a new online magazine for women who are past small children but not ready for an old folks home. We search the internet for well written gems that we can share with our readers. Pls take a look and let me know if you are happy to share. Thank you C&L

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      1. thank you so much. I’ll link you in so you can see it too. We publish on Thursday mornings. And for the record my friend said no thanks to being my kids guardians and I just thought I loved her even more for being truthful xx

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  42. I would say only do it if you are completely sure, it’s a lot to take on, it would change your life.
    You should not be expected to change your life to fit in with the child/children and no it doesn’t make you a bad person to refuse to take the children. The way to look at it is if you take them out of duty there is a very good chance that you will eventually begin to despise the situation and the children which would not be good for you, the children or your relationship with your husband.

    It is very unfair of you sis in law to put ask these things of you

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