Posted on by LA · 95 Comments

Need to Know

How often do you search things on the internet?

What does your browser history look like?

A few months ago one of my blog friends wrote about pulling up there history and looking at the last ten things they searched. I thought this was an interesting idea, so I jotted it down. Then I watched the HBO show “The Undoing” and watched an episode where the lawyer says that they looked at the profiles and search history of the perspective jurors.

Hmmmm

I have no idea about the legality of this, or if it actually does happen…but would it surprise you if people did look up your search history to see what kind of person you are?

Hmmmmm

So I looked at my browser, and these are the last 40ish searches:

  1. masala definition
  2. Masala powder
  3. specialty cakes- Veneiro’s
  4. Windmill cake
  5. wirelessly connect camera to computer troubleshoot
  6. MNR schedule
  7. Prince Tea House
  8. Segumo Salumeria
  9. Faiccos Italian Specialties
  10. IFC
  11. Hallmark Movies mystery schedule
  12. the next 20 items were all related to different kinds of reading exam tests
  13. the next 7 items were all restaurants
  14. ATT girl says she’s shamed over body image
  15. Film Forum

so…

If you look at my history, what does it say about me?

What kind of person am I?

Do you think this is a good indication of what type of person I am?

How would you describe me based on my search history?

Do you want me on your jury?

Do you want to be my friend?

Would you be interested in dating me?

After you read this post, and after you delete your browsing history, are you going to actively think about what you mindlessly type into the little browser bar?

How much googling do we need in our lives?

What’s the difference between the practical, like finding train schedules and movie times versus the sheer human interest, like why are people body shaming the actress on the commercial?

Does google make our lives better and easier, or does it just give us more to be distracted by?

On a scale on 1-10, how does google factor into your life? Does is make you better or worse?

Discuss

Posted on by LA · 78 Comments

Going Down the Rabbit Hole

My friend M routinely stalks her ex husband. They do not share children together, so really, is there any reason to wonder what he is doing now, almost 30 years past their short lived post college marriage?

I’ve been apart from me ex husband 20+ years. Never once did I look him up online….you know, until I did…

A few months ago I wrote to you about getting rid of some big, glossy coffee table art books. I explained to you that thought they should have brought me joy, yet all they brought me was sadness, anger and regret.

I was thrilled to finally rid myself of the burden of these books.

Then I decided to Google my ex.

I found out he died three years ago.

Talk about dredging up sadness, anger and regret…

It’s odd to think about the death of someone who once meant a great deal to you. At one point in my life I thought I loved this person. I thought that I could care for this person and make their problems go away. I thought that this was the person I deserved to be with because of all sorts of issues with myself.

When you think about why you did something that turned out to be very bad for you, you end up feeling a little bit bad about yourself. You ask yourself how you could have been so stupid, blind….you ask yourself how you could have been so wrong…

Anger

Sadness

Regret

This is why the internet stinks. At your fingertips, in mere seconds, you can really find out anything and make yourself feel bad…search engines are a tool and a weapon. And it has to be treated as such. The internet can and does hurt you. It hurts your friends. It hurts your family. Handled incorrectly it hurts everyone.

Am I glad that I know that he’s dead?

Am I glad that he’s dead?

I don’t know. Three months later and I’m still processing my feelings. I’m journaling and thinking and making notes. Maybe this will too become a memoir…a rite of passage…a closing out of the books. I thought that this divorce, these feelings of sadness, anger and regret were long past me. I thought I was over all of this…but I can only wonder if these feelings ever actually go away. I wonder if they are always inside of us and somehow become part of our DNA, if every decision we make comes with the disclaimer that we have once been hurt very badly and we will forever remember that as we take tiny steps forward…

Do we compartmentalize our sadness, anger and regret so that we can live and find other emotions to balance those out? Or do we always fall back on our negatives?

Do we ever really forget? Or do we just learn to move on?

Do we ever get past the emotional damage in our lives, or do we just learn to live with it, like a scar that will not go away not matter what we put on it. It might fade, but there will always be traces.

I guess we can’t erase our past.

We just have to learn from it.

Posted on by LA · 37 Comments

What do you See?

I’m sort of cheating today. My original intention for this post was to give you various ELA (English Language Arts) questions from different exams that students need to take. But when I looked at the questions, I realized that the passages were too long to include more than one example, so I am going to try to do an abbreviated example.

nysedregents.org January 2018

This is a passage from the New York State Regents exam that all High School students in New York state are required to take. I think that you must pass this exam in order to graduate.

If you want to play along, read the above passage.

nysedregents.org January 2018

These are the questions that go along with the exam.

Do you think you can answer them correctly? Let me rephrase that: Do you think that you can answer them the way the New York State Board of Regents thinks is correct? Can you make a case for all the answers to be correct depending on how you look at it? Or that they are equally wrong?

Here’s where the subjective/objective thing comes into play: How much does ones background, feelings, etc enter into the equation when trying to ascertain what the “right” answer is?

Is it possible to have an answer that is more right?

Now let’s jump to the next part of my thoughts:

In a world where we can all interpret things in different ways, how do we communicate with one another?

If Person A looks at something one way, and Person B looks at it another way…how do we learn to understand one another?

My background, feelings, experiences make me feel that something is a certain way. Someone with the opposite background might see something the opposite of the way I see/saw it?

In a world where no one is wrong, how do we move forward?

If no one is right, and no one is wrong, how do we resolve conflict? How do we come to an agreement? How do we fix things?

So while you are reading the passage and answering the questions, think about the greater context. Think about why you think one answer is right and one is wrong. Think about why someone might have a different answer to the question.

I will give you the correct answers on Sunday, and possibly in the podcast that will eventually align with this post.

Think

Discuss

Full disclosure: I chose this exam because this is the exam my daughter and her classmates took and I have a sort of baseline as to how actual students did on the exam.

Posted on by LA · 51 Comments

Highlights of the Week That Was

I slowly get back on my feet….the city slowly gets back on its feet…

They are installing a new art exhibit in Madison Square Park- will keep you apprised as to what they are doing. Presently it looks like they are planting some new trees.
Afternoon tea at Prince tea shop- It was soooooo good!
Movies I saw in the theater!!!!
What I finished reading this week- I can already see that I will be reading less as time goes on. My present goal for April will be 8 books.
Tea Book Club
Took a tea break at Barnes and Noble
Guess who got vaccinated?
Theater for the New City did a pop up showcase on Saturday outside their theater. This is the Pablo Band. Wonderful on so many levels.
Movie I watched at home- FYI- I thought it was convoluted
This is an Instagram that I just thought…why? Why do we feel the need to project the image that we don’t eat when we begin a relationship? Conversely, why do we feel the need to let ourselves go once we are in a relationship? Is this a topic that should be thrown off on an insta post? This idea may end up as a future post. Tell me if you think it is worth discussing.
Posted on by LA · 50 Comments

Gratitude Saturday

Where do I start?

Grateful that the snafu between the emergency room and the vestibular rehab center was resolved. Had my first VT on Wednesday. Therapy was great, but therapist not sure if I actually have BPPV. Need to now see an ENT to find cause of crystal issue.

Grateful that New York state increased COVID eligibility requirements to 50+ and I got my vaccination on Thursday!

Carry on!

Posted on by LA · 66 Comments

My Month in Books- March

It’s time for March Book Madness! This is what I read from February 25 till March 24.

TitleAuthorHow I heard about bookRating
Anxious PeopleFredrik Backmannot sure1
Klara and the SunKazuo IshiguroGood Morning America Book Club2
BraveyAlexi PappasReal Simple3
Finlay Donovan is Killing ItEllie CosimanoPersonal browse at physical Barnes & Noble4
All The Bright PlacesJennifer Nivenmy daughter5
What’s Mine and YoursNaima CosterJenna Book Club (Today Show)6
Infinite CountryPatricia EngelReese’s Book Club7
Dot Journaling: A Practical Guide: How to Start and Keep the Planner, To-Do List, and Diary that Will Actually Help to Get Your Life TogetherRachel Wilkerson MillerGood Housekeeping8
The Ex TalkRachel Lynn SolomonPenguin Newsletter9
Super HostKate RussoPersonal browse at physical Barnes and Noble10
How the One Armed Sister Sweeps Her HouseCherie JonesGood Morning America Book Club11
This is the order in which I liked the books. It does not mean that the top one is the great American novel, a page turner or the feel good book of the century. Nor does it mean that the bottom book is bad. It just means that some books made me feel more than others.
This month’s BINGO card is courtesy of vromansbookstore.com

I may have only read 11 books, but I was lucky in what I read!! BINGO on the first try with this card!!

When I Podcast about this I will give a bit more insight into these books if you are interested in my unscripted commentary!!

Posted on by LA · 136 Comments

Sex is not Romance

Sex is…a bodily act…

Romance is another thing entirely…

So what’s the difference and why does it matter?

This is where I start to veer all over the place with this topic. We have the following random observations:

  1. Some people really like sex
  2. Some people really like romance
  3. Some people think romance is love
  4. Romance is often seen as the conduit to getting someone else have sex with you
  5. Romance is often associated with love
  6. People assume that if one person is romancing another, it means that they are in love
  7. People wrongly assume that if one person is romancing another, it means that they are in love
  8. Sometimes people romance another not because they are in love, but because they want to have sex
  9. Not everyone is romantic
  10. Everyone’s idea of romance is different

I could probably twist the words around a bit more, but you get the gist. Sex and romance are not the same but there are people who do not see the distinction. Or maybe they don’t want to see the distinction. I’m going to take a guess and say that people who want to be in love are going to take signs of romance as a sign of love.

Big mistake.

And I think this is where the problems start.

As I’ve been binge watching “The Big Bang Theory”, I came across an episode where Howard is planning something for the anniversary of his first date with his wife. Howard is known as being slightly oversexed. The Penny character (really attractive) begins to think that she never does anything romantic for her boyfriend. Her boyfriend (unsure about his attractiveness, but wants sex) does tend to do romantic things. The Sheldon character (not sexual at all) doesn’t do anything romantic, and his girlfriend complains about it. Raj, the character who desperately wants to be in love is clearly the most classically romantic of them all, and even romances all his friends in a friendship sort of way(and oddly, the only main character who ends up unmarried on the show)

Two male characters use romance as a way to show love and get sex

One male character doesn’t care about sex or common displays of love, so does nothing to romance his partner

One male character is innately romantic, yet, that seems to push women away

Is this a good correlation to actual life?

Could we start with a hypothesis that 50% of people use romance to get what they want, 25% don’t care one way or another, and 25% can’t find someone to love them the way they want to be loved? Would you say that out of the 50% who use romance to get sex, maybe only half of them are actually “in love”?

I am totally spitballing.

I have absolutely no idea about any of this, I’m just throwing our random observations and waiting for at least one of you (Deb) to make some sense of what I’ve said.

For Write my Blog Thursday, give me any observations about the correlation between romance and sex and love.

Why is this such a hard topic to think or write about? Is it impossible to define, or do we just not want to look behind the curtain of what this all actually means? Do we want to cling to any illusions that we harbor about sex or romance or love?

Discuss

https://anchor.fm/laover50
Posted on by LA · 51 Comments

I Love a Good Oxymoron

What do you think about things that seem to embody opposite qualities?

An animal that is so unique to almost be considered ugly but in that uniqueness it’s totally adorable?

A food that is both sweet and spicy?

A work of art so incredibly genius yet hard to look at, read or experience because it contains so much that is awful?

I love a good contradiction: to me, contradictions add depth where there really ought not to be. And the one I’ve been thinking about lately is thus:

Hard working lazy people.

How do I define these people?

Well, I will use my poor husband as the example. He will decide to mop the floor. First he will get the mop out and ask me to assemble it properly…because…you know…my degree in engineering and all…(not). Then he will proceed to do about half the area that he should mop. Then he will leave the mop and the cleaning solution out somewhere in the house. Like, the solution will be on the floor next to a chair, and the mop will be against the wall in the bedroom.

Hard working enough to decide without nagging that the floor needs to be mopped. Lazy enough to not do the job thoroughly and put the utensils away.

I, on the other hand, am an energetic slacker. When I decide to do something I do it 100%. I have the right tools, I set up a workstation, I have a lot energy when I get involved in a project. However, I really really really need to be motivated to tackle something. I will not normally wake up and say- “Gee- I need to mop.”

I wonder if this has to do with the planner/no planner mentality. I use a planner. I detail everything I need to do. I keep lists. My husband is the opposite- though he keeps a date book he rarely checks it. Maybe he makes one list a year…

We are both self motivated- yet our paths of motivation are different. I need to think about it and know that I can do the whole job in a certain way. My Husband is more impulsive- he gets the idea and just does it.

Neither of us are right or wrong: it’s just how we handle things. Luckily our shared traits have produced our daughter: energetic and hard working. But never fear: she has her own particular brand of oxymoron’s.

What are your personal oxymoron’s? What qualities do you have that seem to be opposite in one way or another?

Do you have a favorite contradiction? A combo that is a little bit (or a lot) odd that really makes you feel something. I know the chocolate covered bacon fad is something I can’t really fathom but there are people who LOVE it…

Think- reflect-

Discuss…

Posted on by LA · 116 Comments

Self…?

We’ve bandied about the word selfish quite a lot recently.

Do we have the right to call anyone selfish?

When we say the word selfish, what do we mean? Of course I went to New Oxford American Dictionary for an actual definition:

(of a person, action or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure

Is it wrong to tell someone that they shouldn’t look our for themselves first?

Realistically, is it better to be selfless? (New Oxford American- concerned more with the needs of others than one’s own)

A few years ago my neighbor sent me a letter saying that she did not like the scented candles I would burn at the the end of the day when I was chilling before making dinner. In this specific scenario, who is right? Should I be selfish and light the candles because it was good for my peace of mind? Should I not use them so I can be a better neighbor?

Should I be selfish or selfless? Why?

Ok- take a minute and argue that one out…

When my daughter needed to choose a High School (high school choice in NYC- which after reading about some disastrous ELA programs, I’m selfishly happy that she had) was she supposed to choose a school that was best for her, knowing that if she got in, someone else wouldn’t? Or was she supposed to choose a school that was inconvenient and not inclined towards her academic interests?

In everyday parlance, what does selfish really mean?

What is the line between self advocation and putting others first?

My friend’s Mom felt bad because she got an appointment for the vaccine before her friend did. In this case, she was over 75 and clearly entitled to the vaccine. Why should someone feel bad because in this particular instance they got lucky? Was she selfish to get the vaccine before someone else?

What about survivor guilt? How many people feel bad because they didn’t die but others did?

I have to admit, much of what I do on a daily basis could be considered selfish in the right circumstance. I live in a home with heat and air, hot and cold running water that I presume to be potable, have a building maintenance person to take care of apartment issues. Pre COIVD I had a biweekly cleaning person to clean the bathroom and the kitchen because it’s easier on my knees if I don’t do that. Should I use less of these resources because others don’t have access to them? Should I take someone in off the street to shelter them?

I have volunteered in the public school system so that my daughter would benefit. I mean, obviously, my securing grants helped everyone, but my motivation was clear: do what I could to help my kid. Is that selfish?

We can think about public policy. Is it selfish to want your tax dollars to go to something you support, even though someone else might not support it?

If someone is anti-vax, are they selfish to not get inoculated?

Are smokers selfish because they pollute the air?

Do we have the right to tell anyone what they can and can not do with their body, their time, their money and their life?

What is your definition of selfish?

What do you consider a selfish act?

Pretend you’re a high school debater and argue both sides of the argument:

X is selfish because they _____________

X is not selfish because they ____________

The guy that tried to pickpocket me- was I selfish to not want him to take my wallet? Or should I selflessly have given him my cash because he obviously needed it more than me?

Discuss…

Posted on by LA · 87 Comments

To Be….Or Not

Did Shakespeare actually write what he was credited with writing?

For Christmas my daughter gave me a copy of “Shakespeare For Every Day of the Year” edited by Allie Esiri. (I am woefully behind on my reading this every day…). I also recently read “Hamnet” by Maggie O’Farrell, a fictional account of the death of Shakespeare’s son Hamnet, and subsequent reason for the play. AS such, I’ve been thinking about other plagued times…

Historically speaking, we know that Shakespeare had twins, one named Hamnet and we know he died. We also know that there is a play called “Hamlet”. As there was no Google back then, or TMZ, we can only delve so much into life at this time. Much of what we talk about is speculation. But, in a world where we consider whether or not there should be right answers in math, is there anything above speculation? What are facts? How do we know if we are interpreting things properly?

The works credited to Shakespeare are true masterpieces. The themes are still relevant today. People fall in love with those that theirparents don’t approve of, we stab each other in the back, suicide is still contemplated. Human nature really hasn’t changed all that much.

So when faced with a body of work as diverse and extraordinary as this, as we look at it hundreds of years later…

Does it matter who the author actually is?

Sure, the correct person should be credited for their work. Sure, it’s nice to know if something was taken from someone’s true life story.

But for the casual reader of this work…

Is it relevant?

So for today’s questions:

  1. Overall- Shakespeare yay or neigh?
  2. Who actually wrote it REALLY matters…?
  3. Who actually wrote it doesn’t take away from my enjoyment of the plays and sonnets…?
  4. Who’s is Shakespeare?
  5. Shakespeare should be cancelled because he is so totally not woke

Discuss: