We all know that I like my routine…

So this whole thing has taken a bit of getting used to, because, you know, I don’t want to get used to it.

I spent the first week of this thing in a combo of despair and denial. I was really upset about paying a stupid amount of money for my daughter to be taught online. I was really upset that her first year of college came to an abrupt end. I was mad that she made it into a prestigious summer abroad program that she now is unable to go to. I was mad because I was going to meet her after the program and finallyget to see Venice and Florence. We had tickets to see some awesome Broadway shows. I was mad about the life that I had planned for that didn’t exist anymore.

Break out the violins and the tissues.

But, you know, we all have a right to be upset about things that we were looking forward to that didn’t pan out. I am tired of hearing how we “have it better than so many other people.” I don’t want to hear “get a grip.” What’s the Atticus Finch line- “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…”

I don’t do comparisons of good or bad things.

To live your life comparing yourself to others means you are not actually living your life- it means you are letting outside influences determine your day to day.

But anyway- enough about my PSA for the day…

So it took me a week to get over myself. It took a week to look objectively at the new normal.

This week began the new routine, so to speak. I get up and shower and make my bed. I walk the dog and clean the litter box and feed the pets. I make breakfast and dinner and I have a yogurt with fruit for lunch. I do laundry on Mondays. I dust the tv, and wipe down the bathroom and the kitchen, sweep the floor. These things are pre-corona, during corona and post corona.

I still do my quasi morning mediation. I read from Calm and Simple Abundance. I breathe a little bit.

I write my blog and work on my novel- but we all know that I like to write when I am alone. This has been really hard for me to adjust to. My husband is presently five feet away from me- which is difficult for my concentration, especially since he is on work calls very often. I mean really often. Often enough that I now know the voices of all his colleagues…

So I write, but it’s more difficult.

I walk my dog, but I second guess myself every time. I also get the patter from my friends and family. Half don’t want me to leave my house. Half think I should be walking miles around Manhattan. This is what I mean about telling people what to do- because you might not be the only voice in their head- and really, how much I walk and if I do is no one’s business but mine. And the police who will fine you if they deem you too close or being reckless. And the governor, who has already locked up a lot of places. And the mayor who keeps getting shouted down by the governor…

I read a lot. I read because I love to read. I read because I can do it quietly. I don’t think many appreciate exactly how small my living space is. How I can hear my daughter’s French class right now, even though she is in her bedroom with the door closed. Imagine a standard TV living room. Now divide it up into 6 rooms. That’s how much space we have…

Sometimes I watch TV at night-  last night it was Grey’s. We play a lot of board games. These are my evenings now.

I still do my face masques three times a week. I diligently moisturize every part of my body. I still journal at night.

I have adapted- because you know, adapt or die…

 

100 thoughts on “seis- Routine

  1. You know reading about the mayor and governor is interesting and one wonders what will happen…to them…I took the time to walk 3 miles yesterday. It felt really good. The only strange occurrence was a man going off track to go to the bathroom in the woods but other than that I now know our neighborhood has a very complex group of people, very diverse and they are all walking.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. A few but not all. We give each other wide berth. I see more people I have never seen walking by our home but I walked quite a distance yesterday and saw very few people the further I walked.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a real problem with the people who don’t think you have a real right to mourn the loss of your normal life.
    This is your life.
    It’s your life and you’re not getting to live it the way you planned. To me, that gives you the right to feel a way about it. And to express your feels.
    Your disappointment is legit! You expressed it and you’re doing what it takes to get through this. To mourn is part of the process.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Or can’t relate to another’s sadness and disappointment because there’s no real excitement in it. But can quickly relate to anger or frustration because it makes for good drama. Too many people like that in the world.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s all about adapting. My long-planned travel for summer seems to be rapidly evaporating too. Definitely disappointed, but I will adapt. If I can adapt from watching my living quarters shrink to one room, I can survive this as well. I’m seeing daily postings on Twitter where people are losing loved ones to the virus. So sad. We can adapt. Stay safe and best wishes for your family 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The new normal. I hear that a lot. I don’t want this to be my normal so I prefer to call
    it my coronavirus routine. At least your governor lock the place down. Our governor allowed a horse auction yesterday that brought nearly 500 people from several different states!!! Including Michigan and Illinois! So how can Iowans take the governor seriously when she tells everybody to stay home and not gather but allows a large auction to proceed? She says it was essential for farming and the “food supply chain”. I can tell you I lived on a farm for many years and we never had a horse help us with any of our farming nor did we ever eat a horse to help with our food supply! So many Iowans are frustrated. Even though nobody likes a lockdown or an order for a home in place most Iowans want one and are quite angry because our numbers keep climbing and the governor refuses to enforce any of her social distancing “recommendations”. Doctors, hospitals and government officials are daily begging her to issue real orders to shelter in place but she refuses. So there is where my anger lies! Sorry about the vent!! So here I am wanting someone to tell us how to live right now!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Vent away! It’s better that you air the frustrations then hold them in. You have real concerns especially since you’ve seen what’s happening in other places! It’s ok to go through every stage of grief….that’s normal and healthy💗💗💗

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I understand small spaces. It’s why you, and me, can appreciate that even a small amount of clutter left in a place that is communal and multi-functional can incite rage after a few cumulative days of reminding about common courtesy and the like.

    And that’s not even addressing noise…

    I spend a lot of time in the bedroom, especially when I want to write, for that reason. There is no space for a desk in there…and my back and neck are not thankful. But it is what it is…

    I hear you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I know you get it! That’s why clearing off my table the other day was HUGE to my mental health. It’s only silly to someone who doesn’t realize how little space and storage one can have

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I took a break from writing way back in Feb to reset myself…then the kids exams came along so I thought ok, after this..and now we in India are in mode lockdown for 3 weeks! Have actually reset myself to all being home and living in these changing times with online classes for the kids etc etc. and all including me are going with the flow but somehow the time spent alone for writing seems to be lost in all this melee..hopefully very soon will readjust my mind a bit more and get it down to writing something other that what’s written about these days.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. We are all having to come up with a new normal which means we have to compromise more than we might like. It is strange that I have a much bigger living space than say you do, but I feel like I have lost some of my privacy. I know seems petty, but that is the way of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I can so relate. When we moved into this apt. (which sounds about the same size as yours) I had an awful time adjusting. The only place I could set up my desktop was literally a few feet away from the television. My hubby is a couch potato and watches t.v. 24/7, which can be very distracting. One blessing is that I had several months to adjust before this pandemic struck.

    I love what you say about not making comparisons (that never, ever helps) and about not telling people what to do. My dear, sweet daughter-in-law gets very worried about me going out for groceries and insists I call them to do it for me. But my stubborn, independent self does not want to give that up – even if it means panic attacks from time to time. Plus, I really detest it when people try to control me, no matter how well-meaning. Yeah, there is a lot of “patter” from others. We each have to find ways to deal that work for us. So, amen, sista, and keep on keeping on. Stay safe!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You too! Exactly, we still have to decide what is right for us individually. If I ask an opinion, fine. But don’t chime in with something that may or may not be helpful

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Those are some Classics! There are some great newer games such as Ticket to Ride which are really well designed and intriguing. What I have discovered is that people who don’t like board games were screwed up by playing Monopoly in their youth – that game should be banned! Haha!
        Have you ever played Blockus? – a great game for 4 players, easy-to-learn, takes about 1/2 hour. Usually every Sunday nite, I get together with some guys for a board game nite at my friend Randy’s place – he
        s a bit of an addict and has about 400 games stacked on shelves in his man-cave. A couple of my favourites are “Lords of the Waterdeep” and “Acquire”. Two really good games for 2 people are “Lost Cities (Card Game)” which my wife and I play a lot and “Duel – Seven Wonders” Also check any games that have the “German Game of the Year” awards are usually quite good.

        Liked by 2 people

  9. We were just told to wear face covering when we go out. I’m not sure I will wear one walking the dog but I will when I go to the grocery store. I cannot imagine living with the kids in such a small space. We have 1280 square feet and sometimes that’s not enough! I feel for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been wearing a fleece sweatshirt with a cowl that I pull up. My daughter wraps a bandana around. My husband uses his baklava. They just told us yesterday that we should be covering our faces, after telling us we didn’t need to

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I understand what you mean. I actually worked from home most of the time prior to this, but now my daughter and husband are here. I know you didn’t ask for suggestions, but I’d like to gently suggest some noise-cancelling headphones. They work wonders.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s funny but a few weeks ago I said if I had a wishlist that would be on it. A lot of places aren’t shipping to nyc right now unless it’s considered an essential. I had trouble getting dog food….but yeah….I need them

      Liked by 1 person

  11. “Often enough that I now know the voices of all his colleagues”… made me smile 🙂 , but you’re right, we all have a right to feel aggrieved at the life we had planned is on hold… though hopefully not for long. x

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I miss my quiet days working from home while the kids are at school and the hubby at work. I got two hours alone in my office space this afternoon and it felt like heaven. Lol. Well, except for the whole dealing with work issues bit!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I applaud you going outside every day. I think I’d lose my mind if I didn’t get outside and get fresh air. What’s making me crazy now is this change of heart about masks. After two months of telling people not to wear them, they’re now saying we should. I just wish we get some consistent information.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The mask thing is crushing me. Of course, we don’t have masks, so if we go out we put bandanas around our faces. But if we’re supposed to be covered, how much do I really want to be out. I mean, it’s a bit deserted, but still…it’s Manhattan

      Like

  14. In your situation, I’m sure I’d go nuts, so I greatly admire how you’re working to adjust. Sticking with routines must surely help. Do what you do and don’t let anyone give you guff about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not having a routine is the surest way to lose your mind. I’ve heard of a bunch of people who stopped showering, stopped changing clothes….that’s a problem. This is our life for the foreseeable future.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. It sounds you took the normal route to acceptance. I like how your routine includes board games, I love doing board games at Christmas with my family.
    Stay well, and keep writing I hope as reading your blog is part of my routine. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You are so good, we haven’t reached two weeks yet, (although hubby as been working from home for three) and I am ready to kill him. He is so untidy, he as something plugged into every socket, he keeps shutting the doors and windows. I could go on, I am fast beginning to think I should be living alone .😁 We have had to cancel our last ever holiday, but what can you do.
    I understand your comments about ‘having it better than others’ and I often feel guilty when I get upset because there are people worse off.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Walking activity has really picked up around here but yesterday we had freezing rain so we didn’t see too many. I’ve gone out a couple of times myself but frankly, there were too many people. I prefer fewer. My routine has had to change because my dad is now with us. But it’s been an easy adjustment other than the tv volume due to his hearing!! Oh, we also gave up our bedroom so he could have everything on one floor. Otherwise, our home is big enough that the three of us can have our own space. I’ve done fine so far but I could see this getting old after a while. I don’t want this to be my new normal but I can handle it for now.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. It’s great to read that you’ve gotten into a rhythm with this exasperating new normalcy of life on this planet. I know your reality is different than mine. From what you have written in this post, it seems abundantly clear to me that you are doing all you can for your sanity and that sanity of your family. I hope I’m doing half as well as you.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I hate the way people want to compare and judge, and it’s so common now! You gave up some wonderful things you were really looking forward to, and you have every right to be upset about that. And you’re right: the damage is even worse because those critical voices get inside our heads, making us question everything we’re doing. Which is hardly a recipe for mental well-being. In these stressful times, we need to either say something helpful to each other, or not say anything at all, I think. Hang in there! It sounds as if you have a good routine down, and I hope that helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s trying to reach out and tell someone hang in there. It’s telling them that theyre allowed to feel…to express emotion…to feel vulnerable. Not feeling things, to be forever neutral is not a great way to go through life either….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly! We need to listen to each other when we’re expressing our own emotions (even the bad ones) and stop telling each other how they’re allowed to feel.

        Like

  20. You know what? I don’t care about how we have it better than some places. It is still a major disruption, and we are all Pavlov’s dogs. I don’t care that we have it better than some places, because guess what? This ain’t over. This shit is scary and it’s ok to be mad, afraid, or whatever else. (((hugs))) and thank you for your honesty😙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. To compare is to diminish ones pains and also diminish ones victories. Why should we be made to feel better or worse compared to anyone else. We have every right to every feeling we have

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Ill health – first that of family members, then my own – has caused me to postpone pursuing my goals for a number of years now. It got to the stage where last year I decided it didn’t matter what it was, I was just going to “push through”. So yeah, now we have this … something none of us can push through, so I’m busily practising acceptance, like we all have to now. But worse things have happened to those I love, so I’m embracing gratitude too now. It’s a tricky time.

    Best wishes for finding a new normal routine, one you’ll only need to implement for as short a while as is possible.

    Like

  22. I’m really enjoying my unexpected holiday – feel more relaxed than I have done for years. I’m annoyed that my plans for the year are coming to nothing but I’m 61 years old and this isn’t the only disappointment I’ve had in life.

    It’s fine to be annoyed about things and it’s probably dangerous not to vent your feelings, but in the end there’s no point in getting stressed over something you can’t change.

    AS fro masks – I wish they’d make their minds up.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I fashioned them out of bandanas. It appears the germs live of surfaces longer than thought,
        Rhapsody even in the air. I just want things to get back to normal

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m a man. I don’t have bandanas in my wardrobe, though I keep wondering if I have any old masks in the garage. 🙂

        When things were normal, didn’t we want to change things? I did, and I now look back on those imperfect days of “normal” with a great degree of longing, and regret for their passing. Humans are strange creatures.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m spending a lot of time with Julia – I’ve been missing her over the last two years after working with her for the previous five. I’m probably one of the few people who is happier in lockdown than I was before. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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