In these challenging times, everyone has an opinion about what everyone else is doing.

My sister in law (SIL) went to Florida last month to see both her mother and her mother in law.

The starting point is, was it reckless to go from New Jersey to Florida in the middle of a pandemic because you and your kids are bored?

OK- everyone has there own answers, which are going to be as varied, so we’ll just say that there are a great many opinions on this matter.

By the time they were on their way home from Florida, Florida had become a hot zone. They stopped in Maryland for COVID tests on the drive home, because her 15 year old twins were supposed to go to friends houses the following week and the parents of the children wanted the test.

Fine.

Then, it turns out, the parents of the friends her kids were supposed to stay with rescinded the invitations because the kids had just been in Florida and driven back up to New Jersey.

My SIL was annoyed at this- why rescind the invitation? They had tests? Her kids were looking forward to a week with friends because they are bored…

Switching topics just slightly…

My SIL calls my Husband. She tells him how bored their Mother is in Florida- how the visit made her feel so much better. She passive aggressively insinuates that my husband is being a bad son by not visiting his mother in Florida amidst the pandemic.

Switching just a little bit again…

My SIL is in the middle of renovating a new house- they are supposed to move in August. She is mad that my Father in Law won’t go from Eastern Long Island to New Jersey because he is afraid to travel amidst the pandemic. She actually blocked his texts and calls over this.

I have decided that my SIL is indeed the sun, and everything thing revolves around her…

Rant over…

 

67 thoughts on “Do I Stay or Do I Go”

  1. I’m guessing this is not the first time you’ve seen this sort of (narcissistic?) self- centered, behavior. High maintenance/ boundary violating personality type. We each get to make those calls then live with the consequences..she must not have gotten that memo. 🙂

    The father in law would be her biological father? He has my vote.

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  2. For me, putting kids in a car and driving (through other badly infected areas) to Florida (of all places) and expecting to visit with people is right up there with irregardless being in the dictionary! 😏

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  3. These are the strangest times..ever. I look at people like your SIL with a combination of horror and jealousy.. since when did those two combine for a thing? And what’s with everyone judging everyone else right now?..ugh. Like I tell my dog when she starts sniffing poop- LEAVE IT!!!!

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    1. I get that everyone makes their mind up about what risk is acceptable, what isn’t. But come on….my husband said to her that most people we knew were not visiting their parents. Her response…”everyone I know has seen their grandchildren. No one is not seeing relatives”

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      1. Besides whether or not to go back to school, this is probably THE most controversial topic..after all, grandparents are in THE most vulnerable category. My mom (89) told me a few weeks ago when she was feeling low..”If I die, I go to heaven- so I don’t care!” I said, “that’s great for you mom, but I don’t want to live with the guilt that I sent you there!!” (This was all stemming from an argument about masks and social distancing..my mom lives 15 mins away, so I do see her.)

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  5. Family drama on steroids—and it only takes one person in this case to rile everyone up. I think a lot of the virus reporting is the manipulation of numbers. On the other hand, I have not visited my grandchildren for my safety , nor will I get to meet my newly arrived home preemie grandchild for probably 3-6 months depending on the course of the virus for her sake. People should do what they think is right for themselves and for others, but trying to put a guilt trip on others is not right. (May I say bullying?)

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  6. I am feeling human today also. Some tourists are wonderful, while others just drop their garbage out windows. This is my home and it’s against the law to drop a 50 ton weight on some people.

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  8. Okay, I wanted to say something wise or helpful and I keep coming up with stock phrases and after yesterday’s post…so maybe I’ll just pop some popcorn and watch the drama unfold. Would you like some as well? Mona

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  9. Sounds like that..:) When this whole thing began I told everyone in our family that we’re all going to have choices to make and that each of us may not agree with the choice someone else makes but we have to respect their decision and make our own choices based on what they did or didn’t do. Some people are comfortable going to Florida but have to understand and respect the fact that someone else may pull back an invitation because of your choice. It’s a two way street. The sun shines on us all.

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  10. What such people seem not to understand is that because of their desire to be entertained, others may end up getting infected or worse. Honestly, is that so difficult to understand?? And also, are mental resources so scarce that one is bored all the time? I am of course speaking of people who aren’t suffering from any kind of disability.

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  12. Oh, my husband has a niece that did one better. My ex-sister in law flew with her son to Massachusetts from Arizona to visit with relatives, then took her two step grandchildren back with her to stay with their grandfather (my brother in law) for a vacation, then their mother and her sister flew out for a visit to bring her sons home. There was no self isolating or even social distancing, she has always done what she wanted and everyone just gives in to her demands.

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  13. The horrid thing about coming here (So. Fl.) to visit the elderly is that many of them are in nursing homes and that’s where so many people were dying alone. If you got lucky, someone would hold a zoom meeting so you could say goodbye to your parent(s). Or talk through a sealed window. That is incredibly sad. How insufferable is her ego (or guilt complex) to have subjected herself and family to that? What did you husband tell her? BTW, NYC is forcing people to self-quarantine for 2 weeks if they come from Florida. That’s what Florida did to visitors from NY when this first started. Shoe’s on the other foot now!

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  15. I would say I can’t believe the behavior of some people but I am experiencing similar in my own family. My sister, who is housing our almost 97 year old mom, believes it is okay to go shopping every day and visit the local casinos, spend time at the lake with her grown kids and grandkids who do who knows what and then come home to my mom. Mom says, “She doesn’t come into my room and leaves the room if I go in the kitchen to make breakfast or lunch.” Oh that makes me feel better – not. So much selfishness out there! Our county is back on the “watch list” although for a while we were the only county in the state that was not. The county my sister lives in is double our rate. 😦

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      1. And I found out yesterday that my sister and her husband did in fact get Covid, didn’t tell our mom or anyone else, until after the “county officials who checked them” said they were clear of the virus. They just “stayed away” from my mom and disinfected the counters after they used the kitchen. So angry.

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      3. She used “irregardless” twice when we were having a “discussion” yesterday. I held my tongue because she said that I used to correct her grammar all the time when she was little. She’s five years younger than me and I don’t even remember anything that she accused me of doing.

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  16. I have relatives like your SIL…enough said. I just want to commend you on not visiting your parents. I hope they are doing well – cancer treatments are so hard on the body, and emphysema is no picnic either. In my opinion I think you and your husband are making the right decision, for what it’s’ worth…

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  18. Wow! I really can’t understand people’s attitudes . It drives me CRAZY! You would think no one realizes what a pandemic is! Like the word is made up, like we never went through the Spanish Flu, Bubonic Plague, etc. years ago! That’s the problem it was years ago!! My parents live 10 minutes from me and it has been very hard to not go see them as often as we used to, we are very close! BUT I love them and I will do what I can do to protect them My MIL lives in Indiana. Every summer we go out there to spend with her and my SIL and the family and cousins. My MIL has asthma as do my niece and nephew. We are being cautious and staying home. Its HARD, we miss them, but… we love them too!
    And to block your own DAD?? Isn’t that what middle schoolers and High schoolers do when they get upset??

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  20. OMG you’re writing my rant! I have a SIL who’s just as narcissistic, drives me nuts. I so related to your frustrations, makes me feel like I’m not alone in the world, and slightly less crazy! Thank you, C

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  22. The entire concept of traveling right now really kind of blows my mind. Flying to do so? Yeah, really not a brilliant idea. Driving? Better, but you still have to stop along the way for food and gas and bathroom breaks, then you have to stay somewhere that isn’t your home when you finally arrive.

    How many people that are doing that are ALSO being responsible and wearing their masks? How many of the people they are forced to interact with along the way or at their destination are also wearing masks? Unless you are staying in your own camper or RV, the place you stay is also potentially problematic. What if you get sick or hurt along the way and require aid? You could be putting yet another additional burden on an already overburdened healthcare system if you are in or too close to certain areas.

    All for what exactly? I am a little bit more understanding (thought it is still a stretch) when it comes to visiting family, as long a precautions are taken, but for a vacation or entertainment? No.

    My daughter has a friend that is high risk, but her family chose to take a vacation to Florida. Their reasoning? The area they were staying didn’t have any cases or were extremely low so they deemed it safe. There is just so much about that scenario that is wrong for me.

    Granted, I’m also a huge introvert and I’m always much happier just staying home most of the time with the occasional vacation or outing along the way so skipping something like that isn’t a huge deal for me at all.

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    1. I don’t think people are actually thinking through their decisions. I respect everyone’s choices, as I’m sure many question mine, but I don’t know how responsible people are, like you said. I’m more annoyed ay her giving people grief over their choices

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  27. HA! Love that comment about your SIL being the sun! If you test too early a negative COVID test is meaningless, so I would definitely not want to be around anyone who came from a hot-spot zone for at least two weeks.

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