I judge people.

I remember the first time I judged someone. I was maybe four years old, perhaps three. We lived in an apartment complex that was about fifteen two story buildings with a courtyard in the middle. During the day all the Moms used to bring our their lawn chairs, and the kids would all play.

I was a shy kid, not known for playing with other kids. I would bring something down, usually jacks, and play by myself. There was a little boy who constantly stole my jacks and was mean to me. I decided he was the most horrible person ever. I totally judged him by his actions…

Now I know most of you are saying that I wasn’t judging- that I was reacting to much evidence that this kid wasn’t nice.

Fine…

But let’s go a step further…

This kid had a birthmark on his face.

I began to treat people with birthmarks as if they had the plague… I assumed his mean behavior was caused by the birthmark. (now before you say anything, this was more of a dark freckle on his cheek and not something that covered his entire face which might have soured his outlook)

So before I even went to school, I had already judged someone…

So when is the first time that you remember judging someone?

When did you last judge someone?

For the purposes of today, we are going to say that judging is an adapted or learned trait- nurture so to speak…

So, assuming that my environment causes me to judge, let’s think about things that people do that make me judge them:

  1. men  wearing jewelry other than a wedding ring or watch (I would have kicked out Mr. Darcy based on his pinky ring- even though I know the origins of those pieces…)
  2. wearing heels when they walk around the streets
  3. not eating cheese
  4. talking about how they only eat “clean” as I’m about to bite into a cheeseburger
  5. asking why you’re not married, or when you’re having a baby
  6. blindly sharing things on social media yet never having content of your own to share
  7. opening up food in the market before you’ve paid, and this includes trying a grape
  8. not reading
  9. watching reality tv where people pull hair, trash tables and reveal who the baby daddy really is
  10. talking the talk without walking the walk

I could go on, but you get the idea. People do certain things- I make judgements.

People do things, we all make judgements…

So- what do you judge people on? What little peccadillos really get under your skin? Which qualities that others have really make you judge them?

You don’t need to answer here, but think about it to yourself.

Then decide if judging is really a bad thing…

83 thoughts on “I Judge”

  1. I judge people on the way I feel about them when I first meet them. If I get a bad feeling then I wont talk to them. Is following my intuition judging if I dont take the time to get to know them first?

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    1. I think basing something on anything other than fact is judging. But I wouldn’t say that’s a universal definition, which is part of the issue. And why I wonder if judging is bad, or if it’s just an intuitive reaction to a situation. I’m going to sort of wrote about that tomorrow, because I just don’t know.

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      2. That’s an excellent thought. And part of why I wonder if judging is part of our nature…like a survival instinct

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  2. I judge people everyday but not on looks, occupation, etc. I judge ppl I work with. My co workers that are lazy and that call in all the time. Why? Because having a terrible work ethic and laziness annoys the hell out of me. It goes beyond work though, laziness is my number one pet peeve. That and ppl who think they’re better than others.

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    1. The work ethic thing is my daughters biggest pet peeve. But it goes back to, is judging necessarily a bad thing, or is it just intuition kicking into gear? I just don’t know

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      2. Yet we all judge….so maybe we shouldn’t apologize (which I think people do) and instead, delve into why a particular trait bothers us so much

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  4. I think judging or categorizing is innate meant to protect us. How was that boy who bullied you different than you? Well he has a birthmark. Better watch out for people with birthmarks because they might hurt you in the future. But then you grow up and realize it was him but not the birthmark. But you still feel wary and are made to feel bad about your wariness. But where it gets dangerous is if you think everyone with birthmarks on their face are bad and start mistreating them. I think judging is meant to protect us but we need to realize that tendency and use logic to overcome it.

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  5. I judge people who are extremely religious yet hypocritical. For example, People go to church hand out communion, are in the choir everyone says what good Christian people they are but yet they are very prejudiced against those they consider “sinners”. For example a former friend and her husband constantly made snide comments that I was raised Catholic but no longer practicing & comments on my having been divorced & remarried, although she was divorced & remarried as well but had an annulment so it was ok and she considered herself a better person and would “pray” for me. Because of too many people like this in my life I am rather judgmental against Catholics in general. I don’t go ranting and complaining about them (other than now lol) as my entire family is Catholic, yet If I am introduced to somebody that is Catholic I instantly have my judgement guard up. So I guess it’s rather ironic that I’m judgemental about judgemental people!! Lol.

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    1. Ironic yes…but I totally get it. I almost listed as my number 10…people who judge. Which brings me to my final thought…is judging bad or wrong? Or is it survival instinct

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      1. I think it is a survival instinct. A way of comparing and thinking to yourself, “hey I guess I am OK because I’m not like that”!!! And we all like to believe and feel like we are ok!!!

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  6. I make judgments depending on what my gut says, I have learnt to do this after many years of being taken for a mug. My gut is rarely wrong. I think it’s fine to judge just as long as you are prepared to admit you were wrong if it turns out your judgement was wrong.

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  9. A question that makes you think for I always liked to think that I don’t judge but yet you are right there are little ways that we do and I don’t think that makes it bad. I think where judging gets bad is where we decide.we know their character because of something that we consider a flaw. Does that make sense? For example, I may think you are crazy for not liking to read but it doesn’t make you a bad person. I can’t understand people that don’t like the beach but it doesn’t make them any less friendly.

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    1. Exactly what I was pondering. Are some judgements just intuition? Is the actual judging not the issue but is the issue understanding why we judge someone? How we react because of it?

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      1. I do think some are intuition and yes I think our reaction is the real important issue! Do I assume that you are foolish and snobby for wearing high heels to walk around outside?

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  12. I try not to judge–though, of course, I often fall short of that intention. I try to remind myself that most of what I/we judge people about are surface elements, and that I have no idea what struggles they may be facing or what wounds they may carry inside. When I do or say something stupid or insensitive, I hope people will give me the benefit of the doubt and grant that I may be having a bad day or that I simply slipped. So, I try to give the same “grace” that I hope people will give me. In general, I think we’re all just doing the best we can at each moment in time. That said, there are some people who are unqualified jerks and always will be. Those people I avoid and try not to waste my time or energy giving them any attention at all. (Reading this comment over, I see the word “try” is quite prominent … maybe that’s what it comes down to: trying our best….)

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  14. We see the world through how we are. I am frugal with monies, so spending on outlandish items seems silly to me. Some people might think my borrowing books and saving a few pennies to invest in a good car vs. jet skis silly also.

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    1. Perhaps in another life, I was insanely wealthy and God decided to make me watch my pennies this time around and I get jealous but are those rich people happy? Hmm…I might write a blog about this…

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    1. Can’t anything be a blanket statement? I stated I judge people who eat stuff in supermarkets who eat before they pay. A blogger countered me on that as to why she thought it was ok. Who’s right?

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  16. I taste grapes in the grocery store and I have opened a package of licorice or chips and eaten them while doing the rest of my shopping because sometimes I feel shaky if I haven’t eaten in a while. Also sometimes opened something and given it to the kids when they were little to occupy them. ALWAYS paid for those open items. Would you judge me? Would you rather I pass out or end up with a kid having a meltdown? Would you judge me then?

    I have judged people, though — mostly it’s those people who wander Walmart in “unusual” clothing. I wouldn’t judge you if you did or didn’t eat cheese 🙂

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    1. I’m ok with kids making noise when they’re someplace. They’re kids. They don’t know how else to deal with something they don’t want to do. Plus, I was the mother who let her kid throw herself in the floor if I didn’t buy her something. My husband and I still talk about the caterpillar story which was one day we were at buy buy baby….my daughter was probably about a year old. She picked up a stuffed caterpillar from a display. As we got ready to leave we took it away. She was screaming papapill patapill….I have a high tolerance for stares from people. In your case you paid for the stuff you bought. I’ve seen too many people not pay for stuff they eat as they walk around. My dad had a drug store and he had to be really careful with the candy displays. It’s my innate reaction to protecting store owners. Which goes to my point about judging. What’s behind the reason for judging? What makes you judge something a certain way? I’m not saying my positions are right…but I acknowledge them. The reason I thought about this was because I’m reading this book…”black Dignity” and the author says how her parents told her never open something in a store. My initial thought was…no one should be opening something in a store.

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      1. I get that, especially if you are a store owner, and I have gotten some funny looks when I put an empty wrapper on the counter. There was an instance when I overheard a mom yelling at her 3 or 4 year old about acting up when they were trying to get their Christmas photos taken. I remember wanting to stop the mom and tell her that she was making more of a scene than the kid was. I definitely was judging that mom.

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  17. We all are initial judgments, anyone who says otherwise is not being truthful. Off the top of my head, yo unmentioned heels…so anyone wearing heels on a boardwalk at the beach. I watch how people react to service people and I watch for several seconds after someone smiles or laughs to see if they hold it or if it is removed quickly from their face. That tells me something.

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    1. I really don’t understand heels on the boardwalk or beach….the boardwalk has all those uneven surfaces…it’s a tripping hazard. You’re right about the other thing though…how do people react after someone leaves…though…I’ve been in a fight with my daughter and when the server comes over I smile and act nice, though as soon as they leave I might go back to fighting with my daughter

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  18. I judged the ONE person (a dude- 40 something) at the grocery store today with no mask on. I did it quietly..not verbally..just furrowed eyebrows…and the finger.

    (I’m kidding about the finger..but I thought about it)

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  19. I am judgey af. There. I said it. I try so hard not to, but I’d be a straight up liar if I said I didn’t.
    I agree with your #4, 8, 9, and 10.
    Especially 10! If you’re not real in your daily life, go sit down and shut the f**k up! UGH!

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      1. That’s the trick, isn’t it? Is it for good or bad. Is it learned or reactive?
        To be perfectly honest, I don’t care if others judge me. I actually like the me I am and if you don’t, that doesn’t bother me in the least.
        I guess that’s better than being one that dishes but can’t take… 😉

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      2. I know what you mean. People are going to judge you no matter what road you take. Might as well be authentic and own it

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  22. When I go grocery shopping I seem to slip into another personna. Even before Covid I did not enjoy the shoppers who followed me around the aisles right up my clacker. What really kills me though is those in a busy supermarket who block an aisle whilst ringing home to ask “ Hey, Baked Beans are on special. Should I buy a tin? They are down to a $1”. Yes, I judge them. MORONS! How do they manage to clean their teeth every day !

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  25. Well, one of my neighbours is on chemo and going to have surgery in under two weeks. Her consultant has said her household must be in quarantine for 14 days beforehand. Day One: eldest daughter pays a visit (inside the house). Day Two: husband goes out in his car (of course he could be just going out in his car but not get out of it till he is home again). All things being equally, my neighbour will be okay but I don’t understand which message the family aren’t getting.

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    1. I know. In a week or so I’m writing a post about a family member who really thinks she’s the sun and all revolves around her….and I think that’s part of the problem…

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