I don’t like dating shows. Never seen any of the Bachelor franchise. Couldn’t even name another dating show if I tried.

Yet…

Indian Matchmaking on Netflix…

(there’s about to be spoilers if reality TV can have spoilers)

I may not like dating shows, but I am obsessed with how two people find one another. If there’s such a thing as soul mates. The whole two become one thing fascinates me. So how could I not watch a show about matchmaking?

Quick synopsis. Indian matchmaker is about an Indian Matchmaker- it’s all there in the title. She finds love for Indians in America as well as back in India. I know arranged marriages are still a thing in India. Which leads me to wonder:

What are the pros and cons of arranged marriage? (you can choose to write two paragraphs on this instead of answering all the questions)

Our Indian matchmaker uses a few different techniques when trying to unite lovers separated by sheer lack of meeting one another. One tool she uses is “Face Reading.” When I saw this I wanted to know what it was, and how one goes about getting their face read.

I did five second of research. According to PureWow in an interview with Lillian Bridges, the simple definition is: We are always reading faces, and our faces define who we are. It is said to help people understand themselves- “who you are, who you’ve been, who you will be. for example, a person with big eyebrows is said to have a bad temper.” disclaimer- this is just the example that Bridges sites- not a declaration

I totally want to know what my face says about me. Does my lack of lines around my eyes show that I never smile, or that I moisturize the eye area really well?

Do you think you can tell something about a person by looking at their face?

Sima from Mumbai (our matchmaker) also uses horoscopes.  Apparently, she often checks if two people’s horoscopes align before she even introduces them. Should dating websites contain an algorithm to see if the stars are in sync before you even go on a date with someone? Better question: is there a dating website out there that asks you just for your birth details and dispenses with the 500 question quiz? Am I missing out on a million dollar idea?

Do the stars predict who will be a good match? Does star sign matter when it comes to love?

Indian Matchmaking (the show) faced much criticism. Westerners scoff at many of the things that the show promotes. One woman looking for love was mocked because she was looking for someone who knew about the Bolivia Salt Flats. She was mocked for being too picky.

But:

Is it fair to mock someone because they have interests that are not mainstream?

Is it wrong to want to be with someone who is on the same intellectual level as you, or share the same interests?

As a Westerner, the other thing that was difficult for me to accept was the parental interference. One young man is 25 and works in his Father’s company. He is enjoying his life. His Mother tells him that he is ruining her life because he is still single and he is the cause of her high blood pressure. His mother said that her goal was to have her son marry between the ages of 23 and 25. She also tells her son that he is ruining his brothers life by not being married because his brother and sister in law will not have a child until he is married. Talk about guilt trip.

Should a parent ever guilt a child into getting married?

I know some Western parents that do a pretty good job of guilting their kids as well…

Did anyone else watch Indian Matchmaking? (I know Cindy did)

What do you think about the whole thing?

 

 

65 thoughts on “Matchmaker…”

  2. Not into dating TV shows of any sort so no answers here. Seems like my life is complex enough without becoming emotionally entangled into worrying about how other people live theirs. I understand why you generally avoid them.

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  4. I can read faces. Or at least I thought I had this ‘superpower’ until I read a book on Highly Sensitive People. HSPs have a high level of empathy and are known to pick up energies – very sensitive to negative ones. So as a HSP I guess the scientific reason for being able to read people/faces is this. I am also clairvoyant but I do not have any scientific explanation for that. 🤷‍♀️
    I used to believe in horoscopes and all that before. But when I fell sick, none of these horoscopes mentioned I would. So, umm…🤷‍♀️
    It is definitely not wrong to wait for the right one or be too picky. It’s better to spend the rest of our lives with someone who is on the same wavelength as ours.
    Speaking of guilt trip, my parents are experts… in case anybody wants a crash course.🤪🤣🤣

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    1. They must know my mother in law…. the whole face reading thing intrigued me! It’s so interesting. FYI I’m sending you my picture…😉

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      1. Haha. It usually works when I meet a person for the first time so I guess it is face+body language. But send your picture, maybe I can do it long distance too. 😉
        The clairvoyant thingy works though. My grandma passed away last year and four days before she did, I just knew she would. I even told mum – gran’s going to pass away in four days.😶

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  5. Interesting. I have two adult children who are without mates and they have expressed how difficult it is to meet people, especially now but even before. Both have tried the dating sites and have been on a few dates but none worked out. I’ve always thought that the “right one comes along” but maybe that’s not true in every case and a little outside intervention is needed. Haven’t watched any of the dating programs. “Reality” TV is not my thing.

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  6. My wife watched this. But I’m not her, so I can’t comment. And yet somehow I did comment. My grandmother is Indian and she totally guilt trips my father. But I think that’s more of a personality trait than a cultural thing.

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  9. I think that a variety of things can indicate possible compatibility, but none of those things are fool proof. My hubby is convinced that couples that get along well and have a great, lasting relationship, both people in the couple look very much alike, with similar features. With the specific example of horoscopes, they only way I’d even consider it was if it was based on a full star chart as opposed to just the sun sign. While I’m no means an expert on the subject, I’ve learned enough about (and have a certain fascination with) the whole process that I can see the thoughts behind this and the merits to including it as a guide. That said, I do think it needs to only be one data point in many that are used. Others absolutely need to include personal input. As for the whole family pressure and obligations, this is something I have always struggled to wrap my brain around. So many cultures seem to have this level of family expectation and while aspects of it seem amazing, including the care and respect for elders and the closeness that seems to come with it, it also feels like it can too easily be turned into extremely unhealthy relationships and even abuses. As a parent, I want my kids happiness above almost all else (as long as safety and health go along with that). Me trying to push them into something I want that they don’t and will make them miserable goes against who I am as a parent. I simply cannot understand why any parent would force their child into something that would make them miserable. I would absolutely love to have grandchildren one day. It is something I’ve always sort of just took for granted would happen at some point, but as my daughter has gotten older, she has gotten more adamant that that just isn’t something she wants. It breaks my heart because I adore being a mom and I hate that she won’t have that, but I know she doesn’t see it the way I do and probably wouldn’t be happy. I would never put pressure on her to change her mind because her happiness is more important than my wants when it comes to her life.

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    1. I don’t understand the parental pressure thing at all. I know I got grief from my mother which resulted in a really lousy marriage for me. I don’t think it ever works out well for the kids. But to your other point, I’m interested in all the things that go into relationship forming.i often wonder if successful relationships have other things in common. Great comments and thoughts!

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  11. Sometimes I think it’s the big stuff that draws (and keeps) people together..like religion. Other times I realize the little stuff matters too… like does he like to sleep in and you’re an early morning go-getter? If I knew the secret to successful matchmaking, I’d write a book for sure and make millions. But forget all that..you have no eye wrinkles? WHAT THE…?? As in WHAT THE name of the eye cream you use?? I am about to just give up on my increasingly raisin-ed face.. I have tried everything…except probably the cream you use…

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    1. I mix it up. Presently I’m using Kiel’s calendula infused water cream… but on a funny note, I just saw an article about a horoscope inspired dating app….

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      1. Honestly, I had no idea there was so much star and face reading and just general hocus pocus involved. Fascinurbing….that’s fascinating and disturbing in one..

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  12. I just did 2 hours worth of annual compliance training. I cannot begin to make sense of anything related to relationships in Western cultures, or any other at this point. I will say, the guilt trip thing is wrong and rather cruel, but yes- it does happen a lot.

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  14. As someone who receives a birth chart reading once a year, I stand behind the idea of using a birth chart to find a mate, not solely one’s sun sign. There’s more to it than the sun sign.

    I also hate matchmaking shows, especially reality TV ones, but I’ve recently gotten hooked on the blatantly scripted Married at First Sight.

    Parents should never guilt trip their children into doing anything. It’s not fair to the kid, who has his/her own life to live.

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      1. Pros: It’s more in-depth. They discuss rising signs (which are more like your personality than sun signs), moon signs, which portray your shadow side…which apparently sneaks out every now and then lol and they discuss planets and how where the planets are positioned influences what’s going on in your life.

        Cons: it takes too long to discuss…and most of us don’t have time to sit and listen to all that lol For example, the last one I did was about one hour and he records them. I keep saying, I need to go back and re-watch the video, but I’d rather read a book.

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  15. I confess to having watched 90 day fiance a few times…that is a real train wreck of a show.

    I’d never heard of Indian Matchmaking before your post. Not sure I would have selected it just on my own just browsing through Netflix.

    However, based on your post today I decided to check it out. I have watched two episodes already. I found it fascinating….lots to discuss but I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who might check it out later.

    Part of me really relates to the Bolivian Salt Flat thing. But “spoiler alert”….she is just a little bit picky.

    My kids are 18 and 22. They don’t seem to be in any hurry to date, which is a necessary step on the road to marriage. I don’t think they are alone. My daughter is sort of an old soul and is not a fan of bars in general, or as a way to meet people.

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  16. No dating shows for me either, and nope, never seen an episode of any of those inane bachelor or ette shows. As for the Netflix show, guilting your kid into marriage is selfish as all get out.

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  17. The main difference between arranged marriages and romantic marriages, it seems to me, is that expectations are lower if it’s arranged. Romantic marriages often lead to disillusion and disappointment. People in arranged marriages expect to learn to love their spouse as they get to know them better…

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  19. I’m not a TV person at all, so I can’t speak to that specifically. I am not sure about reading faces. I have a naturally droopy expression that belies what I’m really thinking and feeling. I know that from how people react when I’m not thinking about it.

    I’m sure some arranged marriages work out and others are terrible for one or both parties. Same for relationships created by the two parties themselves. I don’t think there’s any sure fire way to make a good match. A successful relationship takes a lot of work. If those in it want to do the work, the more likely it will survive. End of story.

    I suspect that any relationship subjected to the scrutiny of a television audience is doomed to fail.

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  20. Guilt never really works out well for anyone. I understand people thinking an arranged marriage is archaic, but if a culture and society feel that it is the best then who are we to criticize? I personally find people who are searching for someone to marry are missing the point. I think finding the right partner is a journey and while you may not find someone to fall in love with and marry, should this be the ultimate goal?

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  21. I found it intriguing. I remember reading somewhere that arranged marriages have a higher success rate. That Western marriages end in divorce more often. Always made me wonder if they had it right.

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