My daughter is home this semester.
But that’s a whole other blog.
But what do we do about adult children living at home?
A few weeks ago, my daughter was making herself breakfast- potatoes and eggs. She knows enough about cooking to know that you need to put the potatoes in the pan first so they crisp up. (She was using leftover roasted, so it wouldn’t take long)
I went into the kitchen to make tea. Her potatoes were in the kitchen but she wasn’t.
Of course the potatoes started to get a little crisp (not burnt yet)
1) Do I lower the flame?
2) Do I call my daughter in?
3) Do I let the potatoes burn?
What is the most important thing?
Do I teach my daughter a lesson about why you don’t leave cooking food unattended?
Or do I “safely” let the food burn, knowing I’m right there and aware?
What’s the best way to teach something?
Do we explain?
Do we let them fail?
Do we just do for them?
Discuss
First: pour Bailey’s into your coffee… 🙄 (sigh)
It depends on your mood I think. Adult kids probably learn better by guidance but I don’t know…
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I walked out of the kitchen and did the “is anything burning?”
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Lol
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It’s hard not to go into mom mode when kids return. You know they’re capable but just having them around makes them suddenly turn into 10 year old’s again who need extra guidance! I know I was an overly helpful mom during those return times even when I would consciously take a step or two back and tell myself to be quiet. Now I go to their homes, make a slight offer to help and when it’s refused I play with the grand kids or take my wine and go sit in the other room!
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I kind of fudged. I left the kitchen and said “is anything burning”? But it’s a tough call
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Maybe give them three strikes. First time it happens, tell them about it. Second time it happens, let it burn safely (with you there). Third time it happens, turn it off and let them start over.
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That’s pretty good
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Oh how I understand this situation! We have a 32 year old son and 24 year old daughter living with us. So frustrating at times when I see the garbage overflowing and dishes in the sink after I just finished washing. My husband is having a particularly hard time dealing with it all and I’m afraid that in the end he’s not going to have any relationship left with them. He scrutinizes every purchase they make, every time they accidentally leave a light on or a door open he has a fit. As far as your situation, if it wasn’t going to ruin the pan or start a fire, I’d leave it. Good luck.
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Oh I hear you!! Mine are not living at home..yet… but wow, You try to tell them something or explain something to them and they just zone you out or get defensive. I try to plant a seed and make them think it’s their idea and that seems to work a bit better. Like you, I would’ve walked into the other room and asked if something was burning?
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I felt like that was my best route…not chastising nor actually telling…it did work….but let’s see if she remembers
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I agree. You planted the seed and let her decide the next move!! Sometimes I feel adult kids are harder than little kids!! Lol!!!
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Oh…they are…because adult kids know everything and have no problem reminding you…
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🤣🤣truth!!!
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😉
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To turn down the flame or let it burn..? 2020’s version of “to be or not to be” for those whose kids are home.. I guess the answer depends on who’s going to wind up doing dishes.
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True
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Promises to do the dishes ranked up there with promises to walk the dog..lotsa talk..little action..lotsa scrubbin’
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The checks in the mail….
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If it’s been explained before, I feel if it’s safe to do so you have to let them learn. Doing it for them definitely doesn’t help.
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Agreed
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My kids are not adults, so I turn it down, go find the perpetrator, and lecture on fire safety. In your case, what would you do if it were a college roommate of yours?
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College roommate? Probably shut the stove and find a new roommate
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It’s not that easy.
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I know. But that’s because people have no sense of personal responsibility
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Just give ’em time. I was a bad roommate, but now I do my dishes. 😉
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😉
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I would let them burn. It’s a good lesson because Kyle both know you may leave the kitchen for a second but then something grabs your attention and then you have a problem.
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Whoops I meant to say we. Dont know where kyle came from. Lol
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Autocorrect is mysterious
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Haha I know this situation well. I think I’ve tried every approach but now that mine are 25 and 23 I’m going with a gentle guidance approach 😉
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😉
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I’d take the pan off the stove and turn off the burner. Oops. You walked away, I thought you’d forgotten.
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Good call
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Thanks.
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That’s what I was going to say.
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Talk about loaded questions. I have let it burn and explained why, but I do not like wasting food. Herb had the right idea.
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Wasting food is my thing too
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My daughter used to do this a lot! And I would have left it, if it weren’t for the fact I was tired of ruined pans. I called her in.
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My thing is wasting food
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Yes, that, too. But my daughter burned a pan or two so badly there was no hope and I had to throw them in the garbage – I detest throwing things into the landfill!
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Agreed!
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Would you come live with me? We are to the point of “what can we do to remember” to turn off the oven, etc.? I am usually the one to discover that my husband has left on the oven, and I have started telling him it is on with the thought that if he has to turn it off himself, maybe he’ll remember the next time. I am usually the one to leave a cast iron skillet on to dry before I grease it to put it away. The smell is a giveaway on the second, but usually too late. 😂
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You could set timers. I’m big on setting timers to remind me of things
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I do this too.
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I would probably call her in so she wouldn’t feel like I’m stepping on her toes and doing it for her or trying to “do it better.” This also prevents the smoke detector from going crazy:)
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I really wasn’t sure what to do
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My daughter has done this and i just call to her about it as I’m doing my thing and ask if she wants me to help her out. Of course, I let her do the same for me as I will begin something and if she’s nearby and I want to attend to something, I’ll ask her to preside over it until I get back.
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I get that, this has happened to all of us. But what if they’re alone? They have to learn to be ultra responsible when using a stove, or a dryer, or curling iron, or candles or anything.
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I agree.
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I’d lower it and then call her in, explaining how much I saved her from a disaster. I don’t know many people who would leave it on the stove and let it burn. Besides being a safety hazard, it defies common sense. When you’re living with people, you often step in when you see something is unsafe.
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I totally get that. But how does she learn not to leave it on? What if I wasn’t home? And does explaining work? She’s 18. These are lessons I’ve told her since she started using the stove. When does she realize the danger?
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I’m not sure of the answer. I suppose she would learn for herself when the smoke alarm went off. Another reason everyone should have a fire extinguisher in the kitchen!
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Even with a fire extinguisher…what if you need to get past the fire to access it? So many levels to this
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True.
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Not a parent, but I would let them burn. Best to take cooking seriously. Too many unnecessary fires happen that way.
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I think too many forget that this stuff is dangerous
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So first I have to ask what you did?! Me, I would turn it down and watch it and gently remind when she returned (presuming she returned quickly) that she has to watch what’s on the stove.
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I was passive aggressive. I left the kitchen and yelled is something burning.?
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Good thinking! 🙂
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When I first read this, I really was floored because I just couldn’t imagine it with my kids who are so incredibly anal they wouldn’t have stepped foot away from the stove while cooking. Then I remembered the couple of times that I managed to burn something because I did this exact thing when I was younger. Seriously, I think my kids have broken me because sometimes I forget what an absolute screw up I was and the stupid things I did. I guess I did enough for all of us? lol! If this had happened with mine, I think I would have yelled at them (more of a just get loud so they can hear me from the other side of the house as opposed to an angry yell) asking if they were trying to burn down the house and why they weren’t in the kitchen watching what they were cooking. I probably would have also then made sure to give them non-stop crap about it (one of those never live it down kind of things) to ensure they never forgot and did it again.
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We’ve all done it, (except maybe your kids) but they have to know how dangerous this could be
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I think part of the deal with my kids is I think I scared the crap out of them when teaching them the basics of cooking. I have a gas stove and I made it crystal clear how dangerous it could be if they weren’t careful with it. I think it must have stuck.
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I have a gas stove with a super high duty front right burner. I don’t let my mother use that burner if she’s at our house…how’s that…
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It took forever for my daughter to be comfortable enough just turning on the stove. She would cook just fine, but made me turn it on for her for the longest time. At this point, my kids are the only ones I’d even let near my stove.
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That would depend on whether or not I paused to think, or if I simply reacted. If it was the first, I would lower the flame and then go explain to my daughter that you can’t leave food cooking on the stove unattended, at least in my kitchen. If I simply reacted, I would probably just bellow “Who the h*ll left these potatoes to burn?”
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It was a rare moment of patience for me….😉
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I agree, the first thing is to pour Bailey’s into the coffee. I think you handled it well since she is enough of an adult to know better. Adulting is hard and many “young adults” do not have a clue how life actually works without having mommy and daddy swoop in and save them.
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That’s just it…we need to teach them how to survive. And soooo many kids are clueless
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I suppose we could ascribe to Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest……..but in this there’s an app for that” day and age, they will survive!
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Too true….whether that’s good or bad is beyond me though😆
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I’d probably turn it down while yelling to her to come watch her food. That’s probably how I handled it with my daughter when she lived at home.
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It doesn’t get any easier
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Watch them safely burn. Say nothing. Lesson learned. No parental lecture needed.
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Sometimes seeing is believing…
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Let them burn. Unless you were planning on partaking. In that case, totally save the meal.
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Very good point
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