My husband is a food diva.

For the most part, this is a good fit. I like to cook and try recipes. I like to go to restaurants. In terms of our relationship in general, our food proclivities mesh.

Except…

Last week I was making my weekly target run. Let me emphasize that my Husband knew I was going to Target, and Target alone. He also knows that almost everything in my neighborhood is closed…

One would also hope that he knows what’s on the shelves in the stores, and what isn’t…but…

So he says to me- “Can you pick up cookies for me.” (which in his case means chocolate chip) I nod my head knowing there is a 50/50 chance at finding cookies.

For the record, here’s how my twice a week food shop goes: In a perfect world I grab a can of beans and a can of some tomato product. I get a pack of frozen veggies and a box of pasta. That’s the first line of defense. (If you ask me why I only get one, it’s because they are limiting how much food we can buy per trip, and honestly, I just buy under my limit because I know there are those far worse off than I am..)

Then I see what else I can scavenge up. Eggs, onion, pepper, packet of cheese, chips, bag of mandarins, etc… I’m trying to grab basics that I can turn into a variety of things…

But anyway- I go to the cookie aisle. They have the Target brand cookies. Score. In the cart. I grab a thing of toilet paper (score) and a canister of wipes (double score)

I go home and unpack and wipe the groceries.

Husband- Why did you buy these cookies?

Me: That’s all they had.

Husband: but I don’t like these.

Me: They’re chocolate chip cookies.

Husband: but you know I like the good cookies.

Me: You knew I was going to Target (which is a Target express btw) What kind of cookies do you think they sell at Target?

Husband: Don’t you know me by now?

Me: &^%$&*(* in my head of course, because when I’m standing in the kitchen next to the chef’s knife is probably not the ideal time to get really mad at someone I’ll probably be in lockdown with for years…

And ten days later he still manages to bring up the cookies. I think at this point I have a reasonably good defense if it comes to that…

But, his food diva tendencies have started to branch out to other things…

The other day I made shrimp marinara (score- frozen shrimp from that Target trip) and frozen veggies. Now normally I would make pasta with this dish, but we eat sooooo much pasta now I didn’t need to add it.

Husband: are you serving Italian bread with that?

Cause you know we’re not only not in the middle of a pandemic, we’re now Olive Garden…

I just looked at him and thought about the shape of an Italian bread and wished for just one second that I had one so I could shove it….

Then yesterday, he says (as we’ve just finished dinner btw) What’s for dinner tomorrow.

Me: bean and rice burritos with tomatoes and corn

Him: With guacomole?

Let’s just say my daughter stood in front of me to keep from charging across the room…

Him: What? You mean there’s no avocados in the store? They don’t have a package of pre made guacamole?

I just walked away. Which isn’t very far considering the room in our apartment…

And yes dear readers….he’s still alive…

though my next trip to Target may yield duct tape and strong rope…

 

102 thoughts on “Cinco- Cookies

  1. My 90 year old Mum and I had a good chuckle about this post! My dear departed Dad was a real sausage fiend, in his (Dutch) view, there was no such thing as a good sausage from an Australian butcher and boy would he give my Mum gyp if she inflicted anything but a sausage from a decent European smallgoods butcher. Goodness knows how he would be coping with this crisis (I have an uncomfortable feeling he’d be one who never ran out of coffee or toilet paper!!!).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. In before times(pre-covid) I would have my husband accompany me to the super market so he could get a dose of reality. He would price check everything and ask me why I didn’t get a certain thing because it is obviously cheaper. I brought that home once and you wouldn’t eat it, I am not into wasting food. But he would marvel at what was in the stores and why certain sizes were not available, it was like a first grader seeing their teacher at the store.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love the duct tape idea. I don’t need the rope because THAT is one of his passions. I have 2 dressers full of rope, string, and yarn that he has saved. The last time someone complained about some food I bought, the got a bowl, spoon, and a box of Cheerios set in front of them as I walked off. Yeah, I know children can be handled differently than spouses. Maybe next time send HIM to the store?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This made me laugh so much. It’s exactly how I feel. My husband is stuck at a pity party from which there is seemingly no return. The only thing which pulls his head momentarily from his arse is food. I am resorting mostly to convenience foods as I am still unwell and my tastebuds are MIA, which he is ok with (god forbid he should cook for a change, but hey) but his morose behaviour has had me contemplating how bad it would really be to go to prison for a very long time where at least my meals would be cooked by other inmates for me and I could spend the rest of my days reading quietly in peace! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. LOL – This reminded me of my ex/husband. He was going to Africa with my Dad, middle of no where in a tent.

    My Dad asked if he had any food requests…my ex/husband said, β€œICE CREAM.”

    Like you, my Dad was in shockβ€”-Called me and said, β€œIs your husband an idiot?” <:
    Thx for same laugh.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. LOL do we have a lot in common! I was going to say send him instead but read your comments about what he might bring home and I get that too. In the earlier years of our marriage (think the first 30) I would have felt guilty and beat myself up about it. Somewhere in the last 5 years I’ve gained the ability to let it roll off me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You brought tears of laughter to my eyes! But yes, I would say he better watch out or you will be getting that duct tape for sure! Its good he has your daughter to protect him! And how sore is your tongue from biting it! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Nope, I wouldn’t put up with a food diva, ever. Time for your husband to grow up like the rest of us and eat cookies we don’t like. And if that’s not a a first world problem I don’t know what is!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. The wrong cookies? I take my hat off to you for not decking him on the spot. What Ally says about him needing to get a grip sounds spot on or he’s going to be suffering a whole load of disappointments over the next few weeks & months, for this isn’t going to go away in a hurry.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I say the next time he brings up the cookies remind him where the target is and tell him to do his own shopping! Lucky for me (and them) no one complains in my house. I think they might be a little scared of me. πŸ™‚ My husband does not want to cook so he happily eats whatever he gets. And tonight he is bringing home take-out on his way home from work. I told him we need to make sure our favorite independent restaurants stay in business!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Wow. Any way you can give him a reality check that doesn’t involve hospitals and germs and inappropriate bread use?

    Can he learn to cook and get excited and less-annoying over that? It’s been working for my husband–that and a little cough now and again, and he stays worried and trying to be helpful and shows no prince-like symptoms.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very funny – for us, not you. Fortunately, my husband would never complain about the food. He’s lucky to get enough to eat, with his crazy metabolism. I’m just happy he gets his own breakfast and lunch. I just have to come up with dinner.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right? At one point last week, my husband said oh, we probably need toilet paper. My daughter and I just looked at him. I said you don’t think I go down the tp, paper towel, and soap, wipe area every time? Like, it just didn’t register that there’s no tp unless you get lucky and it was just delivered

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Went to bed last night thinking about you and your family. (I scrolled through several of your posts/ comments etc right before) We visited New York Christmas week of 2013…It was for me almost sensory overload, fortunately someone was with us who used to live there so she enabled us to experience New York City through the eyes of a local. So how do you get to the grocery store? Do you guys have a car? I read another post by a blogger that lives in Greenwich Village that made it sound like the subways were shut down….maybe not? Thinking of you all from here in the heartlands…DM

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No. We don’t have a car. We walk to the markets, but remember, it’s a dense urban area, so I have like 10 markets within a 20 minute walk of my house. The subways are running on a limited service but they’re on,y supposed to be for essential workers. Thanks for the thoughts!!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. My Hubby is the one that has to do the shopping right now and it has been quite the experience. He is always great about getting stuff when it is small and basic and easy. When it comes to getting something specific, he needs very specific instructions along with a photo of the item where possible. Every single time he has gone out, I’ve gotten at least 2 or three calls while he is gone, either attempting to verify what I’m asking for or what he should do about an item on my list that isn’t there. Thankfully, he has done this enough now that he can hopefully put the phone away and keep it there for future trips.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My husband buys impractical things, or doesn’t think ahead to what we need to actually eat. Like he might come back with four different types of barbecue sauce, but nothing else

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mine is really good at sticking to my list, just not so great about making decisions when he isn’t sure of something. I’m actually a little grateful for that, though, because I’m so stinking picky, I’d rather he ask and be right than guess and get it really wrong.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Hmmm….that was funny! But I have to tell you, I’m a bit of a chocolate chip cookie snob. And pasta without bread, well, I’m just glad I’m not in the same room or else I would have been charged, also..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  16. My husband doesn’t go into the stores due to health issues. One day I took pictures of empty shelves so he could see reality. When I was in the grocery today, I saw a lot more food. Encouraging.

    Like

  17. I can honestly say I’ve never a met a biscuit (cookie) I didn’t like.

    We have plenty of avocados here – they are still considered dangerously exotic in the UK.

    Apart from that, keep well, I don’t like the sound of the alternative. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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