A bunch of my neighbors shamed me a few weeks ago.

I was shamed because I thought the world was ready to start opening again. Businesses opening. Kids going back to school. People getting back to their lives.

I was called insensitive.

I was called stupid.

I was called a murderer.

Shamed.

Murderer.

Don’t I care about others?

All because I thought differently than they did.

I was shamed because I don’t think people should be made to wear masks.

I was told that we must wear masks or we are murderers.

I explained that I had a hard time telling a person of color that they must enter a store in a mask. I understand that racism exists.

Murderer. They said. I should immediately call the police if I see anyone not wearing a mask.

I asked them if snitching on our neighbors wasn’t inherently wrong.

They said no. We must tell on these people.

When I questioned the Mayor starting a sentence with “All you Jews…” when discussing a group of Hasidim they stated that DeBlasio was right to call out an entire group of people.

I was shamed.

Shamed.

Yet now…

These people….

Neighbors…

Wearing expensive watches and sneakers and purses…

With children having attended private schools (side note…can you be a liberal and send your kids to private school…I mean..why do your kids need to be separated from others?)

They are mainly silent in the thousands of unmasked, not socially distanced groups of people….

They did ask why my daughter wasn’t attending the riots…wasn’t I ashamed that she wasn’t demonstrating …..they didn’t say ashamed, but that was the implication…there is no other way to display the withering glances I received…

I sheepishly said that my daughter has been spending two to three hours a day volunteering to tutor students who have been left in the dust by not having actual school. Students of color btw….if that matters as to who should need help right now…

And yes….

I am so ashamed….

80 thoughts on “Friday feelings”

  1. I abhor the “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” mentality. But here we are…

    Point of solidarity: I rarely wear a mask unless I feel distancing is not feasible and/or it’s mandated.

    I am not a sheep. Just because it’s x doesn’t mean I go along with everyone.

    Example: when everyone wrote a blurb that they, too, had a #MeToo situation happen to them, I did not participate. Does this mean it did NOT happen to me?

    Just because I didn’t follow along doesn’t mean I don’t believe in a cause.

    Hang in there.

    Liked by 4 people

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      1. Oh no. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. It is a tough time for all but I am finding out it so different and much harder for those in other areas than I live. I was at the end of my rope when I retired from nursing, I was too young to retire and the isolation was new to me.. blogs like yours uplifted me and gave me something to look forward to. No one knows how they have touched another person, but your posts have Not only giving me something to look forward to in the mornings but also have helped me seeing a different perspective. You make a difference. ❤️❤️

        Liked by 3 people

      4. People think their views are the only right ones. I really dislike when someone tries to push their views on others. You do you and I do me and we carry on happily in a country where we’re free.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Many people I know do not share my views on moving forward. We somehow moved from “flatten the curve” to “stay locked in your house until there is a vaccine” but then those same people are attending protests and vigils while shaming people who just want to open their business.
    If it was just me I would pack up and move back to my tiny hometown where I can essentially remove myself from the world.

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  4. People are generally sheep and go with the popular flow – unable to think or reason for themselves. Coronavirus and BLM have caused a vast number of people to stop thinking for themselves. Outside influences are making decisions for seemingly intelligent people resulting in social chaos. Bad cases of Rectal/Cranial Inversion are everywhere and look as if they will continue. Good luck!

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  5. 😥 Is society breaking down? There are no easy yes/no answers to the complexities we find ourselves dealing with right now, but simple kindness seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle.

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      2. It’s not scared. It righteousness. It’s viewing something in one way only. They’ve picked a lane, and have decided to not look left, right or behind them. They ignore the potholes and the accidents and keep plowing through because they refuse to think about things in a 360 view. People would rather be right than find the right solution

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Well, the sad thing about that, as I’m sure you know, is that there is no way constructive forward in that environment. I’m afraid that negative approach has been strengthened by the lack of any positive leadership, just vicious partisan politics that are leaving people with lies, half-truths, and no-one reminding them of the value in (and need for) people to work together. It’s a very sad state of affairs. As I say, there are no winners when it’s like this. Just anger and distrust.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. F them. You are free to feel and say what you want. To call someone a murderer for not wearing a.mask is bullshit. This country needs to get moving at some point. You’re a smart lady. You know what is best for you and your family. Wrap your apartment in a big healing pink bubble and don’t let those idiots get to you. Sending love and hugs.

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  7. LA… ♥
    I am with no words. I feel your deep sadness and I am sorry you are at the end of your rope. I have been physically and emotionally overwhelmed by lock down and now the world is flying apart in pieces. Don’t allow anyone shame you.

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  8. LA, I don’t even know how to respond to this post as I can’t begin to imagine how you can deal with this absurdity. That mentality of judgment and shaming so blatantly displayed by your neighbors! Who are these people? And yet, I know some similar people too and I do my best to distance myself from them. I’m sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve it Don’t let anyone shame you. Stand strong and be you!

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    1. The level of hypocrisy is astounding. People have stopped thinking for themselves and have decided to let news media decide there thoughts and actions. No one actually has there own opinion anymore…they wait to hear an opinion on social media or the news and then adopt it. What happened to thinking…

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  9. Shaming is counterproductive. If people feel that they want to attend a protest (not a riot) it is their choice, as long as they are trying to make a positive change I think it is great, we should not have to answer to people who are shaming. I do believe that a concerted lack of leadership on most levels has risen to the level of being criminal, people don’t know what to believe or do. It is all about me.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. The media is determining what we should think and feel. Be a good person. Teach your children to be good people. Stop shaming or comparing. Be respectful of one another.

      Liked by 2 people

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  10. Shaming is a means to control others. If we can influence their emotions we can have power over them. Shaming is not healthy in my opinion. Reading this actually caused me grief and pain. Personally I do wear a mask, as much to protect others as myself. But I honor your rights and freedoms to make your own choices.

    I think we are all feeling shame on some level as we reflect on our own privileges that are not balanced by everyone sharing these same privileges. I know I am asking myself what I can do better, what I can change about my attitudes – examining whether I am also guilty of racism in whatever subtle or carefully hidden form. I think reflection is a good thing if it leads to growth.

    We are all doing the very best we can and the very fact your daughter is tutoring others speaks to the fact she has had a good upbringing which you should be very proud of. Children learn what they live, so obviously you have taught her compassion and care for others. Good on ya. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

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  12. I’m so done with judgemental people right now! You’re a good person, you’re smart and you’re doing the best you can in a crisis. Try to ignore them. People who make snap judgements about others very often haven’t really thought about them from all angles imho.

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  13. What a shame…calling out the Hassidic Jews. That is horrible, “DeBlasio was right to call out a whole group of people.” I don’t even know what to say. Dang…I have been to Israel, lived on a kibbutz, this is just weird.

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Your daughter was absolutely right not to attend the riots, jeeze that’s a ridiculous suggestion it’s no different to saying clear of drunken fracas inside pub innocent people get glassed! Bystanders, riot observers get wrongly arrested, end up with a caution or arrest and their future is f*****……… that’s my take. Let it all out LA, hope you feel better 🙂 .

    Liked by 3 people

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  15. A few weeks ago when the beaches opened, my husband and I went REAL EARLY to take a walk..we saw maybe fewer than a total of ten people the entire time. I shared our peaceful, restorative experience on NEXTDOOR just in case others might want to go for a walk.

    One woman told me I was a “SELFISH” person and that my actions could wind up killing others..but “oh, I forgot..people like you don’t care.”– Had to belly laugh..I mean REALLY we are going nuts.

    Meanwhile- I am not joking- the headline in yesterday’s AJC paper in Atlanta was that several local restaurants were going to be fined by the govt. for not following proper covid guidelines..

    I guess the fires are out in Atlanta..?

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  16. First of all, you know I’m just itching to use the F word…as often and with as much vehemence as ‘Robynly’ possible.
    How disappointing your neighbors seem.
    You do you.
    And brava for your girl! She’s using her white privilege to do serious good.
    There are many avenues of protest. She’s firmly in her protest lane where SHE can do the most and best good!
    Back of my middle finger x infinity at those shaming, disrespectful, kool-aid drinking neighbors.
    May the Force be with you.
    I am loving you fiercely, my friend!

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  18. I’ve met the kind of people you describe.

    I’m a nurse. We received a letter telling us basically to have no lives outside of work because we might catch COVID-19. All of a sudden my supervisor is posting pics of her daughter attending a protest, and how delighted she is about it. Her daughter also works in a health care environment—guess the rules have changed—only some of us are expected to do extreme social distancing.

    On the Facebook page of a local news station people are talking about local protests. Anyone that talks about how sick they are of the spray painting and other vandalism gets a shaming comment by someone who says they doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation and that we shouldn’t be bothered by a little vandalism.

    Protesters were marching with the intention of going to the interstate IN THE DARK. If you make a comment about how nonsensical that is, there are people there to shame you. Of course people are trying to make the issue about how law enforcement responded rather than thinking about the major havoc that would ensue if protesters managed to get to the interstate.

    I have told both my kids to be extremely cautious if they decide to participate in the protests. You don’t want to borrow trouble and be associated with people throwing rocks at the police or engaging in vandalism. I don’t see either of my kids participating at this time.

    Kudos to your daughter!

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    1. I said to someone before…should a kid shoot up a school because they are taking a stand against bullying? Does violence solve some problems and not others….I don’t understand the logic….

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      1. Logic has left the building.

        I heard some guy on city council up there tweeted that if there’s a New York COVID spike in the next two weeks, don’t blame the protestors, blame racism..
        OH, OK…
        Like that will matter to overrun hospitals…remember those?
        The freezers?
        Exhausted nurses?
        QUARANTINE UNDER PENALTY..
        No bars..
        no funerals..
        no weddings..
        no birthday parties with more than 10 people
        snitching is encouraged..
        six feet..masks..
        Now nothing?
        No one cares about any of that anymore?
        OH, OK…

        Liked by 5 people

  19. People are getting dumber by the day. Heard again today, there is a serious effort to defund police departments in different cities..so what do they intend to do when the lawless mobs that we’ve seen the past couple of weeks take over? Somebody explain that one to me. I am so sorry you have had to be subjected to those kind of statements. Take care.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Tune in next week for my defunding police blog….it’s already in my head…..don’t know what day I’m posting it. Will depend on this weekends ridiculousness

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  20. There is apparently only one right opinion. It’s frustrating …

    Awesome that your daughter is tutoring … and oh … actually helping people!

    I’ve noticed that it’s not okay for most people to gather in groups larger than 10, with protests being the exception to that? That makes sense … not.

    Oh sure let’s defund the police … I wonder who my elderly neighbors would have called a few years ago when an armed gunman broke into their home?

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  22. The acceptance by some people of stifling opinions outside of the “approved” box is frightening. It’s like a mass hysteria cult. What will these same people accept next?

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  23. I keep a bookmark on my desk drawn by a local school kid: “When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.” — R.J. Palacio

    If I need the reminder, it’s quite possible that many other people do to. Sounds like we can include your neighbors. Shall I send you some bookmarks?

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  24. Well, if nothing else, the past few weeks have taught us not to wonder what else can go wrong, because we always seem to find out. I’m so sorry that you have such idiot neighbors who seem to think that they have the right to attack anyone who is different (because shaming is an attack). I remember when the term liberal meant someone who is open-minded and willing to change. It means something totally different these days, which is why I no longer think of myself as one. I refuse any label, and am astounded by the number of people who are willing to let the media and/or their party’s political leaders do their talking for them.

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  25. Sigh… I am not one to criticize since I am not perfect. I will tell you my take on why I wear a mask. My first adult son was having surgery last Monday. I had hopes that I might see him a few days after surgery. Thankfully because I was careful I had a nice visit with he and his wife and even had lunch. There is another reason, my first grandbaby girl (third grandchild) will be born in the middle of July. I have hopes that I may get to see or hold her when they bring her home. I plan to take the test immediately before that time to insure that I am healthy. Imagine shame if I didn’t care enough to get a free test before I saw her and was one of the people who can have the virus but with no symptoms. Yes it is so weird, it is almost hard to believe. But I will not risk the health of my kids or anyone else’s kids or family. I would rather wear a mask away from my home than find out later that I had the virus and infected dozens or even one person. The risk is just to great. Can you tell I was brought up with guilt. I balanced that guilt with love? I know they are going to be extra hot this summer but I will just stay home more. Do the best you can do. Hugs!

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