I recently finished “The Happy Ever After Playlist” by Abby Jimenez. I’m about to talk about the book, thought this is not a review nor a recommendation to read or not to read- it’s just a blog about one of the themes in the book so there will be spoilers of a sort- though to be fair it’s a beach read so I’m guessing there aren’t too many things you wouldn’t guess…it’s not like I’m going to divulge who the murderer is, or exclaim of course the butler did it…

But anyway…

Did you ever break up with someone for their own good?

Have you ever decided that you love someone so much that they will be better off without you?

In this book, the point of view alternates from chapter to chapter, so we see both main characters struggle with the choices and struggles  they are facing in their relationship. Both of them come off as the nicest people in the world…which I guess is the right way to write a romance because you really don’t want to hate the love interest in a book. Each one has very chivalrous reasons for wanting to end the relationship…they are trying to be selfless…

But is it really selfless to end a relationship with someone because you don’t want to hurt them more?

Should you let relationships end naturally, or put them to an early death because you “know” the end is inevitable?

When I was younger I know I had a tendency to push people away, my rationale being that the relationship was going to end anyway, so why bother going through the motions…but that was more about ME not being ready for something, about ME being scared of feeling. It wasn’t really about the other person, or trying to “spare” their feelings…

So here’s todays questions to think about:

  1. Have you ever broken up with someone because it was “better” for them, or been broken up with for same reason?
  2. Do you think it’s selfish or selfless to break up with someone because it’s “better for them”?
  3. What do you think of the chivalrous break up as a theme in a romance novel or movie?

Discuss:

44 thoughts on “Tres- Betterment”

  1. Is it ever really selfless though? Barring an extreme circumstance, and even if you generally want what’s best for the other person, a part of that break-up is always going to be more on the selfish side. But that’s okay too. The flip side is, should you stay with someone because it’s better for them? Even when it’s not at all good for you?

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    1. Totally get your train of thought. But it makes me wonder…do we demand too many explanations over break ups? Should the end of a relationship be just one truthful line per year you’ve been together?

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      1. I love that one line a year equation. Lol Again though, it’s dependent on the situation. An abusive relationship requires no explanation for leaving, for example. But… if I were being left in what was a seemingly okay relationship, I’d want an explanation. And maybe in that case it would be the respectful thing to have that discussion for both parties to get the necessary closure…. ?? Oh and this is coming from someone who has once gotten the ‘you’re too good for me’ bullpoop excuse 😂

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  2. How many human actions are ever truly selfless?
    We can convince ourselves of most anything…so it doesn’t seem too far-fetched that under the (possibly true) belief that our motives are altruistic we might act a certain way. But the self made that decision. Regardless of belief or motive. And when it comes to breaking up, the nugget of truth has to start with the self.
    But what do I know? 😉

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      4. That’s I think my problem…is it an easy cop out….I think we should break up because I don’t want to hurt you one day I cheat on you…oh you won’t cheat on me….a year later…how could you cheat on me…well, I told you I would….

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  3. I can’t really fathom that scenario, though I’ve seen it in movies, like if a person knows they have a fatal illness or will likely develop same. But that seems rare. In a normal sense, I don’t think people really think that way. We leave relationships when they aren’t working for us.

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    1. You hit on something I was thinking…how often does it really happen…then cozy just said it’s happened to her, and I can think of other friends….so I guess anything can happen…

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  5. I’ve never done it. How do you know it’s better.for them? What about.karma? What about the lessons we are here to.learn in this lifetime? These questions popped into my head. I’ll have to read the book to fully understand what you are talking about. Interesting post.

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  8. Well, I think it’s complicated. My 2nd husband? I didn’t break up with him, he left me and I don’t blame him because I would have left me too. I’ve been clean (sober) for 15 years, and I haven’t attempted contact since around 2.5 years clean. As much as I still love and want him, my 12 step recovery has taught me that perhaps the best amends I can make is to leave him alone and not cause chaos in his life anymore. I have caused him enough pain, I have an obligation to NOT cause any more hurt.

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  9. This concept is kind of ridiculous to me because it boldly states “I know better than you” and takes someone’s choices away from them. This may not quite hit the theme you are discussing, but that is mostly how it feels to me. If a relationship is a genuine, loving one, you won’t decide for the other person what is best for them without discussing it with them and coming to an agreement together (unless we are talking parents and young children, that kind of doesn’t count). Doing so places you in a position of being better, smarter or more than the other person and immediately changes the dynamics of a relationship from equal partners to something unbalanced and unhealthy.

    Yes, it is a common trope in literature, but it is one that tends to frustrate me because I seriously dislike manufactured drama based on a lack of communication (which is ultimately what this issue is about) when a simple conversation would have averted all the drama. And I do get that is sort of the point a lot of times because it is a common human failing, but it still bugs the crap out of me.

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      2. See…that’s the thing…I don’t know. If you’re about to go to college, I think it’s valid. Other circumstances? Not sure how altruistic it really is

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  14. I had someone try to break up with me in the early phase of our relationship because it would be better for me. I refused to accept it. With hindsight, he was right … and I eventually ended it myself. The thing is he didn’t articulate why it would be better for me – if he had, maybe I’d have listened. But also, maybe not, for he was the love of my life and you aren’t always thinking clearly in those circumstances.

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